I think I'm writing again. (Lord knows I need to do something different. What I'm currently doing isn't working.)
I feel like I've been more or less on the brink of a nervous breakdown since before Thanksgiving. (Dramatic much, why yes, how did you know?) Little things are helping keep it at bay, but they're sandbags and the levy wall really, really wants to break. If that happens, I'm not sure I can do much to keep the flood out of the house. If you know what I mean.
For the first time in 3 years, I'm actually doing pretty well physically, for winter. A real surprise considering we're in an El Nino year. What with me being the delicate flower I am, and the damp & cold that El Nino waters bring I would've predicted major walking issues. So far, I'm holding it together. I'm not thriving by any stretch, but I'm walking on my own & my family's existence seems to be flowing fairly well. Most would call that a big win. Considering how low I've set the bar, you would think, I would be part of that most; but there's a lot of things conspiring to push me down & it's hard to manage it all. In Other Words, I'm feel like I'm losing the battle.
DaddySpeak started a new job last year. He was at his last place of work for almost 10 years. That's an eternity in Silicon Valley. Because his company is considered one of the best places to work, (in the world,) no one asks, "What's wrong with you? Why have you been there so long?" which is how ambition is typically determined here in Silicon Valley. It was an enviable position to be in, in my opinion. But he'd more or less maxed out there. If he wanted his job to evolve he needed to leave. At least for a while. (It's also not uncommon here to leave so you can get the title you aspire to, and eventually go back to your previous company. They couldn't promote you title wise because of BLAH, BLAH, BLAH... but now that you have experience at that level we can hire you back in that position or above. Yeah, I know makes tons of sense. Lame, I agree, but a relatively common practice.) So, our insurance changed for the first time in 10 years. Most of my doctors were not on this new insurance. We always sign up for the PPO plan so that if a doctor or two I've been going to isn't on the plan, I don't have to change up everything all at once. Which explains why I suddenly had to change up ALL my doctors at once. The short version is; I spent months trying to get new doctors in line. And now that I've done that, they changed to OUR OLD PROVIDER. I kid you not. In the meantime, I just finally got set up at this pain clinic. I was actually super excited because I felt like these doctors were way more in line with my approach to getting better. Not just managing my Fibro. (The Fibro doctor I've been going to keeps me in drugs. He isn't open to anything that isn't traditional Western Medicine. I think I can do better, but was nervous to leave him. I felt like the timing was actually good. This was the universe telling me it was time to move on.) However, I've since found that I can't seem to get evaluated to get that treatment at this new place. Seriously. It took me 4 months to get all my forms, files, etc...to them. And this clinic won't talk to you until they have your past history in place. Finally, all shored up. Got into my first visit with the main doc. Looks good, going to be evaluated by several people in house to access my current needs; and BAM. Red light. They were supposed to call me & never did. I called them. They'll get back to me with the doctor's orders. Nothing. I made a couple more calls and then I was back in for my follow up with the main doctor again. (Scheduled at the end of my last appointment, but a different desk/person in the clinic.) He apologized. Said he took responsibility for the misconnect & that we'd get moving now. Still in the same boat. I can NOT seem to get on the phone with the scheduler. I've been playing phone tag with her for literally 4 weeks now. So much for pain management. In the meantime, as expected during the winter, I've been gradually getting worse. I'm at the place where I've started to get migraines again. That's when I know things are bad. My sleep is crap. I can't seem to follow asleep till 3:00/4:00 AM. I will sleep a good 7 hours once asleep, so that's progress. The problem is that most of the people around me, are NOT functioning on Hawaiian time in California. So I'm on swing shift. I sleep for 3 hours, get up, get the kids off to school, go back to bed. I don't get much done, but I do get rest. I've learned through the years, to grab the sleep I can, when I can. If I don't sleep while they're at school, I'm a mess around 4:00 PM. You know, right in the thick of carpool. That's safe, NOT. So, yeah.
Things are a little better in that, the girls make their own lunches at night & are responsible for themselves in the AM. That doesn't mean it isn't chaotic, it just means I don't have to actually leave the house with them most days. (That's a win in my book.) When I do, I usually throw sweats over my PJs & then back to bed. Girls are also responsible for dishes, dogs & laundry these days. We're still working on that, but even when they just do a bit, it helps.
So that's where I'm at in my current medical journey. No where really. Fibro is maintaining. Hashi's is maintaining. (Still gaining weight, slowly, but surely. That's another post for another day.) And mostly, we're all holding our breath, hoping there isn't some major catastrophe that puts me back into a completely overwhelming downward spiral from which I need to get more serious help for.
More later. I hope.
Showing posts with label daddy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label daddy. Show all posts
Thursday, February 04, 2016
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
My Little Hexagon
You must laugh when you see that I've posted. Knowing, there will be an onslaught of excuses related to my absence. And, while they're good ones, they are still, just excuses. We're on the very end of summer vacation. I'll do my best to be short in bringing you up to date.
Big's issues have been in a holding pattern. I'm not sure she was completely truthful about no longer pulling out her eyebrow/lashes, at the beginning. But they do seem to be growing back nicely now. She's had the opportunity to have several play dates with friends this summer. I think that's helped a lot. We had a few nights last week, in which it was just her and I. The first night we went to dinner, sushi, her choice. And dessert, gelato. It was nice for both of us to just hang out and be mellow. I know she loved that the whole night was about her. I told her she could invite a friend to sleep over the next night. They jumped on the trampoline w/the sprinklers on them, put together a craft, (related to horses, of course) and then made pizzas for dinner. I told them as long as they kept it to a low hum they could stay up as late as they wanted, (11-ish). It was way more relaxing than I can relate. She is still seeing therapist. Just this week, her therapist indicated that maybe she didn't need to come every week, "she's doing so well." I asked to keep things, "as is," at least until October. There is so much that can change once school starts. I really, really hope at least one of the friends we've been seeing all summer is in her class. (Say a little prayer for us both, ok?)
I guess Little is also in a holding pattern. Summer has been hard. Her friend base was messed up by the end of last year. (Long story.) She has been dying for her turn at play dates and sleep overs, but her friends just haven't been as available. Daddy and I are doing our best to create lots of "special Little time." My fingers are crossed for her this school year too. I really, really hope there is a girl in her class this year that she can really bond with. Someone, who is sweet, isn't a bully or a mean girl, and doesn't idolize her older sister when she comes over to play. (I know, it's a tall order.) As far as Little's "learning issues" go. It's hard to say. The distraction thing is huge for her. We read and do homework every day. If there's no real distractions, she's great. I feel really confident about her doing well this year. BUT, if there are distractions? Forget it. Her ability to ignore, is so poor. I just don't see how she can learn anything in a classroom with other kids in it. I'm so worried about her.
On top of everything else, Daddy went out of town last week. Her ability to hold it together was awful. It was all those stories about her "spirited personality" rolled up together and put on steroids. I swear I have PTSD from it. I think Daddy thought I was going to drop them off at home, (from the airport,) and keep driving. I can't say it didn't cross my mind. I'm sure it was because Daddy was away, and school is about to start. She's overwhelmed and doesn't know how to burn it off constructively. In the meantime, we all suffer with her.
I'm not really doing all that well. I have a laundry list of things I'm unhappy about, but what it comes down to is, that I'm really afraid I'm not doing right by either of my kids. Most especially Little. I feel like there's more than just the sensory thing going on there. Last week, she would get so mad and frustrated. At one point, she started to swing to him me. She realized what she was doing & turned herself so she hit the couch instead of me. But when she starts having impulse control issues, it makes me think there's more going on. I'm at a loss of what to do to help her. If I am doing the right things to help her, it sure doesn't feel like it. I'm overwhelmed with worry and emotion and I feel like I have no where to vent. She's not bad enough to qualify for state help, but not good enough so that she keeps up on her own. She's not a square peg or a round hole. She's a hexagon in a rectangle world. :-(
Big's issues have been in a holding pattern. I'm not sure she was completely truthful about no longer pulling out her eyebrow/lashes, at the beginning. But they do seem to be growing back nicely now. She's had the opportunity to have several play dates with friends this summer. I think that's helped a lot. We had a few nights last week, in which it was just her and I. The first night we went to dinner, sushi, her choice. And dessert, gelato. It was nice for both of us to just hang out and be mellow. I know she loved that the whole night was about her. I told her she could invite a friend to sleep over the next night. They jumped on the trampoline w/the sprinklers on them, put together a craft, (related to horses, of course) and then made pizzas for dinner. I told them as long as they kept it to a low hum they could stay up as late as they wanted, (11-ish). It was way more relaxing than I can relate. She is still seeing therapist. Just this week, her therapist indicated that maybe she didn't need to come every week, "she's doing so well." I asked to keep things, "as is," at least until October. There is so much that can change once school starts. I really, really hope at least one of the friends we've been seeing all summer is in her class. (Say a little prayer for us both, ok?)
I guess Little is also in a holding pattern. Summer has been hard. Her friend base was messed up by the end of last year. (Long story.) She has been dying for her turn at play dates and sleep overs, but her friends just haven't been as available. Daddy and I are doing our best to create lots of "special Little time." My fingers are crossed for her this school year too. I really, really hope there is a girl in her class this year that she can really bond with. Someone, who is sweet, isn't a bully or a mean girl, and doesn't idolize her older sister when she comes over to play. (I know, it's a tall order.) As far as Little's "learning issues" go. It's hard to say. The distraction thing is huge for her. We read and do homework every day. If there's no real distractions, she's great. I feel really confident about her doing well this year. BUT, if there are distractions? Forget it. Her ability to ignore, is so poor. I just don't see how she can learn anything in a classroom with other kids in it. I'm so worried about her.
On top of everything else, Daddy went out of town last week. Her ability to hold it together was awful. It was all those stories about her "spirited personality" rolled up together and put on steroids. I swear I have PTSD from it. I think Daddy thought I was going to drop them off at home, (from the airport,) and keep driving. I can't say it didn't cross my mind. I'm sure it was because Daddy was away, and school is about to start. She's overwhelmed and doesn't know how to burn it off constructively. In the meantime, we all suffer with her.
I'm not really doing all that well. I have a laundry list of things I'm unhappy about, but what it comes down to is, that I'm really afraid I'm not doing right by either of my kids. Most especially Little. I feel like there's more than just the sensory thing going on there. Last week, she would get so mad and frustrated. At one point, she started to swing to him me. She realized what she was doing & turned herself so she hit the couch instead of me. But when she starts having impulse control issues, it makes me think there's more going on. I'm at a loss of what to do to help her. If I am doing the right things to help her, it sure doesn't feel like it. I'm overwhelmed with worry and emotion and I feel like I have no where to vent. She's not bad enough to qualify for state help, but not good enough so that she keeps up on her own. She's not a square peg or a round hole. She's a hexagon in a rectangle world. :-(
Tuesday, June 07, 2011
To The Winner - The Spoils
I told my husband, if he keeps bringing it up, he's taunting me into writing about it. It's already taking on epic proportions that will be an ongoing private joke between us.
Last night around 9:30ish, I was downstairs on my computer, editing photos, and skimming some rerun. He'd gone upstairs about 9 to take a shower before going to bed. I could hear him walking around, opening windows, etc...usual bedtime routine stuff. All the sudden, he comes racing down the stairs calling the dog. Poor Merit, was sound asleep next to me. She jumped up and was running to the front door barking before she was completely awake. You could see she was perplexed from the look on her face. Daddy was calling for her, so she was on it! He sent her out front barking. I assumed there must be two cats out front fighting or a raccoon or something. (He wouldn't send my preshus babah out after bad guys who could hurt her, right? Though, that might be better than a flea infested rat. Gah!) He called her right back in and closed the door.
"What's going on?"
"Teenagers!"
???
"There was a group of teenagers coming down the street w/toilet paper. They were going to TP L's house!" (Next door's teenage daughter.)
blank stare
???
"So I sent the dog after them."
"To lick them? Why did you stop them?"
"Well they weren't even being that stealthy about it. They have to at least try!"
??? "Did you tell them to get off your lawn too? What are you 80?"
Only now he was gone & out the front door again. A few minutes later he walks back in w/4-5 rolls of partially used TP.
"To the winner goes the spoils!"
"Wha?? What are you going to do w/that??"
That settles it, I'm buying him a cane, so he can raise it up and wave it at the kids as he tells them he'll keep any of the balls that land on his lawn.
Last night around 9:30ish, I was downstairs on my computer, editing photos, and skimming some rerun. He'd gone upstairs about 9 to take a shower before going to bed. I could hear him walking around, opening windows, etc...usual bedtime routine stuff. All the sudden, he comes racing down the stairs calling the dog. Poor Merit, was sound asleep next to me. She jumped up and was running to the front door barking before she was completely awake. You could see she was perplexed from the look on her face. Daddy was calling for her, so she was on it! He sent her out front barking. I assumed there must be two cats out front fighting or a raccoon or something. (He wouldn't send my preshus babah out after bad guys who could hurt her, right? Though, that might be better than a flea infested rat. Gah!) He called her right back in and closed the door.
"What's going on?"
"Teenagers!"
???
"There was a group of teenagers coming down the street w/toilet paper. They were going to TP L's house!" (Next door's teenage daughter.)
blank stare
???
"So I sent the dog after them."
"To lick them? Why did you stop them?"
"Well they weren't even being that stealthy about it. They have to at least try!"
??? "Did you tell them to get off your lawn too? What are you 80?"
Only now he was gone & out the front door again. A few minutes later he walks back in w/4-5 rolls of partially used TP.
"To the winner goes the spoils!"
"Wha?? What are you going to do w/that??"
That settles it, I'm buying him a cane, so he can raise it up and wave it at the kids as he tells them he'll keep any of the balls that land on his lawn.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Hello, I'm still here
Hellloooo!!!
I'm still alive! Things are...well, things mostly just are, that's all. I'm very day-to-day. I overdid Satuday & spent Sunday on pain pills in bed. Last two days have not been stellar; mostly waiting for DaddySpeak to get home so I can take a pain pill. Each day's a bit better than the next, until it's not. In the meantime, we had a softball season; BigSpeak's team came in 2nd overall!
The outlaws came for a 2 week visit, during which LittleSpeak turned 5! (Christ-on-a-Cracker! How the heck did that happen???) and Big made her First Communion. 
This week Big turned 8!!! (I don't understand how these children 
are so big all the sudden!) 
(Also, you may have noticed, Big got 12" cut off her hair.
) Today, is DaddySpeak & I's 10th anniversary. Woot! No, I don't know why he hasn't gone out for cigarettes, even though he doesn't smoke. I'm extremely thankful and lucky that he hasn't.
I know I haven't written in so long; it's just that I have really bad days and when I have moments (and that's all they are,) of ability to do something (laundry! dishes! my life is overflowing with excitement, no?) I tend to try and do stuff for the kids, instead of something for me. I have this sense that I'm failing my kids, but to date, I've only missed 2 of Big's games. I'm struggling not to let my Fibro be the thing that holds us back. I feel it, but so far I think they don't. They know I'm not well. They know mommy gets really grouchy sometimes (pain related). Overall, I don't think they feel much different about their living situation then their other friends.
So Hi! My doctor feels my meds are the right cocktail at the right times and it's just a matter of 3 steps forward, 2 steps back. It's really slow, but it is moving in a forward direction. Each of those things I mentioned deserved a post of it's own. Maybe they'll be forthcoming in the future (I can re-purpose scrapbook pages for those events. ;-) I'm nothing if not resourceful!
I think I'm at the top of this hill (knock on wood,) or at least, close to it. I'm hoping that I'm about to be on the downward slope soon.
I'm still alive! Things are...well, things mostly just are, that's all. I'm very day-to-day. I overdid Satuday & spent Sunday on pain pills in bed. Last two days have not been stellar; mostly waiting for DaddySpeak to get home so I can take a pain pill. Each day's a bit better than the next, until it's not. In the meantime, we had a softball season; BigSpeak's team came in 2nd overall!
The outlaws came for a 2 week visit, during which LittleSpeak turned 5! (Christ-on-a-Cracker! How the heck did that happen???) and Big made her First Communion. 
This week Big turned 8!!! (I don't understand how these children 
are so big all the sudden!) 
(Also, you may have noticed, Big got 12" cut off her hair.
) Today, is DaddySpeak & I's 10th anniversary. Woot! No, I don't know why he hasn't gone out for cigarettes, even though he doesn't smoke. I'm extremely thankful and lucky that he hasn't.I know I haven't written in so long; it's just that I have really bad days and when I have moments (and that's all they are,) of ability to do something (laundry! dishes! my life is overflowing with excitement, no?) I tend to try and do stuff for the kids, instead of something for me. I have this sense that I'm failing my kids, but to date, I've only missed 2 of Big's games. I'm struggling not to let my Fibro be the thing that holds us back. I feel it, but so far I think they don't. They know I'm not well. They know mommy gets really grouchy sometimes (pain related). Overall, I don't think they feel much different about their living situation then their other friends.
So Hi! My doctor feels my meds are the right cocktail at the right times and it's just a matter of 3 steps forward, 2 steps back. It's really slow, but it is moving in a forward direction. Each of those things I mentioned deserved a post of it's own. Maybe they'll be forthcoming in the future (I can re-purpose scrapbook pages for those events. ;-) I'm nothing if not resourceful!
I think I'm at the top of this hill (knock on wood,) or at least, close to it. I'm hoping that I'm about to be on the downward slope soon.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
My New CopyWriter...
I always take a quick peek, before bed, to see what Mir has posted. She's the writer I aspire to be; witty, pithy, funny...She's been having a rough time of it lately, and she's shared a lot of it with us. I know she doesn't share it all, she's good at setting boundaries for what is and isn't her story to tell. (Something I probably need to work on.) When I read the paragraph below, my mouth hit the ground; I've struggled to articulate where I'm at, why I'm frustrated and how lost it makes me all feel. Here she is putting it into a short paragraph, when I took up pages. The paragraphs after are my comments to her. Though, I kind of feel like I ought to give her crap for not writing this a day earlier. Would've saved all of us a lot of time and stress, no?
"I am somewhat prone to those sorts of rages. Sometimes I think I majored in righteous indignation in college. As we muddle through helping Monkey and the school deal with his meltdowns, every bewildered “He just gets so ANGRY” from someone who doesn’t quite get it is a little knife in my heart. Anger is a shielding emotion. It’s much easier to be angry than to be sad. Misery is vulnerable; outrage is invincible. I know why Monkey gets mad—being pissed at everyone still feels like being in control, while admitting that you feel lost and hopeless is a free-fall."
This paragraph is me right now. It's me I'm angry with; me and this damn FM. I'm angry w/everyone who doesn't understand, because I feel these are the people who should understand and should help me. I know, in my heart, they are doing the best that they can do. But the fact that I need more, make me sad, and scared...and angry.
I'm glad you have Otto, and I have my husband, who for all the bitching I do about him, is my rock in all of this. (And puts up with all my bitching.) I constantly apologize to him too. I can't understand why he puts up with me and all my shite. He wasn't family, he choose to be here, knowing what he was getting at the time too. (Mostly knowing, nobody really knows till you're physically living with it.) I know when he says he's not leaving he's not, it's just hard to believe when so many others do.
Thanks for giving a voice to feelings I have so much trouble expressing on my own.
Here's to the end of the week, and a large glass of wine.
"I am somewhat prone to those sorts of rages. Sometimes I think I majored in righteous indignation in college. As we muddle through helping Monkey and the school deal with his meltdowns, every bewildered “He just gets so ANGRY” from someone who doesn’t quite get it is a little knife in my heart. Anger is a shielding emotion. It’s much easier to be angry than to be sad. Misery is vulnerable; outrage is invincible. I know why Monkey gets mad—being pissed at everyone still feels like being in control, while admitting that you feel lost and hopeless is a free-fall."
This paragraph is me right now. It's me I'm angry with; me and this damn FM. I'm angry w/everyone who doesn't understand, because I feel these are the people who should understand and should help me. I know, in my heart, they are doing the best that they can do. But the fact that I need more, make me sad, and scared...and angry.
I'm glad you have Otto, and I have my husband, who for all the bitching I do about him, is my rock in all of this. (And puts up with all my bitching.) I constantly apologize to him too. I can't understand why he puts up with me and all my shite. He wasn't family, he choose to be here, knowing what he was getting at the time too. (Mostly knowing, nobody really knows till you're physically living with it.) I know when he says he's not leaving he's not, it's just hard to believe when so many others do.
Thanks for giving a voice to feelings I have so much trouble expressing on my own.
Here's to the end of the week, and a large glass of wine.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Anger
Yeah, I'm going through the 12 steps, maybe by the time I'm done, the Fibro will be gone? Wouldn't that be nice.
I'm angry about a lot of things. Who wouldn't be? There are the things I'm missing, which makes me angry; activities w/the kids for example. I'm angry w/being sick & feeling like crap all the time. I'm angry about having an illness that isn't understood and that some people don't believe in. What I'm most angry about is all the guilt I have associated with being angry. There's a huge part of me that feels like I'm not allowed to be angry. I don't understand it either. I didn't choose to be like this. I don't choose to miss out on those things. I often borrow spoons from the future, so I won't miss out, but in the choosing I'm losing other things and I often get mad or at least frustrated with all of it.
Last night, LittleSpeak came in about midnight, upset from a bad dream. I let her lay in bed w/us, which, of course, turned into sleeping with us. I don't do well w/either of the kids in our bed. I tend not to be able to get any real sleep (REM) when they're there because I stay somewhat aware of what they're doing. I did get a few hours, but at 3 AM I woke because she had me pinned w/one of her legs. (She was pretty much sideways.) I had to wake up DaddySpeak to take her back to her room. Again, my sleep wasn't great, which means when I woke up this morning, I was already starting the day minus spoons; I was hurting. Little (our alarm clock,) came in to get us (me) up. (Somehow Daddy seems to "sleep though" her little wake up visits every morning.) I had forgotten to set the alarm, so we were late. (Big has CCD on Sunday's before church.) I got up, got both girls dressed, fed and dropped off Big at CCD. Came home, set Little up w/a "movie" (cartoons) and unloaded the dishwasher. Daddy came down in sweats a few minutes before we needed to pick up Big. I left to pick her up, took her to the bookstore, (gift for a party was going to later,) got her home, wrapped her gift, redid her hair (braids for jumping, going to trampoline place,) and pulled up the waiver for the trampoline place. I'd done all of this before 10 AM and was hurting more & more as we went along. In the meantime, Daddy was sitting in the same place, watching basketball recaps from yesterday. (Yes, he'd already seen them before.) Note; we have two printers in this house. One is supposed to be wifi, but went off-line a few months ago & we haven't been able to get it back online since. The other is plugged into our computer upstairs. I had to go upstairs to pull up the waiver for the party & print it. Sounds easy, yes? Except, my husband has loaded all kinds of extra software on that computer and it constantly wants to be updated. There's a continuous stream of pop-ups appearing to ask you if you want to update. He has put so much crap on there, that I don't know what's legit & what isn't, so I don't feel comfortable saying yes to any of the updates. I've asked him multiple times, over several months, to fix this, but he has yet to do it. Because the pop-ups are running (or trying to,) it inevitably locks up the computer. It took me 20 mins to print that damn waiver. (It should've taken 2.) During all of this, the girls kept coming upstairs to ask me how to spell words (b-day card,) & where things were (wrapping & card making supplies.) Daddy was sitting 10 feet away from them, but he doesn't answer or even acknowledge when he's watching (reruns) basketball. Stress will up your symptoms w/Fibro, and I was feeling pretty stressed by the time I got done. So, my pain level was going up, not down. Then I reread the email & realized I needed to drive Big to the b-day girls house, (I misread it & thought they were picking her up.) So I was scrambling to get her to their house. I was hoping to take Little to this place, to the little kids free play area & maybe get some pix of the the b-day party and Little bouncing, but I'm not up for it. I got back from dropping Big off & told Daddy that and I can tell he's not thrilled to take her on his own. But I don't think being bounced around is in my best interest right now. Truth be told, I need some down time alone right now. I also bit his head off about the computer thing, so he's thrilled w/me right nwo. I'm irritated w/life and him and he's irritated w/me. Here's the thing, I have a huge amount of guilt for being frustrated with him. Bah! It's not like he hasn't had plenty of time to fix the computer situation. But I'm feeling guilty because I end up missing so much and he has to do with the kids on the weekends.
I know rationally that he should spend the time with his kids. That, I too, deserve a break. I get that when I stay home from something fun, I'm not really getting "me time. I'm just making sure I have enough spoons to finish the day. I would actually be happy if I were to get to sleep in once a week, ever. He is slacking on getting the computer stuff done. But I feel guilty because I would take care of this stuff if I wasn't sick. It's like cruel trick of nature; you're going to feel like shite, you're going to miss out on lots of fun things and you're going to feel guilt for missing it all.
When do I get a break?
I'm angry about a lot of things. Who wouldn't be? There are the things I'm missing, which makes me angry; activities w/the kids for example. I'm angry w/being sick & feeling like crap all the time. I'm angry about having an illness that isn't understood and that some people don't believe in. What I'm most angry about is all the guilt I have associated with being angry. There's a huge part of me that feels like I'm not allowed to be angry. I don't understand it either. I didn't choose to be like this. I don't choose to miss out on those things. I often borrow spoons from the future, so I won't miss out, but in the choosing I'm losing other things and I often get mad or at least frustrated with all of it.
Last night, LittleSpeak came in about midnight, upset from a bad dream. I let her lay in bed w/us, which, of course, turned into sleeping with us. I don't do well w/either of the kids in our bed. I tend not to be able to get any real sleep (REM) when they're there because I stay somewhat aware of what they're doing. I did get a few hours, but at 3 AM I woke because she had me pinned w/one of her legs. (She was pretty much sideways.) I had to wake up DaddySpeak to take her back to her room. Again, my sleep wasn't great, which means when I woke up this morning, I was already starting the day minus spoons; I was hurting. Little (our alarm clock,) came in to get us (me) up. (Somehow Daddy seems to "sleep though" her little wake up visits every morning.) I had forgotten to set the alarm, so we were late. (Big has CCD on Sunday's before church.) I got up, got both girls dressed, fed and dropped off Big at CCD. Came home, set Little up w/a "movie" (cartoons) and unloaded the dishwasher. Daddy came down in sweats a few minutes before we needed to pick up Big. I left to pick her up, took her to the bookstore, (gift for a party was going to later,) got her home, wrapped her gift, redid her hair (braids for jumping, going to trampoline place,) and pulled up the waiver for the trampoline place. I'd done all of this before 10 AM and was hurting more & more as we went along. In the meantime, Daddy was sitting in the same place, watching basketball recaps from yesterday. (Yes, he'd already seen them before.) Note; we have two printers in this house. One is supposed to be wifi, but went off-line a few months ago & we haven't been able to get it back online since. The other is plugged into our computer upstairs. I had to go upstairs to pull up the waiver for the party & print it. Sounds easy, yes? Except, my husband has loaded all kinds of extra software on that computer and it constantly wants to be updated. There's a continuous stream of pop-ups appearing to ask you if you want to update. He has put so much crap on there, that I don't know what's legit & what isn't, so I don't feel comfortable saying yes to any of the updates. I've asked him multiple times, over several months, to fix this, but he has yet to do it. Because the pop-ups are running (or trying to,) it inevitably locks up the computer. It took me 20 mins to print that damn waiver. (It should've taken 2.) During all of this, the girls kept coming upstairs to ask me how to spell words (b-day card,) & where things were (wrapping & card making supplies.) Daddy was sitting 10 feet away from them, but he doesn't answer or even acknowledge when he's watching (reruns) basketball. Stress will up your symptoms w/Fibro, and I was feeling pretty stressed by the time I got done. So, my pain level was going up, not down. Then I reread the email & realized I needed to drive Big to the b-day girls house, (I misread it & thought they were picking her up.) So I was scrambling to get her to their house. I was hoping to take Little to this place, to the little kids free play area & maybe get some pix of the the b-day party and Little bouncing, but I'm not up for it. I got back from dropping Big off & told Daddy that and I can tell he's not thrilled to take her on his own. But I don't think being bounced around is in my best interest right now. Truth be told, I need some down time alone right now. I also bit his head off about the computer thing, so he's thrilled w/me right nwo. I'm irritated w/life and him and he's irritated w/me. Here's the thing, I have a huge amount of guilt for being frustrated with him. Bah! It's not like he hasn't had plenty of time to fix the computer situation. But I'm feeling guilty because I end up missing so much and he has to do with the kids on the weekends.
I know rationally that he should spend the time with his kids. That, I too, deserve a break. I get that when I stay home from something fun, I'm not really getting "me time. I'm just making sure I have enough spoons to finish the day. I would actually be happy if I were to get to sleep in once a week, ever. He is slacking on getting the computer stuff done. But I feel guilty because I would take care of this stuff if I wasn't sick. It's like cruel trick of nature; you're going to feel like shite, you're going to miss out on lots of fun things and you're going to feel guilt for missing it all.
When do I get a break?
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Over Done, Merry Effing X-mas
I'm over done.
I'm sort of in the middle of a tantrum of my own, I guess, but I've been bottling up all these feelings for some time now (why I haven't written) and now they've accumulated till there's no more room for them.
I'm feeling overwhelmed as we're dealing with the third round of lice in the girls. I literally spent my entire day yesterday and today, treating the girls & brushing them out. I haven't even done the whole wipe down, clean out the whole house thing because I just can't wrap my head around it. But it's hanging over my head that I need to do it, or I will be dealing with round #4 of this, at which point I'm considering fire bombing the damn house.
Yesterday, we did Christmas gifts w/my family. The girls were thrilled, as they received what they were hoping Santa would bring, (American Girl dolls,) but from my parents. Honestly, that's really all I care about, that they're happy. But, I'd be lying if I didn't admit I was left feeling like a major afterthought. For some reason, my mom decided that I would like what my SIL wanted for Christmas. So, pretty much, she gave me duplicates to what she bought my SIL. My SIL & I don't buy for each other, so haven't seen her list. I'm assuming that she wanted the things we were given. Maybe she's thinking the same thing as me. What I do know, is that of the presents I received, 3 were things I already had, and 1 was something I won't use. I don't want to sound ungrateful, and I know that's how this is sounding, it's just another straw added to my stress level, and the camel's back broke ages ago. It just made me feel like crap. Several years ago my family created electronic lists, so there was no question as to what people wanted for birthdays & Christmas. I updated my list, but no one seems to have actually looked at it. OK, that's not true, I did get a bathrobe (from my parents,) I wanted for my birthday. But otherwise, no. My husband got me a outdoor light for my birthday, no, I did NOT ask for it. I mentioned this summer when we had the house painted, that now we needed a new light & mailbox for the porch. I did not put it on any personal lists. I did not consider it something that I would've give to my husband as a gift, as it's something for the house, not the person. Now, my folks have joined the foray with their effort at Christmas, and it just made me feel like crap.
Yes, I'm totally having a pity party. Yes, I'm being a baby & throwing a tantrum of sorts. I get it, I need to put on my big girl panties and move on. It's just been a nonstop barrage of Fibro symptoms, and fire drills (read: lice infestation) and I'm feeling very over worked, overwhelmed and under appreciated. I know much of this is an emotional reaction to the lack of sleep & pain I'm dealing with, but it doesn't make me want to cry any less just because I know the rational side of what's wrong with me.
Tonight, when DaddySpeak got home early from work, I suggested we get Subway & go see the lights in the park in Los Gatos. Yes, it will be a long line, but we're free tonight & the girls would like it. He said no. He said it was because sitting in the car like that is bad for my back, but I know the real truth is that he hates being in the car like that. He can say what he wants, but that's the truth and he knows it. I was in the middle of my FOUR HOUR hair routine w/the girls at the time, so him coming in and telling me I'm doing it wrong didn't improve my mood so much either. I told him to knock himself out & finish, so he did. When done, he wanted to know what was up for dinner. I told him I had put forth my suggestion & been shot down, so he could do it. I did suggest some food I had in the kitchen, but the girls wanted pizza and worked him over. I'm supposed to be getting on my low carb diet which, is sort of a joke, (I've been stress eating so much chocolate, I'm pretty sure I've gained all the weight back I just lost,) but I opted out. So they went out to dinner. I'm sure they were probably relieved to get away from me. I'm such a freaking bitch right now, I wouldn't want to be around me either.
So I'm going to go frolic with all the last min shoppers & see if I can't get my ass run over in a mall parking lot or something, because, clearly I hate myself. (Why else would one go shopping tonight?) I have a couple last minute things I need to get for the girls and him. Not deal breakers, but things I haven't been able to get because of sick kids, sick me, and now school's out.
I'm sort of in the middle of a tantrum of my own, I guess, but I've been bottling up all these feelings for some time now (why I haven't written) and now they've accumulated till there's no more room for them.
I'm feeling overwhelmed as we're dealing with the third round of lice in the girls. I literally spent my entire day yesterday and today, treating the girls & brushing them out. I haven't even done the whole wipe down, clean out the whole house thing because I just can't wrap my head around it. But it's hanging over my head that I need to do it, or I will be dealing with round #4 of this, at which point I'm considering fire bombing the damn house.
Yesterday, we did Christmas gifts w/my family. The girls were thrilled, as they received what they were hoping Santa would bring, (American Girl dolls,) but from my parents. Honestly, that's really all I care about, that they're happy. But, I'd be lying if I didn't admit I was left feeling like a major afterthought. For some reason, my mom decided that I would like what my SIL wanted for Christmas. So, pretty much, she gave me duplicates to what she bought my SIL. My SIL & I don't buy for each other, so haven't seen her list. I'm assuming that she wanted the things we were given. Maybe she's thinking the same thing as me. What I do know, is that of the presents I received, 3 were things I already had, and 1 was something I won't use. I don't want to sound ungrateful, and I know that's how this is sounding, it's just another straw added to my stress level, and the camel's back broke ages ago. It just made me feel like crap. Several years ago my family created electronic lists, so there was no question as to what people wanted for birthdays & Christmas. I updated my list, but no one seems to have actually looked at it. OK, that's not true, I did get a bathrobe (from my parents,) I wanted for my birthday. But otherwise, no. My husband got me a outdoor light for my birthday, no, I did NOT ask for it. I mentioned this summer when we had the house painted, that now we needed a new light & mailbox for the porch. I did not put it on any personal lists. I did not consider it something that I would've give to my husband as a gift, as it's something for the house, not the person. Now, my folks have joined the foray with their effort at Christmas, and it just made me feel like crap.
Yes, I'm totally having a pity party. Yes, I'm being a baby & throwing a tantrum of sorts. I get it, I need to put on my big girl panties and move on. It's just been a nonstop barrage of Fibro symptoms, and fire drills (read: lice infestation) and I'm feeling very over worked, overwhelmed and under appreciated. I know much of this is an emotional reaction to the lack of sleep & pain I'm dealing with, but it doesn't make me want to cry any less just because I know the rational side of what's wrong with me.
Tonight, when DaddySpeak got home early from work, I suggested we get Subway & go see the lights in the park in Los Gatos. Yes, it will be a long line, but we're free tonight & the girls would like it. He said no. He said it was because sitting in the car like that is bad for my back, but I know the real truth is that he hates being in the car like that. He can say what he wants, but that's the truth and he knows it. I was in the middle of my FOUR HOUR hair routine w/the girls at the time, so him coming in and telling me I'm doing it wrong didn't improve my mood so much either. I told him to knock himself out & finish, so he did. When done, he wanted to know what was up for dinner. I told him I had put forth my suggestion & been shot down, so he could do it. I did suggest some food I had in the kitchen, but the girls wanted pizza and worked him over. I'm supposed to be getting on my low carb diet which, is sort of a joke, (I've been stress eating so much chocolate, I'm pretty sure I've gained all the weight back I just lost,) but I opted out. So they went out to dinner. I'm sure they were probably relieved to get away from me. I'm such a freaking bitch right now, I wouldn't want to be around me either.
So I'm going to go frolic with all the last min shoppers & see if I can't get my ass run over in a mall parking lot or something, because, clearly I hate myself. (Why else would one go shopping tonight?) I have a couple last minute things I need to get for the girls and him. Not deal breakers, but things I haven't been able to get because of sick kids, sick me, and now school's out.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
How I know I'm done having kids
NSFSBV
Not Safe For Sue Bob Viewing
Two weeks ago a good friend asked if we'd watch her almost 3yo twins for the day. They were going away for 4 days & she had the rest of the time covered, but needed someone to watch them the first day, all day. I said, "No problem" The twins, especially Girl Twin, adores Big & Little. We play with them more or less once a week, so they know us well. Also, when I've been in a crunch, their mom has watched Little for me, more times than I probably know, so I owe her, if nothing else.
The twins have started pre-school and are more or less potty trained. (I know, they aren't even three yet!) She gave us the heads up on the potty situation (Girl had gone, Boy had not, neither had pooped yet.) Kids started playing & everything was more or less fine. After about an hour, I remembered that they should probably try to go. At the mere mention of the word bathroom (or anything remotely related to it,) Girl Twin would curl into the fetal position and start crying. She wouldn't say anything. She'd just lay down in a fetal position and cry. Um, yeah. "Okay, you let us know when you need to go honey." Boy twin said he didn't have to go yet. "Well then, let's all go play outside!" About 10 min later Boy twin decides he has to go. So DaddySpeak and I both escort him to the bathroom. I'm suddenly stymied. Does he stand up or sit down? I look at DS, "How would I know?"
"I don't know, you're a guy, you have more experience with this than me, what do you think?"
He looks at me blankly.
I make the executive call and determine, he's "just" potty trained, he's not even three, so he MUST sit down. Right? Right? (He's not tall enough to pee standing up, right?) I plop him on the toilet seat, (of course, we don't have a smaller seat that goes over it, or a potty chair anymore, that would be too easy). I "tuck his junk" and sort of step back. I don't really step back, so much as straiten up. You know, big seat, small bum, could be pretty traumatic if he fell in, so I wanted to be there to grab him, just in case. Next thing I know, he's pulled it out and is peeing. Not in the toilet. Noooooo. He's peeing all over the wall across from the toilet. "But how?" you ask, since I was standing in front of him. Well, luckily I had my legs spread apart, so yes, he was peeing on the wall, shooting it between! my! legs! (Dude, I can't make this shit up!) Just to complete the visual for you, Boy twin, he was laughing while he was doing it too. I yelp, but can't move, because I'll get peed on. I look to the door where DS was standing and HE'S GONE! I yell for him, because I don't know what to do at this point. In the meantime, Boy twin is going, going, going... (and laughing, laughing, laughing,) remember he'd been holding it for a couple hours before this. DS shows up and is yelling and laughing. Pee's running down the wall, all over the floor (THANK BABY JEBUS I had on shoes for a change!) and it's running down the heating vent on the floor next to me. Special, I know. So, not a drop in the toilet, not a drop on Boy twin, but all over bathroom wall and floor. DS got the wet vac and went to town after. Luckily, we hadn't cleaned out the vents yet from summer (heater's been turned off). There was a thin layer of lint & pet hair that "caught" most of what went in the vent. So, no, the bathroom did NOT smell of nastiness when the heater did get turned on.
Twins 1 - Speaks 0
After we finished that adventure, I had some errands I had to run. DS said they would all be fine. All the kids were playing in the backyard. We'd tried to get Girl twin to use the potty again with similar results. Yes, we did try to get Big & Little Speak to coax her, she wasn't having it. Fetal position, ground & tears. While I was gone, DS noticed Girl twin suddenly beeline for the corner of the yard. He realized she couldn't hold it any longer, but she was too fast for him. When he got to her she had already peed herself. When I came home, both of the twins were on their second set of clothes, and it wasn't even lunch time yet.
Twins 2 - Speaks 0
It was around this time, I realized, I am done having kids. I love babies. I mean I LOVE babies. I want another baby. When I smell new baby smell my ovaries ache. I mean it, they ache. I swear I spontaneously ovulate right then and there. But I do NOT and can NOT handle a toddler again. No way. It'll be the death of me I'm sure.
Not Safe For Sue Bob Viewing
Two weeks ago a good friend asked if we'd watch her almost 3yo twins for the day. They were going away for 4 days & she had the rest of the time covered, but needed someone to watch them the first day, all day. I said, "No problem" The twins, especially Girl Twin, adores Big & Little. We play with them more or less once a week, so they know us well. Also, when I've been in a crunch, their mom has watched Little for me, more times than I probably know, so I owe her, if nothing else.
The twins have started pre-school and are more or less potty trained. (I know, they aren't even three yet!) She gave us the heads up on the potty situation (Girl had gone, Boy had not, neither had pooped yet.) Kids started playing & everything was more or less fine. After about an hour, I remembered that they should probably try to go. At the mere mention of the word bathroom (or anything remotely related to it,) Girl Twin would curl into the fetal position and start crying. She wouldn't say anything. She'd just lay down in a fetal position and cry. Um, yeah. "Okay, you let us know when you need to go honey." Boy twin said he didn't have to go yet. "Well then, let's all go play outside!" About 10 min later Boy twin decides he has to go. So DaddySpeak and I both escort him to the bathroom. I'm suddenly stymied. Does he stand up or sit down? I look at DS, "How would I know?"
"I don't know, you're a guy, you have more experience with this than me, what do you think?"
He looks at me blankly.
I make the executive call and determine, he's "just" potty trained, he's not even three, so he MUST sit down. Right? Right? (He's not tall enough to pee standing up, right?) I plop him on the toilet seat, (of course, we don't have a smaller seat that goes over it, or a potty chair anymore, that would be too easy). I "tuck his junk" and sort of step back. I don't really step back, so much as straiten up. You know, big seat, small bum, could be pretty traumatic if he fell in, so I wanted to be there to grab him, just in case. Next thing I know, he's pulled it out and is peeing. Not in the toilet. Noooooo. He's peeing all over the wall across from the toilet. "But how?" you ask, since I was standing in front of him. Well, luckily I had my legs spread apart, so yes, he was peeing on the wall, shooting it between! my! legs! (Dude, I can't make this shit up!) Just to complete the visual for you, Boy twin, he was laughing while he was doing it too. I yelp, but can't move, because I'll get peed on. I look to the door where DS was standing and HE'S GONE! I yell for him, because I don't know what to do at this point. In the meantime, Boy twin is going, going, going... (and laughing, laughing, laughing,) remember he'd been holding it for a couple hours before this. DS shows up and is yelling and laughing. Pee's running down the wall, all over the floor (THANK BABY JEBUS I had on shoes for a change!) and it's running down the heating vent on the floor next to me. Special, I know. So, not a drop in the toilet, not a drop on Boy twin, but all over bathroom wall and floor. DS got the wet vac and went to town after. Luckily, we hadn't cleaned out the vents yet from summer (heater's been turned off). There was a thin layer of lint & pet hair that "caught" most of what went in the vent. So, no, the bathroom did NOT smell of nastiness when the heater did get turned on.
Twins 1 - Speaks 0
After we finished that adventure, I had some errands I had to run. DS said they would all be fine. All the kids were playing in the backyard. We'd tried to get Girl twin to use the potty again with similar results. Yes, we did try to get Big & Little Speak to coax her, she wasn't having it. Fetal position, ground & tears. While I was gone, DS noticed Girl twin suddenly beeline for the corner of the yard. He realized she couldn't hold it any longer, but she was too fast for him. When he got to her she had already peed herself. When I came home, both of the twins were on their second set of clothes, and it wasn't even lunch time yet.
Twins 2 - Speaks 0
It was around this time, I realized, I am done having kids. I love babies. I mean I LOVE babies. I want another baby. When I smell new baby smell my ovaries ache. I mean it, they ache. I swear I spontaneously ovulate right then and there. But I do NOT and can NOT handle a toddler again. No way. It'll be the death of me I'm sure.
Sunday, August 01, 2010
Amazing and Lucky
This weekend I realized how much my husband really loves me. That might sound like a weird statement when I tell you why, but just wait, you'll see.
We've been married for nine years, and he does lots of the traditional things on the traditional days to show me that he cares for me. I appreciate all of those things, (and hopes he continues on that tract,) but this weekend he showed me his love in ways that I couldn't have articulated before hand. They're such small things and yet, that is part of what makes them so big. During these past four years especially, with this back problem, he has consistently picked up the slack over and over again for me. But this weekend, he came over to the beach house after being away from us all week. He stepped in and just picked up where I left off! On Friday, when we got back from the beach, BigSpeak had been trounced by the ocean during the day. She went to the outdoor shower to get cleaned up. LittleSpeak was sounds asleep in the car. DaddySpeak had pulled up a few minutes before us. He fawned over the girls and got all the details of the week while I helped them in the shower (Little woke up during the time). After I got done getting both girls clean (and they were in their room getting dressed). I sat on the couch for a few minutes to pull myself together. I do this most nights. I need 10 mins to decompress and rest my back before I start dinner. I usually look at my phone to see what's happening with Twitter and such. While I did this, he started dinner. Since he was doing this, and I realized it, I took a few minutes longer than usual and had a little conversation. When I walked over the kitchen (maybe 15 mins total had passed) the table was set, dinner was made & we were being called to eat! I KNOW that's not an amazing thing, but it happened so easily, so seamlessly that it felt amazing.
All weekend has been like this, he's put in new lights, hung some hooks, vacuumed the fireplace and garage...all things that needed to be done, and I wanted done. Things we'd talked about in weeks before & then he just did them. And we were a family. We did family things. I've got a rotten cough/cold thing and he let me sleep in, but then I was able to participate in the rest of the day because of that.
It was just so amazing to feel that groove with him. My back has been such a force in what we can and can't do for so long it's crazy. This was the first time in a months (maybe years) when we just were...and it was so nice.
I realized (once again) how lucky I am to have someone who understands me and (in spite of that understanding still) loves me. Loves me enough to pick up where I leave off, without anyone having to say anything. I am the luckiest girl alive.
We've been married for nine years, and he does lots of the traditional things on the traditional days to show me that he cares for me. I appreciate all of those things, (and hopes he continues on that tract,) but this weekend he showed me his love in ways that I couldn't have articulated before hand. They're such small things and yet, that is part of what makes them so big. During these past four years especially, with this back problem, he has consistently picked up the slack over and over again for me. But this weekend, he came over to the beach house after being away from us all week. He stepped in and just picked up where I left off! On Friday, when we got back from the beach, BigSpeak had been trounced by the ocean during the day. She went to the outdoor shower to get cleaned up. LittleSpeak was sounds asleep in the car. DaddySpeak had pulled up a few minutes before us. He fawned over the girls and got all the details of the week while I helped them in the shower (Little woke up during the time). After I got done getting both girls clean (and they were in their room getting dressed). I sat on the couch for a few minutes to pull myself together. I do this most nights. I need 10 mins to decompress and rest my back before I start dinner. I usually look at my phone to see what's happening with Twitter and such. While I did this, he started dinner. Since he was doing this, and I realized it, I took a few minutes longer than usual and had a little conversation. When I walked over the kitchen (maybe 15 mins total had passed) the table was set, dinner was made & we were being called to eat! I KNOW that's not an amazing thing, but it happened so easily, so seamlessly that it felt amazing.
All weekend has been like this, he's put in new lights, hung some hooks, vacuumed the fireplace and garage...all things that needed to be done, and I wanted done. Things we'd talked about in weeks before & then he just did them. And we were a family. We did family things. I've got a rotten cough/cold thing and he let me sleep in, but then I was able to participate in the rest of the day because of that.
It was just so amazing to feel that groove with him. My back has been such a force in what we can and can't do for so long it's crazy. This was the first time in a months (maybe years) when we just were...and it was so nice.
I realized (once again) how lucky I am to have someone who understands me and (in spite of that understanding still) loves me. Loves me enough to pick up where I leave off, without anyone having to say anything. I am the luckiest girl alive.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
An Afterthought
I'm not sure what to make of all of this. I wasn't going to write about it. There are some things you self censor about, and relationship issues with DaddySpeak are generally things I treat as off limits, unless/until resolved. Even then, there's usually a bigger issue that I'm talking about and the "resolved relationship issue" is a side story. But there's a trend going on here and I'm not sure what to make of it. Maybe you can help me make some sense of it. Sometimes, you're too close to the subject to see it clearly, forest for the trees and all.
In the last month DaddySpeak has regularly "let me down"about some (what I consider) fairly major stuff. He's had issues with scheduling for all three of my epidurals. Someone has to drive me home from the appointment. I also, should have someone around that day, just in case. He made it to the first one, though he had to call in sick, because he requested the next week off. I could tell from his reaction that some how this was my fault. It wasn't, not only did we talk about it over the phone, but there were texts involved. It was short notice, but he was involved in the decision. I wasn't too concerned, other than the response that implied it was my fault. I was frustrated, but you know, it happens.
The second epidural was also my fault because, I "didn't email the dates and therefore they don't exist if they haven't been sent in email." Yes, that's a quote. Again with the attitude that there is fault implied and how dare I expect him to take time off for this, again.
After that, I emailed the last date of the epidural to him. He swears I told him May 5. Maybe I did. I'm taking pain, nerve dulling & mild anti-anxiety drugs. I'm in a fair amount of pain consistently. The pain dictates my attention span more than I'd like to admit. It is likely that I will make some mistakes here and there. I would think I would've remembered noting May 5 (Cinco do Mayo) but maybe not. Anyway, on May 4th when it came up that the shot was not the next day, but the next week, I was told he could NOT take me on May 12 because he rescheduled a meeting that day based on being out on May 5. Um, OK. I don't know how important this meeting really was, maybe it was that important, but I'd be lying if I didn't admit my feelings were hurt. I worked it out with my parents to watch the girls AND take me to my appointment. I would deal with being home alone after the appointment. I've been fine the other two times, I suppose I'll be fine this time as well.
May 4th was also the date of my first physical therapy appointment since I started the epidural shots. The appointment involved mostly massage, and a little exercise. It didn't seem like much, but I was definitely feeling the affects of it by that night. I did not sleep well (i.e.--at all, more or less) that night from the pain. In the morning, when DaddySpeak was getting ready for work, I noted that he had already planned to take the time off. Since I was exhausted and hurting, perhaps he could stay home as planned. I was told no. He had things to do at work that day. This was the same day that after calling in the late morning to ask that he come home soon because I was NOT improving, Little jumped on my stomach. At that point, I called and TOLD him to come home NOW. I was seriously hurt and pissed.
So, my medical related needs are not the priority I feel like they ought to be with my husband. I can't say he hasn't been here for me in a big way on a day-to-day basis, because he has. And this has been going on forever. (In our FOURTH YEAR.) I get that. But like I said, I'd be lying if I didn't say my feelings were hurt.
On Mother's Day I don't think I had high hopes for much. But I did have a few small expectations. My expectations; sleeping in, a Starbucks mocha (preferable in bed, but not required) & breakfast (also preferably in bed, but not required). My mom's birthday fell on Mother's day this year, and as with all years we celebrated her b-day on Mom's day. This ends up meaning that once out of our house mom's day is pretty much over & it's my mom's b-day. It has always been this way, for me so I never gave it much thought, until I had kids of my own. I was going to host her b-day at our house this year, but because of my back issues my mom insisted she wanted it at her house. (I think she was secretly please, gave her something to fret over before hand and she could control the whole day to her satisfaction.) I think my hopes for mom's day for myself were small, but not small enough I guess. Little got up at dark o'clock. OK, I can't complain to much. She now sleeps in till SEVEN AM. No, it's not 10, but it's not 5:30 anymore either. She came in our room for snuggles. She wants to lay on MY side of the bed. (To get into stuff on my bedside table.) I convinced her to hit the middle of the bed, hoping she'd snuggle w/Daddy, and maybe I could go back to sleep. He tickles her till she gets annoyed and moves back to the edge of my side. Then he rolled over and WENT BACK TO SLEEP. Little will last, maybe, 30 min and then wants to get up for breakfast. I KNOW he was still awake when she started in to do this, but he feigned sleep. I GOT UP at 7:30 AM on Mother's day & made the kids breakfast. It wasn't anything fancy (toaster waffles). It's more about the point of it. This is like the one day of the year I ought to get to sleep in, right? Daddy got up at 11. Yeah, he totally slept in. When he got up he was all, "You let me sleep in till 11?" I just looked at him. I'm sure he did fall back asleep, but I KNOW he was awake when I got up with the girls. He then told me he'd be right back. He ran out and got me a mocha & an orchid. I guess, I should be grateful for the coffee & plant. It just felt so half-assed at that point, I was having trouble finding my graditude. Then I had to remind the girls it was mother's day & they had gifts they made for me at school. (It would have been nice if someone else had waited 10 minutes to get on the computer and reminded them for me. Maybe I'm getting into bitchy territory here, but I don't think it's much to ask for. I'm asking for some consideration.) Thank goodness for the schools or nothing would've happened for me. Because it was my mom's b-day, I then got to go to the grocery store 2x for the desert I was making. In the process, I saved DaddySpeak's butt, but reminding him to call him mom with the girls. (I did it for her, not for him.) Once at my mom's house, the guys all sit and watch TV, which means the women pick up, put together, feed the kids, and clean up. My dad did BBQ the meat, and do the dishes. But the dishes thing, was mostly because my SIL and I were in full protest by that time and refused to do them. I believe my SIL and I (and actually my BFF, which is another story) all should get a do-over on Mother's Day.
Today, I had my last epidural. This is the one he couldn't miss work because of a meeting. When leaving for work I noted to DaddySpeak that he would need to pick up the girls after work. That's when he sort of remembered I was having the shot. He never called today to see how I was, in fact, tonight he had been home for about 4 hours before he inquired. When he picked up the girls he said he was going to grab sometime to eat on the way home. I assumed he'd call when he figured out what they were getting to see what I wanted. He didn't. The girls came running up to see me and told me they had a surprise for me. They got me dessert. He "forgot to see if I wanted something." Obviously, I wasn't completely forgotten, dessert was procured. I wouldn't really think much of it all alone. The accumulation of these events is what's bugging me.
I get it, he's distracted. There's some stuff (position changes, people above him, not him,) going on at work, but he says it's fine. I don't know what to think anymore. I do know what I feel.
I feel like I matter very little right now.
In the last month DaddySpeak has regularly "let me down"about some (what I consider) fairly major stuff. He's had issues with scheduling for all three of my epidurals. Someone has to drive me home from the appointment. I also, should have someone around that day, just in case. He made it to the first one, though he had to call in sick, because he requested the next week off. I could tell from his reaction that some how this was my fault. It wasn't, not only did we talk about it over the phone, but there were texts involved. It was short notice, but he was involved in the decision. I wasn't too concerned, other than the response that implied it was my fault. I was frustrated, but you know, it happens.
The second epidural was also my fault because, I "didn't email the dates and therefore they don't exist if they haven't been sent in email." Yes, that's a quote. Again with the attitude that there is fault implied and how dare I expect him to take time off for this, again.
After that, I emailed the last date of the epidural to him. He swears I told him May 5. Maybe I did. I'm taking pain, nerve dulling & mild anti-anxiety drugs. I'm in a fair amount of pain consistently. The pain dictates my attention span more than I'd like to admit. It is likely that I will make some mistakes here and there. I would think I would've remembered noting May 5 (Cinco do Mayo) but maybe not. Anyway, on May 4th when it came up that the shot was not the next day, but the next week, I was told he could NOT take me on May 12 because he rescheduled a meeting that day based on being out on May 5. Um, OK. I don't know how important this meeting really was, maybe it was that important, but I'd be lying if I didn't admit my feelings were hurt. I worked it out with my parents to watch the girls AND take me to my appointment. I would deal with being home alone after the appointment. I've been fine the other two times, I suppose I'll be fine this time as well.
May 4th was also the date of my first physical therapy appointment since I started the epidural shots. The appointment involved mostly massage, and a little exercise. It didn't seem like much, but I was definitely feeling the affects of it by that night. I did not sleep well (i.e.--at all, more or less) that night from the pain. In the morning, when DaddySpeak was getting ready for work, I noted that he had already planned to take the time off. Since I was exhausted and hurting, perhaps he could stay home as planned. I was told no. He had things to do at work that day. This was the same day that after calling in the late morning to ask that he come home soon because I was NOT improving, Little jumped on my stomach. At that point, I called and TOLD him to come home NOW. I was seriously hurt and pissed.
So, my medical related needs are not the priority I feel like they ought to be with my husband. I can't say he hasn't been here for me in a big way on a day-to-day basis, because he has. And this has been going on forever. (In our FOURTH YEAR.) I get that. But like I said, I'd be lying if I didn't say my feelings were hurt.
On Mother's Day I don't think I had high hopes for much. But I did have a few small expectations. My expectations; sleeping in, a Starbucks mocha (preferable in bed, but not required) & breakfast (also preferably in bed, but not required). My mom's birthday fell on Mother's day this year, and as with all years we celebrated her b-day on Mom's day. This ends up meaning that once out of our house mom's day is pretty much over & it's my mom's b-day. It has always been this way, for me so I never gave it much thought, until I had kids of my own. I was going to host her b-day at our house this year, but because of my back issues my mom insisted she wanted it at her house. (I think she was secretly please, gave her something to fret over before hand and she could control the whole day to her satisfaction.) I think my hopes for mom's day for myself were small, but not small enough I guess. Little got up at dark o'clock. OK, I can't complain to much. She now sleeps in till SEVEN AM. No, it's not 10, but it's not 5:30 anymore either. She came in our room for snuggles. She wants to lay on MY side of the bed. (To get into stuff on my bedside table.) I convinced her to hit the middle of the bed, hoping she'd snuggle w/Daddy, and maybe I could go back to sleep. He tickles her till she gets annoyed and moves back to the edge of my side. Then he rolled over and WENT BACK TO SLEEP. Little will last, maybe, 30 min and then wants to get up for breakfast. I KNOW he was still awake when she started in to do this, but he feigned sleep. I GOT UP at 7:30 AM on Mother's day & made the kids breakfast. It wasn't anything fancy (toaster waffles). It's more about the point of it. This is like the one day of the year I ought to get to sleep in, right? Daddy got up at 11. Yeah, he totally slept in. When he got up he was all, "You let me sleep in till 11?" I just looked at him. I'm sure he did fall back asleep, but I KNOW he was awake when I got up with the girls. He then told me he'd be right back. He ran out and got me a mocha & an orchid. I guess, I should be grateful for the coffee & plant. It just felt so half-assed at that point, I was having trouble finding my graditude. Then I had to remind the girls it was mother's day & they had gifts they made for me at school. (It would have been nice if someone else had waited 10 minutes to get on the computer and reminded them for me. Maybe I'm getting into bitchy territory here, but I don't think it's much to ask for. I'm asking for some consideration.) Thank goodness for the schools or nothing would've happened for me. Because it was my mom's b-day, I then got to go to the grocery store 2x for the desert I was making. In the process, I saved DaddySpeak's butt, but reminding him to call him mom with the girls. (I did it for her, not for him.) Once at my mom's house, the guys all sit and watch TV, which means the women pick up, put together, feed the kids, and clean up. My dad did BBQ the meat, and do the dishes. But the dishes thing, was mostly because my SIL and I were in full protest by that time and refused to do them. I believe my SIL and I (and actually my BFF, which is another story) all should get a do-over on Mother's Day.
Today, I had my last epidural. This is the one he couldn't miss work because of a meeting. When leaving for work I noted to DaddySpeak that he would need to pick up the girls after work. That's when he sort of remembered I was having the shot. He never called today to see how I was, in fact, tonight he had been home for about 4 hours before he inquired. When he picked up the girls he said he was going to grab sometime to eat on the way home. I assumed he'd call when he figured out what they were getting to see what I wanted. He didn't. The girls came running up to see me and told me they had a surprise for me. They got me dessert. He "forgot to see if I wanted something." Obviously, I wasn't completely forgotten, dessert was procured. I wouldn't really think much of it all alone. The accumulation of these events is what's bugging me.
I get it, he's distracted. There's some stuff (position changes, people above him, not him,) going on at work, but he says it's fine. I don't know what to think anymore. I do know what I feel.
I feel like I matter very little right now.
Thursday, April 01, 2010
A True Anniversary...No Joke
Today is April Fools. This is one of my favorite days of the year.It was on this day 10 years ago,
my husband proposed to me
It was on this day 10 years ago,
I told him, "Yes, I would spend the rest of my life with him."
And it was on this day, 10 years ago,
our "marriage" began.
In my heart, I believe that the day he asked and I accepted, that was the day we were married.
That is the day that truly matters to me. The wedding day, the wedding itself; gravy.
A celebration with others of our love for each other. An official ceremony to declare ourselves to each other. A piece of paper recognizing that love by the government. That day, May 26, is very important too.
But April First, will always be the real beginning of my marriage.
This year is the first time in 10 years that DaddySpeak and I have been apart on our engagement anniversary. He's sailing with the menfolk of the family in the Bahamas. I'm fine with the fact that he's on the trip. I'm happy he got to take the trip, (though I admit I'd be happier for him if I was on the trip with him.) But today I'm sad and missing him, more than most days.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Rite of Passage -- The Haircut
I went away this weekend. Had a spa day with the girls down in Southern California. It was lovely. Till I got my phone from my locker at the end of the day. Had a couple calls, emails & text messages from DaddySpeak. I called him without listening or looking. It's extremely unusual for him to call me like that. Several times and all. He answered,
Him: "Did you see your messages?"
Me: "I saw you called & left messages, is everything ok?"
Him: "You need to look at your messages."
Me: "Ok, I'm getting concerned, everyone's ok, right? What's going on?"
Him: "I sent you a a picture, (I'm scrolling my email, not finding anything from him.) you need to look at it. Everyone is fine."
(I'm losing patience at this point. The tone of his voice tells me it isn't something funny or cute. But ok, no one's hurt.)
Me: "I don't have a message from you. Listen, what's up. Just tell me first, ok, I can tell from you voice I'm not going to be thrilled and whatever I'm imagining is worse than what you're going to say."
Him: "Ok, I SENT you a text with the picture in it! Little cut her hair."
Me: "WHA???? How, what?... How bad is it?"
Him: "That's why I sent a picture."
Me: "I don't understand how she got scissors, they're all up high. Even the ones that won't cut anything but paper..."
Him: "She was cold, so I told her to go to her room to get a sweatshirt. She was taking too long, so I went up to check on her and she was in the study with her bangs cut. She found them in a drawer in the study."
So apparently, Little climbed over a bunch of storage baskets and boxes to get to the desk in the study. I hid put a bunch of Christmas stuff in there and haven't gotten it out yet. So there's a huge pile of boxes and whatnot in that room, it was no small task for her to get to the desk. The scissors, jeez, we didn't know they were in there. Well, I didn't. I thought all the scissors in the house had been placed on a high shelf in the kitchen. Not that she couldn't have gotten to scissors placed high up, she's resourceful. I figured if they were up that high, hopefully someone would catch her before she actually got anywhere near them. I'm not surprised that she did it. That's why the scissors are stored so high up. I know my kid.
DaddySpeak gave her a time out & then whisked her to a close by hair salon. They basically cut the rest of her hair shorter, as if a short bob with extra short bangs was what we wanted. Remember, Little has curly hair (like her mama) and I had a hard time finding a kids cutting place that knew how to cut curly hair. Obviously, that's not where he went. I'm not holding out too much hope on the quality of the cut. We'll see. His intention was good.
Bet you think that's the end of the story, don't you? Ha, ha, it's never that easy with Little. After they got back from the hair dresser Daddy was keeping an extra close on her. She wasn't too happy about this new development, so she went into the bathroom and then came out & informed him she peed. Yes, she peed herself standing next to the toilet. She was quite pleased with herself. The next morning she came in from the bathroom and informed him she'd done it again. She was naked from the waist down, she told him she'd put her pants in the sink, like he'd done with hers when cleaning up the night before. When he went into the bathroom he found her dry pants in the sink. "Just kidding" she says.
OH. MY. GOD. She's three!
I was sick at the thought of what else she could've done in the time she had to cut her hair. How she could have hurt herself. I'm mean seriously physically ill. My stomach was in knots at the thought. She needs to understand why what she did was not OK. That when mommy and daddy say not to do something, you don't do it.
Obviously she's enjoying the attention this whole deal has brought her, so I realized I needed to find some kind of punishment that meant something to her. A spanking won't work, she'll try to hit you back. Taking away a favorite toy, she'll hand you a few more. Time out, this warrants more than a mere time out. Showing her what her hair looks like, she's proud of the job she's done & is enjoying all the attention it's providing. No, I need to hit her where it hurts.
Starbucks.
No Starbucks for a week. "Won't that be a punishment for you as well?" Nope, it won't. I fully intend to go to Starbucks with her in tow and not let her get anything. I also intend to take her sister and get her something, but not let Little. Sounds mean? It is, but that's the point. It needs to really bother her. It needs to make her think twice about doing something like this again. Right now, she thinks her antics have garnered her lots of attention (granted it's negative, but she doesn't seem to mind) and a trip to the hair salon. I want her to realize that she lost something over this incident. She needs to understand that, or I can't imagine what she'll be like by age 13.
Him: "Did you see your messages?"
Me: "I saw you called & left messages, is everything ok?"
Him: "You need to look at your messages."
Me: "Ok, I'm getting concerned, everyone's ok, right? What's going on?"
Him: "I sent you a a picture, (I'm scrolling my email, not finding anything from him.) you need to look at it. Everyone is fine."
(I'm losing patience at this point. The tone of his voice tells me it isn't something funny or cute. But ok, no one's hurt.)
Me: "I don't have a message from you. Listen, what's up. Just tell me first, ok, I can tell from you voice I'm not going to be thrilled and whatever I'm imagining is worse than what you're going to say."
Him: "Ok, I SENT you a text with the picture in it! Little cut her hair."
Me: "WHA???? How, what?... How bad is it?"
Him: "That's why I sent a picture."
Me: "I don't understand how she got scissors, they're all up high. Even the ones that won't cut anything but paper..."
Him: "She was cold, so I told her to go to her room to get a sweatshirt. She was taking too long, so I went up to check on her and she was in the study with her bangs cut. She found them in a drawer in the study."
So apparently, Little climbed over a bunch of storage baskets and boxes to get to the desk in the study. I hid put a bunch of Christmas stuff in there and haven't gotten it out yet. So there's a huge pile of boxes and whatnot in that room, it was no small task for her to get to the desk. The scissors, jeez, we didn't know they were in there. Well, I didn't. I thought all the scissors in the house had been placed on a high shelf in the kitchen. Not that she couldn't have gotten to scissors placed high up, she's resourceful. I figured if they were up that high, hopefully someone would catch her before she actually got anywhere near them. I'm not surprised that she did it. That's why the scissors are stored so high up. I know my kid.
DaddySpeak gave her a time out & then whisked her to a close by hair salon. They basically cut the rest of her hair shorter, as if a short bob with extra short bangs was what we wanted. Remember, Little has curly hair (like her mama) and I had a hard time finding a kids cutting place that knew how to cut curly hair. Obviously, that's not where he went. I'm not holding out too much hope on the quality of the cut. We'll see. His intention was good.
Bet you think that's the end of the story, don't you? Ha, ha, it's never that easy with Little. After they got back from the hair dresser Daddy was keeping an extra close on her. She wasn't too happy about this new development, so she went into the bathroom and then came out & informed him she peed. Yes, she peed herself standing next to the toilet. She was quite pleased with herself. The next morning she came in from the bathroom and informed him she'd done it again. She was naked from the waist down, she told him she'd put her pants in the sink, like he'd done with hers when cleaning up the night before. When he went into the bathroom he found her dry pants in the sink. "Just kidding" she says.
OH. MY. GOD. She's three!
I was sick at the thought of what else she could've done in the time she had to cut her hair. How she could have hurt herself. I'm mean seriously physically ill. My stomach was in knots at the thought. She needs to understand why what she did was not OK. That when mommy and daddy say not to do something, you don't do it.
Obviously she's enjoying the attention this whole deal has brought her, so I realized I needed to find some kind of punishment that meant something to her. A spanking won't work, she'll try to hit you back. Taking away a favorite toy, she'll hand you a few more. Time out, this warrants more than a mere time out. Showing her what her hair looks like, she's proud of the job she's done & is enjoying all the attention it's providing. No, I need to hit her where it hurts.
Starbucks.
No Starbucks for a week. "Won't that be a punishment for you as well?" Nope, it won't. I fully intend to go to Starbucks with her in tow and not let her get anything. I also intend to take her sister and get her something, but not let Little. Sounds mean? It is, but that's the point. It needs to really bother her. It needs to make her think twice about doing something like this again. Right now, she thinks her antics have garnered her lots of attention (granted it's negative, but she doesn't seem to mind) and a trip to the hair salon. I want her to realize that she lost something over this incident. She needs to understand that, or I can't imagine what she'll be like by age 13.
Wednesday, December 02, 2009
Wordless Wednesday - Kansas Style
Girls got to go horseback riding at Papa's farm in Kansas. They were pretty pleased about the whole deal. In case the ear-to-ear grins didn't clue you in. ;-)
Monday, September 21, 2009
The Toof Fairy is a Man (and I married him)
I spent the weekend away at a Mom's Crop (Scrap) weekend. It's the first time I've been away from both the girls and Daddy alone. It was really nice. Got more sleep this weekend, than I usually get in a whole week. I did get some cropping done as well. (Not as much as I would've like, but than that's typical, I guess.)
I do have a review of where we stayed I'm planning on writing. But in the meantime....I spent this afternoon at the dentist. On Friday, at lunch, I cracked one of my old fillings. I thought I'd just gotten a lot of food caught in a tight space. When I was able to floss I went to town. I figure then, that the pain was from overdoing it on my flossing. Same story on Sunday afternoon. But this AM when it was still achy, I called the dentist. He took x-rays, but when he looked at it, he could see that I'd cracked it. This afternoon I had it replaced. Dude! It hurt like heck! He had to give me multiple like 8 I think,) shots. When he got into the actual tooth (after drilling out the old filling) he had to give me 5 more shots to numb the nerves inside the tooth. He said it was a "hot tooth". Whatever. Once the numbing started to wear off, I'm dying. Like really, really intense pain. Very, very glad I had pain pills in the house. Got home & took ibuprofen & half a pain pill & crashed on couch. Felt better when I woke up 2 hours later. It's wearing off now & I can really tell. I've never had dental work hurt like that. I think the pain is actually from the shots. (Two were in the roof of my mouth.) Guess I'll know better tomorrow.
So I had this post all ready (in my head) to complain about the status of my house when I got home. But Daddy totally saved the day this afternoon. Any ill feelings I was having, I'm over it. I was reminded how lucky I am when he left work early so I could get my tooth fixed, while he took the girls to gymnastics. Then he made sure they were fed, bathed and off to bed (while I slept on the couch). The house took 30 mins to clean (more or less). I can't put a time frame or dollar amount to measure the love he showed me today with his efforts. I am a very, very lucky woman.
I do have a review of where we stayed I'm planning on writing. But in the meantime....I spent this afternoon at the dentist. On Friday, at lunch, I cracked one of my old fillings. I thought I'd just gotten a lot of food caught in a tight space. When I was able to floss I went to town. I figure then, that the pain was from overdoing it on my flossing. Same story on Sunday afternoon. But this AM when it was still achy, I called the dentist. He took x-rays, but when he looked at it, he could see that I'd cracked it. This afternoon I had it replaced. Dude! It hurt like heck! He had to give me multiple like 8 I think,) shots. When he got into the actual tooth (after drilling out the old filling) he had to give me 5 more shots to numb the nerves inside the tooth. He said it was a "hot tooth". Whatever. Once the numbing started to wear off, I'm dying. Like really, really intense pain. Very, very glad I had pain pills in the house. Got home & took ibuprofen & half a pain pill & crashed on couch. Felt better when I woke up 2 hours later. It's wearing off now & I can really tell. I've never had dental work hurt like that. I think the pain is actually from the shots. (Two were in the roof of my mouth.) Guess I'll know better tomorrow.
So I had this post all ready (in my head) to complain about the status of my house when I got home. But Daddy totally saved the day this afternoon. Any ill feelings I was having, I'm over it. I was reminded how lucky I am when he left work early so I could get my tooth fixed, while he took the girls to gymnastics. Then he made sure they were fed, bathed and off to bed (while I slept on the couch). The house took 30 mins to clean (more or less). I can't put a time frame or dollar amount to measure the love he showed me today with his efforts. I am a very, very lucky woman.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
A Day in the Life of a SAHM...grumble, grumble
Wow am I having a day! Not a go buy I bought a lottery ticket kind of day. More like a, the lottery (for the whole state) would some how break if I bought a ticket. THAT kind of a day.
Started last night, Little woke up w/a really, really bad dream. Neither of my girls will ever talk about bad dreams, is this normal? Anyway, when this happens I usually hug her & put her back in bed. Sometimes, I will lay w/her for a few minutes. Last night was bad, so she wanted me to lay w/her. After 10 minutes I said I was going to go, and that was fine. Ten minutes after that, I hear her in her room screaming again (she's got a potential future in horror films w/this scream). Go through the same drill. Three's a charm! Only this time, she's not letting me leave. She's had it w/this nightmare crap & apparently a parent in her bed is the only thing that will help. After a good hour of me thinking she's fallen asleep, only to have her freak as I'm trying to sneak out, I allow her to come to our bed. Didn't have to ask her twice. She jumped into our bed & snuggled right up to daddy, who has managed to sleep through the entire episode!
Three a.m. I wake to:
Little: "Daddy! Daddy! I peed my panties."
Daddy: SH**!! Yup. OK, go take off your panties & put on a pull up.
Me: "She wet the bed?" (She has NEVER had an accident, of course her first is in our bed.)
Daddy: "Just a really small amount. I'm putting a towel over it.
In other words, he wasn't getting up to change the sheets. I let him get away w/it (because it was in his side, and) it really was a pretty small amount. So I'm washing sheets right now, and will be remaking our King sized bed when he gets home. (Something I avoid due to my back.)
Love to stop right there and say my night sucked and I'm tired, but my morning continued this direction. I hit my exhaustion point around 4: 30 yesterday, so I didn't eat dinner (unless Oreos count). When I woke up, (and ate my dinner of Oreos and Diet Dr. Pepper) I watched Glee (new favorite guilty pleasure!) and I went to bed. Daddy unloaded the dishwasher & did dishes (or so I thought). When I got up this morning I realized he unloaded the dishwasher onto the counters & piled half of the dishes in the sink. Not a deal breaker for our morning routine or anything, but it is a pet peeve to have dirty dishes around the clean ones. Grumble, grumble...
Got girls off to school w/little incident, but did notice that my clean shirt has a stain on it. Grumble, grumble....
Got my Starbucks mocha, only to realize their chocolate syrup must be close to being out. (Tasted more like a sweet Latte) I even went back & asked for an extra pump. Added another when I got home. But you know, it wasn't perfect. (For $4 a day it ought to be perfect.) Grumble, grumble...
Have a bunch of important emails to send/answer, so I sat down to get to it, and my laptop locked up on me. Grumble, grumble....
After that I decided to cut my losses, nap (on the couch, cause my bed has no sheets!) and see if I can't start this day over w/less Grumble, grumble...
Started last night, Little woke up w/a really, really bad dream. Neither of my girls will ever talk about bad dreams, is this normal? Anyway, when this happens I usually hug her & put her back in bed. Sometimes, I will lay w/her for a few minutes. Last night was bad, so she wanted me to lay w/her. After 10 minutes I said I was going to go, and that was fine. Ten minutes after that, I hear her in her room screaming again (she's got a potential future in horror films w/this scream). Go through the same drill. Three's a charm! Only this time, she's not letting me leave. She's had it w/this nightmare crap & apparently a parent in her bed is the only thing that will help. After a good hour of me thinking she's fallen asleep, only to have her freak as I'm trying to sneak out, I allow her to come to our bed. Didn't have to ask her twice. She jumped into our bed & snuggled right up to daddy, who has managed to sleep through the entire episode!
Three a.m. I wake to:
Little: "Daddy! Daddy! I peed my panties."
Daddy: SH**!! Yup. OK, go take off your panties & put on a pull up.
Me: "She wet the bed?" (She has NEVER had an accident, of course her first is in our bed.)
Daddy: "Just a really small amount. I'm putting a towel over it.
In other words, he wasn't getting up to change the sheets. I let him get away w/it (because it was in his side, and) it really was a pretty small amount. So I'm washing sheets right now, and will be remaking our King sized bed when he gets home. (Something I avoid due to my back.)
Love to stop right there and say my night sucked and I'm tired, but my morning continued this direction. I hit my exhaustion point around 4: 30 yesterday, so I didn't eat dinner (unless Oreos count). When I woke up, (and ate my dinner of Oreos and Diet Dr. Pepper) I watched Glee (new favorite guilty pleasure!) and I went to bed. Daddy unloaded the dishwasher & did dishes (or so I thought). When I got up this morning I realized he unloaded the dishwasher onto the counters & piled half of the dishes in the sink. Not a deal breaker for our morning routine or anything, but it is a pet peeve to have dirty dishes around the clean ones. Grumble, grumble...
Got girls off to school w/little incident, but did notice that my clean shirt has a stain on it. Grumble, grumble....
Got my Starbucks mocha, only to realize their chocolate syrup must be close to being out. (Tasted more like a sweet Latte) I even went back & asked for an extra pump. Added another when I got home. But you know, it wasn't perfect. (For $4 a day it ought to be perfect.) Grumble, grumble...
Have a bunch of important emails to send/answer, so I sat down to get to it, and my laptop locked up on me. Grumble, grumble....
After that I decided to cut my losses, nap (on the couch, cause my bed has no sheets!) and see if I can't start this day over w/less Grumble, grumble...
Monday, September 14, 2009
Lincoln Took the Labor Out of my Weekend
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Labor day weekend I test-drove a Lincoln MKT, courtesy of the Ford Motor Company. Normally, when I think of a Lincoln, airport limos come to mind. I have a history w/Ford cars, so there is a bias there, but mostly it's toward "it's a car my mom & dad would own." I can certainly say my time w/the MKT changed my perception of Lincoln. And between my 5 day stint w/the MKT and my test drive w/the Taurus SHO I'm certainly rethinking my perception of Ford cars in general..jpg)
The timing of the test drive for the MKT was certainly gratuitous for us, considering my husband's accident. Having it coincide w/the holiday weekend was also a nice touch. We were basically down one car when they dropped the MKT off Thursday morning. I got to have a dual experience with it. Thursday and Friday, I put it thru the "soccer mom paces". That included a trip to Costco, carting kids to school, daycare, practices, etc... I also got to make a trip to urgent care and some other "special" mom type duties for good measure. (The reason this write up wasn't last week in fact.) We did make it to the beach, but just for a day. So we got the "road trip experience" to an extent as well..jpg)
This car is luxurious, elegant and sophisticated. Yes, I said that about a Lincoln. And not in a "my g'ma's car" kinda way. More in a Lexus kinda way. The perks were many and made us very happy. My favorite thing: the 3rd row seats. That may strike you as odd, w/all the perks like the cool GPS Nav system, the SYNC system w/my iphone (meaning I could talk on my phone or play my ipod music using steering wheel controls,) and the moon roof. Yeah it was those 3rd row seats. I could configure those seats w/the push of a button and the pull of a strap. For someone who has a very bad back and is constantly hauling kids and stuff, this was a HUGE thing for me. It was so easy! Pull a couple straps & my backseat is big enough for a full Costco run. Press a button, pull a strap (or two) and I'm carpooling the soccer team to practice. I think it was my favorite thing partly b/c it was so unexpected. I expected seat warmers (altho seat coolers, nice touch), and I know people w/the steering wheel controls/SYNC system as well as the cool GPS & navigation systems. While I have the room in my minivan for the Costco run, it's a minivan, and really it was no comparison. The MKT was so much nicer to do anything in..jpg)
Other perks that surprised me: the blind spot lights. A little light in the corner of my side mirrors to let me know someone was sitting in my blind. I used to have a small car that no one saw, so I kill myself trying to make sure no one is in my blind. Not a problem in this car. Someone's there, the light goes on. They move out of the blind, light goes off. Such a simple thing, but such a huge benefit.In the past I would not have considered a car like the MKT. My husband & I argued about the minivan but agreed b/c of the roominess issue. The MKT addresses the 3rd row seat issue and adds in the luxury aspect. Having to go back to driving my minivan I think svtwinmom put it best, "Now I feel like Cinderella after the ball".
I ask my husband give me a quick paragraph on his thoughts. As a guy, his focus is a bit different from mine. Here's what DaddySpeak had to say:
I was excited to drive a new car with a 400hp rating. It definitely took off at a high rate of speed but the 4 wheel drive kept the wheels from spinning like most rear wheeled drive cars would. I think you could sip a drink at full acceleration with this car. Getting backed up in highway traffic and deciding to google maps our way around it I used the full acceleration to merge onto the off-ramp to another highway was no problem. Driving over notorious hwy 17 was very comfortable even in the tight turns with the fast traffic. Watching one lane slow down for no reason as happens on 17, the blind area alert allowed confident lane changes. The blind area is rather large in this car, so if I purchased, the sonar is a necessity. The backup camera was great for backing up in a neighborhood full of kids. Again backing up in this car with out the camera would be difficult.
There is less room then a minivan but has plenty of room and is a much more fun and confident ride.
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Sadly, our insurance did not total my husband's car. (Although, they're replacing part of the frame, so it better be perfect or we won't accept it.) When we are in the market for another car the Lincoln MKT will be on our short list. It made a busy, crazy weekend much more fun and comfortable. Imagine what it could do if we had it all the time?Monday, August 31, 2009
The Flip Side or Daddy got a little Junk in his Trunk (specifically a Chevy S-10)
So the flip side of last Friday's post is that we are down a car now.
Friday was a really weird day.
Thursday night was one of Little's all nighters. Where she gets up every couple hours & wants to come to bed w/us & throws tantrums, All. Night. Long. I got about 2 hours of sleep (I wish that was an exaggeration) and not all at one shot. So Friday morning started out a bit less than stellar. I was so tired I was nauseous. Big, after her first full week of school, was understandably ready for the weekend, and less than helpful that morning. Grumpy was the the keyword that morning. Little, was of course, chipper and on her game. I was dreading my day. Oh yeah, our toilet was broken & I had "Lake Speak" going on in the girls bathroom too. Five beach towels later... In the middle of the morning chaos Daddy called. He wanted me to get online & find out what was going on by his work. The exits were all closed from the freeway. Gah! Really dude? I'm kinda in the middle of something. Hearing the screaming & fusing in my background he told me, no rush, but he was considering coming home. *Que sound of tires screeching* Umm, what do I have to do to get you home? Found out there was a hazmat situation near his work and the whole area was closed for the day. Woo! (Obviously not Woo! for the company & people this affected negatively. But Woo for a nap for me, OK?) Three day weekend for him! And zomg! I can get a nap in to make up for the night before.
So he got home not too long after I got Big off to school. And he and Little set off an a Daddy/Daughter day. They went to the library & then to a posh outdoor mall, where they had lunch together. It sounded like they both had a blast. AND I took a 3 hour nap! Obviously I needed it. It was hotter than hot here on Friday & while the girls wanted to spend the afternoon swimming I vetoed in favor of laying low till Big's soccer practice. (100 degree heat does not result in a canceled practice.) About an hour before practice Daddy declared he needed another part for the bathroom (he'd been working on it all afternoon) and would be right back. Normally, Little is ALWAYS on any trip to the hardware store. To say the child loves Home Depot would not begin to describe her feelings. But Daddy was going to a local store instead of Home Depot for a change. She debated, but ended up deciding to hang w/Mommy & Sissy for one more episode of Wonder Pets.
Thank God for Wonder Pets.
About 20 minutes later the phone rings.
Daddy: "I'm OK, but I've been in a bit of a fender bender."
Mommy: "OoooK"
Daddy: "Cops are making a report, so probably not going to make it back in time for Big to get to practice & I have Little's car seat." (Meaning I can't drive, because I don't have a car seat for Little.)
Mommy: "Crap! OK, let me go so I can find a carpool for Big."
No problem. Got a ride for Big. Another hour and Daddy walks in. I go out to see the car.
OH. MY. GOD!
"That is not what I would call a fender bender. Are you OK?"
He's fine. But THANK GOD Little didn't go with him.
It was a 3 car accident. Car in front of him stopped suddenly, so he had to slam on his breaks. No problem, for him. Not so much for car behind him. Suddenly the Chevy S-10 behind him had joined him in his back seat. The truck pushed him into the car in front of him. No obvious damage to the front of his car, but sometimes you can't tell. The back of the car was a different story. The Chevy smashed the trunk of our car, popping and pushing the lid into the back window. It hit hard enough to shatter it. That's why it was good that Little wasn't with him. She would've been showered in glass if she'd been with him. Definitely would've involved a hospital visit, at the least. Fortunately, it (so far) has only involved car-seat replacement, rental car, towing, police reports & lots of calls w/the insurance company. Oddly, the truck was a company truck for the hardware store Daddy was headed to, the manager was driving by a few minutes after it happened & stopped to help. He insisted on a police report for his company. The upside of all of that is that everyone had insurance, there's lots of documentation, we should be completely covered and no one was hurt.
How was your weekend? ;)
Addendum: As of Monday evening, the cost is over $9k. "BUT, it's worse then they thought and are still pulling the car apart to figure out what all needs to be fixed." Also, while the front end isn't obviously damaged, they may have to remove the batteries (it's a hybrid, but Nissan, not Toyota) to weld as the rear axis frame needs to be replaced. If they have to do that, it will have to go to the dealer for that part of the repair (cha-ching). Will know more later. Keep you posted.
Friday was a really weird day.
Thursday night was one of Little's all nighters. Where she gets up every couple hours & wants to come to bed w/us & throws tantrums, All. Night. Long. I got about 2 hours of sleep (I wish that was an exaggeration) and not all at one shot. So Friday morning started out a bit less than stellar. I was so tired I was nauseous. Big, after her first full week of school, was understandably ready for the weekend, and less than helpful that morning. Grumpy was the the keyword that morning. Little, was of course, chipper and on her game. I was dreading my day. Oh yeah, our toilet was broken & I had "Lake Speak" going on in the girls bathroom too. Five beach towels later... In the middle of the morning chaos Daddy called. He wanted me to get online & find out what was going on by his work. The exits were all closed from the freeway. Gah! Really dude? I'm kinda in the middle of something. Hearing the screaming & fusing in my background he told me, no rush, but he was considering coming home. *Que sound of tires screeching* Umm, what do I have to do to get you home? Found out there was a hazmat situation near his work and the whole area was closed for the day. Woo! (Obviously not Woo! for the company & people this affected negatively. But Woo for a nap for me, OK?) Three day weekend for him! And zomg! I can get a nap in to make up for the night before.
So he got home not too long after I got Big off to school. And he and Little set off an a Daddy/Daughter day. They went to the library & then to a posh outdoor mall, where they had lunch together. It sounded like they both had a blast. AND I took a 3 hour nap! Obviously I needed it. It was hotter than hot here on Friday & while the girls wanted to spend the afternoon swimming I vetoed in favor of laying low till Big's soccer practice. (100 degree heat does not result in a canceled practice.) About an hour before practice Daddy declared he needed another part for the bathroom (he'd been working on it all afternoon) and would be right back. Normally, Little is ALWAYS on any trip to the hardware store. To say the child loves Home Depot would not begin to describe her feelings. But Daddy was going to a local store instead of Home Depot for a change. She debated, but ended up deciding to hang w/Mommy & Sissy for one more episode of Wonder Pets.
Thank God for Wonder Pets.
About 20 minutes later the phone rings.
Daddy: "I'm OK, but I've been in a bit of a fender bender."
Mommy: "OoooK"
Daddy: "Cops are making a report, so probably not going to make it back in time for Big to get to practice & I have Little's car seat." (Meaning I can't drive, because I don't have a car seat for Little.)
Mommy: "Crap! OK, let me go so I can find a carpool for Big."
No problem. Got a ride for Big. Another hour and Daddy walks in. I go out to see the car.OH. MY. GOD!
"That is not what I would call a fender bender. Are you OK?"
He's fine. But THANK GOD Little didn't go with him.
It was a 3 car accident. Car in front of him stopped suddenly, so he had to slam on his breaks. No problem, for him. Not so much for car behind him. Suddenly the Chevy S-10 behind him had joined him in his back seat. The truck pushed him into the car in front of him. No obvious damage to the front of his car, but sometimes you can't tell. The back of the car was a different story. The Chevy smashed the trunk of our car, popping and pushing the lid into the back window. It hit hard enough to shatter it. That's why it was good that Little wasn't with him. She would've been showered in glass if she'd been with him. Definitely would've involved a hospital visit, at the least. Fortunately, it (so far) has only involved car-seat replacement, rental car, towing, police reports & lots of calls w/the insurance company. Oddly, the truck was a company truck for the hardware store Daddy was headed to, the manager was driving by a few minutes after it happened & stopped to help. He insisted on a police report for his company. The upside of all of that is that everyone had insurance, there's lots of documentation, we should be completely covered and no one was hurt.
How was your weekend? ;)
Addendum: As of Monday evening, the cost is over $9k. "BUT, it's worse then they thought and are still pulling the car apart to figure out what all needs to be fixed." Also, while the front end isn't obviously damaged, they may have to remove the batteries (it's a hybrid, but Nissan, not Toyota) to weld as the rear axis frame needs to be replaced. If they have to do that, it will have to go to the dealer for that part of the repair (cha-ching). Will know more later. Keep you posted.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Threats
Little wouldn't quit w/the disruption on the packing. You know it's all about her, so laundry, cooking dinner, packing bags, not really her thing. I finally told her that if she didn't knock it off she was going to stay home w/Daddy for the weekend and Big & I would go to the beach. That kicked her butt into gear. Finally, something worked.
Then Daddy got home, and she stuck to him like glue. He couldn't get the kid to leave him alone for two seconds. Since he's trying to load the car, she's continually getting stepped on, smashing fingers in the ice chest, you get the idea. Once the car has been opened up she is IN HER SEAT & will NOT get out. I decide maybe she's overtired & hungry, so I warm up diner for the girls so we can finished getting the car loaded up. (Sausage & Quiche, they love these things.)
She counts out loud: "One, two, three" (pops three bites of sausage in her mouth,) "One, two, three" pops three bites of quiche in her mouth, required amounts to have completed dinner in our house) and declares herself done.
I told her that was fine, she didn't have to eat anymore if she really was full, but if she didn't eat all her dinner she couldn't get a jamba juice on the way. (Bribes)
Little: "That's fine. I don't want a Jamba Juice." (hops in open car, starts putting on seatbelt, and will not get out.)
I finally realized that she was sure I was going to leave her home. She figured as long as Daddy kept telling her he was going then she was, but just to make sure she was getting in her seat & NOT getting out.
Guess it's nice to know I have some clout around here after all.
Then Daddy got home, and she stuck to him like glue. He couldn't get the kid to leave him alone for two seconds. Since he's trying to load the car, she's continually getting stepped on, smashing fingers in the ice chest, you get the idea. Once the car has been opened up she is IN HER SEAT & will NOT get out. I decide maybe she's overtired & hungry, so I warm up diner for the girls so we can finished getting the car loaded up. (Sausage & Quiche, they love these things.)
She counts out loud: "One, two, three" (pops three bites of sausage in her mouth,) "One, two, three" pops three bites of quiche in her mouth, required amounts to have completed dinner in our house) and declares herself done.
I told her that was fine, she didn't have to eat anymore if she really was full, but if she didn't eat all her dinner she couldn't get a jamba juice on the way. (Bribes)
Little: "That's fine. I don't want a Jamba Juice." (hops in open car, starts putting on seatbelt, and will not get out.)
I finally realized that she was sure I was going to leave her home. She figured as long as Daddy kept telling her he was going then she was, but just to make sure she was getting in her seat & NOT getting out.
Guess it's nice to know I have some clout around here after all.
Sunday, March 08, 2009
And as the pendulum swings back...
I've been avoiding blogging for a while now, I guess. Part of it is frustration & I feel like all I'm doing is two steps forward then three back. And I guess I am.
I am getting better, I really am.
It's just frustrating. I feel better, I do something and then I'm on my back again. And really that's all there is going on right now. Well, it's not all, but I'm feeling very grumpy and I don't want to be all Nancy Negative, cause I that's all I feel, so thus no posting.
So here's your Monday Update grumpiness and all:
Remember all that weight I lost last summer, without trying? Yeah, you can get over being pissed at me.
It's back (I told you it wouldn't last,) oh and it brought friends. After the surgery, well it started during the holidays cause that's around the time I really stopped moving unless absolutely necessary. And also the time I started eating again. Honestly, I never stopped eating, well crap. I never stopped eating CRAP! So by the end of my "6 weeks," that magic number by which I should've been "recovered". I'd found that I'd gained back 15 lbs of that 17 I'd lost. Did that stop me? NOoooooo . I was convinced that I would miraculously jump from my bed in any moment now because I would be "recovered" and it would just "melt off". Riiiiight. Well that and there were also these Girl Scout cookies in the freezer...God forbid I be deprived of thin mints at this my time of suffering. Yeah, I know, you get the idea.
So how's that working for me?
Um yeah, I weigh as much as I did when I left the hospital after having Little. So I'm up an additional 15 lbs. Yes, up 30 lbs from say September. BAH! So you understand the grumpiness now? The frustration? Oh, and I'm having a really hard time making myself do extra stuff (to get moving to try and start losing it) for fear of ending up on the couch again.
I'm back on my low carb thing again. I had my first carb crash tonight. It was scary. I was shaking to badly I could hardly stand. I had berries & whipped cream. And when that wasn't fast enough I ate some gummies. Good News--I'm on my way to having them out of my system. Bad News--this is the hardest part.
Potty Training 08
So yeah, it really was just potty training 08. For fear of jinxing myself here, but at this point I think I'm pretty safe (knock on wood, sign of the cross…). Little has not strayed from using the potty since January. Stinker! She's SO GOOD about it that I forget to remind her to go. The biggest annoyance about it, so far, has been that she NEEDS to check out the bathroom where ever we go. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. And as you know, if your recently trained toddler says she needs to go, you take her. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. Yeah, she's figured out that she can prolong quite a few things this way, including the time out. Last week I told her she could pee herself, I didn't care (she'd hit her sister). She didn't, (pee herself) but I still have to let her check out every bathroom in Santa Clara County for now.
BIG GIRL NEWS (there really are no babies left in my house. *sigh*)
No, not news about Big (boy could this get confusing) but news about Little being a BIG GIRL. Last week her school told me she would be moving up w/the 3YOs so not to pay the extra $$ associated w/the 2YOs who aren't potty trained. AND then the next day, her gymnastics teacher informed me I should really consider moving her up to the 3YO class. "She's a great example to the rest of the group, but she's going to get bored pretty quick." Yikes! All in one week, damn kid w/her growing up....get that ball of my lawn....grumble, grumble.... I told her teacher I wanted to wait till I was able to get THE BIG ONE into her class on Wednesdays (we were waitlisted) so they'd be changing at the same time AND I wouldn't have to deal w/kids sitting around waiting for each other. Two days later the gym called to say we had a spot! Yeah!!!
So yeah, that earthquake you felt...it was just the planets aligning w/the sun, moon and earth so that my kids now have gym class at the same time! My life just got exponentially easier.
NEWS ABOUT THE BIG GIRL
So Big is pretty much cruising. We've gone through the similar growing pain type stuff from her G'parent's last visit. I knew what it was this time and while that hasn't seemed to stop it, it's taking care of itself. Same w/Little on that front. 48 hours of "testing" after G'ma J left to make sure all the same rules still applied. Big still has this awesome gap where her two top front teeth go, makes for some awesome pictures. Her hair is growing out & starting to look slightly less akward. I told her she can get it cut AFTER our Disney trip; we're getting princess hairdo's while there, damit!! Yes, I'm living vicariously through my kids. If I can't be Barbie well then they MUST be! And then I will scrapbook it, so later they can tell me how lame it was ,only to find that they have little girls who are dying to do it.
That is how this all works, right?
Speaking of cruising...Daddy's been taking her out to the school on weekends and she's started riding her bike w/out the training wheels. Still pretty wobbly, and when she was showing Mommy (w/Mommy doing the holding) she biffed big time. (Of course she got hurt once Mommy go involved.) But she's doing it, and she's motivated to do it. Which is more than half the battle right there. Little wants to do it so bad she can taste it. Big better pick it up before summer, I'm pretty sure Little will skip the whole training wheels thing. She's determined.
I have more, but it's tedium at it's finest, so I'll leave you w/this for now. More later this week, when I lose 30lbs and start running marathons....
I am getting better, I really am.
It's just frustrating. I feel better, I do something and then I'm on my back again. And really that's all there is going on right now. Well, it's not all, but I'm feeling very grumpy and I don't want to be all Nancy Negative, cause I that's all I feel, so thus no posting.
So here's your Monday Update grumpiness and all:
Remember all that weight I lost last summer, without trying? Yeah, you can get over being pissed at me.
It's back (I told you it wouldn't last,) oh and it brought friends. After the surgery, well it started during the holidays cause that's around the time I really stopped moving unless absolutely necessary. And also the time I started eating again. Honestly, I never stopped eating, well crap. I never stopped eating CRAP! So by the end of my "6 weeks," that magic number by which I should've been "recovered". I'd found that I'd gained back 15 lbs of that 17 I'd lost. Did that stop me? NOoooooo . I was convinced that I would miraculously jump from my bed in any moment now because I would be "recovered" and it would just "melt off". Riiiiight. Well that and there were also these Girl Scout cookies in the freezer...God forbid I be deprived of thin mints at this my time of suffering. Yeah, I know, you get the idea.
So how's that working for me?
Um yeah, I weigh as much as I did when I left the hospital after having Little. So I'm up an additional 15 lbs. Yes, up 30 lbs from say September. BAH! So you understand the grumpiness now? The frustration? Oh, and I'm having a really hard time making myself do extra stuff (to get moving to try and start losing it) for fear of ending up on the couch again.
I'm back on my low carb thing again. I had my first carb crash tonight. It was scary. I was shaking to badly I could hardly stand. I had berries & whipped cream. And when that wasn't fast enough I ate some gummies. Good News--I'm on my way to having them out of my system. Bad News--this is the hardest part.
Potty Training 08
So yeah, it really was just potty training 08. For fear of jinxing myself here, but at this point I think I'm pretty safe (knock on wood, sign of the cross…). Little has not strayed from using the potty since January. Stinker! She's SO GOOD about it that I forget to remind her to go. The biggest annoyance about it, so far, has been that she NEEDS to check out the bathroom where ever we go. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. And as you know, if your recently trained toddler says she needs to go, you take her. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. Yeah, she's figured out that she can prolong quite a few things this way, including the time out. Last week I told her she could pee herself, I didn't care (she'd hit her sister). She didn't, (pee herself) but I still have to let her check out every bathroom in Santa Clara County for now.
BIG GIRL NEWS (there really are no babies left in my house. *sigh*)
No, not news about Big (boy could this get confusing) but news about Little being a BIG GIRL. Last week her school told me she would be moving up w/the 3YOs so not to pay the extra $$ associated w/the 2YOs who aren't potty trained. AND then the next day, her gymnastics teacher informed me I should really consider moving her up to the 3YO class. "She's a great example to the rest of the group, but she's going to get bored pretty quick." Yikes! All in one week, damn kid w/her growing up....get that ball of my lawn....grumble, grumble.... I told her teacher I wanted to wait till I was able to get THE BIG ONE into her class on Wednesdays (we were waitlisted) so they'd be changing at the same time AND I wouldn't have to deal w/kids sitting around waiting for each other. Two days later the gym called to say we had a spot! Yeah!!!
So yeah, that earthquake you felt...it was just the planets aligning w/the sun, moon and earth so that my kids now have gym class at the same time! My life just got exponentially easier.
NEWS ABOUT THE BIG GIRL
So Big is pretty much cruising. We've gone through the similar growing pain type stuff from her G'parent's last visit. I knew what it was this time and while that hasn't seemed to stop it, it's taking care of itself. Same w/Little on that front. 48 hours of "testing" after G'ma J left to make sure all the same rules still applied. Big still has this awesome gap where her two top front teeth go, makes for some awesome pictures. Her hair is growing out & starting to look slightly less akward. I told her she can get it cut AFTER our Disney trip; we're getting princess hairdo's while there, damit!! Yes, I'm living vicariously through my kids. If I can't be Barbie well then they MUST be! And then I will scrapbook it, so later they can tell me how lame it was ,only to find that they have little girls who are dying to do it.
That is how this all works, right?
Speaking of cruising...Daddy's been taking her out to the school on weekends and she's started riding her bike w/out the training wheels. Still pretty wobbly, and when she was showing Mommy (w/Mommy doing the holding) she biffed big time. (Of course she got hurt once Mommy go involved.) But she's doing it, and she's motivated to do it. Which is more than half the battle right there. Little wants to do it so bad she can taste it. Big better pick it up before summer, I'm pretty sure Little will skip the whole training wheels thing. She's determined.
I have more, but it's tedium at it's finest, so I'll leave you w/this for now. More later this week, when I lose 30lbs and start running marathons....
Thursday, January 08, 2009
Opps! Happy New Year!
I guess that probably wasn't so good. I announce I'm going in for back surgery, and then just sort of drop off the face of the Earth for a couple weeks. Opps! Sorry about that. I'm fine. In fact, I'm probably better than fine, so no worries. Like I was told: lots of time laying down or standing up, not so much on the sitting. I end up spending all my computer time on email & Facebook & then not getting on here to post. Not entirely true. I have a video I tried to post on the first of the year, unsuccessfully. It's cute, and I've made several attempts, but it probably isn't worth amount of time I've given it at this point. I think it might be too large for bloger, but it doesn't come back & say that to me, so I'm not positive.
So I'm totally walking around & stuff. Not even shuffling, which was really more of what I expected. I have pain, but it's more from bending, twisting and reaching for things. And a little side note here; you would be amazed at just how much of your movement involves bending, twisting and reaching. Pretty much everything! It's hard to avoid, so my pain pills have been getting their work out for sure. I haven't picked up anything beyond a piece of paper, but I hear if I go over 10lbs I'll find that I regret that movement as well. I went & bought one of those "reacher/grabber" things since I imagine my ability to bend is going to return slowly. Much cooler than the walker I originally pictured myself with when weighing my options in relation to this surgery. Although if I did end up w/a walker you can bet I would totally pimp it out. The grabber has great potential for much fun, as you might imagine, but so far all we've done with it is take it away from the kids. Oh, and LittleSpeak managed to smack me in the face w/it tonight.
Sadly, that's really about it at the house of Speak right now. Daddy has been home all week to help take care of me and the girls. Since I'm not totally incapacitated I imagine he's a bit bored. It has been really nice to have him home during our regular schedule. He worked in BigSpeak's class room this week and has been taking LittleSpeak to and from school. Little things that aren't that big of a deal, but it's a big deal to the girls that their daddy is doing these things right now. I'm sure he'll be glad to get back to work next week and away from my requests for Starbuck runs.
So I'm totally walking around & stuff. Not even shuffling, which was really more of what I expected. I have pain, but it's more from bending, twisting and reaching for things. And a little side note here; you would be amazed at just how much of your movement involves bending, twisting and reaching. Pretty much everything! It's hard to avoid, so my pain pills have been getting their work out for sure. I haven't picked up anything beyond a piece of paper, but I hear if I go over 10lbs I'll find that I regret that movement as well. I went & bought one of those "reacher/grabber" things since I imagine my ability to bend is going to return slowly. Much cooler than the walker I originally pictured myself with when weighing my options in relation to this surgery. Although if I did end up w/a walker you can bet I would totally pimp it out. The grabber has great potential for much fun, as you might imagine, but so far all we've done with it is take it away from the kids. Oh, and LittleSpeak managed to smack me in the face w/it tonight.
Sadly, that's really about it at the house of Speak right now. Daddy has been home all week to help take care of me and the girls. Since I'm not totally incapacitated I imagine he's a bit bored. It has been really nice to have him home during our regular schedule. He worked in BigSpeak's class room this week and has been taking LittleSpeak to and from school. Little things that aren't that big of a deal, but it's a big deal to the girls that their daddy is doing these things right now. I'm sure he'll be glad to get back to work next week and away from my requests for Starbuck runs.
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