6 months

I want to write something beautiful about our first half year together. How much you’ve changed our lives for the better. How I love the way your face lights up when you see one of us (especially your sister) and that silly little grunt of happiness you put out. How surprising you are; you’re so damn small, but you act your age by doing things bigger, but younger, babies can’t do, like rolling over and sitting up. There’s so much more and I want to put it in some eloquent way, but this sleep thing, it’s just killing me. It’s definitely the reason why the post about you turning 6 months is 5 days late. So I’m going with the sleep deprivation as my excuse for a less then stellar post. You deserve so much better baby.

It’s so hard, because most of the time you are so damn happy I can’t stand it. You entertain yourself with your toys (you’re especially fond of your lion & whozit) and you already “play” with your sister, which is soooo awesome because I so want you both to be good friends and it seems like you already are. You started food this week and as expected, you love it. I can’t feed you fast enough and you get so upset when we’re done, but that’s ok, I’m trying to make sure you don’t eat too much in a sitting and make your poor little tummy worse. You’re best time of day is at night, you eat about 8 & are ready to par-tay. You’re so much fun during this time. Daddy and I get you all to ourselves (cause big sis is in bed) and you giggle and play peek-a-boo with us until you finally drop off in Daddy’s arms. I do a sleep-feed with you and then we recline on the couch for half an hour (because you have to stay upright for at least 30 minutes after eating.) It’s a nice excuse to get to hold you & snuggle.

.....And then the reflux kicks in, and you and I are doing our 3AM dance with your little legs pumping to make it stop and your alternating screams and whimpers. I hate this. I hate that I have to work and be away from you during your happy hours. I’m less then you (and everyone else for that matter) deserves these days because I’m not getting much sleep. I’m so sorry you have to go though this sweetie. They keep saying it will get better, and it has to some degree. But I pray for the days when we both get to sleep through the night and play all day. I know they’re coming. In the meantime, Miss BS, I will dance with you however long you need me too. I love you so much.

Boring but Informative

Doctor’s appointment went well. Both girls got their flu shots—yeah! TS didn’t cry at all and BS didn’t start crying till her 3rd (of four) shot and stopped as soon as they were done giving the shots. My kids are so good like that. BS is still in the 5th percentile for weight (13#, 5 oz.). She’s jumped on the height chart to 25-50th percentile (from the 10th), which is how TS is built too. TS is 50th for weight & 95th in height. I believe both girls will be tall & thin (like my MIL; that woman has the best metabolism! Hopefully they got all that from her. Just pray that they don’t get her feet; shoe size-11! Yikes!) I’m giggling about BS’s weight, we got an email from a childhood friend of DS this AM. They have a 4 month old little boy; he’s in the 95th percentile at 18#. I know EIGHTEEN! Her doctor told her he’s the size of an average six month old at four months. So I guess my six month old is their average four month old. Her back must be killing her. I can’t imagine.

I talked to the Dr about my stress related to SIDS and reflux and he told me what I already knew; no known correlation. He also told me that while reflux is being diagnosed much more now; the incidence of SIDS has not gone up, which is good. And the risk of SIDS goes down exponentially at 4 months, 6 months & a year. I guess that makes me feel a little better. If my sleep gets better then we’ll know for sure. He told me to go ahead and start food with her, so last night she got to have some yams with us. DS wanted to know if she ran over to the doctor to give him a hug; this kid wants to eat people food so bad it’s not funny. I only gave her an ounce so if it wreaked havoc on her stomach it wasn’t so much, but she seems to be fine.

Ok, this is such a boring post I’m falling asleep. Not just from sleep deprivation, cause BS has slept at least 7 hours the last 4 nights; actually 10 hours the last two, so maybe the medicine is working. But I felt obligated to let you know what’s happening, going to the doctor and all.

Hopefully new baby pictures later in the week. I know it’s been a while. We’ll see, w/Halloween and all I may not be able to get anything up before that.

Easily Distracted

Boy is that an understatement. Going to make this as quick as possible because I NEED to get to bed! (If I had a dollar for every time I say that…)

BS seems better. We’ve had 4 nights in a row w/6-7 hours of strait sleep! Getting to sleep was another story, so it’s not great, but it's better (I’m sure I just jinxed that now & will be up with her in a couple hours again.) We go to the doctor’s (pediatrician, as opposed to the GI Specialist, yes I feel like I live over there. All our doctors seem to be in the same complex so I’m pretty sure I’m getting my own parking space pretty quick here,) for her 6 month (I know, how the heck did that happen??? She’s too little to be SIX MONTHS OLD already!!!) appointment tomorrow. So I have a list of questions for him to refer me to others about. (Ok was that paragraph distracting enough? That how my brain is ALL THE TIME NOW.)

I’m creating new things to get stressed over with her. I sort of don’t want to mention it because my anxiety level is so high over it already. (It’s related to SIDS and kids with reflux and there I said it, so maybe it’ll go away & I can sleep for a change.) I have no reason to be anxious over this, she hasn’t done anything for me to think this is a problem. I just got an idea in my head about it and now I’m totally stressing about it. Apparently, I must just need more drama in my life. I should know if I can officially get stressed about this tomorrow after our appointment.

OK, so “Look! Something shiny!!” Long story, but I’m getting my X-mas/B-day/Mother’s Day gift from this last year. I just bought it. DS, while well intentioned, did the “here’s what I want to order you off the Internet” thing for these gifts last year, but then we never followed through. So I finally found something ridiculously expensive and I’m justifying the purchase by remembering that I never actually got any of those gifts. Do you like it? I do. I haven’t been walking very regularly since I started work and a large part of my excuse is that BS has gotten too heavy for me to carry her in the front pack while pushing TS in the jogging stroller. Remember I have a dog on each side when I do this. I’ve put on 5 lbs as a result (the emotionally eating I’m doing over BS’s problems isn’t helping either I’m sure) So I can push both of them in this (easily, our friends have one so I tried theirs out) and still walk the dogs. No more excuses. Plus the cost alone will make me use it every day for the next year.

Ok, that was my version of keeping it short.

Tiny Dancer

We sway in our own little dance in the dark. Me holding her close, trying to ward off the cramps that her body seems to be racked with, Her, curling into my shoulder whimpering, occasionally when it gets really bad, screaming from the pain. I do my best to soothe her; we rock in the dark, I murmur quietly in her ear, she starts to doze. She is so tiny. So perfect. Just as I think I can put her down again her back arches and she screams in pain. Again. We start our dance over.

Wash, rinse, repeat…

And so goes the wee hours of my mornings.

I hate to listen to my baby hurting. The lack of sleep wouldn’t bother me nearly as much if my staying up would somehow bring her some relief. But instead she’s in pain & I’m exhausted. I guess it could be worse, she could be waking up the rest of the house. I have a call into her GI specialist about what I should expect from the medicine and when. I stopped eating soy (luna bars) on Tuesday, on Sunday I drop dairy. Then I’ll be really fun to be around. Thing is, she’s happy most of the time. Very sweet, fun, happy and then come middle of the night all hell breaks loose on her insides.

I just wish I could fix this for her.

Gimme a break!

Know what I’ve been doing today? (I’m at work.) No besides writing this, something equally productive and (non) work related. I’ve been figuring out our personal budget.

I F’ing hate it here! Ok, I don’t hate it. But I don’t love it either. I actually spent most of the morning in meetings finding out just how F’ed up this place is. Honestly I don’t care. I really don’t. Since I don’t care I’m not that inclined to help them fix it which is what is going to be expected of me. Because of the reorg I am being asked to do many things which I had no part in previously. The fact that a few managers saw my resume and realized I know how to do these things hasn’t helped the matter. That same fact (that I’ve done these things before at other company’s) is why I don’t want to do any of it. These are all things my previous boss dealt with. She worked full time. I, do not. This is what I would call a cluster fuck. Not a new term when dealing with business, just something I really don’t want to deal with anymore. I have one of those (a CF) going on at home, I don’t need anyone else’s. So instead of working on a plan to fix the crap at work, I went through our spending for the last 6 months to see where we stand. (If there were a chance in hell that I could stay home. Hahahahahahahaha…) We fall right into the category of needing my husband’s salary plus $1. Amalah’s description, not mine, but an accurate one, so I’m stealing it. We need ONE of my paychecks to be comfortable. It’s very frustrating. At this point we couldn’t get a cheaper mortgage by buying a smaller house, so no need to suggest it. When we moved last year I made sure we set things up so that our mortgage payment stayed the same; i.e.--more money down. (We’re paying the same for our 5 bdrm house as we did for our 2 bdrm. Crazy I know.) It’s a smart move & in a couple years it’ll be really smart, but I want it to be that smart RIGHT NOW! I realize that part of my problem is that I get no breaks now. Before TS went to school two days a week & I could “get things done” on those days. (I could've even napped, what was I thinking????) Now, I’m at work while she’s at school. No Breaks. I need one. I’m tired and sad & don’t want to be here. Sigh.

Eyes Wide Shut

Ok, so I had great intentions of getting in some blawging this weekend and but I also had great intentions of SLEEPING this weekend too. I know, I’m so crazy like that, wanting to sleep like 5 hours a night or something. That’s me; wild & crazy girl. When reading the post and realizing that it’s rambling and incoherent (more then usual, shut up!) please understand that I’m averaging about 3 hours a night right now. No, that’s not all at once.

Yeah, so that reflux thing, not going so well. Actually BS might be better today. She slept most of the night last night & didn’t really get upset until later in the evening. But since I wrote last, she’s been getting up around 3:30-4 every morning. On the one night when she stayed up late (1 AM) I ended up getting up with TS over bad dreams at 3 AM. Since BS slept though her 3 AM thing she decided to get up at 5:30 that morning. They’re plotting against me I’m sure.

The outlaws left today. I’d send out a cheer, but I’m too tired. It was an ok visit. It was intrusive as usual, but less intrusive then past visits, so count your blessings right? I realized during this visit that I’m good for about 4 days (a long weekend) maybe 5 and then I’m done. (i.e.—I start getting bitchy) During my 5 ½ years of marriage I’ve concluded that I’m a somewhat private person. (I didn’t realize not everyone is like that until I met my Outlaws.) I lived a lone for several years before meeting DS and I enjoy an evening here and there alone with a book or the remote ALL BY MYSELF. DS is also like this, but his parents, my outlaws (at least my MIL) don’t really get that. I can tell she tries to give me some space once in a while, but it’s not in her nature & she can’t back off completely. So their visits become exhausting. Because I can tell she’s trying (the trying part is new) I am trying not to be so bitchy. So visit went ok. They’re talking about coming back at X-mas. Woo!

I went out both nights this weekend too. (I guess I could tell everyone that my lack of sleep is from all the FUN I was having. HA! That’s almost funny.) Friday afternoon a girlfriend called & asked me to go w/a group to this wine tasting bar nearby. I figured I would fall on my face after half a glass, but decided I really NEEDED to go. It was fun. We even went to the pub next door and had a drink after we were done wine tasting. You know, like real adults! (The rat-bastard working the door at the pub didn’t ID us! I know ,how rude!!!) On Saturday, DS & I went out on like a real date. We went to this restaurant Straits; very good food. It was fun to do something just the two of us. This was a also a good chance to see what “the kids” are wearing these days. Oh My! (It’s the 80’s again.) So glad I’m not in the dating scene any more. Ok, I need to get my 45 minutes of sleep now. More later.

Getting my ass kicked daily!

Jeez it’s been crazy here.

So we had our appointment w/the Pediatric GI Specialist yesterday. The day before we met with him our regular doctor called & informed us that she had “severe reflux”. Oook, what does that mean exactly? We kinda knew that right? I mean that’s why we’re going to the specialist, right?

So anyway, I think the specialist was impressed with how much we’d done so far (eliminating dairy for a week, rice cereal in bottle, propping her up after feedings, various levels of drugs, etc…) He would like me to eliminate soy (read: luna bars) for 5 days and then if I feel up to it to add dairy along with it to see if it makes a notable difference in her condition. Bah, my lifeblood; Luna bars & vente mochas. Before I do that I’m going to give her 5 days on the round of meds so I have a baseline to know how much improvement is from the medication & how much is from the change in diet. He also wanted to know about how often she poops; the more she goes the less there is to come up right? She goes every 2nd or 3rd day (which is really weird to me because you could’ve set a clock by TS, the kid went like every day at 11 AM. I know that’s actually a little weird, but I meant it when I said the kid liked schedules.) He said BS is normal, but with what is going on with her it’d be better if she were to be going every day, so she now has some pear juice added to her rice cereal. We’ll see how that goes. Should boost my stats since my readership goes up whenever I discuss poop.

The meds he put her on are a stronger version of what she’s currently taking. These are both acid blockers & don’t actually treat the reflux problem, but knock down the stomach acid so the child isn’t hurting so much. If this doesn’t resolve the problem they‘ll go to a round of drugs that actually treats the reflux itself. They don’t like to prescribe these drugs if they don’t have to because they can have some significant side effects.

So we’re all good right? Except that the pharmacy doesn’t carry the drugs he prescribed her in the medium he wants (they have it as pills, not so good for an infant). The pharmacy wanted me to call him & get him to go with a different drug & I told them they needed to discuss it with him, I wasn’t playing intermediary. If the doctor feels strongly either way they could work it out. Just get my kid something to give her some relief! They apparently couldn’t work it out before business hours ended yesterday so I wasn’t able to get the drugs until this AM (doctor insisted on the original prescription he wrote.) We gave her the drugs she’s been taking as usual and thought it would be fine. Hahahahahahahah, that's what we get for thinking...we really could’ve used the new stuff.

First some background; TS is sick with a really bad cold. She stayed home (with my mom, the Outlaws went to the beach for the day yesterday, yes they're still here too) from school, which is another story in itself. Anyway, after the appointment I had TWO SICK KIDS at home with me. No freaking fun. BS spent the afternoon & evening screaming & TS vacillated between meltdowns and playing quietly, more on the meltdowns then the playing quietly. In the end BS was up till about midnight last night being super fussy & “spiting up” (lately it’s gotten to be much more projectile, she should be hitting the milestone of her head spinning around very soon now). At 3:30 this AM she was back up, inconsolable. It took me till 5 to get her back to sleep. I emailed work that I wouldn’t be in until noon. I figured with the Outlaws here I could sleep in till 9, get ready for work, nurse her, get her meds & then get off to work. I did do all of that, but BS woke up screaming at 8 again, so less sleep for me still. I’m feeling so bad for her (And for me too now that I read all of this) I did get her meds so hopefully some RELIEF tonight.

So that is why I’m getting my ass kicked on a daily basis.

Holy Spew Batman!

So BS had her baptism yesterday & the outlaws are visiting for the week. I can’t really write much because of their visit (limited computer time). The party for the baptism was really nice and I’m glad it’s over. (Too much time w/my mom—I’ll fill you in later.)

But look! Gratuitous baby photo! Baby in impressively cute christening gown! (Father’s grandmother’s gown & bonnet to be exact.) And look, mom w/hair blown out AND make up!! Yes, in fact it was a full moon.

Today we had an upper GI for BS to confirm her reflux. Which she does have, and let me say I have the most excellent baby ever! She couldn’t eat 4 hours before the test which was at 9 this morning. I had good intentions of getting up at 4:30 to feed her hahahahahahaha, let me pick myself up off the floor now. That obviously didn’t happen. So she hadn’t eaten since 8 PM the night before. I expected her to be screaming the whole time in the waiting room, but not at all. And during the x-ray part she laid really still & was super good. She let us turn her which ever way we needed no problem, & drank the crap they needed her to drink like a trooper. We got home I gave her the milk I pumped earlier & has been good all day. The radiologist confirmed she has reflux (thanks, do you think the fact that she spewed all over me right after the test clued him in?) and that they didn’t see anything else. That was actually useful and good news. So on Wednesday we go to a pediatric GI specialist. I have no idea what to expect from that. I'll keep you posted. More fun!

The Grind

I started back to work this week. Sigh. So far it’s actually OK. My schedule is Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, 20 hours a week. So it’s not like I’m only getting an hour w/my kids every night or something. That would SUUUCK! Anyway, I’m in the “honeymoon phase” still so it’s hard to tell how it’s really going. TS is already at preschool/daycare Monday & Wednesday so not really a big deal for her. Spending Thursday at G’ma’s is actually a bonus in her book, so I’m pretty sure she’s digging it. I wouldn’t be surprised if she starts telling me to go to work on my days off by sometime next week. I think BS wasn’t too happy about it on Monday. She was fine for my mom during the day. But when I got home all hell broke lose. Ok, hell didn’t exactly break lose; she just wanted to be held constantly. By me. Oh, and DS is away all week at a conference which means it’s just me in the evenings; cooking dinner, feeding kids, doing dishes, baths & bedtime routine. Soooooo wanting to be held constantly is not so easy until after 8 (when TS goes to bed). So work right now, not so much to do and kind of a vacation from the constant responsibility of my kids. But then I like the constant responsibility of my kids, even more then I like peeing alone which I can do at work, but not so much at home. The hardest part is that BS is really having a hard time w/the reflux now. It’s been getting worse and we’ve upped her meds and food intake (just rice cereal until the reflux gets under control). In some respects it has gotten better (volume) but over all she’s still spewing projectile vomit several times a day (I do more laundry…) and I can hear it “refluxing” in her esophagus all the time which it shouldn’t be doing as much, not on meds at least. So the doctor now wants her to have an upper GI and see a specialist, so being away from my baby when she’s not perfectly happy is hard. But at least she's with G'ma, right? Also today I’m having trouble staying awake. At home, not such a big deal. At work, falling asleep and drooling all over my desk probably frowned upon.

Breathless

I started back to work this week & will probably write about the chaos that is my life right now sometime tomorrow. You know, while at work when I actually have the time to do something like that. Also, I get to go to the restroom ALONE while there. What a novelty. However, I digress….

Just got a link to our friend’s photos. It was her daughter’s b-day & they had the party during the weekend I went to my SIL’s to crop, so I missed it. I think that was in August? Anyway she just posted the pix and this one caught my eye.

Actually, it took my breath away.

TS takes lots of photos in which (I think) she’s cute or pretty or sweet. Photos you can see her quirky personality in, or that she wasn’t really up for photos that day. There’s even one in this group where she looks so much like her father its sort of scary. (He would’ve been a good-looking girl, who knew?)

But this photo;

her hair’s a mess, her face is obscured by it, so you can’t really see how beautiful her blue eyes are and she’s not smiling or looking at the camera. I think it’s because it’s such an unexpected pose that I find that how stunningly beautiful she is and will be.

It is a picture such as this that I can see the women I believe she will become and it takes my breath away.

VACATIONING W/THE MOUSE

So Disneyland was everything I knew it would be: exciting, fun, crowded, stressful (family), exhausting, but mostly it was truly magical. There was more then one moment during last week when I wondered (again) why on earth I think these family vacations are a good idea. My mom, while mostly good intentioned, can be pretty disrespectful toward me, my husband isn’t always on great terms with the rest of my family, my toddler is, well she’s 3, isn’t that enough? I’m going to tell you about our last day & then you’ll know why it really was all worth it.

Random musings about trip: TS is 40” tall (who knew) and could pretty much ride anything she wanted and did. She is an E Ticket girl! Note roller coaster photos. We saw & talked to Terri Hatcher. She was at the park w/her daughter. Her daughter liked one of S’s toys and my mom had a conversation with her about said toy & where to find it. This was much less exciting then meeting the Princesses, the real stars, as you’ll read.

Disney somehow managed to make us feel like the park was catering specifically to us. I have to mention that ALL of the characters were unbelievable in their attention to our child. Even with long lines for the popular ones they took the time to have a conversation with them, big hugs, autographs and of course, pictures. On the drive down TS kept telling me she wanted to meet Goofy. (Recent focus of Mickey Mouse Club House episode.) We were having breakfast w/him & characters the next day so I knew we’d see him, but told her probably not till tomorrow. Wouldn’t you know it; we walk into the hotel lobby & guess who greets us? I mean I could’ve called ahead to ask for that & wouldn’t have gotten it. She was super excited & it was a great omen for our trip. This was the first time I got all teary.

We had a similar experience on day 3 when we went to see Pooh. I knew Pooh would be out (he’s the Mickey of Critter Country) so I told her we’d be seeing him and she asks for Eeyore. Who the heck asks for Eeyore??? I told her I didn’t know, but as we were in line to meet Pooh, Eeyore & Tigger come out and we had enough adults to double up in lines so we got done w/Pooh and went to meet the other two without much time in line at all. Amazing.

We did do lunch w/the princesses on Friday and it too was amazing, (note my overuse of the word amazing) & exhausting for us adults who were trying to gulp down our lunches while grabbing cameras & autograph books for the next one coming in. TS was awestruck & it was worth it. BUT Sleeping Beauty wasn’t there. Go Figure. So we kept trying to meet her in the park. Every time we’d get to where she comes out we’d find the line to already be closed off. Jeez, talk about a popular girl. So on the last day our focus was just to get this girl’s autograph, damit! We weren’t leaving till we got it. I had a good idea of her schedule (top of the hour) and location (right side of the castle) so we were on it. We got to the park & got in line. She’d just come out, whew, cool we will get this done & actually get to ride some rides before heading home. While we’re standing there Cinderella comes out, so TS goes running over to where she is, along with a dozen or so other girls & parents. Cinderella promptly grabs the hands of two girls dressed as Cinderella and Snow White & then tells Snow White to take TS’s hand and off they go across the castle area. I shout to DS to stay in line, grab the camera & we’re off, snapping pictures as we go! (Talk about an entourage!) I totally felt like the paparazzi or something. By the time we get to their location, Snow White has left & Cinderella (the character, not the other little girl) is now holding TS’s hand. The mother of the little girl dressed as Cinderella told her daughter to let TS go first so (big) Cinderella sits down and picks up TS, puts her in her lap and has a huge conversation with her. I. AM. DYING. I swear I practically peed myself. We get done with that & head back over to DS who has one person in front of him, so once again, very little waiting for TS, which means everyone is happy. She has a big conversation w/Sleeping Beauty as the line behind us is very short and Sleeping Beauty (Schlepping Booty as she is referred to in our house) feels she can take her time. How lucky are we???? We finish up with her and walk off to Snow White’s wishing well. I’m holding TS up to look in & we’re listening to the recording of Snow White signing, when Snow White herself walks up behind us and starts talking to TS. (I swear I practically crapped myself.) More hugs & pictures. We get done there and walk into Fantasyland and I burst into tears. Shit, I’m tearing up right now writing about it. I know I’m a complete dork, but I personally have vivid memories as a 3YO, and while TS may not really remember this, she just might. It turned out to be such an event in itself. I am so very glad to have gotten the opportunity to experience this through her eyes.

So like I said, it was a magical time.

5 Months

Yes, we're back from vacation. Since Sunday in fact, but this week has been crazy frantic: getting home from vacation, trying to get house in order, deal w/BS's current bout of reflux (not good), get ready To. Go. Back. To. Work. Next. Week. OMG! I know. Next Week. Sob. Get DS ready for his conference next week. Oh, and BS has decided that she's eating at 4 AM again now, so I'm doing all of this with no sleep. FUN!

Disneyland was amazing and fun, and everything I'd hoped it would be for TS. I'm dying to tell you all about it, but for now I need to post that BS is FIVE MONTHS today (well, yesterday cause I didn't get on here till now, midnight, but hey it's the thought, right?) To celebrate this she rolled over on the floor today (She's been rolling over, but only on soft high surfaces like bed. You know, just to freak her mother out.) I need to get to bed, but I must say, once again, she's amazing and fun and basically (except for this 4 AM thing) really easy going. 

Mouse House

So MamaSpeak, now that you’ve spent most of the night up w/a barfing baby what are you going to do?

I AM GOING TO DISNEYLAND!!!
I’ve always wanted to do that.

I would rather the thing I just finished not be most of a night (in which I should’ve been sleeping) with a barfing baby. Apparently, BabySpeak does not tolerate formula so hot any more. Poor thing has been really sick, she doesn’t even cry she just sits there as it comes up cause she’s so tired from it. Needless she’s sleeping in her bouncy chair tonight; i.e. –upright.

So we’re off to the Mouse House & to see the Fab Four (Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Belle & Snow White, of course. Duh!)

Be back in a few days, doubt if I’ll be blogging during this time (my mom might figure out my blog URL & then I’d be screwed.) So everyone get into the suitcase we’re leaving at 6AM sharp! 

Rock On

Guess what I did today?

I may have mentioned that my hubby works for a large biotech company? A very successful, large biotech? Well they celebrated their 30th anniversary today and hosted a company party. It was for employees and one adult guest (ok, you could bring kids between 10-21), lots of food, ice cream, BEER, drinks, (yes, all free,) etc…and the entertainment? Oh, the entertainment was the Foo Fighters, Bob Dylan, THE BLACK EYED PEAS and The Eagles. (I know you're impressed because that lineup pretty much covers most musical tastes. So while BEP might not mean much to you, I'll bet you're drooling over Dylan, or not.)

Um, yeah, my company let us host a potluck last Christmas, but only during our lunch break.

It’s good to be King. (And not so bad to be married to him either.)

Love

Scene: Kitchen table this AM. TS has just finished her pancakes, BS is sitting in my lap & I’m drinking my mocha.


TS: Getting up from her chair & coming over to me, eye level w/BS in my lap. Mama I love BS.

MS: BS loves you too. BS beams at TS (as usual).

TS: Hugging BS. She loves me too!
BS wraps her little arms around her sister’s neck & hugs back. Gawd, could you cry or what?

MS: I told you.

And I believe she truly does. Just wait till she starts crawling & gets into your Barbie’s honey.

Weekly Ramblings

Things I would’ve written about this week if I hadn’t been so damn tired:














BS has the reflux again. Bad. It’s been getting worse, but I kept thinking it would get better (I’ve been told it starts to end about 3-4 months—filthy liars!) She stopped sleeping though the night last Thursday because of it. Last night, instead of waking up in the middle of the night she just stayed up late unhappy (til midnight) and then got up at FIVE FUCKING AM!!! I know most parents of a 4 month old would be doing cartwheels over 5 strait hours of sleep. But my child has been doing stints of 10+ until that and I would very much like her to go back to that please. We finally started her on reflux meds 2 days ago. Already her spitting up (which also has been getting progressively worse) has slowed way down. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

BS had her 4 month appointment. She’s 50% in length (24”) and 10% (almost) in weight (11 lbs 15 oz.) She’s petite. We saw some friends this week who have a baby exactly two months younger and they’re the same size! After that, I was little nervous the doctor was going to get on me about her size, (mom guilt) but not at all. Whew! They suggested that the reflux issues might have to do with her intake of food being more, but her stomach not being stretched out yet, if she prone to it coming up anyway, then this will just contribute.

BS also started “solid food” (i.e.—very soupy rice cereal) this week. She’s so ready to eat its kind of funny; she does the thing where she opens her mouth when you’re opening yours to put food in. She’s so tiny; it’s like dude I so wouldn’t give this to you anyway! Dr suggested we stick w/rice cereal until reflux is fully under control so as not to make it worse w/acid from food.

TS is doing great in her new school. I get notes from the teacher about how she’s just fallen right in w/the class, she’s “super-polite, extremely good at sharing, taking turns and following directions. They just love having her there.” I’m really proud of her. Of course, she makes me feel like crap cause every time I pick her up and ask her about her day she tells me “I didn’t play with S, he isn’t there”. S is her best buddy from her old school. Say it with me: Mom Guilt. (I know, I know, she’ll be fine.)








BS is being baptized the first weekend of October and my mother is driving me nuts over it. She calls me like 3x a day (at least) over it. She’s sure I won’t send out the invites correctly, or clean up my house or order the wrong food... I don’t know why she thinks it’s ok to say the things she says, (cause they're rude at best) but she does. I’m trying to just flow with it and ignore her, I have bigger fish to fry (like the fact that I will be starting back to work that week, DS will be away all week at a conference and the outlaws will be staying with us—each of those things on their own frag me out, so OHMYGOD!!!) It’s definitely more her thing then mine and she’s just excited right? But SIL pointed out that she tends to get her way on this stuff because that’s what we all do; we let her roll over us because we get tired of hearing it. (Just like my MIL!!!) So true, I’m sure I’ll tell her off in the next couple days and you’ll get to hear about it.

DS has some really exciting stuff going on at work. It's super great for him, tons of visablity and a really big deal (I think) but it also means he's been really busy.

I start work in like 2 weeks and I’m Freaking. The. F. Out. over it. I don't want to talk about it. But we will. Later. (Trust me it’s probably all we’ll be talking about soon.)

I’m going to Disneyland in FIVE days! Yeah

I’m going to bed now.

Baking w/the Toddler Set

Baked cupcakes the other afternoon w/TS, she’s quite the little helper and I let her like the mixer blades after we’re done. However, now that she knows the drill she has trouble waiting until we’re done and want to start said licking of utensils during the process of making them. As my SIL likes to say, "A little love and snot in every bite." Anyway, I told TS for like the third time not the lick the spatula, etc…as I was spooning mix into the muffin tins and she says very loudly w/the windows open:
(remember my daughter goes to speech therapy)

But Mommy I want to lick your (s)poon.

DS on the floor laughing.

Abigail Medina

When I first signed up to write this my thought was that I would track down some family members and ask them to tell me about Abby. What she was like, what her day was like, who she was to them, etc…My goal was to write a tribute detailing the life of Abby, there is so much focus on how all of these people died, but really what’s more important is to remember how they lived. I’m afraid I haven’t had much luck in locating contact information for her family. I did find this, which was written by her husband (I think sometime in 2002). So I know that she was a daughter, sister, aunt, wife and mother. I know she was a Christian, and it seems that she had strong beliefs (she taught Sunday school to the preschoolers). I know that her family has found comfort in knowing that “She can no longer feel pain, and she is worshipping at the feet of her just and powerful God.” Which I think is actually a lot to know.

I’m not much of a sleuth, but then I haven’t been able to dedicate the time required to be honest. Since Abby was a mom I think she’d understand. I have much in common with her. I am the mom of two daughters. My girls are still very young (3 years & 4 months) but from the comments I’ve been able to find on some existing tribute sites I know that Abby was close to her daughters. They’re in their mid-twenties now (they were 14 & 17 in 2001). I am sure they miss her greatly. Wow is that the understatement of the year. I know that for me my biggest fear in life is that I will die too soon. What’s “too soon”? That I’ll miss some of my children’s life. I know that I will miss part of it, but that’s (supposed to be) so very far away. I want to see them go through their school years, and graduate from college. I want to see them get married and have children. I want to meet my grandchildren. I want to watch my daughters become mothers. I want to watch my children go through their successes and failures in life and be better people for it. And I want to be there to help them along and hopefully help them learn how to be happy in life. I think this is the wish of all moms. Abby missed some of that and it’s not fair. It’s not fair to her and it’s not fair to her daughters (or her husband, brothers, sisters, parents…she had a big family). I know, “life’s not fair”. But that doesn’t mean her life being cut short isn’t incredibly sad. I could write this tribute and talk about the events of 9/11 and how the world has changed, but Abby (and most of the others who died that day) were not aware of the why or even the how the world was changing at that moment. Think about it, none of us really were.

What I think is important is that we give a thought to those who were lost and how very much we miss them in our lives now. I believe they know we’re thinking of them and hopefully Abby is smiling knowing that even though I never met her, she has touched my life in a small way and that today along with many others, I’m thinking of her.

Upcoming Memorials

Remember I mentioned the 9/11 memorials coming up?

You should check this out. It's a cool blog idea beside the fact of how cool it is that these kids are taking part in the memorial.

Weekend Update

DS has a big presentation tomorrow and has commandeered the computer for the last week. No weekend off over here folks. He worked all weekend (Saturday from home) and I continued to coral kids. I did get an hour reprieve to run to the grocery store alone on Saturday. Wohoo! Living on the edge I tell you. So all of that means no posting for me and I’m ridiculously behind in my blog reading, so this is going to be short. I have my priorities you know.

TS starts her new school tomorrow and I’m nervous for her. I’m sure it will be fine, but she was so happy at her old school and I’m feeling major guilt over changing her. Will keep you posted on how it goes.

DS just came downstairs, he’d already headed up to bed (I’m not far behind) and taps me on the shoulder (I'm in the process of typing this):

MS: You need back on here?

DS: No, check it out (points to his face)

MS: What?

He takes my hand & runs it on his cheek

MS: You shaved? Nice (uh, ok, you shave all the time)

DS: I shaved w/5 MF’ing blades is what I’m talking about (cracks up)

He got some free razor in the mail the other day.

MS: So what, did you take a few layers of skin off too? You are a dork.

But I do have to say, it was smooth as a baby’s butt (and I know baby’s butts these days.)