Getting my ass kicked daily!

Jeez it’s been crazy here.

So we had our appointment w/the Pediatric GI Specialist yesterday. The day before we met with him our regular doctor called & informed us that she had “severe reflux”. Oook, what does that mean exactly? We kinda knew that right? I mean that’s why we’re going to the specialist, right?

So anyway, I think the specialist was impressed with how much we’d done so far (eliminating dairy for a week, rice cereal in bottle, propping her up after feedings, various levels of drugs, etc…) He would like me to eliminate soy (read: luna bars) for 5 days and then if I feel up to it to add dairy along with it to see if it makes a notable difference in her condition. Bah, my lifeblood; Luna bars & vente mochas. Before I do that I’m going to give her 5 days on the round of meds so I have a baseline to know how much improvement is from the medication & how much is from the change in diet. He also wanted to know about how often she poops; the more she goes the less there is to come up right? She goes every 2nd or 3rd day (which is really weird to me because you could’ve set a clock by TS, the kid went like every day at 11 AM. I know that’s actually a little weird, but I meant it when I said the kid liked schedules.) He said BS is normal, but with what is going on with her it’d be better if she were to be going every day, so she now has some pear juice added to her rice cereal. We’ll see how that goes. Should boost my stats since my readership goes up whenever I discuss poop.

The meds he put her on are a stronger version of what she’s currently taking. These are both acid blockers & don’t actually treat the reflux problem, but knock down the stomach acid so the child isn’t hurting so much. If this doesn’t resolve the problem they‘ll go to a round of drugs that actually treats the reflux itself. They don’t like to prescribe these drugs if they don’t have to because they can have some significant side effects.

So we’re all good right? Except that the pharmacy doesn’t carry the drugs he prescribed her in the medium he wants (they have it as pills, not so good for an infant). The pharmacy wanted me to call him & get him to go with a different drug & I told them they needed to discuss it with him, I wasn’t playing intermediary. If the doctor feels strongly either way they could work it out. Just get my kid something to give her some relief! They apparently couldn’t work it out before business hours ended yesterday so I wasn’t able to get the drugs until this AM (doctor insisted on the original prescription he wrote.) We gave her the drugs she’s been taking as usual and thought it would be fine. Hahahahahahahah, that's what we get for thinking...we really could’ve used the new stuff.

First some background; TS is sick with a really bad cold. She stayed home (with my mom, the Outlaws went to the beach for the day yesterday, yes they're still here too) from school, which is another story in itself. Anyway, after the appointment I had TWO SICK KIDS at home with me. No freaking fun. BS spent the afternoon & evening screaming & TS vacillated between meltdowns and playing quietly, more on the meltdowns then the playing quietly. In the end BS was up till about midnight last night being super fussy & “spiting up” (lately it’s gotten to be much more projectile, she should be hitting the milestone of her head spinning around very soon now). At 3:30 this AM she was back up, inconsolable. It took me till 5 to get her back to sleep. I emailed work that I wouldn’t be in until noon. I figured with the Outlaws here I could sleep in till 9, get ready for work, nurse her, get her meds & then get off to work. I did do all of that, but BS woke up screaming at 8 again, so less sleep for me still. I’m feeling so bad for her (And for me too now that I read all of this) I did get her meds so hopefully some RELIEF tonight.

So that is why I’m getting my ass kicked on a daily basis.

Holy Spew Batman!

So BS had her baptism yesterday & the outlaws are visiting for the week. I can’t really write much because of their visit (limited computer time). The party for the baptism was really nice and I’m glad it’s over. (Too much time w/my mom—I’ll fill you in later.)

But look! Gratuitous baby photo! Baby in impressively cute christening gown! (Father’s grandmother’s gown & bonnet to be exact.) And look, mom w/hair blown out AND make up!! Yes, in fact it was a full moon.

Today we had an upper GI for BS to confirm her reflux. Which she does have, and let me say I have the most excellent baby ever! She couldn’t eat 4 hours before the test which was at 9 this morning. I had good intentions of getting up at 4:30 to feed her hahahahahahaha, let me pick myself up off the floor now. That obviously didn’t happen. So she hadn’t eaten since 8 PM the night before. I expected her to be screaming the whole time in the waiting room, but not at all. And during the x-ray part she laid really still & was super good. She let us turn her which ever way we needed no problem, & drank the crap they needed her to drink like a trooper. We got home I gave her the milk I pumped earlier & has been good all day. The radiologist confirmed she has reflux (thanks, do you think the fact that she spewed all over me right after the test clued him in?) and that they didn’t see anything else. That was actually useful and good news. So on Wednesday we go to a pediatric GI specialist. I have no idea what to expect from that. I'll keep you posted. More fun!

The Grind

I started back to work this week. Sigh. So far it’s actually OK. My schedule is Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, 20 hours a week. So it’s not like I’m only getting an hour w/my kids every night or something. That would SUUUCK! Anyway, I’m in the “honeymoon phase” still so it’s hard to tell how it’s really going. TS is already at preschool/daycare Monday & Wednesday so not really a big deal for her. Spending Thursday at G’ma’s is actually a bonus in her book, so I’m pretty sure she’s digging it. I wouldn’t be surprised if she starts telling me to go to work on my days off by sometime next week. I think BS wasn’t too happy about it on Monday. She was fine for my mom during the day. But when I got home all hell broke lose. Ok, hell didn’t exactly break lose; she just wanted to be held constantly. By me. Oh, and DS is away all week at a conference which means it’s just me in the evenings; cooking dinner, feeding kids, doing dishes, baths & bedtime routine. Soooooo wanting to be held constantly is not so easy until after 8 (when TS goes to bed). So work right now, not so much to do and kind of a vacation from the constant responsibility of my kids. But then I like the constant responsibility of my kids, even more then I like peeing alone which I can do at work, but not so much at home. The hardest part is that BS is really having a hard time w/the reflux now. It’s been getting worse and we’ve upped her meds and food intake (just rice cereal until the reflux gets under control). In some respects it has gotten better (volume) but over all she’s still spewing projectile vomit several times a day (I do more laundry…) and I can hear it “refluxing” in her esophagus all the time which it shouldn’t be doing as much, not on meds at least. So the doctor now wants her to have an upper GI and see a specialist, so being away from my baby when she’s not perfectly happy is hard. But at least she's with G'ma, right? Also today I’m having trouble staying awake. At home, not such a big deal. At work, falling asleep and drooling all over my desk probably frowned upon.

Breathless

I started back to work this week & will probably write about the chaos that is my life right now sometime tomorrow. You know, while at work when I actually have the time to do something like that. Also, I get to go to the restroom ALONE while there. What a novelty. However, I digress….

Just got a link to our friend’s photos. It was her daughter’s b-day & they had the party during the weekend I went to my SIL’s to crop, so I missed it. I think that was in August? Anyway she just posted the pix and this one caught my eye.

Actually, it took my breath away.

TS takes lots of photos in which (I think) she’s cute or pretty or sweet. Photos you can see her quirky personality in, or that she wasn’t really up for photos that day. There’s even one in this group where she looks so much like her father its sort of scary. (He would’ve been a good-looking girl, who knew?)

But this photo;

her hair’s a mess, her face is obscured by it, so you can’t really see how beautiful her blue eyes are and she’s not smiling or looking at the camera. I think it’s because it’s such an unexpected pose that I find that how stunningly beautiful she is and will be.

It is a picture such as this that I can see the women I believe she will become and it takes my breath away.

VACATIONING W/THE MOUSE

So Disneyland was everything I knew it would be: exciting, fun, crowded, stressful (family), exhausting, but mostly it was truly magical. There was more then one moment during last week when I wondered (again) why on earth I think these family vacations are a good idea. My mom, while mostly good intentioned, can be pretty disrespectful toward me, my husband isn’t always on great terms with the rest of my family, my toddler is, well she’s 3, isn’t that enough? I’m going to tell you about our last day & then you’ll know why it really was all worth it.

Random musings about trip: TS is 40” tall (who knew) and could pretty much ride anything she wanted and did. She is an E Ticket girl! Note roller coaster photos. We saw & talked to Terri Hatcher. She was at the park w/her daughter. Her daughter liked one of S’s toys and my mom had a conversation with her about said toy & where to find it. This was much less exciting then meeting the Princesses, the real stars, as you’ll read.

Disney somehow managed to make us feel like the park was catering specifically to us. I have to mention that ALL of the characters were unbelievable in their attention to our child. Even with long lines for the popular ones they took the time to have a conversation with them, big hugs, autographs and of course, pictures. On the drive down TS kept telling me she wanted to meet Goofy. (Recent focus of Mickey Mouse Club House episode.) We were having breakfast w/him & characters the next day so I knew we’d see him, but told her probably not till tomorrow. Wouldn’t you know it; we walk into the hotel lobby & guess who greets us? I mean I could’ve called ahead to ask for that & wouldn’t have gotten it. She was super excited & it was a great omen for our trip. This was the first time I got all teary.

We had a similar experience on day 3 when we went to see Pooh. I knew Pooh would be out (he’s the Mickey of Critter Country) so I told her we’d be seeing him and she asks for Eeyore. Who the heck asks for Eeyore??? I told her I didn’t know, but as we were in line to meet Pooh, Eeyore & Tigger come out and we had enough adults to double up in lines so we got done w/Pooh and went to meet the other two without much time in line at all. Amazing.

We did do lunch w/the princesses on Friday and it too was amazing, (note my overuse of the word amazing) & exhausting for us adults who were trying to gulp down our lunches while grabbing cameras & autograph books for the next one coming in. TS was awestruck & it was worth it. BUT Sleeping Beauty wasn’t there. Go Figure. So we kept trying to meet her in the park. Every time we’d get to where she comes out we’d find the line to already be closed off. Jeez, talk about a popular girl. So on the last day our focus was just to get this girl’s autograph, damit! We weren’t leaving till we got it. I had a good idea of her schedule (top of the hour) and location (right side of the castle) so we were on it. We got to the park & got in line. She’d just come out, whew, cool we will get this done & actually get to ride some rides before heading home. While we’re standing there Cinderella comes out, so TS goes running over to where she is, along with a dozen or so other girls & parents. Cinderella promptly grabs the hands of two girls dressed as Cinderella and Snow White & then tells Snow White to take TS’s hand and off they go across the castle area. I shout to DS to stay in line, grab the camera & we’re off, snapping pictures as we go! (Talk about an entourage!) I totally felt like the paparazzi or something. By the time we get to their location, Snow White has left & Cinderella (the character, not the other little girl) is now holding TS’s hand. The mother of the little girl dressed as Cinderella told her daughter to let TS go first so (big) Cinderella sits down and picks up TS, puts her in her lap and has a huge conversation with her. I. AM. DYING. I swear I practically peed myself. We get done with that & head back over to DS who has one person in front of him, so once again, very little waiting for TS, which means everyone is happy. She has a big conversation w/Sleeping Beauty as the line behind us is very short and Sleeping Beauty (Schlepping Booty as she is referred to in our house) feels she can take her time. How lucky are we???? We finish up with her and walk off to Snow White’s wishing well. I’m holding TS up to look in & we’re listening to the recording of Snow White signing, when Snow White herself walks up behind us and starts talking to TS. (I swear I practically crapped myself.) More hugs & pictures. We get done there and walk into Fantasyland and I burst into tears. Shit, I’m tearing up right now writing about it. I know I’m a complete dork, but I personally have vivid memories as a 3YO, and while TS may not really remember this, she just might. It turned out to be such an event in itself. I am so very glad to have gotten the opportunity to experience this through her eyes.

So like I said, it was a magical time.

5 Months

Yes, we're back from vacation. Since Sunday in fact, but this week has been crazy frantic: getting home from vacation, trying to get house in order, deal w/BS's current bout of reflux (not good), get ready To. Go. Back. To. Work. Next. Week. OMG! I know. Next Week. Sob. Get DS ready for his conference next week. Oh, and BS has decided that she's eating at 4 AM again now, so I'm doing all of this with no sleep. FUN!

Disneyland was amazing and fun, and everything I'd hoped it would be for TS. I'm dying to tell you all about it, but for now I need to post that BS is FIVE MONTHS today (well, yesterday cause I didn't get on here till now, midnight, but hey it's the thought, right?) To celebrate this she rolled over on the floor today (She's been rolling over, but only on soft high surfaces like bed. You know, just to freak her mother out.) I need to get to bed, but I must say, once again, she's amazing and fun and basically (except for this 4 AM thing) really easy going. 

Mouse House

So MamaSpeak, now that you’ve spent most of the night up w/a barfing baby what are you going to do?

I AM GOING TO DISNEYLAND!!!
I’ve always wanted to do that.

I would rather the thing I just finished not be most of a night (in which I should’ve been sleeping) with a barfing baby. Apparently, BabySpeak does not tolerate formula so hot any more. Poor thing has been really sick, she doesn’t even cry she just sits there as it comes up cause she’s so tired from it. Needless she’s sleeping in her bouncy chair tonight; i.e. –upright.

So we’re off to the Mouse House & to see the Fab Four (Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Belle & Snow White, of course. Duh!)

Be back in a few days, doubt if I’ll be blogging during this time (my mom might figure out my blog URL & then I’d be screwed.) So everyone get into the suitcase we’re leaving at 6AM sharp! 

Rock On

Guess what I did today?

I may have mentioned that my hubby works for a large biotech company? A very successful, large biotech? Well they celebrated their 30th anniversary today and hosted a company party. It was for employees and one adult guest (ok, you could bring kids between 10-21), lots of food, ice cream, BEER, drinks, (yes, all free,) etc…and the entertainment? Oh, the entertainment was the Foo Fighters, Bob Dylan, THE BLACK EYED PEAS and The Eagles. (I know you're impressed because that lineup pretty much covers most musical tastes. So while BEP might not mean much to you, I'll bet you're drooling over Dylan, or not.)

Um, yeah, my company let us host a potluck last Christmas, but only during our lunch break.

It’s good to be King. (And not so bad to be married to him either.)

Love

Scene: Kitchen table this AM. TS has just finished her pancakes, BS is sitting in my lap & I’m drinking my mocha.


TS: Getting up from her chair & coming over to me, eye level w/BS in my lap. Mama I love BS.

MS: BS loves you too. BS beams at TS (as usual).

TS: Hugging BS. She loves me too!
BS wraps her little arms around her sister’s neck & hugs back. Gawd, could you cry or what?

MS: I told you.

And I believe she truly does. Just wait till she starts crawling & gets into your Barbie’s honey.

Weekly Ramblings

Things I would’ve written about this week if I hadn’t been so damn tired:














BS has the reflux again. Bad. It’s been getting worse, but I kept thinking it would get better (I’ve been told it starts to end about 3-4 months—filthy liars!) She stopped sleeping though the night last Thursday because of it. Last night, instead of waking up in the middle of the night she just stayed up late unhappy (til midnight) and then got up at FIVE FUCKING AM!!! I know most parents of a 4 month old would be doing cartwheels over 5 strait hours of sleep. But my child has been doing stints of 10+ until that and I would very much like her to go back to that please. We finally started her on reflux meds 2 days ago. Already her spitting up (which also has been getting progressively worse) has slowed way down. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

BS had her 4 month appointment. She’s 50% in length (24”) and 10% (almost) in weight (11 lbs 15 oz.) She’s petite. We saw some friends this week who have a baby exactly two months younger and they’re the same size! After that, I was little nervous the doctor was going to get on me about her size, (mom guilt) but not at all. Whew! They suggested that the reflux issues might have to do with her intake of food being more, but her stomach not being stretched out yet, if she prone to it coming up anyway, then this will just contribute.

BS also started “solid food” (i.e.—very soupy rice cereal) this week. She’s so ready to eat its kind of funny; she does the thing where she opens her mouth when you’re opening yours to put food in. She’s so tiny; it’s like dude I so wouldn’t give this to you anyway! Dr suggested we stick w/rice cereal until reflux is fully under control so as not to make it worse w/acid from food.

TS is doing great in her new school. I get notes from the teacher about how she’s just fallen right in w/the class, she’s “super-polite, extremely good at sharing, taking turns and following directions. They just love having her there.” I’m really proud of her. Of course, she makes me feel like crap cause every time I pick her up and ask her about her day she tells me “I didn’t play with S, he isn’t there”. S is her best buddy from her old school. Say it with me: Mom Guilt. (I know, I know, she’ll be fine.)








BS is being baptized the first weekend of October and my mother is driving me nuts over it. She calls me like 3x a day (at least) over it. She’s sure I won’t send out the invites correctly, or clean up my house or order the wrong food... I don’t know why she thinks it’s ok to say the things she says, (cause they're rude at best) but she does. I’m trying to just flow with it and ignore her, I have bigger fish to fry (like the fact that I will be starting back to work that week, DS will be away all week at a conference and the outlaws will be staying with us—each of those things on their own frag me out, so OHMYGOD!!!) It’s definitely more her thing then mine and she’s just excited right? But SIL pointed out that she tends to get her way on this stuff because that’s what we all do; we let her roll over us because we get tired of hearing it. (Just like my MIL!!!) So true, I’m sure I’ll tell her off in the next couple days and you’ll get to hear about it.

DS has some really exciting stuff going on at work. It's super great for him, tons of visablity and a really big deal (I think) but it also means he's been really busy.

I start work in like 2 weeks and I’m Freaking. The. F. Out. over it. I don't want to talk about it. But we will. Later. (Trust me it’s probably all we’ll be talking about soon.)

I’m going to Disneyland in FIVE days! Yeah

I’m going to bed now.

Baking w/the Toddler Set

Baked cupcakes the other afternoon w/TS, she’s quite the little helper and I let her like the mixer blades after we’re done. However, now that she knows the drill she has trouble waiting until we’re done and want to start said licking of utensils during the process of making them. As my SIL likes to say, "A little love and snot in every bite." Anyway, I told TS for like the third time not the lick the spatula, etc…as I was spooning mix into the muffin tins and she says very loudly w/the windows open:
(remember my daughter goes to speech therapy)

But Mommy I want to lick your (s)poon.

DS on the floor laughing.

Abigail Medina

When I first signed up to write this my thought was that I would track down some family members and ask them to tell me about Abby. What she was like, what her day was like, who she was to them, etc…My goal was to write a tribute detailing the life of Abby, there is so much focus on how all of these people died, but really what’s more important is to remember how they lived. I’m afraid I haven’t had much luck in locating contact information for her family. I did find this, which was written by her husband (I think sometime in 2002). So I know that she was a daughter, sister, aunt, wife and mother. I know she was a Christian, and it seems that she had strong beliefs (she taught Sunday school to the preschoolers). I know that her family has found comfort in knowing that “She can no longer feel pain, and she is worshipping at the feet of her just and powerful God.” Which I think is actually a lot to know.

I’m not much of a sleuth, but then I haven’t been able to dedicate the time required to be honest. Since Abby was a mom I think she’d understand. I have much in common with her. I am the mom of two daughters. My girls are still very young (3 years & 4 months) but from the comments I’ve been able to find on some existing tribute sites I know that Abby was close to her daughters. They’re in their mid-twenties now (they were 14 & 17 in 2001). I am sure they miss her greatly. Wow is that the understatement of the year. I know that for me my biggest fear in life is that I will die too soon. What’s “too soon”? That I’ll miss some of my children’s life. I know that I will miss part of it, but that’s (supposed to be) so very far away. I want to see them go through their school years, and graduate from college. I want to see them get married and have children. I want to meet my grandchildren. I want to watch my daughters become mothers. I want to watch my children go through their successes and failures in life and be better people for it. And I want to be there to help them along and hopefully help them learn how to be happy in life. I think this is the wish of all moms. Abby missed some of that and it’s not fair. It’s not fair to her and it’s not fair to her daughters (or her husband, brothers, sisters, parents…she had a big family). I know, “life’s not fair”. But that doesn’t mean her life being cut short isn’t incredibly sad. I could write this tribute and talk about the events of 9/11 and how the world has changed, but Abby (and most of the others who died that day) were not aware of the why or even the how the world was changing at that moment. Think about it, none of us really were.

What I think is important is that we give a thought to those who were lost and how very much we miss them in our lives now. I believe they know we’re thinking of them and hopefully Abby is smiling knowing that even though I never met her, she has touched my life in a small way and that today along with many others, I’m thinking of her.

Upcoming Memorials

Remember I mentioned the 9/11 memorials coming up?

You should check this out. It's a cool blog idea beside the fact of how cool it is that these kids are taking part in the memorial.

Weekend Update

DS has a big presentation tomorrow and has commandeered the computer for the last week. No weekend off over here folks. He worked all weekend (Saturday from home) and I continued to coral kids. I did get an hour reprieve to run to the grocery store alone on Saturday. Wohoo! Living on the edge I tell you. So all of that means no posting for me and I’m ridiculously behind in my blog reading, so this is going to be short. I have my priorities you know.

TS starts her new school tomorrow and I’m nervous for her. I’m sure it will be fine, but she was so happy at her old school and I’m feeling major guilt over changing her. Will keep you posted on how it goes.

DS just came downstairs, he’d already headed up to bed (I’m not far behind) and taps me on the shoulder (I'm in the process of typing this):

MS: You need back on here?

DS: No, check it out (points to his face)

MS: What?

He takes my hand & runs it on his cheek

MS: You shaved? Nice (uh, ok, you shave all the time)

DS: I shaved w/5 MF’ing blades is what I’m talking about (cracks up)

He got some free razor in the mail the other day.

MS: So what, did you take a few layers of skin off too? You are a dork.

But I do have to say, it was smooth as a baby’s butt (and I know baby’s butts these days.)

2,996 Tribute

Have you heard of this? It’s about the victims of 9/11. I read about it on another bloggers page and decided to sign up. I was assigned Abigail Cales Medina. I’m finding that there is lots of information about her death (lots and lots of lists of the victims out there), but, sadly, not tons written about her life. I am getting a sense of her through comments people have written on some of these tribute pages, so at worst, I’ll be able to gleen from those. My hope is that maybe by listing her name on here now someone in her family may google her name and see this and help provide me with the information I seek. If you knew her please email me at mommyspeakATyahoo.com I want to know more about her so hopefully when I post my tribute in a couple weeks it will be an inkling of what she deserved.

On the topic of 9/11, this is something I have a very, very, very hard time discussing. I’ve mentioned before that the event basically helped to put me into a full depressive episode. I try not to think about it too much, it brings back all those feelings and honestly feeling nothing is better then feeling like that. If I had lost someone close to me in the attacks I’m not sure I’d ever be able to really move on. On this five-year anniversary I thought maybe I could do something positive to help myself (and maybe a few others) start to heal and this seemed like a good start. You should consider doing something similar (last I checked there were still about 400 names left.)

I saw something on a talk show the other day, it was two moms who had lost their sons, their circumstances aren’t important to this post, but their resolve is. One said to the other, “It will never be OK, but it will be alright.”

How very much I want to believe that.

End of Days

I know, another post. In less then 24 hours. Yes, hell may just have frozen over. OR….

Or my outlaws may be vistiting and I may be going batshit crazy.
Probably the later.

We went to dinner tonight and my 3YO is happily coloring her child’s menu. She finishes coloring one picture on it and holds it up for all to see.

MS: “Oh, TS you color so well!
DS: “Great job!”
Grandmother: Well now you need another one to color.

And of course, TS suddenly realizes why, yes she does need another menu to color. Right now. And if she doesn’t get one, right. the. F. now. She may just f’ing implode.
Grandmother smiles at TS, sips her water and happily watches her have a complete meltdown.
I think she's smiling because she knows I am ready to crawl under the f'ing table.

I just love it when they come to visit.

One of those days…

I’m having one of those days where I’m trying to get things accomplished, but not having a lot of luck. Went by Goodwill dropped off 4 bags of stuff, but they wouldn’t take my old stroller. Went to Micheal’s to get some plate hangers, got those, but they had some of these groovy organizer bags back in. I previously bought one in black and haven’t used it cause I’m hoping they’ll get more in pink (God they are cute.) The store I went to this AM had some in blue, so decided that even though I’d completed my mission at Micheal’s I must go to another to see if they had anymore. So not really completed. Went by what will be TS’s (and BS’s) new preschool/daycare to drop off deposits, they’re closed for in-service. Bah. Went by second Micheal’s, no luck on the bag. Went by Tiny Tots cause one of the girls in the new mom’s group had one of these, are they not adorable???? I got a knock-off from Target for $15 but wanted to see what they cost & if they had anything similar in pink. Even if they did have anything similar they were $50!!!! OMG! So no go on that. Got home & had a call from the church about BS’s baptisim and to “come on over to fill out paperwork”. Damn, I was just by there. I’ll go after I eat lunch, mop the floor & walk the dogs. Ok, that doesn’t sound like it’s all going to happen does it? Well I’m going to eat & I’m going to mop, so maybe I can get TS & then walk the dogs. Right…

Dog Days of Summer

Well here’s a change of pace; something positive. Last week Mowry started jumping the fence again. (Obviously, this isn't the positive part.) We have no idea what was setting him off. In the past the blowers, lawnmowers, etc…have been known to freak him out enough to get him up and over the fence. While he still doesn’t like them AT ALL, he hasn’t gotten upset over them like that since around the time we moved in (last November). The other morning he was barking like crazy. This is really unusual because he wears an electric bark collar (part of his anxiety is that he’ll bark excessively, mostly when we aren’t home. Really goes over great with the neighbors. Makes us very popular.) Anyway, I didn’t think it was him at first because the collar works so well that he won’t bark unless he has a really good reason. When I realized it was him I walked into the backyard & could hear him, but couldn’t find him. I thought maybe he gotten stuck under our deck or something. Then I realized he was in the next-door neighbor’s yard! I walked out front to get him out and saw “M” the neighbor who lives on the other side of us. She proceeded to tell me he’d been out front earlier, but when she tried to approach him he’d run away. Just then he jumped the fence & joined us. Jeez. I put him back in the yard & about two minutes later lots of commotion. He had just jumped the gate into our side yard (supposed to be our dog run, but he kept jumping out of it.) As I turned the corner to the gate more commotion, I got to watch him jump onto our garbage cans & into the neighbors yard again. Jesus Dog! WTH is wrong with you? I still have no idea what was setting him off. I went out front and he promptly jumped their fence to the front yard again. This time I tied him to a lead in our yard (I hate doing that). After a couple hours I let him off & he seemed to have calmed down. A few days later (gardener day) he got out, but was nowhere to be found. I had BS napping & TS with me, so I couldn’t go looking for him. It was just about the time DS got home, so he walked out the door to look for him & Mowry came walking right up to him. Little turd was probably hanging out in the neighbor’s bushes watching while I’m calling for him in the front yard.

So here's the good news part; I walked him this weekend. We’ve become huge fans of The Dog Whisperer and have utilized many of his techniques with some success; however the biggest thing this dog needs is to be exercised. He’s a high-energy dog and tiring him out would go a long way toward lessening his anxiety level (according to what Cesar Milan teaches & I’m a believer, especially after today). I had great intentions with all the exercise I was going to get these dogs while on maternity leave. We were all going to get into great shape together this summer. Riiiight. I wasn’t comfortable walking Mowry by myself, much less w/another dog (Merit, who is a really shit on lead & a huge part of the problem), a baby in the snuggli and a toddler in the jogging stroller. But Cesar (we’re on a first name basis you know) has this technique with the way you put the collar/leash on them that puts them in the right frame of mind (it forces them into the accepting you as Alpha, this stance puts them into the zone or something). I wasn’t really convinced it would work all that well to be honest but hadn’t a free moment when DS was home so I could try it out. This morning the free moment finally happened. I took him out & walked him for 10 minutes with no incident. He was excellent! He was one of those dogs with a loose leash! He healed, he stopped, he slowed, and he sped up all just by my change of pace, no need for verbal commands even! It was amazing. Who are you and what did you do with my dog? I walked back home picked up Merit & walked her around the block. She too got it right away. And she’s a tougher case; more years of bad behavior on lead (she pulls like crazy till we would end up letting her off. The irony; she’s great off lead, but a turd on lead. Who’s in charge here, huh?) So I circled the block with her & then picked him back up. They were awesome! We even had a squirrel in the path & a cat, which would’ve meant lots of pulling in the past. Not so this time, a quick correction from me and they continued on, no pulling, no problem. Back around the block to pick up the jogging stroller. Once more around the block with both dogs & (empty) jogging stroller. I’ll need to practice the maneuvering of a dog in each hand while pushing the stroller, but we did it! I can’t wait to do it again tomorrow. It was awesome, why did I wait so long to try it? They were awesome. I was so proud of them. I was so proud of me.
Hopefully it wasn’t a fluke.

Mudder F-er (say it outloud)

Here's my bitchfest for the day:

I’m having a rough go of it today. Not really sure why, like I said before I think I might be having a good case of “The Blues”. What I do know is that my mom is putting undue pressure on me over nothing. This is something she’s really good at. At lunch today I was saying that we were planning on going to the SF Zoo w/the outlaws when they come next week and she made a face. So I said, “What?” And she’s all, “You always do stuff like that with them.”

WTF????

What have we done with them? They never want to DO anything. They come and sit around our house and drive me nuts getting into our business, so I try to find things for us all to do. When I make suggestions I get shot down 9 times out of 10. (I think it’s mostly cause they don’t want to spend the money on things, but honestly I’m not sure, it seems like they just never want to leave the house mostly. Of course, then they complain about being bored….oh the fun never ends around here, let me tell you. But that’s fodder for another post.) Know what we’ve done with them? We went to Happy Hollow. One time. That’s it. Yup, I know, seriously unfair to my parents who see the kids like Every. Other. Damn. Day. CHEEE-RIST my mother can drive me nuts sometimes. She’s trying to play the martyr, I’m not sure what her real issue is over right now, but it really, really pisses me off.

Here’s the other vent I have over her; I’m in the process of finding at new daycare/preschool for TS (you know, in my free time). I’ve narrowed it down to two in fact. The reason I’m looking to move TS (from the school she truly loves) is because her current school doesn’t take them younger then 18 months. My folks are big on traveling these days so I need a back up for BS when they go away. (My parents will be watching her & TS will go to daycare.) I don’ t want to take the girls to two separate places and changing TS while I’m on maternity leave seems like a good time to do it. If I put TS in a “real preschool” (Half days, 2x a week,) then I’ll be scrambling for back up for both girls when my folks travel and I’ll be leaving work in the middle of the day to take TS from school to daycare. Much better to work it out before hand & be dealing with one place.

So my mom calls me the other morning and starts in again about how if I want to send TS to a “real preschool” that she’d be willing to pick her up, etc… Her offer to pick up sounds really sweet right? But there’s the catch: I also know that my mother being the martyr that she is will bitch to high hell about driving across town 2x a week to pick her up. I know she’ll do this because she bitched to me about doing it with my brother’s kids. (What she really thinks is that we should put them in schools on her side of town because it's more convient for her.) What pisses me off is that she acts like we’re taking advantage of her when that’s not the case at all. The phone call this AM was like the 4th conversation we’ve had about it. I keep stating what I’m going do and she keeps bringing up the half-day preschool option. If I were to take advantage of her offer she'd be talking shit about me to everyone under the sun. The way she approoaches it also implies that I'm doing something wrong (taking TS to daycare instead of preschool) and not raising my kids correctly. See why it pisses me off.

I really think I need to go see my old shrink, I have trouble breaking my old habits with my mom; she thinks she gets a vote on all things in my life. It was a huge revelation when I had a shrink point out to me that my mom does not get a vote in my my decisions. I was 32. Slow learner. Just because I realize I need to chance that relationship doesn’t mean I’m successful at it. I've told my mom on a couple of occations that she didn't get a vote (like when naming my children) it went over really well as you might imagine. The first time I said it she just got pissed. The second time she said, "I get a vote. It may not count, but I get one." Do you understand why I need threapy???? I'd say I'm going nuts, but I think I'm already there.

Going to the Scrapbook Convention tomorrow with SIL, maybe I finally have something positive to post after that. I’m such a downer lately.

MIA

I know I’ve been MIA lately. I’m trying to get everything together, but when I work on getting “caught up” on one thing others end up suffering, usually sleep, but this last week it’s been my blog. Ok, my blog and my sleep.

My big project is getting our “study” unpacked. I put the parenthesis because it’s really just been a junk room since we moved in. It’s one of those things that makes me feel overwhelmed and can depress me, so I’m trying to get it cleaned up and unpacked. I’ve made a dent, but it still has a ways to go. My plan of attack: I don’t walk down the stairs empty handed. There’s so much stuff in there that needs to be tossed or at least put away somewhere else, that it’s a good approach for now. I’ve been to Goodwill 2x already this week for it.

I started going to a playgroup for BS. I know she’s only 3 months old and while I’m sure she is gifted, no they don’t actually play. DS wanted to know if we pile them up in the middle of a blanket to see what they’ll do. At this age it’s totally for the moms, it’s later when their toddlers that it’ll be for the kids. I’m in a working mom’s playgroup for TS. (Las Madres) We’ve made some really good friends through it—all three of us. It’s such a rare thing to find friends that both of us as a couple like AND the kids are friends! So I don’t really need a support group of moms this go around, but I figured I’d check into the neighborhood group (SAHM) and hopefully meet some mom’s who live in our immediate neighborhood. Not that it’s really an issue either, but the what the heck. Anyway, went to a “playdate” last Friday and a walk on Monday.

And last, but hardly least, I’m trying to pay attention to me more. I’m still vacillating a lot on the PPD thing. I don’t really think I’m depressed, but I have a lot of downs. I guess it’s what they’d call “The Blues”. Now that I’m verbalizing it I realize I need to really pay attention to it. I had a really bad bout of depression after 9/11. I was in a similar place emotionally at that time and 9/11 just pushed me over the edge. It was bad. Real bad. I remember just sitting in the middle of the house alone one day and crying uncontrollablly for hours. I couldn't tell you why, but I couldn't stop either. I still can’t deal with the whole 9/11 thing either (think I'll skip the movie). A shrink once told me that I had symptoms of PTSD to which I was like how can that be, I wasn’t in NY when it happened, I have family there, but everyone was fine, I mean it’s like PTSD by proxy which is super lame. But apparently it’s not an uncommon occurrence. (I still think it’s super lame.) And I still have a lot of issues with major disasters, the Tsunami was a similarly shaky time for me. I think what throws me is the randomness of it. And the unfairness. I still have so much to do in this life it scares me to think that I could miss some of it, especially relating to my girls. Ok I can’t say much more about that or I’ll start to get emotional. (Yes, I am that lame sometimes.) So back to the paying more attention to me; I’ve making a point of walking everyday. (That’s the time suck when I could be blogging.) I’ve been putting BS in the snuggli and TS in the jogging stroller and hauling ass for at least 30 mins everyday. I am hauling ass too, as evidenced when I went out with the mom’s group on Monday and was surprised by our leisurely pace. (I was all worried my out-of-shape ass wouldn’t be able to keep up.) I’m hoping to get back to my blogging regularly now, as I realize it’s also a big part of “paying attention to me” and I need the outlet.

On a happier note:

TS is swimming like a freaking fish!!! We’re going to swim lessons 3x a week and I signed her up to continue (1x a week) this fall. She’s amazing!!!

BS is babbling up a storm these days. She’s a HUGE flirt (already) and giggles. Today I had her on her playmat & she scooted off of it. TWICE! She is also trying to pull herself in a sitting position. She’s is killing me with her growing so fast that one.

Ok, more soon. I must go feed the flirt again, and then sleep.

Sigh of Relief

Spent the weekend cropping (that’s working on scrapbook pages for those of you who have actual lives) at SIL house. Very fun & very, very much needed. I was originally thinking I would just go for the day or something, but I haven’t cropped since before we moved (that would mean last October, OMG!) and I do these G’parent albums every year that I hadn’t even started yet. So that's what I worked on, and I was on a roll. The albums have consisted of a page a month of TS, but now since there are two kids there are two albums per Grandparent household. Hmmm…didn’t really think that one through completely when I started it, now did I? Just glad there aren't any divorces in that generation, they'd be lucky to get pictures. Anywho, I got this project completely up-to-date—I know, I totally rock! I realized sometime Saturday morning how very badly I really need to be doing something like this for me. BS went with me, but she’s so super low maintenance that it wasn’t a big deal it still felt like I got a weekend off. I figured I would come home to a very, very messy home, toddler & husband, but I was wrong!

The house was (are you sitting?) cleaner then when I left it, there were flowers (all pink, of course) in a vase on the counter for me, a F’ING PIE (blackberry & necturine—from our neighbor’s yard) had been baked for me and dinner was marinating in the fridge. WTF??? The conversation went like this:

MS: What’d you break?

DS: Nothing.

MS: Are you sure?

DS: Yes, I just thought it’d be nice for you to come home to this

I know I should ask him who he’s sleeping with, but I’m afraid I get an answer. He was right it was VERY NICE. The result is that I have time to blog today because I don’t feel like I’m playing catch up with house work & such! DS ROCKS!

Working It Out

I can’t believe I’m already starting to stress about this, I’m not going back until October. But do you realize that’s in two months??? I’m trying not to think about it too much, but Wood brought it up today and since I’d been mulling over the last week or so I figured it was an omen and I should trying getting some of these feelings out too. (Maybe talking about it will make it not seem so bad. Riiiight.)

Much of my postings are my rants about my frustrations with TS, which makes me feel bad, but this is supposed to be my version of threapy, so, sorry TS you'll just have to deal with it. You really only frustrate me when you're supposed to be napping and are beyond tired, but instead of sleeping you find that you must keep asking me "why?" about. freaking. every. damn. thing.

I want to stay home and hang with you too, but you're also a very independent little girl and I'm down with that. You don't NEED me the way you're sister does. In fact, I think you're a lot like me, (which scares the living crap out of me.) You like going to "school" and I know you're a better person for it. So while I want to stay home with you I can rationalize why my going to work it good for both of us. Your sister is a baby & needs me in ways that no one will ever need me again & I want to experience that to it's fullest. I get it this time, I won't get these moments back. This time I want to make sure savor every single one of them. (Don't ask me why. Because I said so, damit.)

So Internet back to my story; when TS was a baby and I had to return to work she was six weeks old. DS had been laid off unexpectedly, a month prior to her birth & the job I was going back to was contract. It wasn’t supposed to even exist any longer, but I was suddenly damn glad it did. We were in the middle of the “dot bomb” and had been though more then our share of lay offs/companies imploding, etc… in the last year or so. Luckily my version of “nesting” during that pregnancy was to hoard money, so in the end, we were fine. At the time, it was really scary. Anyway, TS was only 6 weeks!!! I know, how could I leave her??? Well, for starters I was leaving her with her Daddy or G’ma if Daddy was interviewing or something. Much easier then leaving her with a "daycare provider". At least I think it was. I was only working part-time, so really just a few hours a day. And she was only 6 weeks. She didn’t really do anything yet. She hadn’t gotten fun yet. By the time she did get fun,(12 weeks is when your level of sleep deprivation goes down enough, and they wake up enough that life really does get fun with these guys), I had been back for several weeks & made the break. I was bummed, but dealing with it.

BS has gotten fun already.

She’ll be that much MORE fun in 2 more months. WAH.

Lately, I’ve been scheming in my mind on how I could work it out to stay home. (I didn’t nest during this pregnancy, at least according to our savings account.) Actually, our finances are amazingly ok without me working. AND I haven’t given up my mochas, AT ALL. Amazing, I know, cause I have a bad (read: expensive) mocha habit. I keep joking that I need to go back to pay for Disneyland, the dog’s surgery, lasix and my laser hair removal, after that I’m out of there. I’m not really joking. Of course, we just had the car in the shop this week, paid our percentage of the hospital bills (BS’s birth) and then the annual bill for our homeowner’s insurance arrived today. BAH.

These are the reasons I need to go back to work. I'm trying not to think about it.

She giggles now.

LOVE

I’m in love. Every mom goes through it, for some it’s immediate, for me it takes a while. Apparently it takes about 3 months. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my baby the moment she was born, but at some point you fall IN LOVE with your baby. For me, it happened in the last week. She’s so damn sweet, she coos and smiles and flirts and I can’t stand it. I just want to curl up in her crib with her cause I can’t get enough of her these days. This is the love that you feel for your child with an intensity you never knew existed. The kind of love that literally takes your breath away. It’s beautiful and scary all at once. It’s the whole walking with your heart outside your body thing. It is such a wonderful, beautiful feeling.

Don’t worry TS isn’t being neglected. I had this same occurrence with her and its still going on. There are (days) moments (recent—like since potty training) when I am less in love with her then this, but the feeling itself really doesn’t go away. I often want to curl up in bed with her too. This time around I know the intensity of this feeling doesn’t go away.

So forgive any gushing I take part in during the next few weeks, I won’t be myself. It’s not my fault, I mean, how can you not be complexly in love with the dimple & curled eyelashes? Mere mortals have no chance.

My lack of focus post...with Pictures!

Quick, gratuitous baby picture to distract you into forgiveness for my lack of blogging lately. Go ahead, tell me she’s beautiful, I already know it, but you can tell me again. ;-) Know what? She sleeps as well as pretty as she is; now you can hate me. (Did that make sense, probably not, but I think you get what I mean.) Now to get you to read on, there’s more pix below. I’m stealthy like that.

I know it’s been a while. The heat has finally gone away & we're back to normal. Thank God! Lucky for all of you at Blogher. And on that note, I’m pouting about not being at Blogher, but all things considered I’m not sure how much I really would’ve gotten out of it right now, and we can’t afford it, so I guess it’s for the best. I’m still pouting though.

I’m having a really hard time with focus these days. I have a huge sense of being overwhelmed still a lot of the time. Things are better then they were, but nowhere near where I want them to be. I keep trying to remind myself that things are better and that means I just need to be patient, but I’m not a very patient person. A result of this is that I’ve falling into one of my worst habits; staying up really, really late. (note it's 2 AM now.) It wouldn’t be so bad except that it’s extremely disruptive to my health and sanity. I can’t make up the sleep because BS gets up to eat between 5:30 and 7:00 every morning. When you go to bed at 2 AM & get up at 5:30 there’s a reason for feeling overwhelmed. Duh! I’m working on making myself get to bed earlier, but it’s really hard for me. It’s not in my nature and just like some people will over eat, drink, do drugs, etc…when they’re stressed out, I will stay up late. It’s an avoidance thing I guess, although I’m not really sure why I avoid going to sleep. Years ago it was because I couldn’t sleep, so being tired, but not being able to sleep would stress me out, but that’s not a problem (knock on wood) right now. Being overwhelmed means that I have trouble getting the basic things done like housework, much less getting time to blog; my lame excuse du jour. I’m working on it. I’m hopeful that soon my life will have more structure and I will be bloging regularly. (ha,ha,ha,ha,ha….) The last several days have been better, so maybe even by the end of next week. Poor DS bares the brunt of all of this. I can be such a be-yoch to him. In my defense often times it’s because I’m in the middle of being overwhelmed & he’s snuck off to the computer upstairs to zone out on FARK. (He has all day at work to do that!!!) It’s not fair to him, but I think he knows my sense of being overwhelmed so he lays low and rides it out. He’s a good guy.

You know I’ll finally find a groove the week before I have to go back to work. But I don’t want to talk about that right now. I can already tell it’s going to be a problem this go around. It was ok when I did it with TS because it was at 6 weeks and she wasn’t really doing anything yet. By the time she got to be “fun” I’d been back to work for several weeks already. Plus last time DS had been laid off of work a month prior to TS’s birth so I really didn’t have an option about going back, I needed to. This time the need part is a little more gray area then that. We can make it on DS’s paycheck alone, but we aren’t putting anything away and we can’t do much more then pay the mortgage & eat. So, God forbid something happens (car craps out, dog needs surgery…oh yeah) cause that’s the kind of stuff my paycheck covers.

BS hit her 3 month mark on Thursday. These are the portraits I had taken. This one is being used in her birth announcement.

She’s amazing. She’s really sweet, she sleeps great, pretty much on a feeding schedule and is really good natured. She’s also army crawling!!! I put her on her stomach on her boppy yesterday and she pushed herself up and over it. She would’ve landed on her head if I hadn’t been there. She scares me; she going to do stuff like crawl early I think. And she ADORES her big sister. She beams at her now, just beams. It’s really nice. I’ll have to mark this entry so a year or two from now when they’re driving each other nuts (instead of just me) I can come back to read it. Alright, one last picture and I’m head to bed.

Hot, Hot, Hot!!!

I’ve been around, just not on the internet. You see, I live in the part of California that

MELTED THE “F”AWAY!
Right into hell.
It’s so F’ing HOT I can’t begin to tell you.

I know it’s hot everywhere, including where you are, but WE DON’T HAVE AIR CONDITIONING here because it doesn’t get hot like that! At least it didn’t used to get hot like this. I’ve mentioned before that computer is upstairs in the hottest room in the house. Well we pretty much closed off the upstairs this week. Seriously. We’ve been sleeping in the playroom. All of us. Together. I get up at 5 AM (when it's only 98 degrees up there) get our clothes and rush down stairs in a sweat and that’s pretty much the extent of my time upstairs this last week. So remind me, why did we pay how much for a 2400 sq ft house, only to be able to use 1200 sq ft of it???
Anyway, no blogging for me this week. (Said much like the Soup Kitchen Nazi would say it.)

Actually, no computer time at all, so if you sent me an email don’t take it personally that I haven’t answered you, because I haven’t read it yet. (And I haven’t checked email yet, so you all should feel special Internet. Priorities you know.) I know I shouldn’t complain at least we have electricity. This has happened to people in our neighborhood and since it’s all local transformers there’s no timeframe on when they’ll get their power back. So our friend actually have AC, but can’t use it. Let it be said, God has a sense of humor.

So why am I back if it’s so damn hot? (Hey we’re on a cooling trend, it’s only going to be 100 tomorrow. Yes, seriously, we’re down to 100.)
I GOT A NEW COMPUTER!!!
DOWNSTAIRS!!!
Yeah, for me. Now I can blog again, and check my email at normal times of day, sort of.

Ok, so now that I’m done braging I need to wipe down my new keyboard (sweat you know) and go see what important things I haven’t been aware of because of my lack of email access.

More later, for real!!!

Craig’s List

I’m addicted. A couple weeks ago I got on there to purchase a bouncy seat for my mom. She can’t find hers (we think she must’ve gotten rid of it, which is weird cause she doesn’t get rid of anything). So I found one for $8 (these normally run between $25-$45 depending on what bells and whistle it has). Before taking it over to my mom’s house I moved it to our upstairs. I liked not having to move ours up and down the stairs so much that I decide it was ours & got back on Craig’s List & got her another one. (This time for $10.)

Now, I’m in the neighborhood for a second boppy pillow. I have one I use for nursing , but they’re also great for propping the baby up to sit and “tummy time” play. This go around I got a cover that has toys attached to it so the baby has something to reach for while being mad that you’ve put her on her tummy. Thing is, I’m not that inclined to change the pillow cover all that often. And so to Craig’s List I go. I’m working on getting a free one right now, but I may end up pay $5 for one as that’s that person who has gotten back to me. Either way it’s once again, a huge bargain. I love a good bargain, (really who doesn't?) and Craig’s List is better then EBay because it’s local so instant gratification. I’m all about instant gratification.

So need me to find anything for you? I’m sure they have it on Craig’s list, for cheap!

New Time Suck

My time on the computer is so limited now and I’ve found those DIS boards which is where I seem to be heading whenever I’m still nursing and have read all my emails. (Doesn’t look good for my blogging does it?) Part of the problem is knowing the right questions to ask. There are TONS of tips and tricks to getting into/around Disney and avoiding lines, eating cheap, getting in on special promos, etc….But you need to know enough to even ask the question about them. I wish there were some list that linked you to these different areas so you could at least have a sense of what to ask. If you have any tips/advise dear Internet please do pass it on, every little bit helps. Expect to hear more about the Mouse House over the next month or so. I am super excited about this trip –can you tell? I think I will include anything I find especially interesting/excting/cool in my blog (I’ll block it out with the title Mouse Ears so you’ll know) so here’s your first one:

Mouse Ears:

I found this really cool thing on the message boards called “paying it forward” (PIF). The deal is that when a person goes to DL (or WDW) they post their dates & offer to PIF, which means the first 3 people who email them will get sent postcards from a character in the park . In most cases the idea is that the character will tell the recepient how excited they are about them coming to see them on the dates they’re scheduled to come. I think this is soooo cool!!! I totally signed up w/someone to have this done for TS. Can’t wait to see her face.

Also found out about Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique from a cousin at the reunion. (You must check out the pix here.) I have since found out that this is only in WDW. Sigh, so sad. I would’ve been all over this as a kid (and I hear adults can do this too, so if they had it at DL there’s a chance I would’ve done it w/TS. Note, the child would've been into it, I doubt highly that my folks would've paid for it.) Anyway, if you have girly girl (aka—princess) and I do, they you would probably be interested in this.

Other things:

Still working on the pix from the Colorado (family reunion). The gist of the trip is that it rained a lot (that’s our luck, CO is having a drought & we manage to go during the one week of rain they’ve had in years) and that we didn’t sleep much. BS was held ALL. DAY. LONG. so at night she wanted the same treatment. NOT. Anytime we’d put her down she’d start to cry. Under normal circumstances, not a problem, I have no issue with letting my child cry a little when I know she doesn't need anything, but the four of us were sharing a room and we didn’t want her to wake up TS. The end result was very little sleep for me. She ended up sleeping in her bouncy chair next to the bed, so if she fussed I could either give the chair an extra bounce with my foot (quiets her and if done long enough will actually put her to sleep) or nurse her. One night (at about 3AM) she did wake up TS, so DS was laying on the floor next to the bouncy chair rocking it trying to get BS back to sleep and I was in bed w/TS trying to get her back to sleep. BS gets up at 6 AM so not much sleep for me. As soon as we got home she went right back to her old schedule. Little turkey. I laid her down in her crib the first night & instead of crying she rolled on her side & went to sleep. I’m thankful I don’t have to “retrain” her on this front, but I need to find a new strategy for DL as we’ll be doing the family room share thing again. (Hopefully the fact that we’ll be so busy during the day will help. Not so much sleeping in people’s arms on that trip.)

BS, BTW, just gets more and more adorable every freaking day. She has to be upright after she eats (the reflux thing) so she sits in her chair next to me in the AM while I puruse the Web. She's playing w/the toy bar on her chair & just going to town on it; she can pull the characters with her feet and get it to play music. She likes to "talk" (coo) at the characters and beams when she gets them "talk back" (play music).

Ok, I’ve way surpassed my 10 min mark on computer time this AM. More later!

Should be….

It’s going to be over 100 here today. Hotter then hot. TS is in “school” so I can “get some things done” for a change. Since it’s going to be so damn hot & we don’t have AC I should get anything done upstairs like an hour ago. But what am I doing???? Catching up on my blogs—very productive. I’m also reading Disney message boards (we’re going in Sept.) so I’m vacation planning, right? AND I'm watching BS in her bouncy chair next to me--the kid is going nuts playing with the toys on her toy bar. Very happy baby! I love happy babies!

Here’s the list of what I should be doing:

• Vacuuming upstairs (leaving the cats alone in our bedroom for a week has created quite a few new pets: Dust Bunnies!
• Vacuuming downstairs (we’re just generally dirty)
• Dusting
• Mopping (can you say hardwood floors)
• Paying bills
• Uploading vacation photos
• Picking up new computer (long story, but I’m getting one for free from a friend for downstairs—it may even improve my blog updating)
• Finishing unpacking (mine stuff—I made sure I unpacked everyone else’s stuff first thing)
• Cleaning mirrors (something I needed to do before we left)
• Birth announcements (no, I haven’t done these yet. I don’t want to hear about it. Etiquette says I have up to 6 months, I looked it up.)
• Calling to preview new preschools/daycares (TS’s doesn’t take infants)

There’s more, but I really feel like I need to start some of it. I’ll (hopefully) get that computer & write more later. Maybe I'll even upload our 300+ photos and post one or two for you. Don't hold your breath. ;-)

We're Baaack!

And the word of the day this week was RAIN and lots of it, except, of course, on the last day. Gotta love it when your vacation is spent w/a toddler and it rains every day. I'll have to write more later internet. Just wanted to let you know the Speak's are back in town and all survived.

Neglect

Yes, Internet I’ve been neglecting you. My apologies, I’d have to say it’s the word of the week; Neglect. DS was home from Friday through Tuesday and instead of feeling like we got all this stuff done, I felt a lot like I had one more kid to pick up after. I have lots of examples, but because of time I guess let’s just say, I’m feeling very neglected. We had a really busy weekend and we’re going to a family reunion (his family) next week so this week has been hectic to say the least. Because of it, even my griping tonight is going to be super quick. Bah! So next week don’t expect much either. Sorry. If I can find an internet café there’s a decent change I may be able to post, but that would mean all the stars, planets, earth, sun & moon would have to be aligned, and you know how that usually goes.

I think my mom might be right about the PPD, I've been a bit of a basket case the last couple weeks. I guess we’ll see how I’m feeling about it after next week. If I do have it, a week in a hotel room with my outlaws will definitely put me over the edge; Happy, happy, joy, joy for everyone. Either way should make for some good blog fodder, right? It's all about the blog fodder.

Just to hold you over, here’s some gratuitous kid pix. I’ll try to post before we leave again, but don’t hold your breath. I’d offer to hide you in my suitcase, but with a toddler & baby in tow, I’m not sure how well we’re going to do packing-wise as it is, so maybe you can go with us next time. I’ll miss you & I’ll do my best to keep in touch.

Yes, yes, I know my children are beautiful, but feel free to tell me again. ;-) (hee, hee)

Craptastic!!!

When I was originally going to write this post (Last Thursday when I took this pix) I was going to tell you how “crappy” the day had been, and yes it was all related to the poop in my life. However things have since improved, so why dwell? I could not pass the opportunity to share this lovely photo of BS with you though.

Yes, I will be using this photo to scare off future potential boyfriends. She did this during dinner no less!!! And let me tell you, this is nothing, you should've seen her backside. Well, maybe it was better that you didn't.

TS has gone 3 days w/out defiling her pants. Wahoo!!! (And knock on wood.) We’ve taking the tact of taking away a toy if she does it AND rewarding w/either a piece of candy or a Madeline cookie (not just any cookie, it has to be a Madeline) when she uses the toilet. (To go #2, #1 isn’t really a problem.) This also means no cookies or candy other then those times. She lost 3 of her favorite toys before this weekend, but in the last 3 days has earned them all back!!! I am also trying to make a point of asking her to help me with everything on do and make her feel included.

BS is still having crazy huge diapers about once a day, but the reflux seems to be better. Sort of. I’m not convinced it is reflux and that’s why I haven’t given her the meds for it. I see her dr for her 2 month appointment (I know, can you believe it’s been TWO MONTHS already???) on Friday so I’ll talk to him more about it then. I believe the rice cereal in a bottle once a day and keeping her upright after eating is really making a huge difference; no projectile vomiting (ok, minimal projectile vomiting) and it seems like the “fussiness” is all related to lower intestinal stuff, which would not be reflux.

Ok, more later, timer just went off need to go get dog food & water neighbor’s plants!

Summertime Blues

I guess I don't need to post to my blog today, I'll just direct everyone to Antique Mommy's. It's so my life right now.

Now add a 2 month old who has reflux (or just severe gas or something, who knows, she not happy a lot of the time) but she is sleeping 6-8 hours a night, so I'm not really complaining. And the dr gave us reflux drugs, so we'll see. I haven't started them with her yet, but that's fodder for another post.

I was thinking maybe I was having a touch of PPD (post partum depression) because I just have no patience for TS these days. And it's so not like me. I mean I'm bitchy to everyone else in my life, but I used to be consistantly nice to my kid. (But then she used to be consistantly nice to me.) I feel so bad about it. It’s summer we get to hang together all summer, we should be having fun! But it’s not fun, at least a lot of the time it’s not. It’s a lot of work and frustration for both of us. And the more I realize that the more bummed out about it I get.

Antique Mommy's post did make me realize that it probably isn't PPD or even just hormones, it's probably just us. Both of us frustrated by our current state of life, taking it out on each other. Needing each other and not wanting to all at the same time. Sigh.

Daddy’s Day

This one is sneaking up on me a little. I’m getting better at the two kids thing (just by saying that I’m sure I just jinxed my day) but adding anything like say a holiday throws me a bit. So I’m scrambling a bit today for Daddy’s Day presents. It’s not entirely my fault I knew what I wanted to do and said it in front of DS (I was talk about for the Grandpa’s at the time) and got shot down. Ack! So did I come up with something new? No, I went into denial and now I’m scrambling. I think I know what we’re doing, but it means going to the store (possibly multiple stores) with both kids in tow. Not fun. Oh well, it’s supposed to be HOT today (finally!) so I can bribe the use of the kiddie pool for good behavior.

DS is a great dad BTW. A Daddy’s Day posting wouldn’t really be complete without a mention of that fact. I think there are people who are surprised at what a good father he is, but I’m not. He’s become the dad I knew he would be when I married him. TS has become quite the daddy’s girl as of late and it’s really sweet to see her run to him in the evenings when he comes home from work.

Happy Daddy’s Day DS!!! We love you!

My Inner Nine Year Old Boy is Working Overtime

REFUX

Go ahead, say it out loud. Didn’t you giggle? Just a little? It’s how my 3YO pronounces reflux. Yesterday, I decided that maybe the projectile spitting up vomiting, (I’ve been informed that when the spit projects it’s consider vomit. Oookay.) and the congestion that BS seems to get while nursing might be indicative of something. (I considered that the projectile poop might also indicate something, but have since been informed that “projectile poop is normal.” Of course it is.) I was thinking maybe a food allergy? So I decided that maybe I should cut the obvious culprits from my diet for a week or so and see if it makes a difference. Obvious culprits would be dairy, chocolate & caffeine. Dairy & chocolate would be my worst offenses; I’ve already been avoiding beans, broccoli, cauliflower & cabbage and I don’t do much caffeine on it’s own. Since not having my Vente Decaf Mocha every morning AND evening will just about kill me I decided to call the advise nurse and see if it made more sense to do one item at a time (and can I substitute soy, which is highly allergic on it’s own, for milk? I can use soymilk and prolong the loss of my mochas for a week or two until I have to lose chocolate.) Or would it be better to do it all at once & add them back one at a time. She called me back, asked a bunch of questions and then informed me I should be bringing BS in to see the doctor, how was 12:15 for me? It was currently 11:45, I love how they make you feel like mother of the year over this stuff.

So after much poking, prodding and questioning the doctor gave us a sample swap to swipe BS’s poop onto 3x in the next week to see if there is an indication of any allergies. She didn’t think so, but “to cover our bases.” She also gave me a list of things I need to do with BS to try and limit the spitting up; adding rice cereal to a once-a-day breast milk bottle, avoiding formula (we hadn’t used it in over a week, so not an issue,) and then mostly ways to keep her upright. Depending on her (lack of) improvement we’ll know better if they want to try medication with her or not next week. In addition to all of this poor BS has a herniated umbilical cord. I noticed it the other night & mentioned it to the doctor. She checked it out and said it would heal itself & didn’t hurt her. I’m not convinced about the hurting part. The thing sticks strait out when she’s crying, it looks like it hurts. Have you ever seen a belly button stand up? That's what it does. Ouch!

In spite of all of this BS is up to 8# 4oz (Wahoo!) Considering that she’s sleeping 6-8 hours a night consistently and spitting up half of what she’s taking in, I think I can let the kid tell me how often she wants to eat now. Like it’s ok if she wants to go longer then 3 hours during the day.

Back to my inner nine year old boy; I find it humorous that yesterday, my poop posting day, was one of the highest trafficked days of my blog. Guess I know what I need to talk about if I want more visitor, huh?

It’s Bodily Function Day!

Yes, that’s right it’s bodily function day at the house O’Speak. If you’re squeamish you should turn back now. I think it really says a lot about me that I’ve gone 6 weeks without a post about baby poop. Isn’t that usually the primary fodder for bloggers with new baby’s?

ToddlerSpeak

TS has been more or less potty trained for several months now. She does still wear pull ups when she sleeps. I decided not to mess with the current arrangement until well after BS was born. I figured the move, BS’s birth, etc… was a lot to ask, so why push it. Well, TS has given me the reason; she’s been waiting till she has the pull up on and then pooping in it. This really hit a new low now that she’s decided to take it off (full of poop) and “clean herself”.

Very special.

The other highlight that’s been happening with TS is that she has decided to start peeing herself during the day. For attention. No pull up involved, just regular clothes. She’ll have just gone in the potty 10 mins before and then suddenly announce she’s going. When she did this for the 3^rd time the other day I asked her, “Why did you do that?” And she said, “Because you have to clean it up.” I may have to kill her. Guess who's cleaning up now? Instead of death I settled on losing the pull ups altogether. So yesterday and today she wakes up dry—Wahoo! And promptly pees & poops (Saturday) in her PJs while standing on the bed. Lovely.

Babyspeak

BS has become what you (or at least my parents) would call a “spity baby”. Every time she eats she spits up. Not just a small teaspoon amount either. This kid can heave. It has now progressed to where she projectiles at least once a day. Usually the “jet vomit’ occurs within the first hour after she eats first thing in the AM. She’ll have eaten, burped (she makes her mama proud on this front too) and spits up like normal so you’ll think you’re clear. Then you put her down in her crib and about half an hour to an hour later she’s crying. You go in there & there’s a trail across the crib. I have a mat underneath her, so hopefully if her diaper overflows or she spits up I’ll only have to change the mat not the whole crib. Yeah, right. This kid often manages to miss the mat altogether. She’s kind of amazing when you think about it (and so is the amount of laundry I’m doing these days). Or she’ll have done the trail and when you pick her up, it’s underneath her, down her back, etc…Very impressive. Honestly, it's hard to believe a child her size can put out that much. She also manages to pack some force with her poop. Luckily the worst we’ve gotten on that front is up the back, which is gross, but no where near as gross as it would’ve been if I hadn’t been holding up a wipe when changing her diaper the other day and the “projectile poop” started shooting out.

There’s your visual for Monday.

EIGHT HOURS!!!

Yes, I said EIGHT HOURS, the child slept for eight strait hours last night. I, on the other hand, did not sleep for 8 strait hours. I had to stay up till midnight to pump (she fell asleep at 10 after nursing). Then at 4 AM the cat, realizing we might actually be getting a full night of sleep, decides to have a hairball on the end of our bed!!! GA-ROSS! I woke up before she really got going & kicked her ass across the room off the bed. But now I was awake and had to clean it up. Never-the-less I did get in a “decent” night’s sleep last night.

Today is 6 weeks! Can you believe it’s been six weeks already???? I think her weight is about 7# 9 oz by now. Cool. At six weeks I feel like I should so have may shit more together then this. But I don’t.

I was able to get out of the house today in 2 hours (including 2 time outs for TS) and everyone had clothes on and hair brushed. Yes, I even had on my makeup. So maybe I am getting my shit more together then I think. Or maybe getting some actual sleep makes a difference.

On a non-related side note; a friend of the family (someone DS grew up with) have been dealing with an unbelievable tragedy. Their 6 YO daughter fell 2 stories in an elevator shaft last week. She survived, and in fact is making incredible progress. You can read about it here if you’re interested. If you’re the praying type, would you mind including them in your prayers this week? As a mom the whole thing makes me sick to my stomach, and since we live far away, asking you to help pray for them is about the most productive thing we can offer them right now.

Ok, more later. I’m off to nurse some more. MOO!!!

Who’s the Queen Now?

I’ve always said I’m the “Queen of Everything”, which makes TS “The Princess of Quite A lot”. But after these I’m not sure who’s the Queen around here. Hee, hee.

This Week(end) has been hard

TS is acting out and having melt downs in ways I can’t begin to describe. It doesn’t seem related to BS, but who knows. I guess we just have to get way more “hard ass” with her over everything, stop giving her so many choices, and consistently make the choices things like, “You can do this or I can do it for you. Now.” It’s hard, I'm still sleep deprived and trying to keep my head above water when things are “normal” and then she pulls the crap she’s been pulling and it’s like I don’t even know how to describe how I'm feeling. My frustration level is through the roof.

I told DS that I think she needs to start going to school 3 days a week. I told him this on Wed & things have been worse since then.

He laughed at me.

I wasn't joking.

I do know that I need to get back on my little flylady system. I started the process of it again this weekend. I’m so frustrated that getting out the door in the morning is taking 3.5-4 hours!!! (This includes feeding BS, usually 2x because by the time I get out stuff together to go she's due to eat again.) I realized that my morning routine needs to be revamped; it just isn’t working for me with two kids. I pulled my timer out and started timing how long it’s taking me to do each task so I can set a realistic routine and allocate some of the tasks to other parts of the day. Hopefully, this will help me get some sanity back (and maybe even more sleep.) So I’d better go now, since my time on the computer is up, more later.

Blogger is Pissing me off

Ok, I wrote how Blogger was pissing me off. I couldn't get a photo to load on that last post to save my life.

However on a whim I thought I'd give it a try on a new post & volia. Go Figure.

So this is NOT the pix I was trying to load. This is a pix of TS giving BS "nosey kisses" something she likes to do often.




This is the photo I was trying to upload. It's kinda dorky, but it's BS's first "smile" (probably gas, but I'll take it where I can get it, right?)

I'm hoping I might even get a birth story up for you this weekend (don't hold your breath). Ok, I'm off to bed, I'm exhaused.

One Month

(I have some pix I'm trying to upload for this, but Blogger is not playing nice tonight.) Keep checking I'll get them added. Honest.)

Well it was one month on Saturday, May 27, but life was happening & I couldn’t seem to get to the computer for any length of time until now. I did manage to get on long enough to find a bargain on a stroller frame ($25!!! Wahoo!!! Craig’s List Rocks!!!) which DS & I picked up tonight.

I’m so cool.

On the non-kid front, outlaws left today (a large part of the reason I couldn’t get on here for any length of time; I was competing w/DS & FIL for computer time in the short bursts of free time I did have, so next to impossible.) Also, my mom is having some major health problems. I think it’s something that can be managed in way that it will hardly make a dent in her life (assuming she gets very proactive about it right away). But I may be naive in my thinking, and that’s assuming she’s on board to kick it in the butt right off. That’s a big assumption; it’s more likely that if she were committed to changing her life that dramatically she probably would’ve done it already. She’s very upset about it right now, so it may be something she’s willing to take on now. I hope so, she needs to be around for a long while. Who else can drive me nuts quite like her?

As usual, if it’s not one thing, it’s another. I have lots more to write about, but I’m going to give BS a paragraph & get to bed. I’m still exhausted most of the time.

So now, back to BS, who this post is actually supposed to be about; as with most second children she’s obviously getting less attention then the first. I’m talking about my blog postings. The kid wants to eat every two hours so she’s getting plenty of actual attention. I do believe that rather then calling me “mom” she will be referring to me as “lunch”. As in, “Hello Lunch. I missed you today.”

Overall things are going very well; she’s up to 7# 4oz (Wahoo!!!) which is exactly how much they want her to have gained. Her weight & height are both in the 5% so she’s a small baby. Note: this does not equal small quantities of diaper changing or contents. We’ve even had a couple nights involving 6 hours of sleep (More “Wahoos!!!”) Dr has given us the ok to let her sleep like that at night (assuming she’s eating at least every 3 hours during the day.) We’ve been setting the alarm to make sure she eats every 3 hours, even if she doesn’t wake us for it. She does seem to get “colic” most nights (usually between 8-midnight). All pray to the Mighty Vibrator Chair Gods is all I can say on that one. And she is starting to be awake for a couple hours here & there during the day, even getting some cooing & smiles.

This is the good part.