Big Girl Bed

There are no more babies in my house.
Only children who sleep in regular beds.

Sigh.

I'm going to go smell our neighbor's newborn now; so my ovaries can ache along with my heart.

Am I Overthinking this?

So yeah, it's been rough this last week or so. In-laws are visiting now, so I'm getting some help, but generally I'm wondering if I should've just had the surgery and missed a few things, but been done with it. I knew I'd do this though, and I have a date set, so I just need to suck it up and take lots of pictures, right?

LittleSpeak has gone 4 nights in a row of staying bed. Wahoo!!! I give her a gummy in the morning if she stays in bed all night & it seems to be working. It was also working for her seatbelt until today. Bah! I knew the gummy would be short-lived as a motivator, but I'd hoped she'd be mature enough to at least deal w/her seatbelt when it did. Silly me. I've seen the kiddie shrink 2x now and one thing I brought up is that I think LittleSpeak may have some sensory issues. I'll explain why in a minute, but upon looking for a tool to help keep the seatbelt on her I'm reading more and more stuff that really sounds like her AND falls into the realm of sensory issues. Her shrink agreed w/me that it does sound like that might be the part of the problem but suggested to me that if I had her tested she's not really sure what I'd do with that information. Upon some of the reading I just did I'm wondering how good this kiddie shrink really is, it's pretty apparent there are quite a few tools for the things that LittleSpeak seems to have issues with, which, one would think, she ought to know.

Here's the the clues I've gotten about possible sensory issues with her; she doesn't want to be restricted in any way, shape or form; includes clothing, sock & shoes, seatbelts, etc... This escalating to that point that she won't wear certain kinds of clothing now and the seatbelt in the car is a constant battle (she can get it off). She has been complaining a lot lately about things beeing too loud, even when they arent'. She also wants a blanket or 3 on her to sleep. I understand wanting that sense of weight I'm the same way to a degree, but I'm beginning to feel that she needs that sense of weight on her in order to settle down. The waking up in the middle of the night could be because she didn't have the weight on her and it was freaking her her out. I believe I'm going to make the phone calls tomorrow to have her tested. If she's not great! If she is, I don't want to make her suffer, especially not when I know there are tools to help her deal with it.

Of course, there's a part of me that's concerned that I'm totally being a helicoper mom and overthinking some pretty normal toddler stuff. If you know anything about sensory issues leave me your email, I'd love to talk/write to you.

Another Reason for my nomination to Mother of the Year

Does the relief I feel when I’m away from my child make me a bad mom?

Perhaps relief isn’t really a strong enough word to describe it. Little Speak She’s LOVES it. I have to remind her to kiss me goodbye when I drop her off. And when I pick her up I get a look that says, “oh, you’re still around?”

On Tuesdays, I work in BigSpeak’s (BS) class so I only have about an hour sans kids, but Thursday? Glorious, beautiful Thursday? That’s my new favorite day of the week. I get 3, count them, 3 glorious child-free hours on Thursday. And at the end of those 3 hours, I get 3 hours of just BS. In some respects, that practically child-free. My stress level has dropped exponentially this week. I actually made it to dinner 3 nights this week (I usually pass out in pain, waiting for the pain pills to take effect w/in 10 mins of Daddy Speak (DS) getting home.) Having time away from LS is making me a better mom. I can’t say she isn’t still driving me insane, but actually getting a true break from her is making a world of difference.

Things with her, have gotten so bad that our pediatrician actually referred us to a “behaviorist:” read: kiddie shrink. Ironically, I believe, (on my own,) I discovered my child’s kryptonite: Gummies. Today she peed in the potty for one, (that was the ground shaking you felt) and I’ve gotten through 3 days w/out having to pull the car over because she’d taken off her seatbelt (yes, she’s in a 5-point harness, but this kid is wicked smart, has incredible motor skills and determined is too mild a word to describe her.) Whenever she starts to pull the seatbelt off, which is often these days, (she hates restraint on any level,) I pull the car over and put it back on. If we have the time, I just sit until she sees fit to put it back on herself. But this week, I promised a gummy if she kept the belt on for a whole ride to the grocery store and it worked. So as long as it works, I’ll bribe her. All hail the Halloween Gods! I’ll pay for the dental work if it means it’ll help me keep my kid safe enough to be alive to have the dental work done.

I realize as I'm writing this that there’s a lot going on w/LS and it’s a large part of the reason the pain in my back has been so bad. It’s been so bad that I haven’t been up to writing about it. Now that I’m getting a few hours to rest, I’m seeing the forest for the trees and you‘ll be getting to hear more about it. I won’t be winning any awards for mom of the year, but when you hear some of this stuff, you’ll be amazed that I haven’t paid the gypsies to take her. I guess I'm hopeful that I can teach her to use her powers for good instead of evil. So far, I seem to be losing that battle.

The really scary part: she’s only TWO. I can NOT imagine what the teenage years are going to be like.

Life

I know it's been awhile. My back has been bad. I'm scheduled for surgery on Dec. 30th. I know, Happy New Year. We know how to celebrate 'round here. I had an exam with the neurosurgeon week before last and it really screwed things up. I was doing better before that, but in January I should be "over it". Right? I'm hopeful.

LittleSpeak is still on a roll. She's good as long as she's getting your full attention and you're doing something she really wants to be doing; playing outside, at Pump It Up, gymnastics, etc... If not, well all bets are off. The last two nights she has finally slept the full nights; we've been through 2 months of her trying to get us to let her sleep in our bed. Two-three times a night she'll wake up screaming for us. She was coming into our room so we put a gate in her doorway. Each of these episodes consists of us putting her back to bed 6-8 times. It makes for long nights. It's been weird, both my girls have always been such good sleepers and now, out of the blue, she pulls this. Knock on wood, I think we're done with this episode.

All things considered, I have finally decided to put her into preschool. I signed her up for two full days a week. Once I have my surgery I'll need to have someone to watch her during the two weeks following, so I figured it made sense to set her expectation now. I've taken her over there 2x this week and let her play with the kids and she's had fun, so hopefully she won't give me too hard a time about it. DaddySpeak will be home the week of the surgery and my folks will pitch in to help watch the girls, but it's a six week recovery, so I need some other soloutions too. Having her in school will give all of us a break. I'm also hopeful that being in school will also maybe get her to chill out a bit too.

There have been a lot of things going on, holidays and all, but one of the bigest things is that I'll start to feel better, but then I do something and end up laid up for a couple days. So we did make it to the pumpkin patch, and BigSpeak's school's Halloween Festival, things like that, but after each of those things I've ended up a mess for a couple days. So that's the reason for my absence. I have lots of things to blog about and hopefully I'll be starting to feel better so that I can tell you about them.

Yes. We. Can. Yes. We. Did. And, Yes. We. Will.

I know it's old, but it encompasses a lot of my emotions right now.

The Change I Believe In

I'm so very excited right now. DaddySpeak and I are watching the election coverage, along w/so very many other people we know. I know this because I'm on Facebook, and so are many of my friends. The social colective in this milenium. I would never have thought I'd actually plan to watch this on purpose. Usually on election night I would turn the tv off, or watch a movie, because who really wants to watch election coverage? Tonight, I do.

For the first time, in a very, very long time, I am proud to call myself an American. Tonight my country came through on it's promises. It proved to my generation that all those times our parents told us that we could be "anything we want" they spoke the truth. I can't begin to imagine how it feels to be an African American right now. We are witnesing history tonight and I am so very proud of my country.