Sexism or Family-ism

I’m going to come clean right off. I live in a VERY blue state. I live in the bluest part of that blue state too. I’m registered Democrat, (so I can vote in the primaries) but really I’m much more socialist or liberal to be honest. So right off, it’s not a big surprise that I’m not planning on voting Republican. I’m not a fan of this war. When we went to war I wrote a letter to my unborn baby (BigSpeak) to tell her that regardless of what history will show her parents did not support this decision and why. Even if it turned out that invading Iraq was a good thing, we still felt it was the wrong thing. Since then, the war has gone less than stellar (many things I wrote in my letter showed to be true) my opinions on that subject have only strengthened.

So that being said, there’s been a lot of buzz about Sarah Palin. Since I’m not planning on voting for anyone from the party, her nomination doesn’t really concern me. However, I do have some opinions about her and her choices. I’ve made a few comments to some posts on some blogs already. But now I’m hearing that the opinions I’ve expressed are “sexist”. Interesting. I’ve never thought of myself that way before. I’m pretty certain no one has ever accused me of anything related to that before. Just to clarify, I’d like to address what my issue is and why I don’t think it’s sexist. I think my opinion is more family-ism. Yes, that is totally a word.

She had a baby FOUR months ago. That woman is obviously made of steel or something. Four months after I had my baby I was barely making it out of the house. I have a lot of respect for her ability to get it together. I'm barely getting it together and my "baby" is 2. But then I'm not running for office either.

My first concern has to do with the fact that she has a special needs child who is under a year. During my first pregnancy I had a “scare “ and did some research about down’s syndrome babies. I found that your first year with that child is really no different than any other baby. After that first year, you start to learn the scope of the your child’s disability. There’s a lot of unknowns related to this, often other birth defeats are not uncommon. I think that her family and child deserve her full attention during this time.

Secondly her 17YO is 5 months pregnant. This is not new news to her. She made the decision to run for a national office knowing that her daughter would paraded out for the public controversy that would inevitably ensue. I don't begrudge her or what happened to her daughter. It is what it is, and I hope for the best for them all. It's going to be hard for everyone involved. I understand having strong personal career aspirations, but I also understand that parenting involves sacrifices. I believe that this is one of those times when a sacrifice might have been the better choice. Is running for this office in the best interest of her family and in turn herself during this time frame?

Either of these issues is a major thing for any family to be going through. Both of them, at the same time???? Talk about having a lot on your plate! I would question any candidate (male or female) about their decision making process in this situation. Perhaps the media wouldn’t have brought up this issue for a man, but I can honestly say that I would have. I just think that her family has a couple of very, very stressful years ahead of them. I understand her husband can take the lead on the family matters, but I don’t think taking on a national office and the sacrifices it will entail is the most responsible choice. Knowing that her family has these issues to deal with in the next couple years says volumes about her decision making. Add to that, the fact that she is running on a platform of “family values” and I would say it equals hypocrisy at best.

I could say more on the subject, but really that what it comes down to for me. I think her family should be the focus for them right now; husband and wife. Making the decision to allow her focus to be elsewhere, definitely makes me question her decision making ability. I don't think that's sexism, I think it's about putting your family first.

The Incredible Shrinking Woman

Of course, now that I'm mentioning it, I'll probably going to jinx it and gain all of it back. I actually do not know how much weight I've actually lost, I don't own a scale, I'd rather depend on how my clothes fit (It's not what I weigh, it's what I look like I weigh, right?). Since I've quit my job I've gone down 3 dress sizes. Yes, Three.



Here's the kicker, I don't know why. Am I dieting, not really. I've been sort of low-carb, but honestly I haven't been that great about it. I haven't been horrible either.



I haven't been "working out". Shoot, with my back being so bad lately I haven't walked much lately, much less worked out.



I'll tell you what is different:



1. I've been nauseated since the month of June. In fact, I was nauseated for pretty much the entire month of June. I lost a chunk of weight in that month, about 8 lbs (my mom has a scale). But, now in September, it's clear that I've continued to lose. I stopped being nauseated 24/7 after about a month, but I still feel queasy at least a couple times a day. I can say my eating has been cut down because of this. It's not uncommon for me to only get one meal or a granola bar in a day. (It's all I can stomach.)



2. I'm chasing a 2YO all day every day. At work I got to sit & play on the web for hours, and now, not so much. I don't even get to sit to check my email, so I think this is the real reason.



I have a theory that my nausea is being cause by low Blood Pressure (BP), so I have an appointment w/my doctor at the end of the month. If I'm right, this could also be part of reason too. I don't recommend this method of losing weight.

Mom Guilt

I get one off to school and wouldn't you know it I am suddenly aware of how little one-on-one time I've been giving to the other. It's called Mom Guilt, if you don't have it yet, you will, give it 5 minutes.

The first day of school I decided I should take it easy. Figured walking to and from the school, while not far, might just be enough to do me in, so decided to veg while we waited for BigSpeak to get done. I sat on the couch in the playroom & told LittleSpeak to go make me some breakfast in her kitchen. She just about fell over! Pretty soon she was running back & forth bringing me play eggs and toast, coffee ("Hot!") "no milk, Juice! (only she says shews)". The whole time this was going on she was giggling uncontrollablly. She was giddy w/Mommy's sole attention. Seriously, all I was doing was sitting on the couch making sure she wasn't literally climbing the walls (no she did that the next day at the public library...you think I jest,) and it was the most exciting thing ever to her. I realized that I haven't had one-on-one time with her unless I schedule it. When I schedule it we're at a class or something, so it's not just us. Ummm, can you say mom guilt?

Every day this week, we've walked BigSpeak to school, walked to Starbucks and then headed home. We do one chore for house cleaning; dust, vacuum, mop and she helps me. She has her own duster, swifter and Dyson (play one), and I pretty sure LittleSpeak would tell you it has been the best week of her life.

Tonight I laid her in her crib and she said, "BigSpeak in kool morrow?" And I said yes, then she says, "Dada work. Mama & Little ommm." And I said, "Yes, Mama & Little stay home while BigSpeak goes to school and Dada works." "Mama & Little ommm" and she grabs my arm and hugs it.

First Day Of School

Today was BigSpeak's first day of kindergarten. Sigh. She's not a baby anymore. At 6:30 this morning she was in my room mostly dressed and asking me to cut some tags off her new dress. G'ma & Papa came & walked with us. The chaos at the school was crazy, but happy and her day was without a hitch.

5’s A Charm--And Your Science Lesson For The Week

At least I’m hoping that will be the case. I had my 5th epidural shot today.

The experience was a lot more pleasant than my last one. Pleasant is a relative word here. In fact, this was very much like the first-third shots I had in the past. I was really pleased with the way those went so I’m very, very hopeful that will be the case this time. So far, so good.

A little background on my procedure. (and lots of over use of parentheses & italics)

I think most people think of the type of epidural (an anesthesia epidural) you get when in labor with an infant. The kind I had today is called an epidural steroid injection (ESI) and is given for a herniated disc.

My Condition

I have a lumbar herniation which is pushing on my sciatica. My pain runs down the right side of my lower back, into my hip and down my right leg. At it's worst I have a painful numbness down the back of my leg and foot. I have nerve damage in my right leg and have lost the reflex in my right foot. My doctors have told told me that the nerve damage is still not deep enough to indicate it would be permanent. I've also been told that my foot's reflex should return when the disc is healed. I have had this condition for over 18 months now. I was pain free after quitting my job in April until the beginning of August. Because of that 3 month period they are treating this as if it might be a second injury, (although it's really more likely that it wasn't completely healed and I did something to make it worse again. What I did; fodder for another post.)

I’ve had both type of epidurals and they’re similar, but not exactly the same. For instance, I don’t have a baby in my belly so I get to lay down while the shot is being administered. I also get to watch the machine measuring my heart rate, Blood Pressure, etc...(my BP was 86/39 when I got there, yes, they took it twice, I'm apparently a zombie.) I also get to watch the machine (X-ray fluoroscopy) that shows where they’re putting the needles; if I want (sorry if that makes you queasy, I think it's kinda cool). I walk into a surgery room and lay down on the table (in labor they come into your room w/a cart & sit you up on the bed). My doctor likes to play music and sing while he’s working, which adds an interesting dynamic (today it was James Taylor which was really relaxing to me, so I liked it. I found Led Zeppelin wasn’t really so relaxing the day he had that going. More like driving music to me.) The doctor first uses the X-ray fluoroscopy to locate where he wants to put the shot, he has metal wand to help him be precise on the machine image and then marks it on my physical self with a pen. (When in labor, they have you hug a pillow and hunch so they can feel each vertebra. I don‘t recall any pen marks, but I could be wrong. I was kinda busy right then.) For an ESI they actually put in two shots (you get one in a labor situation) so you get two marks. In both cases they cover the area (and I do mean cover) in iodine and then give you get a shot of something (zylocain, I think) to numb the area, which stings/burns like crazy. After that they put in the actual epidural needle(s). Epidural needles are actually catheters, if you’re in labor they start the medicine and you feel pressure in your back, hip and leg. Let me make it clear that it’s a very uncomfortable pain type pressure. During labor you notice, but usually your contractions are strong enough that you are quickly over it because you suddenly get some glorious relief! In the case of an ESI, ummm, not so much. First they run some dye in each catheter to see which direction the medicine will spread. (I think this is the most interesting part to watch on the x-ray fluoroscopy screen, but it does hurt too.) Adjustments are made as necessary and then they pump in the medicine. They do this part twice because you have two catheters in you. Double the fun. Once again, huge amount of pressure in you back/hip/leg. This time there are no contractions to distract you so the pressure is a bit more noticeable. Ya think? It feels a lot like it’s coming from both the inside of you and the outside and it sort of feels like that area might implode or explode or something. There’s a part of your brain that will start to freak out because this isn’t good, and ohmygawdgetthosethingsoutnownownow!!! but then it’s done and while it still hurts, it’s better than it was, so your brain calms down. They pull everything out, wipe you down, put on a couple band aids, you change and someone (my dad today) drives you home. (In labor, you’re typically still in labor at this time. You ain't going anywhere soon girl!)

Your body will typically react to the shot (they just put sharp things though your back muscles, so you're probably gonna swell). They tell you to ice it for 20 minutes every hour and to take your pain pills as necessary. My personal experience has found that with this one it’s best to take a vicodin, even if not currently dying from pain. I take one every 4 hours till I go to bed. After that I take them as needed. I did this during the first 3 shots and was ready for my Olympic training the next day. Seriously. All. Three. Times. That’s extremely unusual. My reaction to those was so dramatic they decided a fourth wouldn’t hurt. (Poor choice of words on my part.) Most people do not get more than three in a year as they find the effects to diminish after 3.

Epidural #4 was not this same experience. It hurt like hell. Felt like someone was shooting fire down my muscles and nerves. It was awful. The worst part; it didn’t do anything. I felt like creamed crap from that shot for several days, then I just got back to the same back pain I’d been having, minus the creamed crap part. I was very nervous about my treatment today because of #4. I was scared that I’d have the same experience, all that extra pain for nothing. Both my doctors’ think #4 missed it’s mark, and that’s why it hurt so much and didn’t do anything. I’m starting to become inclined to believe them.

I do believe this many epidural shots and my fibromyalgia may just qualify this as a pain management blog instead of a mommy blog.

Hopefully, this is the last post for pain management and we’ll be back to corralling kiddies all the time again soon.

That being said…….

Tomorrow is orientation for BigSpeak’s starting kindergarten.

On Monday,

MY BABY IS STARTING KINDERGARTEN!!! Oh. My. God.

Reality Check

I want you to know I don’t begrudge my husband’s trip this week. I think it’s a cool trip and wish I was on it. I think it’s really neat his dad, brother and him and doing this together.
What I’m upset about is the lack of planning toward our family. You could say it’s not personal, his planning efforts can be lackluster about most things that aren’t work. You could, but it doesn’t make me feel better. And yes, you could say I’m a bit mad at myself for not riding him harder about it earlier. Even though he’s an adult and I “shouldn’t have to” remind (nag) him that’s our reality and I guess if the beach trip was that important I should been more of a pain in the arce about it.

“Mad is way too plain a word for how I feel!”

Yes, I’ve taken to quoting Fancy Nancy. But, truth be told, I am furious. I’ve been on DaddySpeak to make sure he scheduled the time off for a week this August so we could have a family vacation at the beach house. I finally emailed him the dates at work so he’d remember, and tonight he told me he didn’t think he could take it because he’ll only have been home a week from his sailing trip.

Yes, he’s taking a vacation.
He’s going sailing with his dad, brother and some other friends for a week in Vancouver. Sounds nice doesn't it?

Being the dutiful wife I offered for his mother to come see the girls during this time (she doesn’t boat; major motion sickness. HOWEVER, I do enjoy boating, but was not asked). It’s true that spending time with his parents has been known to put me over the edge in mental illness in the past. It’s not so bad these days (or hasn’t been, knock on wood) but this next week is NOT my idea of a break, much less a vacation. My initial reaction was to say that the girls and I will head over without him for the week. Then I started to really think about that & honestly, that’s not a break for me on any level. It’s a huge amount of work for me, so I don’t think that’s what we’ll be doing. I don’t know. Right now, what I do know is that I’d really like to smash my fist into someone’s face right now.

The cherry to my sundae is that BigSpeak decided to pull her usual, “I’m too tired” about picking up the playroom tonight. The room is actually not that big of a deal right now and would've taken like 2 minutes. But we made a deal awhile ago that they were going to start picking up the play room 2x a day without protests.

Yeah right, how’s that working for you?….Not so much.

Tonight when she started in I told her she had till the count of 3 to get in there and start picking up or she could go strait to bed. (I was already starting at pissed from my conversation with DaddySpeak.) She informed me she preferred to go to bed.

Mad is way too plain a word for how I feel right now.

Bonus points for you if you know which Nancy book that quote is from.

Slayed

Today the dragons slayed me.

At 2:00 today I’d hit my wall with the girls. They were tag teaming me; BigSpeak would whine for things and demand that she was “too tired to contribute” or that “it wasn’t fair”. LittleSpeak would just demand; if she asked for milk and you gave her milk, she would throw herself in a fit onto the floor because she wanted water!!!! “My God Woman, what is wrong with you! How could you give me milk!” At nap time she literally screamed her head off and threw herself against her crib so it would bang the wall...For. An. Hour! After an hour she’d started to climb out of her crib, and having hardwood floors I had to put the nix on that one. But even when I took her out of her room, did that make her happy? Noooooo. She wanted to go to swim lessons. NOW! Didn’t matter that we had over an hour yet. An hour during which she was supposed to be sleeping. I finally gave up. I grabbed all of our swim stuff , threw them in the car and drove out of our way to the mall because it has a drive-up Starbucks, and we had the time. They had stopped all their whining and fussing once in the car, so I got them each a “treat” and let them drink them at the pool while we waited for their lessons (we were still really early). After lessons I drove to our cabana pool and was so very grateful to see neighbors there, so they played for an hour and a half. We came home to start dinner and the whining commenced, but DaddySpeak showed up and played interference. Thank God!

I decided that what’s going on is that my daughters expect to be entertained every minute of every day, and when they aren’t happy with the entertainment, well I believe today was an example. I think I need to reset some expectations around here. (Theirs not mine.)

Of course, we’re headed to an amusement park tomorrow, so I guess the resetting will start on Saturday.

Slaying Dragons Still

I know I’ve still been pretty much MIA. The truth is I’m still not all that well yet. I’m still having issues with eating. Actually if I don’t eat I’m fine, which is a great weight loss plan. It just not so good when you're chasing kids.

Eventually, I get lightheaded from not eating (my blood pressure is normally on the low side) so I eat and then I’m nauseated. It’s So. Much. Fun!
Now, just to add to my fun, LittleSpeak seems to have picked this up from me. This weekend she ran about 103° on her own, and 101° w/Tylenol. This morning when I took her to the doctor she was normal. Of course. She alternates between bouncing off the walls and moaning in my arms. tonight she completely lost it. Just completely melted down. Wanted to be held by me, but I was not permitted to sit down. Now I needed to hold her and walk around with her. Poor baby. Poor Mommy. I got her fed early (scrambled eggs for breakfast) and she was in bed, passed out, by 6:15.
So, sadly Internet, I’m not intentionally neglecting you, I’m just exhausted. I seem to be a little better every day, so hopefully by the weekend I’ll be 100%. More later, I’m off to try and get some sleep so I can slay some dragons tomorrow.

Mama Doesn’t Get A Free Day

I’ve been nauseated since Sunday (it’s Wednesday). I’ve mostly been ok until I eat and then I need to lie down because I’m so very nauseated. Obviously, I’ve been mostly avoiding food. Last night it got really bad and didn’t matter if I’d eaten I was so sick. This morning it was still like that so I called my mom to see if she could take the girls for a couple hours and give me a break. She did, so I slept, and took a shower, but still it’s not good. I have only had a granola bar, some jello and a popsicle in the last 24 hours. That and about 7 gallons of water. I’m trying a couple crackers now, cause my stomach is churning on itself. So we’ll see. No sick days for Mama.

Welcome to the Freak Show

Today was so weird.

All last night & today our street has been a freak show; cars and people are constantly driving and walking by to see the destruction. The FD was here till well past midnight. The phone and cable companies have been working on lines all day. Our electricity came back around 9:30 last night, but it was well past noon before we had internet or cable. The burned out houses were boarded up by 6 this morning (DaddySpeak managed to slip in and get some photos,) and a cyclone fence with locks went up at some point during the day. People get out of their cars to peek through the fence.

Everything seems so surreal.

We had 5 parties today, we were only trying to make three of them, but I told DaddySpeak as we left, “I so don’t want to go anywhere today. I just want to stay around the neighborhood with people who know how I’m feeling. I want to close ranks with everyone here it just seems how it ought to be.” He said he felt the same way. We still had to go. It was fine. We even made the third party which was for the triplets. The majority of people were gone but it was good to be back by our house and with friends who understood our state of mind. One of the neighbors went out & got gift certificates (Target, Old Navy & Toys R Us) for D&K; the kids only have the bathing suits they were wearing at the pool when it all started. Tonight I walked over to her house to give her a check for my part. Our house was the closest of all our friends to the fire, but the smoke, apparently, drifted the away from us. Once I got past the houses I was overwhelmed w/the smoke smell. My nose started dripping uncontrollability and my eyes were watering. I can only imagine what it was like last night. We’re lucky on this front too; I tend to be very sensitive to things like smoke. If it had drifted our way I might be sleeping at my parents house for the next couple days. Several other neighbors happened to be heading to the same house as myself and we had an informal powwow for a half an hour or so. It was what I needed. To feel connected to these people who are feeling the same sense of survivors’ guilt I am. I’m glad it worked out that way.

I’m feeling so many things right now and it’s like I have no words to articulate the complexity of these feelings. I’m suddenly at such a loss of words.

Loss of Innocence

I’m sitting here drinking a mudslide in the heat, trying to get a buzz so I can forget a bit how much I care about what I’m going to tell you. As I sit here I’m also listening to the hum of six large fire engines in our street because some good friends lost their home today.

Today was a typical Friday for our neighborhood. This afternoon (after nap time) we headed out to the pool to hang out because it was HOT. It had to be very close to 100° today. I had stopped at Costco earlier & picked up a chicken to eat cold for dinner tonight. The neighbors behinds us (triplets) were there and so were A, C & their dad D. Mom would be there later after work w/KFC for the crowd. Kids played, we BS’d and shared snacks & beers. At 5:30 we looked toward our neighborhood and saw a huge black cloud rising quickly from some houses. The guys took off running (DaddySpeak was jumping backyard fences) leaving S (triplets mom) and I with 7 kids. And they didn’t come back. K (A & C’s mom) pulled up just as the guys were jumping fences, she was worried about her house. She was going to pull the KFC out & go check, but I told her I’m sure it’s fine, just go check & come back. She never came back! Now I’m getting a little worried, the guys ran over w/out anything but their swim trunks, no shoes and certainly no cell phones. Realizing this was serious and looking for some distraction, I pulled out our food and started feeding kids. K’s mom suddenly pulls up and we know D & K’s house is involved. Their mom packed up their stuff and took the kids to her house. The guys finally came back; it was D & K’s house (three doors down from us) and their next door neighbors, N (two doors down). The guys had been helping to actually fight the fire; unrolling & hooking up hoses and hosing down the house in-between ours and N’s. The fire had started between the two houses, but as of now do not know how or why. (Part of the reason there are still six large trucks out there is because they are working on finding out the why.) K & D’s bedrooms are a loss, the roof on that side collapsed. I imagine most of the stuff in the house has smoke & water damage, so what didn‘t get destroyed is probably mostly lost too. They do have some clothing and the most important irreplaceable stuff (baby mementos) were salvaged. Their dog, Leo, was in their bedroom and did not make it. I am overwhelmed with my feelings and can not begin to fathom how they are feeling right now. I had to explain to BigSpeak that one of her best friends just lost everything safe she knows. She doesn't really understand yet, and I'm sad that in short order she will. They are such babies still, they shouldn't have to understand how vulnerable we are yet.

I am grateful that they are all physically ok.
I am overwhelmed by the outpouring from the neighborhood already. (I’m sure they are too.)
I am grateful that it was not my home and my family.
I’m saddened that my child (BigSpeak) and one of her best friends (A) lost their sense of security in relation to their homes tonight.
I am hopeful that they will be blessed in the rebuilding of their home.
I pray that Leo didn’t suffer.
Mostly I am glad that all of us (their family and mine) are healthy and able to move forward together.

The picture is not of their house, I found it via an image search on yahoo.

Typical Night at Home

DaddySpeak and I are having a typical evening at home.

Girls are asleep upstairs.
TV is on; watching Dirty Jobs.
He’s sitting on the love seat and I’m on the couch, we each like to stretch out and have a blanket (cause we're true romantics). AND...

We each have a laptop going; I’m digi-scrapping, he’s cruising the Internet.

Romantics at heart, that's us!

No, we are not emailing each other!

Odd Man Out

Sigh.

Sometimes this parenting thing can be so hard. And they're only 5 and 2! I'm not sure how to help BigSpeak, she's super sensitive and not mature enough emotionally to deal with all the things she picks up on.

This afternoon we had a lovely low-key Father's Day with about 5 other neighbors at our neighborhood pool. We'd all agreed to a BYOM (Bring Your Own Meat) Potluck. BYOM is explainatory, potluck=sidedish to share. It was going great till we realized that the pool's BBQ is missing it' s propane tank. No problem we moved it to one of the neighbor's backyards. After everyone had finished eating the kids were playing inside and one of the girls announced we were getting a dance show. When the kids assembled to do the show BigSpeak hung back by the parents. I asked her if she was going to go with the kids and she burst into tears. She was so upset that I had to take her inside so I could get her to calm down. The explination I got was that she didn't know how to do what they were doing and wanted to do it at home. I told her that was fine & got her to calm down. She watched the "show" w/the adults, but was still unhappy. When we got home, as promised, we got our dance show. She beamed while dancing for just us.

I don't know if she was just:

• Overtired (likely)


• Upset because it seemed the kids had paired off & she was somewhat of the odd man out. (I think she picked up on this but may not have understood why this upset her.)


• Being the perfectionist and not wanting to do something until she knew she could do it perfectly. (This one has been a big problem in the past, and hasn't reared it's head for a while.)

I'm sure it's a combination of the 3, the later two concerning me greatly. There's so many ramifications to being a perfectionist like that. I mean, Dude, you're only 5, if you're putting this much pressure on yourself now, how are top it by age 13? And the feeling left out thing, I know it's something we all go through, but the cliquiness that has started already, it scares the crap out of me.

I just want to gather her up in my lap and hold her. She looks so much older than her barely 5YO self, and she's still such a little girl. I want to protect her from all those mean things that rotten kids will inevitably say to her, (because kids are mean and will do that,) and the snubs that will be put her direction (because she's sensitive and will wear her feelings making herself an easy target). I just want to hold her close and make it OK.

Most of the time she's such a happy, carefree little girl and it hurts me to see these types of things chipping away at that. I want to tell her it will be OK, and know that it really will be for her. How do you help your child develop a thick skin, without chipping away at that the pure innocence that believes everyone is nice?

I watch her sleep and she's still such a baby. The world is asking her to grow up too fast and I want to protect her from that.

Shhhhh......

Yeah, OK a pix of her sleeping would've been way more appropriate for this post, I agree. However, I have discovered, upon looking at my photo library, that my child rarely sleeps. Thus, I have no recent pix of her sleeping. After reading what I have to say below, you will completely understand why I am NOT going to got take a pix her right now (and risk waking her up.) I love you Internet, but a mama's gotta sleep too.

She's sleeping w/out her binky right now! I know, who would've thunk it?
DaddySpeak took her to a friends house today during nap time (I was having tea at the Fairmont, cause I'm all Fancy Nancy like that). Since we had a b-day party at 4 I made it clear that she needed to nap. That was fine, friends own a port-a-crib. They also have daughters the same age as ours, so big girls could play while little ones napped. Ahhh, but DaddySpeak forgot to bring a bink. She cried. But he was surprised at how short it lasted, less then 10 min total (and that included him going in once to make sure she wasn't climbing walls). So I was inspired and tonight at bedtime I asked her if she was ready to send them off to the Bink Fairy. I got an enthusiastic "babies", meaning that's who would get them. I agreed that the mythical babies would get her binks. That was that. I rocked her a little, but she wasn't completely alseep, I put her in her crib, gave her Sally (favorite doll), a blanket and she rolled over & went to sleep w/out a peep.

My fingers are crossed that she won't wake up at 2 AM screaming cause she can't find it.

Sigh, she's really not a baby anymore.

FIVE

Five is half a decade
Five is oh so grown up…
Five wants to watch Hi-Five & Hannah Montana, not Barney
Five can add and subtract
Five can play board and card games, and win without help
Five is smart
Five is an awareness that “I want to play with XX” means I don’t want to play with you
Five is sensitive and sweet
Five looks out for her little sister, even when her lil sis is not being all that nice
Five is worrying about others; including your mommy
Five is NOT too old to call your mom, mommy, yet
Five is one lost tooth and another ready to go
Five is kindergarten ready
Five is starting to read
Five is one year away from six which is already too old already for mommy’s taste
Five is here…and

Five is beautiful

I Do Too

Today, the California Supreme Court legalize same sex marriages in CA. I live in Silicon Valley, just a “short” drive to “The City” where this all started four years ago. This may not be big news where you live, but it is here. I have to admit, it’s nice to watch the news and have it all be positive for a change. In fact, now that I think about it, they bumped the war tonight. I can’t remember the last time the war wasn’t one of the top stories. It was nice to see The City (more specifically The Castro) holding an impromptu street party to celebrate. There was such a sense of community that conveyed even through the TV reports.
You may not support “Gay Marriage” but I have to say I honestly do. This does not mean I want to watch gay couples make out (I don’t want to watch strait couples do that either) or that I think less of the “institution” of marriage than you do. What I do know, is that many of these couples are as committed to each other as “traditional “ married couples. They live, have families, support each other the same as any other “traditional” couple, but when/if one passes the “next of kin” is not their partner. Now, think for a minute, if you and your spouse were in that situation; not only are you devastated by the loss of your partner, but his/her family, who was not supportive of your “lifestyle” have aced you out of the decision making related to their death. I’m not saying this is the case with all partners and their families. I have no idea of the statistics, but I would like to think that many more are supportive than not. For those who are not, I can not imagine the feelings that they go through.
I honestly don’t understand how in 2008 we live in a society where this type of decision is a hard-fought one. It seems so simplistic to me. Being married, being treated the same as everyone else, regardless of race, gender, disability, religious belief or sexual orientation seems like it ought to be a basic human right. How is it that separate, but equal is still considered “ok” by some people. And why does it seem to concern people so much? Those who are against it, how does it affect you directly? There is just so much more to fix in this world, this just seems so obvious to me.
Congrats to California for saying “I DO!”.

Too Big, Too Fast

BigSpeak went & surprised the heck out of us tonight.

She lost her first tooth. In fact, she really lost it.

It’s been loose for over a week & when she first told me I kinda blew her off. I figured someone at school must’ve lost one & now her’s was “loose.” Then last weekend we were reading on the couch and her smile looked kinda crooked to me. We had just finished dinner so I figured it was food in her teeth and the lighting or something, but then I really looked at it & her front bottom left tooth was all snaggle-toothed on her.

WTF? She’s not even FIVE yet! I’m so not ready for this! I declared her grounded for a year for growing up to fast; which amused her to no end.

When she first showed it to me it was very loose, but not falling off or anything, I figured we had at least a couple weeks yet. Tonight after DaddySpeak gave the girls their bath he came into the study, where I was frantically trying to check for any important emails, and asked me when BigSpeak had lost her tooth. Huh? I looked at her & she smiled showing me the telling gap on her bottom row. OMG. I was speechless. We think she must’ve lost it eating dinner tonight, but aren’t positive. When I informed her we’d write the tooth fairy a note she started to cry. She was very upset that she didn’t have the actual tooth to put under her pillow. I explained that this happens all the time and after a few minutes and hugs she calmed down, mostly. She went in her room for PJs and (after a few tears of my own, cause I am so not ready for her to be this big yet!) I went & got the phone. We called the grandparents who gushed and made all the appropriate compliments about how big she's getting. She completely recovered when I told her she could stay up late so we could write the note. I’m super bummed that I’m still having computer issues, cause I would love to have scanned the note & posted one of the gap-toothed photos I took of her. I got a couple good ones. (Soon, I promise.) Since she’s only FOUR (and doesn't really know how to write yet) I wrote the actual note; she signed her name & drew a picture of herself missing a tooth and then of the tooth fairy and a coin (bigger than the fairy) she’s bringing (“so she won’t forget”). It was so damn cute I’m getting all teary now just thinking about it.
I hear the going rate for a first tooth is $5, and every other one after is $1 (in quarters). Let’s hope those ones are a ways behind still.

Save the Drama for your Mama

Update on the current neighborhood Soap Opera:

BigSpeak (after receiving the inquisition from G’ma, Mama & Daddy in various ways and forms) doesn’t seem to recall there being any issue. Of course. My mom and I point blank asked her if K and her had a fight and then if she “hit” K. Got “no” answers in both cases. BigSpeak can be very sensitive, especially when it comes to G’ma & Mama. If she thinks we’re criticizing her she’ll get really teary, or clam up w/lots of “looks”. None of those things happened. DaddySpeak and I talked about it later and we think K made it up. If not, BigSpeak really didn’t get that anything had gone down. They could’ve been playing and K took something personally and BigSpeak didn’t realize, but I still really think it didn’t happen. BigSpeak isn’t stupid, she knows what hitting is and she would’ve told me if K said she didn’t want to play something anymore, she has before.

K’s mom brought it up the next day while the girls were at gymnastics. (Of course she did.) I didn’t tell her I thought her kid was lying, but I did tell her that, “Whatever did happen, BigSpeak doesn’t know something’s wrong.” After dissecting it some more she did indicate that she’s noticed that lately K “sometimes seems to make things up that she wants to be true.” I can’t ask my kid to apologize for something she may not have done; the message I’m sending her is that I don’t trust/believe her. I told K’s mom that if K was still upset I thought it was up to her to tell BigSpeak. I spoke to BigSpeak about being a good friend and that if K thinks she did/said something that hurt her feeling she should apologize, even if she didn’t mean to. I think that if K does tell her she has hurt feelings BigSpeak will apologize.

GRRRRR…..

BigSpeak and K seemed fine at gymnastics.



On Wednesday at school the report was that they played the usual games w/the usual suspects. My feeling is that K told her mom what she thought her mom wanted to hear. K’s mom “role played” with her on the subject previously so who knows what K took from that.

What I took from this little episode:



I need to tread lightly when it comes to K’s mom, I like her, but I think she’s a bit overreactive. It’s up to the girls to work their friendships out and up to us mom’s to do the same. We’d all do well to stay out of each other’s way.

The Real Moms of Silicon Valley

No, I’ve never watched that show. I really only know about it from the internet but it sure does get a lot of buzz.

My stomach is all in knots.
There a bit of a spat going on between BigSpeak & one of her friends, K. K’s mommy said something to me this weekend about the girls; blah, blah, blah…basically my daughter is bossy (yeah, you think?) and her daughter is kind of a doormat. Ummm, OK. So that was on Friday or something. On Sunday, in the car, BigSpeak is telling us some story and pipes up that K is her BFF and she does/plays everything she (BigSpeak) wants her to. Since she brought it up, I mention to her that K is a really good friend, especially since she pretty much lets BigSpeak pick what they’re playing all the time. But that BigSpeak needs to remember that part of being a good friend involves taking turns at who picks what you play and asking first if your friend wants to play that game; and if they don’t than doing something you both want to do. BigSpeak can be pretty sensitive, so she took what I said & turned it into criticism and wouldn’t talk to me or make eye contact for like an hour. Great.

K’s mommy role played w/her about what to say to BigSpeak. Today at school K told BigSpeak she didn’t want to play whatever was suggested and BigSpeak screwed up her face and told her that she didn’t like her anymore and didn’t want to be her friend. There was also supposedly some hitting and arm thrashing by my daughter. I say supposedly because BigSpeak is NOT a physical kid. She’s VERY passive aggressive, and the more I think I about it the more I’m surprised that she would do that. LittleSpeak, no problem, she’ll backhand you for looking at her the wrong way, but BigSpeak that’s just not her mode d’operandi. She’s more the trip you later kind of girl. I’m not saying my kid didn’t or wouldn’t do it, I’m just saying I find it hard to believe she did it if this story is all there is to it.

I got all this from K’s mommy who called me at work to tell me. The fact that she called me at work is a big red flag.

Did my child actually hurt your child? No.
Is your child still upset over it? No.
Hmmm, perhaps we should stay out of it? (Was it really so important that you couldn't email me or call me at home over it?)

I called my mom to see how BigSpeak was & nothing had been said about any of it and she was happily playing with her little sister. K really has been her BFF, so G'ma had asked her specifically if she'd played w/K today and all she got was a Yes. Interesting.

I called back K’s mommy & told her I would be talking to BigSpeak about hitting and making sure she apologized to K about that, cause it's not acceptable on any level. Otherwise, I felt it was really up to the girls to work it out. She agreed, but continued to go on about it. And it was really apparent that she needed to be “right” over this.

If she really agreed, why did she get involved in the first place?
I’m mad at my self because I inadvertently allowed her to pull me into this. Bah.

I feel like I’m in a really bad reality series.