Return of the Mommy (Speak)

Nothing like a little free publicity to get one off her arce & write. So, thanks to SheKnows.com & Sherri Kuhn for kicking my arce to get back on the horse again. (Even if you didn't realize you were providing that service.)

It's been awhile, (February,) since I last posted. At that time, I was in a really dark place. In my defense, that last post was written during a time in which, I was weened from one set of meds, but not yet on the next group. Proof, that regardless of what I might think, they really do seem to be helping. Since then, things have improved dramatically. (That's the understatement of the year.) I've been meaning to update, but so much has happened that it felt overwhelming. I was also busy, trying to catch up on all the life I feel like I've been missing out on.

Long story short; in April I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's aka - hypothyroid.
Since then, I've lost 25 lbs, (still have at least 30 to go). I have long periods without pain. Yes, you read that correctly, without pain. I have energy to do stuff. Meaning, I'm not napping while kids are at school, just so I can get through the afternoon when they're home. Yeah, it is like I'm a different person. As you might imagine, a lot has happened, so I have find to tell you.  Most of that will have to wait. Right now, I just wanted to let you know I'm alive & doing REALLY WELL. And that I'm back.

ART & INSPIRATION

My current new addiction online is Pintrest.  If you haven't been there, and you have a life, you may not want to visit.  It's a huge time suck!  Because it's totally made of AWESOME!   A friend described it as a "glossy magazine, but on the internet."  I think that's fairly accurate.  I've acquired some great ideas that I've actually used.  It's mostly kids related stuff, that I've executed on;  holiday food treats.  These have been great because they're super easy & get a lot of bang for not much buck. There's quite a few jokes floating around about all the pinning that gets done, but no one actually executes on anything they see.  I'm telling you now, that's not true.
My point is I spend some time on Pintrest, file that little fact away for now.

Also, I'm still very active w/my digital scrap booking.  I even went to what I would call a "users group" in Las Vegas in October. (AKA - SpragueFest) Cranked out my yearly album before Christmas as usual. As you may have guessed, Pintest is a great resource for different ideas, layouts, inspiration.

Still following me?  Good.

Related: Did you know, I collect quotes?  You probably didn't because it's not something you go around telling people.  But I do.  I love fonts & quotes.  LOVE THEM!!   Pintrest has given me a huge medium to find and share new quotes. I have found my tribe of font & quote collectors.   We enable each other on Pintrest!  I recently combined my love of digital graphics with my love for fonts & quotes.  I found an example of  "XX Ways to Stay Creative" in my ongoing search for new quotes.  There are a few versions of this going around, thus the XX instead of a number.  I thought it would be a great thing to have to hang on the wall in the art studio.  So I made my own version in subway sign style.  I let the girls pick the color & printed it at Costco.  (Good prices for poster boards!  And BTW, great quality.  I print all my photos, scrapbook pages, etc... there.)  Then, I posted my finished digital file on Pintrest to share.  As of 1/9/12, it has been repinned almost 50x!  I've included the file below.  (Easier to read then taking a pix of the one hanging in the studio.  Art Studio sounds way cooler than art room, don't you think?)  I love that something I made and love spoke to so many other people.  The ways I put to be creative are, I think, very in-tune w/both my girls personalities.  I'm thrilled that other people were inspired by it enough, that they wanted to save & share it. It makes my heart happy.

Ok, carry on.  

Little side note; Whenever I read it, the part that says, "Collaborate" & "Listen to New Music."  In my brain, it is always sung as the Vanilla Ice song, "Stop! Collaborate & Listen!" (Now, you have the ear worm too.  My work here is done.)

All I Want For Christmas Is A Full Night's Sleep

So Mir, wrote this post that pretty much encompasses how I'm feeling right now. 

Since beginning of November, (right after our trip to Maui,) I've been feeling overwhelmed.  It's been building and is more or less coming to a head this week.  I'm averaging about 4 hours of sleep a night.  Six day of this, so I'm kinda a mess right now. 

Required Annual Santa Pix
Check!

Usually, I'm more or less done w/my shopping by December First.  This year, I started my list on Monday.  December 5.  Gah!  I'm pretty organized about it, Thank Gawd!  If I wasn't I'd probably be institutionalized by now.  I have spreadsheet of everyone I buy for and add new columns for each year.  It has columns for item purchased, budgeted amount & actual dollars spent. I can see how much we're spending each year and where we can cut back if needed.  But, this year, I'm having trouble w/what to get everyone.  I've sat staring at the list for several nights now.  I'm working on it, and it's getting done, but I'm nervous that it's ALL going to happen before the actual holiday.  I'm pretty sure the gifts that have to be sent are either going to be way over budget (shipping charges,) or be more like New Year's gifts.  Maybe even Lunar New Year, at the pace I"m keeping.  I'm also doing a lot of online ordering bc I can't get away from my kids.  My Fibro isn't great (lack of sleep and cold weather contributing,) so I've managed to go on three shopping trips so far.  (1 a day.)

Part of my problem is that my mom is one of those people who thinks Christmas should be nothing short of a "Norman Rockwell-esk" event.  (It's been drilled into me, and I'm getting over it, but old habits die hard.)  A few years back, us kids rebelled & told my mom to pick a day BEFORE Christmas to celebrate as a family. (She goes nuts w/the amount of gifts they bestow on the kids, so it takes a while to get through them all.)  We were tired of getting up at the butt-crack of dawn to do Santa gifts & rush through our families' opening of gifts on Christmas morning. Just so that we could rush through gifts at her house before all the extraneous relatives showed up.  We were lucky to have a cup of coffee, much less breakfast during those years.  Moving it to an earlier date, has taken some of the heat off, but not all. 

It's also important that we participate in several family traditions.  I'm not taking issue w/these.  For the most part, I want to do this stuff and want my girls to have these experiences.  Mostly, I'm just bitching bc it's my blog and I can, (neener-neener- neener,) and bc this is part of what makes me feel like I'm going to lose my ever-loving mind.  There are three "must-do" Christmas related activites: 1) Christmas in the Park, 2) Nutcracker Ballet and 3) Christmas baking.   This year, BigSpeak's brownie troop took part in a special showing of the Nutcracker, so we got to go to a tour of the back stage, costumes and props departments before the performance.  Had an hour dinner break, and then got to see the actual performance.  (I'm pretty sure, it was their dress rehearsal.)   Kudos to the Girl Scouts for arranging that one for me.  Christmas baking has become my thing in the past few years.  Not because I love to bake, but because I have best kitchen for all of us to work in.  I mentioned to DaddySpeak that the baking event is occurring Saturday, and he rolled his eyes & muttered under his breath.  (I believe that he feels about Christmas the same as what he feels toward Disney.  Told you I married the anti-Christ. I think Christmas would be okay, but it comes right in the middle of college football AND basketball seasons! Yeah, he's not real motivated to participate in anything else.)  I told him the girls had actually been pestering me about doing it.  To which he replied, he was fine with it, but he's not fine w/how I'm always wreaked for days after.  And he's right.  I had already purchased a "gingerbread village" for the girls to put together & decorate.  (All they really care about is the decorating anyway.)  I decided that I'm not going to bake.  I might use some refrigerator dough & cook a few batches, maybe.  I'll helping the girls decorate.  No one cares if I make cookies or not. Except my mom, so I'm not telling her till she gets here.  Not participating in the actual baking would throw off her Rockwell vibe.  The last thing is "Christmas in the Park."  It's really cool and we try to get to it every year, but it is the same every year.  Last year my parents were upset that we weren't taking the girls, so they took them.  I liked that version.  I think they should continue doing that & make it the new tradition.  Personally, I'm not all that into hanging out in the cold.  A few years ago, DaddySpeak and I mapped out the best local decorated houses & take the girls to see them.  We've hit Vasona's Fantasy of Lights, in past years, but it's pretty crowded & it had more cache w/the girls when they were younger.    I think there's something extra cool about seeing a house or entire street all decorated.  Even though we know it's there, there's still something unexpected about it, that makes it seem cooler.

I hadn't written anything, bc I was feeling so overwhelmed.  Maybe getting it all out there will help and I'll start sleeping again. 

My New CopyWriter...

I always take a quick peek, before bed, to see what Mir has posted. She's the writer I aspire to be; witty, pithy, funny...She's been having a rough time of it lately, and she's shared a lot of it with us. I know she doesn't share it all, she's good at setting boundaries for what is and isn't her story to tell. (Something I probably need to work on.) When I read the paragraph below, my mouth hit the ground; I've struggled to articulate where I'm at, why I'm frustrated and how lost it makes me all feel. Here she is putting it into a short paragraph, when I took up pages. The paragraphs after are my comments to her. Though, I kind of feel like I ought to give her crap for not writing this a day earlier. Would've saved all of us a lot of time and stress, no?

"I am somewhat prone to those sorts of rages. Sometimes I think I majored in righteous indignation in college. As we muddle through helping Monkey and the school deal with his meltdowns, every bewildered “He just gets so ANGRY” from someone who doesn’t quite get it is a little knife in my heart. Anger is a shielding emotion. It’s much easier to be angry than to be sad. Misery is vulnerable; outrage is invincible. I know why Monkey gets mad—being pissed at everyone still feels like being in control, while admitting that you feel lost and hopeless is a free-fall."

This paragraph is me right now. It's me I'm angry with; me and this damn FM. I'm angry w/everyone who doesn't understand, because I feel these are the people who should understand and should help me. I know, in my heart, they are doing the best that they can do. But the fact that I need more, make me sad, and scared...and angry.

I'm glad you have Otto, and I have my husband, who for all the bitching I do about him, is my rock in all of this. (And puts up with all my bitching.) I constantly apologize to him too. I can't understand why he puts up with me and all my shite. He wasn't family, he choose to be here, knowing what he was getting at the time too. (Mostly knowing, nobody really knows till you're physically living with it.) I know when he says he's not leaving he's not, it's just hard to believe when so many others do.

Thanks for giving a voice to feelings I have so much trouble expressing on my own.
Here's to the end of the week, and a large glass of wine.

Yes, I've Drunk the Koolaid

I've drunk the Weight Watchers (WW) koolaid & read the bible. I can even give you all their answers on this new program. The answers are not all the much different from the old answers, just the points are different. I could teach the program if I was at my goal weight, but I'm not.

So in a conversation on Twitter with Bored Mommy, (BM) today I was was imparting my WW wisdom 140 characters at a time. Dr. Browne even told me I was giving good advice. Too bad, I have such trouble in the practice sense of practicing my wisdom. Typing it all down 140 characters at a time was probably giving me carpal tunnel or something, so I decided to actually get on here & write it all down using a keyboard.

The topic came up as BM complaining that she only lost TWO pounds in her second week on the program. She was sort of disappointed with this number, stating, "I know it's not realistic, but I'm hoping for more like 'Biggest Loser' numbers." In her post, on her blog, she indicated that the second week of a diet,

But it’s the week where I always realize the size of the mountain that I need to climb to get to the end, because no matter how great I do during week one, week two will always be a smaller number, in terms of a weight loss.

She also bought up that she "cheated" (her word, not mine) by having a scone & french fries during the week. I take issue with the word cheating, but I'll take that on in a minute. Lastly,
she wrote:

This is where the whole mental thing really comes in for me. I tell myself that I can’t do it, because I have SO MUCH WEIGHT to lose. The negative talk in my head is non-stop and really kind of pathetic. I kick myself when I’m down at every turn. I wish I only had to lose 15-20lbs so I wouldn’t feel so damned overwhelmed every time I think about it. I’m really trying to think positive, but I’m kind of a weight loss failure, if you haven’t noticed. I totally suck at it, because mentally, I just tell myself it can’t happen.

Wow, where do I start?
My original comment to her was that I couldn't believe she does a weigh in on Monday?!? As a professional dieter, (No, I don't get paid for it, but I don't get paid to be a mom either, and no one questions that title.) I know that Monday is probably the worst day to have your weekly weigh in. Why? (And you're asking why, you are probably a skinny bitch who has never dieted & I sort of hate you right now, but whatever, pass the chocolate.) It is most likely that if you're going to really go off program it will happen on a weekend. You need some recovery time. Monday weigh in, gives you no recovery time. You think I have the wrong attitude? Maybe, but I also believe in not setting myself up to fail. If I had to weigh in on Mondays I would be more likely not to go. If I don't go, then I stop doing the program. It's a slippery slope folks. I weigh in on a Wednesday. I go to meetings to weigh in too. BM is using the online program, which is good, no doubt, but there's reason why people who go to meetings are more likely to stick with it and lose faster.
There are a couple things about meetings that are really important, accountability and positive reinforcement. Going to a meeting every week give me a solid stop/start time for each week. If I need to mentally clear myself from what I feel was a bad week, I can do that at my meeting. I know what the damage was, often no where near what I think, and I can move forward. The other important thing about meetings is positive reinforcement. All of the following are things you should be hearing at every meeting:

1. It's NOT a diet, it's a lifestyle.
2. You CAN eat anything you want. You just have to decide where you want your points to go.
   
3. Sometimes, it's not about losing weight. Sometimes it's about maintaining, or not gaining more than a certain amount. (Think vacation.)

The biggest thing I think you get from going to the meetings is seeing that you are NOT alone. It CAN be done and that it just takes time. The meetings I go to are actually fun. Our leader should being doing stand up, which is awesome for us. The more fun it is, the more likely you are to go. I've noticed too, that if I'm having an emotionally bad day, and my weigh in isn't what I hoped, sometimes just hearing of others success can boost me. What can I say, I'm lemming. Another benefit to going to meetings is that we share information. We bring in food (wrappers) that we find are low in points and still yummy, and pass them around. We write the number of points on them & tell each other what stores carry those products. The leaders aren't supposed to encourage this, WW is a business and they are employees after all. But it's been a huge benefit for me to know of things my family won't turn their nose up at because they see WW on the package and assume it's "diet food." (We also have a Trader Joe's sharing our parking lot, so many of us do our grocery shopping right after the meeting.) We also share about things that are crap. Sometimes, something good suddenly changes it's portion size or whatnot, and someone will notice and make sure the rest of us are aware. Power in number people.

As to address the idea of only losing two pounds in the second week, wow, talk about an uphill battle. If you're feeling that way on week two, I find it hard to believe you're going to stick to it. We need something to make you feel good about when it comes to this topic. Listen, any weight loss program that's works won't have you losing more than half a pound to a pound a week. Yes, the first week is usually a bigger number. And if you have a very large amount to lose, then it's not unrealistic to lose more every week, a la-Biggest Loser. The truth is, you didn't gain this weight over night, you're not going to lose it over night. If you do lose it overnight, it's very likely it'll pop right back on. It's not healthy for your body to yo-yo, and quick gains or losses fall into the yo-yo category. Instead of focusing on the big number at the end, figure out your 5% number and focus on that. Once you reach that goal, focus on the next 5%. If you do it in little steps like that, it's way less intimating. It also can help with things like going on vacation. You gain a few pounds, but instead of beating yourself up, you focus on getting back to that 5% goal. Totally doable. Gives you things to celebrate too.

"Cheating"
If you truly want to lose weight and keep it off, you need to change your thinking. That's your biggest hurdle; Not losing weight, not staying away from Starbucks. Those things will benefit your weight loss, but you'll gain it back, if you don't change the way you think about yourself and your body. (I told you I've drunk the koolaid.) There is no such thing as "cheating" on WW. You can, and SHOULD eat what you want. If you don't, you'll go off of it. Once you've lost the weight, you aren't "going off" the program, are you? If you do, you'll just gain it back, you know. If you deprive yourself of the things you like, you will stop doing the program. I can tell you that without a doubt. WW gives you an extra amount of points every week so you can have those things. You have to choose how you want to do that. It may mean that you can only have your white mocha two times a week, or maybe a tall instead of a vente. (Guess you can tell where my extra points go.) It's your choice. The bottom line is that what you were doing wasn't working. What you were doing caused you to gain the weight in the first place. Or it wasn't helping you lose it, at least. When you've lost all the weight, you can't go back to what you were doing before, or you'll end up back where you started. Give yourself a chance to succeed. Allow yourself to have the things you want, it's not cheating. It's living. Just choose to be healthier too.
I have a whole deal on exercise too. But I'm going to let this sink in right now. Key take aways from this:

• Be Nice To Yourself.
• Allow Yourself The Things You Love.
• Set Yourself Up to Succeed.

Weight -The Back Story (AKA-How To Make A Short Story Long)

I know I've mentioned my weight before. Ever since this back problem started, and the shots and the steroids, blah, blah, blah... I always thought that the weight I gained would come off easily once I was able to get moving again on a regular basis. Maybe, once I get down to a certain weight that will be the case? I don't know. I have a theory right now about how your body responds to weight loss/gain.

If you're in a mode where your body is gaining weight you're more likely to gain it. If you're in a mode where your body is losing, you'll be more likely to lose.

Huh? I know, when I typed that I was like, "Well, that sounded brilliant. Jeez." What I mean is that when your body is already in the process of gaining weight or holding onto it, you're more likely to gain weight. Your body is responding to your need to make sure you have enough stockpiles of energy. Even if you're already overweight, you're body is in the mode of holding onto the supplies you put in, so it's going to keep doing that till you teach it differently. Same with losing weight. If your body is in the mode of burning it's supplies, it will continue to do so, unless you teach it differently. As I'm writing this I'm realizing it sounds very; "a body in motion will tend to stay in motion..." And I guess that's pretty close to what I'm saying. I came to this little nugget of wisdom as a result of how my body responded to the steroids I was put on to try and heal my back.
The first time my doctor put me on steroids I actually lost weight. I know that's the opposite what of what does happen to most people. I was in a lot of pain, most of the time. I wasn't moving much and I wasn't eating much. Maybe the steroids helped so that I was moving more and I just didn't realize it, but I don't think so. By the time I was done with that phase of my "healing" I'd lost 20 lbs. I looked awesome! But I felt like shit! So I never went anywhere looking that awesome. I don't think my cats fully appreciated how great I looked either, totally wasted on them. The second time I was put on oral steroids was a few weeks after my back surgery. I try to tell myself that the surgery or something about it, slowed down my metabolism, and maybe that's true. What I know for sure is that I put weight on at that point. And I put it on fast. I gained 20 lbs in 2 weeks! It took months for that 20 lbs to come off before! Two effing weeks! So unfair. I wasn't eating a bunch more, I definitely wasn't moving more, but that weight popped on like I was sucking fat 24/7. There's a visual for you. You're welcome. I told myself not to freak out, "It will come right off once I start walking everyday again." Yeah, not so much. In the process of the next year, I put on an additional 20 lbs. Yes, I was eating again, but I was moving again too. In my opinion, it should have at least been a wash. My body didn't get that memo, so now I'm 40 lbs up. In September of last year I went back to Weight Watchers to "stop the bleeding."
I'm a "lifetime member" at Weight Watchers, (WW). I joined it around the end of college. I was in great shape, working out everyday, but couldn't seem to get rid these last 10 lbs. My folks were on it, and having good success, so I joined too. It took many, many months, but I did lose that weight. I also kept it off for over 6 weeks. That's what made me a lifetime member. I've gone back at various points to lose weight that I'd gained back, but I pretty much kept it under control until pregnancy.
Pregnancy was not nice to my body, is it to anyone's? After I had Big, I had some weight to lose. (I gained 30 lbs. with her.) I breastfed and found out those "Milk Nazis" are lying liars! It did NOT take the weight off. Diet & exercise helped get it off. There were 10 lbs I gained my very first month of pregnancy that never did come off. At the time, my doctor told me she wasn't even counting them as part of my weight gain, "because I was obviously doing things to keep the weight off before I was pregnant. My body was making sure my weight was where it needed to be to take care of my baby now that I was pregnant." I informed her I was counting it when it was time to take the weight off. I was wrong. Oh, I counted it, I just never got it off. I was too busy with my baby. And during that time, I didn't care that much. I wanted to lose it, but I didn't have the bandwidth to give to the process. I was having too much fun being a mom. When I got pregnant with Little, I actually lost weight. No, I wasn't sick, my body just didn't gain. The total weight I gained that pregnancy; 10 lbs. I had a lot of weird symptoms that pregnancy; I was actually told to drink at least a cup of coffee every day, to try and help get my blood pressure up. It turned out I had low amniotic fluid. I didn't test low till the very end, but Little's umbilical cord was less then a foot long (they're usually 3-4 feet, I'm told,) which is typical with low amniotic fluid. I looked awesome during that pregnancy. When I left the hospital I did not look like a person who had just birthed a baby. So even though pregnancy did it's number on me, after two pregnancies I was actually thinner. That lasted until the back injury. And now we've come full circle.
So, I went back to WW in September. By early November I had lost 10 lbs. Woot for me! And then the holidays hit. I tried to stay focused, I really did. We had the "attack of the super lice" during Thanksgiving break and it's been uphill since then. I know I haven't blogged about the lice issue, it's because I've been dealing with the lice issue. I intend to write about it, at length. I even started writing the post, but then I had to go comb a kid's hair or something. When I get over the trauma of completely cleaning out an entire house THREE TIMES! I'm still suffering PTSD from the whole thing, so I can't talk about it much. The current standing is that we treat the girls all month as if they still have lice; special shampoos, conditioners, and detanglers, along with a brush through with the lice comb every night. No, I'm not exaggerating. The brush through is no small task, have you seen Big's hair? It's LONG. We seem to be bug free for several weeks, but we thought that before and will continue our protocol at least through January. So yeah, I started stress eating, and it was the holidays, so there was a lot of food to stress eat. Also, I had a birthday in there, and you know, cake. At some point I just said screw it, I'm not even trying anymore. I ate what I wanted. I binged. I gave up completely. When I went back the first week of the year, I'd gained it all back. So I'm starting from scratch more or less now.
Bored Mommy posted about her first week on WW. I read it, and commented. I'm a freaking pro at this deal, I just have to practice what I preach. I decided I'm inspired to blog this part of my life too. So I will be adding that little tidbit to my other postings as well. Now that you have the backstory....

Lying Around

Mir, being the awesome writer she is, got me thinking about the subject of lying. We've been dealing with it in the House O'Speak recently. Gasp, I know, my preshus babahs lied??? and I'm curious to hear what your suggestions/opinions are on how to handle this situation. I don't think I'm handling it as well as I need to, in order to avoid it becoming the norm in the future.

BigSpeak, has always been “the sweet one” and LittleSpeak is my "spirited child.” This affects how I approach them on this subject. Maybe it shouldn't, and maybe some of it has to do with age, but either way, the subject is not equal in this house. It doesn't pan out the way you might think. In fact, the way Little is dealt with, is more how you might think I would deal with the seven year old, not the four year old. It's been personality based, which is right in some ways, but I still think I'm lacking in a huge way on this one.

Little lies almost constantly. Seriously, it happens so often, it’s like it’s imprinted into her DNA. It’s almost like she doesn’t know how NOT to do it. She’s 4, so I know (at least I believe I know), whenever she does lie to me. But, think about this, by the time it starts to really matter, she’ll have had a TON of practice & probably be pretty good at it. Yeah, I'm pretty much screwed w/her.

Big has been caught in 2 lies recently. Both were things that I thought her sister had done, but turns out she had done. Initially they were “errors of omission” while her sister was getting interrogated & accused. I'm sure she mostly stood by out of fear and self-preservation, considering how much trouble her sister seemed to be about to get in. When I was satisfied her sister hadn’t done it & turned to her, she lied to my face, for like 2 seconds & then told the truth.
I find it hard how to handle the whole she finally told the truth part. I don’t want to over punish her and therefore end up with more lying in the future. But she did make the infraction AND then was going to allow someone else to take the punishment. How do I punish, but somehow show that it was "less of a punishment" than she would've gotten otherwise?

Here's where my question comes from; My mom always told us, "You'll get in more trouble for lying, then you will for the actual act." That might be true, but how do I know that? If I don't lie about it, you're just pissed about whatever it was that I did/didn't do. General punishment prevails. If I lie & then, when put on the spot, tell the truth, haven't I just been taught to "play the odds" and if they don't pan out, go for the plea bargain? Doesn't that imply the "plea bargain" will net a lesser punishment? I have no doubt my kids are smart enough to think it through to this point. I did after all. Obviously, my mom didn't give me a good example of how to do this well. Are you getting that I was a bit like Little? Quit laughing, I know payback is a bitch.

Any suggestions? Please?? It's for the safety of the world, really.

The Resolution, AKA-Better Late Than Never

This is my first post for {W}rite of Passage, I explained the way the "challenges" or writing assignments work in my previous post. And so this week's challenge is as follows:

"Anything about resolutions will do. Do you believe in them? Have you ever done them? Beliefs? Success? Goals?"

Ahh, the annual resolve to make your life better. Usually I joke that I resolve not to make any resolutions, thus breaking the one I make as I make it...because I am a big dork. When it comes down to it, I'm not a big believer in needing a "new year" to define a major change in my life. If I want to make a change I need to be ready and if I truly am, than get out of my way, cause there's no stopping me. Obviously, it's not something I decide very often.

A year ago, I decided to make some resolutions and see how well I did. The idea was to track my progress during the year. I already had a medium to keep me honest, my blog. I'd put them out to the world, so why not? It was good blog fodder if nothing else. It was good in theory. I think I followed up on them once. Maybe twice. In light of this writing assignment I figured I go see how well I did with them, even if I didn't really follow through on my updates. Well, I thought it was a year ago. I lost a year there, with my back surgery and all. Opps! Turns out I made those resolutions for 2008. Boy, I really missed the boat on that one didn't I? I guess my answer is generally I do NOT make resolutions. At least I don't keep track of them very well if I do. But in an effort to continue my experiment here, and because I'm curious now, I will review the ones I made two years ago and let you know how I did.

1) Get our finances in order
a. Meet w/advisor to define what is “out of order” & define & start to implement plan (i.e.—we were under insured, I’ve upped our coverage.)
b. Set up plan to get legal stuff (ie—living trust, define who the kids would go to, etc…)updated.
c. Make sure there’s a date in which this should be completed by.

This might seem like obvious one I did not get done. It's a rough one. It involves money & talking about it, and ewww, where's the fun in that? Really, there isn't any, but I did actually get this one mostly done. I know, who would've thunk? We did get our finances in order. Met with a financial adviser and did some retirement planning. Turns out we were in better shape than we could've hoped. Because of this, I was able to QUIT. MY. JOB. Course, then the economy tanked, but still. We're still in good shape. (The girls just have to get scholarships to college.) The part we haven't done? Living trust. (The important one.)

2) Get the house completely unpacked.
a. Spare bedroom & den still have boxes that haven’t been unpacked. (Gee do you think we still need this stuff?)

You might think this would be the first one I'd do. It's relatively easy, just take it one box at a time. You might think that, but you'd be wrong. Apparently finding room for our crap is more traumatic than dealing with money matters for me. If anything, we are in worse shape than before, w/more crap having been piled on the still packed crap. I've made some headway toward cleaning out in a few areas, but then something happens and crap gets shoved into closets only to have more crap shoved on top of it. Do you see the reoccurring theme here? It's CRAP!!!

3) Get all the rooms decorated; still have pix to be hung, etc…I finally accepted that Daddy ain’t going to pony up so I’m starting to do it myself. (Need to unpack/hang at least one thing a week.)

Well, doesn't that sound like a nice plan. HA! We do have stuff (i.e.-pictures & such) on the walls. I actually got Daddyspeak to do the hanging even. I wouldn't begin to say I've been hanging one thing a week though. And, as we've gone along, I have more to hang, things to change out, etc... I'd say I more or less accomplished this one.

4) Follow the Flylady system again (the other stuff will fall into place if I stick with it)

FAIL. FAIL. FAIL. FAIL. FAIL.
I would guess I'm still stuck in the same rut in regard to my organization, or lack of it. In my defense, I've added much to my plate in the time frame that this resolution was declared. Specifically in regard to my back surgery and this never ending recovery. One might argue that if I would get off my sorry arce, quit my bitching, and just follow her damn system, then the pity party would be over and I could stop making lame ass excuses. One might argue that, and one would be correct, but my house is still a sty.

5) Define house projects we’d like to do, prioritize them, budget them out & move on them (if I do #1 and #4 this will actually start to happen.)

I did do this. And we have been doing them. Hanging stuff was part of this one. We were able to refinance our mortgage last month and are redoing all the windows and doors this month. We'll also be having the outside of the house painted when done. Our house payment is going down a couple hundred a month and I'm going to put that in a bank account so that we can save up for other house projects.

6) Walk for 30 mins at least 3x a week.

Exercise. The standard resolution. Well, diet and exercise. I actually did this one as well. I lost all kinds of weight too. Not sure it was the walking or the pain, but the pounds did come off. I was really good about this until my back pain just got so bad I couldn't handle it anymore. After my surgery, I kept waiting for my pain to get good enough to start doing this again. October was the first time I felt good enough to start walking again. Right when everything gets super busy. Since things got bad again last month, who knows when I'll get back at it again. But for purposes of my follow up, I'd say I accomplished this one.

7) Get hair free (except my head) by EOY.

You've got to be going "Wha?" right about now. But I can say I accomplished my intent of this resolution for sure. I had laser hair removal for my face, legs, arm pits and bikini area. I'm supposed to be hair free for having had it done, but I'm not. I did get through all the treatments, and our bank account felt the hit. I can say, I don't have to shave nearly as often, so that's something, I guess. I would say I accomplished this resolution as well, even if the result was not as complete as I had hoped.

Out of 7 resolutions I accomplished 5. That's pretty good. Better than I would've thought. Maybe there's something to this whole resolution thing. OK, I'm on it. I will be declaring my resolutions for 2010 by end of this week.

Things To Do This Holiday Season In Silicon Valley

So I wrote that post about some of traditions my family shares during the holidays. In the process of this, I started pulling links for, what I think is, some pretty cool stuff to do in the South Bay of Silicon Valley during the holiday season. While we live super close the the Big City, San Francisco, my family tends to stick closer to home for most of our trekking around. Luckily, there's lots to do! I'm sure there's tons more I haven't mentioned, so if you have a favorite by all means please add it in the comments. I'd love to check it out too.

Here's some of the Speak Family favorites:

• Did you know San Jose has it's own Holiday Parade? This year it's December 6, at 8:30 AM. While the best seats get taken early, you don't have to show up at dark o'clock to get a front row view of this parade. Even here in California it's cold that early, so bring something to sit on (a blanket) and dress warm. This year the Grand Marshall is Disney's Goofy!
  
• My mom, Sister-In-Law & I have an annual girls day, when we take our girls to see the Nutcracker. This will be LittleSpeak's first time, she's 3. That should be interesting. If it goes poorly, at least I have a blog post, right? We go to see the local production by Ballet San Jose. I love that we're able to support a ballet company locally. .
• We attend Christmas in the Park in Down Town San Jose every year. This is the 30th year! Usually we know several groups who decorate trees (including groups we participate in.) It's always fun to go find the trees done by our friends. The kids love the displays. And I love that it's still free, after all these years.
• We usually try to go ice skating on Down Town Ice while at Christmas in the Park. Where else can you ice skate outside, under the palm trees?
• There's always a night we drive through Fantasy of Lights in Los Gatos. This is a great way to see lots of Christmas light with minimal effort. Great if you have young kids who won't last long! (My advice, try to go on a week night. Lines on weekends are KRAZZEE long!) We put the kids in warm jammies, pack some hot coco & treats and sing Christmas Carols with the radio station that's sync'd to the displays.)
• Gilroy Gardens sponsors a month long event called Holiday Lights. Kids love it and they have ice skating & Santa too.
• Last year we spent one evening checking out the houses with best Christmas light displays nearby us. I found a great website, Lights of the Valley, where people who go all out can post their addresses and pictures. (Users of the site, rate their displays too!) It's not just for the South Bay, but all over Northern California. I had no idea how much some people do (and close to us too!) We will definitely be doing this again this year.

Traditionally the Holidays

We have lots of Christmas traditions in my family. It's comforting to have traditions. I enjoy passing them on to my girls and telling them stories of doing the same when I was a child. And, they seem to really enjoy hearing stories of mommy as a girl. Some of the traditions we share:

• If we have nice weather we will head to the Santa Cruz Mountains & cut down our tree. Growing up my family would do that regardless of weather. Yeah, that one can go out the door in the cold & rain as far as I'm concerned.
• We decorate the tree together with Christmas music. Many of the ornaments are from my husband and I's childhoods, so there will be discussion about them as they come out of the boxes; who they came from, when, why, etc... Much fuss is made over the final item; the star. Daddy lifts each girl for a turn to place it on top. At my mom's house, it's a running joke about her redoing the ornament placement on her tree after we all leave.
  
• The girls get annual advent calendars. We still get the kind that have a piece of chocolate to mark one day closer to Santa's arrival.
  
• There's an annual visit to Santa at the mall for a picture.
  
• Cookie making with my mom, sister-in-law (SIL) and now my girls & niece.
  
• We have an annual trek to take the girls to see the Nutcracker. This will be LittleSpeak's first time, so that should be interesting.
  
• Christmas Eve used to be at my Grandma's house when growing up. There was always traditional food (ham or prime rib or something) and trays of enchiladas as well as homemade tortillas, (my favorite part). After dinner there was always a cut throat game of poker. (Grandma was a card shark.) When my Grandma passed (21 years ago on this Dec 20) we started spending Christmas Eve with close family friends. They're Italian, so it was Seafood Chioppino for dinner. Yum!
  
• The girls & their cousins always get matching Christmas pjs from my folks on Thanksgiving. These are to be worn on Christmas Eve & Morning.
• We attend Christmas in the Park in Down Town San Jose. We usually try to go ice skating on Down Town Ice while there.
• We drive through Fantasy of Lights in Los Gatos.
  
• Last year we took a night to go check out the best Christmas Lights nearby us. THAT was fun!
  

This post was going to be about how I started a new tradition last year; Elf on a Shelf. But instead it's just about some of the little things we try to do that make the season special to US. I'll introduce you to our Elf in the next post. What kind of traditions does your family do?

Amazing Women

This post started out as a recap/review of the SVMoms Holiday party. "Started Out" would be the key words there. I loved all the great companies that were there. It was awesome to get to talk to their representatives & see the products in person. But first I wanted to mention all the incredible WOMEN I got to meet! And the post just mentioning who they were got SO. INCREDIBLY. LONG. The result is that my recap of the companies is going to have to wait a little longer. Tonight is just about the WOMEN!

It was very exciting for me to meet so many of these women IRL. And if you know me, you know I like to talk a bit. So the number of people listed here, shouldn't really surprise you. (And I KNOW I left someone off. I'm sorry! I tried to remember everyone I talked to, but I just know there are people I left off.) While these are the participants I got to hang w/there were many, many more. SERIOUSLY. I feel so blessed to live in a place where so many women are so powerful, talented and excited to share those things. I'm even luckier that these women have included me in their fold. They are my idols, mentors and friends. If you have an opportunity you should take a moment to check them out. You will not be disappointed.

To start I drove up (in the Chevy Equinox, loaned to me by Chevy for the week). My cohorts in crime were;
MommyTwinGirls--Aka Linda, Blog: It's Never Easy, But It's Always Fun
Sharon, Blogs: "Whatever Things Are True", & "Be Bold or Go Home"
And
Amy (who is a twins mom, and has yet to commit to posting on SVMoms yet, but we'll bring her to the dark side yet)

The ride up was fun. We got to talk about who knows, who and how. How we got into blogging, our kids (duh) and how excited we were to have a night out about us!!!
At the party I finally got to meet:

SV Mom (herself, I KNOW, I feel like I met a rockstar! Squeeee!) Jill Asher
Alix, med nauseum blog
Ana Garza, The Garza Girls
Ana or Bongamom, Finding Bonggamom & Bonggamom Finds
Beth, Techmamas
Darryle, Cluttercast
Jane, This Week for Dinner
Myrna, TangerineTimes.com
Nicole, Not Just a Working Mom & Not Just a Working Mom Reviews
Sheila, Xiaolinmama

And, of course, SV Moms, I already knew:
Akemi, Chalk and Cheese Chronicles
Linsey, Me Too You & Whereas

I'm not done either! If you're still with me? There were mom's who are not contributors to SVMoms, but are very active in that community. If you know me at all, you know I'm VERY active on Twitter. I've become "good friends" w/several people on Twitter & a few were there also. So fun to meet them In Real Life too!!!

@GraceD, Grace, State of Grace
@vdog, Vdog & Little Man
@Glennia, The Silent "I"
@kikarose, Jessica, It's My Life
@citymama, Stefania, CityMama
@babyjidesign, Carla, babyjidesign

Still here? Good. If you take the opportunity to read some of the things these women write you will not be disappointed, I promise. My "real life" friends have trouble understanding my "virtual life". If you take the opportunity to read these women, I know you'll understand. So many people and so much talent, and I got to meet them all In Real Life! I'm all hot to go to BlogHer now.

The Post that Became a Drinking Game

"The Proverbial Chicken" was supposed to be the title of this post. But as you can see it evolved a bit. Read on:

That would be me. The proverbial chicken, running around w/my head cut off. I know you've gotten the gist of my moaning and groaning this week. But along w/the general aches, pains, coughs, stomach- & head-aches, life has not stopped to accommodate me. Quite the contrary, it's just starting to get moving. I feel a lot like I'm barely keeping my head above water these days. Stick w/me here, I'm pretty sure I'll manage to get in several more cliches before this is done. Perhaps we could make it a drinking game, that should keep you reading. (Take two swigs!)

We are at the end of soccer season, which means this weekend is the big tournament. All soccer, all the weekend. At least 4 games, perhaps 5, I think. And, in case you've been living under a rock, (drink!) the holidays are upon us. I'm still feeling a bit floored by this, as if they've managed to sneak up on me somehow. At the end of next week we fly to Kansas for a week. (Insert obligatory "We're not in Kansas anymore" joke here. I think that one deserves a shot, it's cliche-ish, so drink!) This means I need to get to packing a weeks worth of winter clothes for all of us this week. If you're a mom, you are thinking, "that means getting all the laundry done,"aren't you? And you'd be right. Just to keep us on our toes, (drink!) the school has scheduled parent/teacher conferences this week. Parent/Teacher conferences means half days at school. All Week. I'm sure this will help greatly w/my time management. Wonder how Big feels about laundry & packing? Guess we'll find out. Don't forget the end of year soccer banquet is this weekend! I will be missing it, as I'm starting off to the Holiday Party Season by attending the SVMoms Group Holiday Party. (You will be very jealous when you see all the cool sponsors. I'm one of the mom's driving a Chevy to the party and all this week. If you follow my Tweets I'm sure you're well aware of this. I'm driving the Equinox & will be providing my review soon.)
When we get back from Kansas, it will be the first week of December, which includes my Dad & I's birthdays. (I don't want to talk about it, I'm about to be in my 40s. Not just 40, but in my 40s, and this is bothering me greatly.) Being December, everything will suddenly rocket into full speed; (drink!) there will be Christmas programs at church & both girls' schools. My family has scheduled to take the girls to see the Nutcracker one afternoon (I think we're going to go to tea too!) We have a day of baking in the schedule, a night of Caroling, several neighborhood parties and just for fun, Big will be bridging in Girl Scouts ("bridging up from a Daisy Scout to a Brownie). Somewhere in there we will get a tree. If the weather agrees, we'll make a day of it & go to the mountains to cut it down. If not, we'll have the annual Christmas trek to Home Depot. We Speak's, we're all about traditions.

I'm kinda tired just writing it all down. Seriously.

Right now, I'm still trying to catch up from my outlaws visit. You could say I'm getting wiser in my old age. Instead of stressing while they're here, I just live w/the piles while they're here and tackle them once they leave. I've learned it doesn't do me much good to try and pick up too much while they're visiting. Once I clear a space someone will start a new pile there (I wish I were joking). I figure I'm cleaning up the same amount of stuff, just all at once. But like I said, I'm still trying to wrap my head around it. (drink!) And because we work well under pressure, (drink!) we must, why else would be keep doing this to ourselves? We decided to refinance our mortgage right now. Pick up your chin off the floor, it's unbecoming. We talked about this earlier in the year, but just now have the rates gotten to the point where it's worth our while to do it. It will be worth it in the long run. (drink!) If I keep saying that, at some point I'll believe it, right? No, really, it will be worth it. We're going to pull money out to redo ALL the windows, get a new front door & add French doors in our dinning room. It will soooo be worth it. AND we're going to have a lower monthly payment. So yeah, very worth it. Though I do admit, giving up those ill-fitting, rattling windows does mean giving up some blog fodder, but I've decided I'm willing to make that sacrifice. I'm sure I'll manage to schedule the window install right in the middle of all the crazy holiday activities. That should make up for any posts I'll lose to the rattling windows, dontcha think? Today, I spent my day stressing because I COULD NOT locate 2007's tax return. The mess of the house was a lot of my stress. (This is the mess that is still here from the outlaws.) The return was missing from the file, and everything else was there, so it was misfiled. That meant it wasn't going to be anywhere logical. I also could not find it on our computer (remember my laptop crashed on me two weeks ago?) We back up our files in triplicate, (that means on 3 separate back up drives, not carbon copies) so I couldn't understand how it could be that I couldn't find it. Having Little home all day, I couldn't take the time till tonight to really delve into trying to locate it. So I was freaking out inside my head all day. Woot! I was lots of fun to be around, trust me. I did finally find it. I also found several other missing things, so I guess it wasn't a total loss. I guess.
Ok, insert appropriate pun laden cliche here, drink! and I'm headed to bed. I do have an early soccer game to get to after all. Drink!

Baby Week

Hey, it's baby week! OK, maybe not. But since I posted that link about the BFing & driving chick and now I'm going to go tell you to check out Nikki's new baby girl it seemed like I might have a theme going right now.

Don't get excited, that weight gain of mine is strictly based on my chocolate & cookie consumption; remember I'm the chick who loses weight while preggers (and doesn't throw up.) Yes, you can hate me for it. I would hate me over it if I wasn't me. So while I'm busy having the thin mint baby over here, go see Nikki's new bundle, it'll make your ovaries hurt I promise. Then come read some of my past stories about Little & you'll be over it.

On Barbie......and self-image

Mike wrote a smackdown article over at Babble. Which is very, good and I apparently had something to say about. While writing my comment, I realized it was really more of a blog post. Rather than hijack his comments, I copied what I posted there and finished my them here:

You know, my philosophy on all of this kind of stuff is; "they covet what they can't have, so anything in moderation."
We'll see how I feel about "moderation in all things" when my girls want to do drugs or underage drinking. But I think a lot has to do with how big of a deal you make of things. If you make a big deal about it (either way/good or bad) your kid will pick up on it & then go from there..some will try to please you & some will do the exact opposite of what you want, cause that's human nature.

In regard to self-image;

Typically, the biggest influence in a girls' life is her mother, not the measurements of their Barbie doll. Kids don't miss much so if you put yourself down, even if you don't think they know, they pick up on it. Our neighbors daughter, 6, informed her the other week that she wanted to go on a diet cause she was looking fat. If we women could get over the idealizations that the media is selling us, then our kids might be able to too. Until we do, it's probably unrealistic to think they will. Sure, I wish I had my 20YO body back, I certainly didn't appreciate it then. I thought I was fat. I'm 5' 7" and I felt myself at a size 6 was FAT. Yeah, I know, but you couldn't have told me different then.

Here's the kicker, my most comfortable time in my life, body image wise, was when I was pregnant. I think that is very telling.

When I weighed the most and wore my largest dress size I was the absolute happiest with my body. To say I LOVED my pregnant self doesn't begin to convey how much I loved the way I looked at that time. Given a choice, I would be pregnant 100% of the time. Ok, I'd like to take holidays and weekends off (so I could drink lots of mulled wine & sangrias, not that I do, but I like to think I could if wanted to.) I happily wore a bikini in the summer and form fitting t-shirts and blouses. If it showed off my "bump" I wanted it. I realized when I was pregnant my body was doing exactly what it was made to do and I loved every minute of it. Talk about confident! I understood the irony of this situation. Normally I'd be wearing a bathing suit that covered much more and would be pulling in all the areas I thought I probably needed more coverage. Now a much larger me was all don the bikkini: "Check me out, I am woman (with child) hear me roar." Well, see me roar.

It was during this time that I decided that I was going to do my best to try and love my body what ever the shape and size even after I was pregnant. It became clear to me that my body image had too much to do with others not myself. My husband has always declared that he loved the way I looked and had never done or said anything for me to doubt him. Then why did I want to "have a flatter stomach, or lose 10 lbs" all the time? Because I was constantly bombarded w/images that told me I should, that's why.

I want more for my daughters. I want them to feel the way I did when I was pregnant, all the time. The only way they would learn is by example. Right now, as young children they are not self-concious at all. After bath time we often have trouble getting them to don pjs. They love to run around the house "nekkid and when we catch up with them, they shake thier booties at us." Guess I should stop encouraging that one, huh? They like it cause it gets a reaction from us. How to you bottle that self-confidence? I wish I knew. But I do think I know how to help prevent it from slipping away entirely, by example.

So now that I've had a couple of kids, and turned 40 (OMG! I'm still reeling from that number a bit, it's only been a month after all,) my body has changed even more. Yes, I do still long for the 20-something days when everything fit, my stomach was flat and gravity hadn't started to have an effect. When I had the body that gravity and time hadn't taken it's toll on and that I never appreciated until it did. But I don't dwell on it. I don't stand in front of the mirror checking out my nekkid self (I said I'm trying I didn't say I was 100% successful yet,) but I don't critisize myself either any more. (I was pretty notorious for this before.) I've been watching some shows like, "How to Look Good Naked", and how I should dress to draw your eye to my "best features" and I've gotten rid of clothes that are to "hide" my flaws. Irronically, I lost 17 lbs this summer. I wasn't trying it just came off. Am I thrilled w/the result? I like that a whole bunch of old clothes (pre-pregnancy) are fitting again, but otherwise, I'm too busy to really care too much.

After all, my daughter will only want to play Barbies with me for so long. Playing Barbies doesn't matter if you're a size 6 or a size 16, just that you can sit on the floor and pull the doll clothes on and off. I've got that part down.

Creative Me

This has been a hard week. My back is only getting worse; I had a dr. appt today & an MRI now on Monday. BigSpeak got sick yesterday afternoon (fever and throwing up, just fever now) and still is, and LittleSpeak is busy being LittleSpeak in the middle of it all. I haven't written about my back this week because it's rehashing the same old thing, but today I hit a new low. I called DaddySpeak at work & asked him to please come home. With one child I can more or less pull it off, but with two; one sick and the other wanting lots of attention, I just couldn't pull it off. I needed to lie down for at least 10 mins ever half hour (that's how I've made it through the week so far) & it just wasn't happening. DS was a trooper and took a taxi from South City to his car in the South Bay (he takes a van pool). Luckily his company allows for this type of thing once a quarter and will cover what I'm sure was a very expensive ride. I popped a couple pain pills and parked myself on the couch w/lots of support pillows, and promptly passed out. I'm just so exhausted from the pain. I'll let you know more on this when I do, my current dr believes that they will be recommending surgery, but I'm holding out hope. I just don't feel like I'm at that point yet. I'm not sure what that point will be, but it will be before I permanently have a dropped foot. And the point I'm at now is unacceptable. I can't care for my kids!

In spite of the above, I am doing something "just for me" this week, and loving it. I haven't really been cropping the last several months. I guess it was just feeling a little stale, so I signed up for a class at Jessica Sprague.com . I'm loving it. The class I signed up for is a writing class, it was the next one offered and I was feeling desperate. My degree is in communications, which is more than half writing, although you probably can't tell from the way I usually write here. I didn't realize how much I missed writing. I wouldn't say anything in the class has been "new" for me. Most of the techniques were ones I've done in school or at work at some point. But having someone assign me a topic and homework is really helping to get me inspired. We are given a new writing "technique" one day and the next we use our journal entries to help create a new page. In addition, we're getting new templates, papers, etc...to help in designing our pages which is always fun. I can't believe how much inspiration I'm getting from doing this. I'm so excited I'm signing up for the next class (an intermediate photoshop class) next month. I'm excited to be excited about something for me for a change.

The page we did yesterday was about ourselves, something most scrapbookers are notoriously poor about doing. The shoemakers kids have no shoes kind of thing.... It's the first page I've ever done about myself & I really enjoyed doing it. I'm really happy with the result, so I decided to share it here. (Pix is from BigSpeak's first day of school & the photo is offset because she's right next to me, but I also think it brought in a cool artistic effect...at least I'm going to keep telling myself that.)
Tell me you love it, even if you think it's lame. I'm really proud of it.

Fun Monday--the Fire Sale Edition

Don’t know if you heard, but Northern California is pretty much aflame. Seriously, I woke up with a sore throat from all the smoke in our air. It’s bad. Really bad. None of the fires are very close to us, but the wind is working against us as far as smoke goes. And, just for the record, the beach house has a fire just a few miles from it too, so going down there isn’t much help. Thus you get the fire sale edition of Fun Monday. cough, cough

After many weeks off I decided to participate in Fun Monday again. Fun Monday this week is hosted by Hula Girl at Heart, (go check her out for more on this topic and a really, really 90's wedding dress). The topic she gave us is:

Show us those pieces of clothing you just can't part with, whether you wear them or not. It might be your grandma's vintage wedding dress, a jacket from high school, a t-shirt from an old boyfriend or those jeans you hope to get back into some day. It could be anything. Most of us have something like that we can't seem to throw away.

I was going to participate in the Fun Monday by talking about my favorite outfit, which is a teal skirt & top. I got the outfit the spring Daddy Speak & I were engaged; so it’s 8-9 years old. I love it for a lot of reasons, mostly cause it’s gorgeous and my eyes turn the same color teal when I wear it. I wore it a lot and even took my engagement photos with DaddySpeak in it, so it’s memory is well preserved to me no matter what. Once I got pregnant with BigSpeak (6 years ago) I no longer fit in it. Or at least, no longer fit in it well. I hold on to it in the hope that I will get thin enough to get back into it, although I’m pretty sure even at a size smaller than it, my hips expanded enough so that it won’t fit “right”. But I still hope, a girl‘s gotta have a dream, right? Today I decided I’m going to give up that dream. Yup, just today I decided I’m going to get rid of it. Our friends who lost their house this weekend, I’m going to pass it on to them. Well to K, I don't think D would look that good in teal, I'm just saying... They have nothing now and it’s just sitting in my closet, waiting to eventually be passed on to Goodwill. Instead it’s going to get a new life. It holds such happy memories for me, it seems fitting that it should help her move forward into new happiness.

This is not the best pix of it, but the only I could find for now. Plus look at DaddySpeak w/his long hair! Being the Rock Star he is!

Checking BACK In….

Yup, more back cracks. I know, I’m sorry. Honestly, it’s pretty much what’s going on here these days. I was down for the count Thursday and Friday. Saturday & Sunday I took it easy, sort of. Taking it easy meant I didn’t pack moving boxes up and down stairs I guess, cause on Monday I worked in the garden. I know, what was I thinking???? I was thinking that those bulb kits at Costco were a good price, (only $15) and that we had a weekend long break from the rain and it was nice to get outside. I was thinking it was a nice project for my MIL & the kids. That’s what I get for thinking. But DaddySpeak & I planted them w/the girls, so that's what I get for thinking. They weren't labor intensive or anything. They were even in raised beds, but it was enough bending and reaching to throw me off I guess. I spent the later part of yesterday & early today feeling like crap. I hope I didn’t undo any good the shot had done. I promise I will behave myself from now on; beside it’s raining again & we go to MEXICO in two weeks! GAWD, I can’t wait.
In the meantime, apparently Antique Mommy’s Sean is walking around in a coma. (No, I’m not making light of her situation, but if his count really was 2000, I’m pretty sure a coma would be the upside of things. I’m on the side of human error in the testing, but I’m also saying a little prayer for them too.) Amalah & Mrs. Mogul went & got knocked up again! (Yes, I’m totally broody and jealous. Sigh) And Juni’s a big sis! So there’s your something shinny. Go read and enjoy, I’m going to bed early to try and HEAL!

FUN Monday (whee!!!)

Whee! Are you having fun yet? I’m a little delirious about now, this cold is getting to me.
Ok, well I’m actually NOT having fun right now. I was all excited to share my pet photos with you and guess what?! Remember that CPU that got fried from the power outage on Friday? Um yeah. We didn’t lose the photos, we have them backed up in like 4 hard drives, but we don’t have a working CPU to access them right now. Yes, I could hook them up to this laptop, but that would take a while and I’m really don’t have the energy to get that involved in it. So I have some photos they just aren’t as recent as I had hoped and they won’t include our neighbors dog either. You'll have to settle for some old pix for now. Sorry deal with it, you're getting two posts in one day, don' t push it ok? ;-)
So Lisa over at Lisa's Chaos is hosting Fun Monday this week, here's her topic:
Let’s meet your pets. I think most of us have at least one pet and I would like to see your fluffy or scaly pal. If you don’t have a camera you can tell us about him/her/them. If you don’t have a pet tell us about a pet you had or a pet you want. If for some weird reason you hate all animals we want to know why gosh-dang-it.
Ok Lisa, you asked for it:
My mom (and quite possibly my husband) would tell you I bring home every stray in the county, which is totally not true (only the cute ones). I do, however, love my babies. I’ve had a pet of some sort for most of my life, mostly dogs, but after my teen years I started with my kitties too. In college (the dorms) I suddenly didn’t have any pets and boy did I miss them. After college & the dorms, there was a kitty who lived in apartments with me. I had this kitty for 7 years and there was a lot of drama involved with this kitty, A LOT OF DRAMA. But any story involving that kitty is a series of posts and in the not all happy, (he had what they call "behavior issues") so we’re going to focus on happier times and the current babies.

Once I purchased my first home (by myself) I got Merit. Merit is 7 now. When I got her I worked at an ad agency which allowed you to bring your dog to work. Quite possibly one of the best places I'll ever work. We dubbed Merit, “Director of Dog Services” and she l became the department mascot. She learned tons of tricks while I worked there. I’d go to a meeting with her sleeping under my desk and come back to a monitor filled with post its notes of all the people who came & got her and took her places. In turn I had a “cookie jar” of dog treats on my desk and on Mondays I would put a post it on the top describing our trick of the week. She wasn’t to get treats unless she earned them. As a result of this Merit knows how to do the following: sit, down, come, shake, high-five, play dead (roll on her side), drop (whatever is in her mouth, including food), wait (when she's eating we make her stop and take food from her, so she won't get food aggression), heel (although she’s pretty rotten about that one if she thinks she can get away with it), bed (get on her bed), find “daddy” (or mommy, or either of our kids), crawl (we call it sneaky-sneaky), and hold, which involves holding a piece of food on her snout until given the command of ok, at which time she’ll flip the food into her mouth. (When we had Mowry we had them trained to do it in tandem). Yeah, I could go on and on about Merit she’s my baby. I choose this pix (taken in Oct) because it reminds me of how much of a part of our family she really is, as usually she's right in the middle of the action.
This is Mama. A few years back I was feeling a bit maternal. Daddyspeak and I had gotten married, purchased our first home together, etc…but I wanted a kitty to snuggle with again. I went to the Humane Society to adopt a kitten. While I was waiting they were asking people to come hold the older cats and someone handed me Mama. What a snugger! She chose me right there and then. When it got to be my turn I found out that the last girl kitten had just been adopted, but I couldn’t help myself I was already in love with Mama. She was 2 at that time, so that makes her about 9 (wow, I just realized how old she is, I haven’t really thought about it in a while!) Mama runs the show. She allows the kids to pet her and generally just moves when she is done with them. She’s still very much a lap kitty.
The last of my brood is Monkey. Yes, I know that’s an odd name for a cat. (My mom has a cat named Mouse, so Monkey suddenly isn’t so weird is it?) After getting Mama I was still feeling maternal & wanting a kitten so we went to the one of the local rescue groups and adopted Monkey. Her original name was Samba, as they named all the kitties in her litter after different dances. Monkey was a teeny, tiny kitty for a very long time. (Part of why Mama kept her name as Mama seeing as she was the bigger of the two.) One day when I got up from sitting on our bed and she launched herself onto my back in play. She was so little it didn’t hurt and it was funny as all get out (I imagine she looked a lot like small backpack) and I called her “Monkey-cat” and it just stuck. She’s much bigger now. I n fact, I just told her the other day I was going to change her name to “Fatty” for obvious reasons. She’s very much my cat & tends to follow me around the house. In fact, she won’t go to bed until I do, so she’s sitting next to me right now. Occasionally, she’ll meow at me cause she wants to go to bed & I’m taking too long. Monkey is surprisingly, also really good with the kids. Monkey’s always been a bit skittish and tends to go hide when new people are around or if someone is just moving too fast; like kids will do. But lately she’s decided she likes the attention and now that DD2 really understands how to scratch her she’ll go looking for her for some lovin’. Mama & Monkey mostly get along, but occasionally get into spats where we’ll have to separate them & reintroduce them to each other. They’re like to old ladies who get sassy with each other once in awhile, but most of the time (even when they supposedly aren’t getting along) we’ll find them sleeping all curled up with each other.
I guess my novel gives you an idea of how much I love my babies. This is inspiring to maybe have a weekly post about my babies or maybe more directly about my family. Hmmm…no promises, but I’m thinking about it.
Alright, I’ve typing for so long now that I’ve missed Fun Monday and this will be posting on Fun Tuesday! Monkey’s meowing at me again so I’m off to bed!

Clear Cake People (aka—1000 Marbles)

I got my daily chain mail this morning. I get this kind of stuff all the time, I'm sure you do too. The chain letters that will bring you love, health and long life as long as you "send it on to 10 of your friends in the next 10 minutes or you'll be doomed to email hell." (On a side note; are you really my friend if you're willing to risk dooming me to email hell over a chain mail? Or are you just concerned about your own well being? I digress...) I normally delete them after I read them (fight the madness, stop the spam!). But I got one today that was worth mentioning (link here if you want to read it.) It reminded me of a friend I knew many years ago. And he had a theory about living life that I seem to be having trouble with as of late. The hectic pace I’ve been under this last month has made it hard to “see the forest for the trees” so to speak. So when reading this story I remembered this friend and his lesson and I thought it would be good to share with you.

This friend, “Tim” was Chinese (there’s a reason I’m mentioning this, stick with me here for a minute). He grew up in the Midwest; one of four boys. They owned the town’s Chinese restaurant (of course they did). He used to joke that every town in America is required one Chinese family to run the one Chinese restaurant in each town. I always check when I travel now, and I think he might be right. Although, maybe not Tuna, I’ll have to ask Antique Mommy if Tuna has a Chinese restaurant. Tim’s Grandparents lived in San Francisco. I’m not sure how it all came to be exactly, but by the time I met him he was living in SF with his Grandmother; taking care of her basically. I would venture to guess that they were probably taking care of each other. He never really talked about his Grandmother or the fact that he lived with her. I remember our little group of friends had known each other for quite some time before we became aware of the fact that he drove down to the South Bay for work because he lived up there. And that he lived up there because he lived with his Grandmother in her house. I believe he didn't mention it, because it was just something he did. He didn’t question it or complain about it, he just did it. I found out later that he was the one who came to live with her because he was the most mobile of the four brothers at the time. (Just out of college, no wife/girlfriend or kids to relocate). I think he never complained because in the Chinese culture (as well as many others) the older family members are revered and honored. When Grandma was alone and it became apparent someone needed to be keeping an eye on her to some degree the family figured out who was in the best position to go and then that person went. They didn’t put her in a “home” they moved in with her so she could finish her days in her own home. I know that’s not realistic for everyone, but it says a lot about their family and their commitment to each other. If he resented it I never knew. I don’t think he did and this theory of his is why:

Tim used to say that he thought us we had the whole birthday cake and candle thing backwards. That at the time of your first birthday they should figure out your expected life span and put that many candles on your cake. This means on your first birthday they start with say 75 candles. Every year they take a candle off. By the time you’re getting short of breath you have fewer candles to blow out. Once you’ve “cleared your cake” then everyday is an extra gift and people who fall in that category should get special treatment. He felt that “clear cake people” should get a free ride: free rent, no taxes, free transportation, free meals, free health care, etc…You’ve more than paid your dues to society, now it’s our turn to take care of you. This was told to us during Happy Hour one night and after that we would often toast to the “Clear Cake People”. I think this little story speaks volumes of how he felt about his Grandmother.
In the hustle and bustle of this holiday season, take a few minutes to take a deep breath and relax and think about why you’re rushing about; to have fun right? Don’t forget to have fun. Don't resent that dinner party you're going to because you really should be wrapping. It's really about being with people, and enjoying the time together. And when you say grace or propose a toast on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day make sure to toast the “clear cake people” and enjoy the candles you have left on your cake.

FUN MONDAY--X-MAS STYLE

I know Monday is almost over (it is over on the East Coast, but it's only 7 in Hawaii) but I'm still making it. I recently discovered a couple new blogs and via that I came across Fun Monday. It seemed like such a cool idea that I jumped in! Plus I think the topic is such a good one. I just so happens that we decorated our tree last night & when I sat back to enjoy it I decided to take a picture of my favorite ornament for a blog post. Queue Twilight Zone music. I'm physic or something. So without further ado:

This week is hosted by Lady K and is about your favorite ornament:

In the spirit of the season I would like to see your favorite Christmas
tree ornament. Not to be confused with the WHOLE tree. I want you to zoom in and show me one or a few(you know I can't choose just one!) of your favorite
ornaments. If you don't decorate a tree, show me your menorah or dreidel,
Kinara, or Yule Log. I want to see your favorite decoration for this holiday
season.

I have many favorite ornaments. I have several really cool ones that were made by my Godmother as "cards" on Christmas gifts. They're things like felt angels and wooden animals. They contain our names & the years in which they were made. I get the impression that my
mom thinks they're kind of a hippie thing, but I think they're cool. I also have a set of Alice in Wonderland and Wizard of Oz wooden ornaments. But my overall very, very favorite ornament is one that is only 7 years old. It was given to me by DaddySpeak on our first Christmas as a married couple. It contains a picture of us on our wedding day. We're standing outside of the church kissing. When I look at it I'm reminded of how happy I was that day, and how very lucky I am to have him in my life (remind me of this next time I'm bitching about him, OK?) So I think it's pretty evident why it's my favorite.