Mudder F-er (say it outloud)

Here's my bitchfest for the day:

I’m having a rough go of it today. Not really sure why, like I said before I think I might be having a good case of “The Blues”. What I do know is that my mom is putting undue pressure on me over nothing. This is something she’s really good at. At lunch today I was saying that we were planning on going to the SF Zoo w/the outlaws when they come next week and she made a face. So I said, “What?” And she’s all, “You always do stuff like that with them.”

WTF????

What have we done with them? They never want to DO anything. They come and sit around our house and drive me nuts getting into our business, so I try to find things for us all to do. When I make suggestions I get shot down 9 times out of 10. (I think it’s mostly cause they don’t want to spend the money on things, but honestly I’m not sure, it seems like they just never want to leave the house mostly. Of course, then they complain about being bored….oh the fun never ends around here, let me tell you. But that’s fodder for another post.) Know what we’ve done with them? We went to Happy Hollow. One time. That’s it. Yup, I know, seriously unfair to my parents who see the kids like Every. Other. Damn. Day. CHEEE-RIST my mother can drive me nuts sometimes. She’s trying to play the martyr, I’m not sure what her real issue is over right now, but it really, really pisses me off.

Here’s the other vent I have over her; I’m in the process of finding at new daycare/preschool for TS (you know, in my free time). I’ve narrowed it down to two in fact. The reason I’m looking to move TS (from the school she truly loves) is because her current school doesn’t take them younger then 18 months. My folks are big on traveling these days so I need a back up for BS when they go away. (My parents will be watching her & TS will go to daycare.) I don’ t want to take the girls to two separate places and changing TS while I’m on maternity leave seems like a good time to do it. If I put TS in a “real preschool” (Half days, 2x a week,) then I’ll be scrambling for back up for both girls when my folks travel and I’ll be leaving work in the middle of the day to take TS from school to daycare. Much better to work it out before hand & be dealing with one place.

So my mom calls me the other morning and starts in again about how if I want to send TS to a “real preschool” that she’d be willing to pick her up, etc… Her offer to pick up sounds really sweet right? But there’s the catch: I also know that my mother being the martyr that she is will bitch to high hell about driving across town 2x a week to pick her up. I know she’ll do this because she bitched to me about doing it with my brother’s kids. (What she really thinks is that we should put them in schools on her side of town because it's more convient for her.) What pisses me off is that she acts like we’re taking advantage of her when that’s not the case at all. The phone call this AM was like the 4th conversation we’ve had about it. I keep stating what I’m going do and she keeps bringing up the half-day preschool option. If I were to take advantage of her offer she'd be talking shit about me to everyone under the sun. The way she approoaches it also implies that I'm doing something wrong (taking TS to daycare instead of preschool) and not raising my kids correctly. See why it pisses me off.

I really think I need to go see my old shrink, I have trouble breaking my old habits with my mom; she thinks she gets a vote on all things in my life. It was a huge revelation when I had a shrink point out to me that my mom does not get a vote in my my decisions. I was 32. Slow learner. Just because I realize I need to chance that relationship doesn’t mean I’m successful at it. I've told my mom on a couple of occations that she didn't get a vote (like when naming my children) it went over really well as you might imagine. The first time I said it she just got pissed. The second time she said, "I get a vote. It may not count, but I get one." Do you understand why I need threapy???? I'd say I'm going nuts, but I think I'm already there.

Going to the Scrapbook Convention tomorrow with SIL, maybe I finally have something positive to post after that. I’m such a downer lately.