On being a Mom

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately about this topic. As I’ve mentioned, things at work have been less then stellar. They aren’t horrible. In fact, all things considered, it’s still running pretty smoothly. The reality is that I’m not really into being here at work. And I’m honest enough with myself to know it’s not the job, it’s me. I’d rather be someplace else; at home. Not just at home, but at home with my babies. I also think I mentioned that DS said I could make this move if I wanted to. That sounds like such an odd way to put it. If you know me IRL you know that asking my husband for permission in a job related topic is way out of the norm for me. Once upon a time, in a former life, I was career minded! I was making the big bucks (relatively), traveling the world, making decisions regarding hundreds of thousands of dollars. I was a platinum member of United’s frequent flyers. Truth be told I got burned out on all of this way before any babies came along. But the choice to leave my job; aka—my paycheck, is something that affects us as a family. Our lifestyle would have to change, so to a degree I am asking him permission. There was a time in my life when working full time and being a mom would’ve been necessary. I would not have been as good of a mom if I felt I wasn’t being fulfilled in the areas related to my career. That’s part of how I know I had my kids at the right time in my life. I’ve had the opportunity to “accomplish” many of those career goals. I realized that some of them were very short-lived and hollow. I’m not disregarding them. Those goals were important for me. For my self-esteem, I needed to go that route to grow as a person and have a better sense of myself. My “career-minded” self accomplished a lot in a very short period of time. I’m proud of her; she’s smart, hard-working, well-traveled. All those things helped shape the person I am now. They help define the kind of mom I am to my girls and the way in which I hope to raise them. I’m a huge proponent of mom’s who work outside the home (all mom’s work). I think it’s really important for our daughters to have strong role models, both inside and outside the home. But I also realize that jobs are just that, jobs. A company will lay you off at a moments notice if that’s what they have to do to make the bottom line. Twenty years of service to a company (ha, who works anywhere for more then 2 years anymore?) will get a (fake) gold watch, and that’s about it. Twenty years of raising my daughters, will get me…I’m not sure how to put it into words. Memories.

The bottom line is this; I am going to quit my job. We need to sit down with a financial planner and put together a solid budget. Something realistic. hahahahahhaha. We may need to refinance or pay off our rental property or something, I’m not sure, but we have the means to make this happen and we will make it happen. I realized recently that while this last year has been hard at times, I’m not going to get it back. TS and BS will only be this size once and they need me. I want this. I will never put this on my girls as some sacrifice I made for them, it’s entirely for me. I can’t get this time back, and God forbid, if I found out tomorrow that my time on this earth was more limited then I originally thought the first thought in my head would not be “I wish I’d worked more”. I know it will be I need more time with my family, especially those girls.