Return of the Mommy (Speak)

Nothing like a little free publicity to get one off her arce & write. So, thanks to SheKnows.com & Sherri Kuhn for kicking my arce to get back on the horse again. (Even if you didn't realize you were providing that service.)

It's been awhile, (February,) since I last posted. At that time, I was in a really dark place. In my defense, that last post was written during a time in which, I was weened from one set of meds, but not yet on the next group. Proof, that regardless of what I might think, they really do seem to be helping. Since then, things have improved dramatically. (That's the understatement of the year.) I've been meaning to update, but so much has happened that it felt overwhelming. I was also busy, trying to catch up on all the life I feel like I've been missing out on.

Long story short; in April I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's aka - hypothyroid.
Since then, I've lost 25 lbs, (still have at least 30 to go). I have long periods without pain. Yes, you read that correctly, without pain. I have energy to do stuff. Meaning, I'm not napping while kids are at school, just so I can get through the afternoon when they're home. Yeah, it is like I'm a different person. As you might imagine, a lot has happened, so I have find to tell you.  Most of that will have to wait. Right now, I just wanted to let you know I'm alive & doing REALLY WELL. And that I'm back.

This...

Saw my rheumatologist this week.  It was disappointing in that he doesn't seem open to alternative medicine; acupuncture. I didn't bring up chiropractic with him. I'm torn on this, I'm not having good success w/acupuncture, but I know people who do, so I was hoping he'd have insight or referrals. Also, his response was so overwhelming negative it made me wonder if he's the best fit for me.  I want to be able to get meds to help when I need them; pain pills. But I don't want someone who just wants to throw pills at it & call it good either. So after he got done ripping apart that, he did decided to change up the prescriptions I am taking. So far, I'm not real happy about this. My sleep has been pretty sketchy lately anyway, this was enough to throw it completely off kilter. Below is what was supposed to be a text to my mom this morning. It got too long, so now it's an email & blog post. I know it rambles, that's what its like to be in my head right now.
Note: 3AM is the time I was up past last night. I've been averaging 2 AM pretty regularly this last week.
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3AM.  & I was wired. 

I'm calling my dr. & telling him I'm backing off of the decrease in both drugs. I'm decreasing the P & changing over, but I'm not messing w/the E at the same time. 

I feel like I'm on adrenalin (not my energy level, more like my awake level,) & any second it's going wear off & I'm going to crash. My pain level is on it too. Not just my back, my neck & ankle feel worse than that, this morning. It's like they're amped up.  Actually, it would be more accurate to describe it like, I have crashed, & I'm in that space where you can see it, but you're waiting to see where you'll feel it. 

I know it's something w/the drugs, bc my inner voice (not the nice one,) has turned itself up. And it turns out it has a crazy evil twin. I'm not hearing voices, (now i do sound crazy,) it's more like those thoughts you have; doubting/worrying yourself, well they've amped up too. I'm feeling anxiety I guess. Not in the sense of a panic, more in the sense of non-rational thoughts slipping in here & there. I don't want to detail them, or you will think I'm crazy. I think them & then immediately wonder where the heck THAT came from. I know they're not rational, so that makes me not crazy. (Right?)

I need help w/the mundane. I'm not getting it all done & I'm stressed about it. I hate asking for help bc I'm not the only one w/issues, but I am on the cusp of that overwhelmed anxiety feeling. I hate this. So maybe I'm having panicky anxiety, I just can't see the forest for the trees or something. (& now I feel like this is rambling & all over the place. Probably bc it is) 

I'm going to try & sleep now, maybe my thoughts will be less rambling after a few more hours.