Status: Health, Winter 2016

I think I'm writing again.  (Lord knows I need to do something different.  What I'm currently doing isn't working.)

I feel like  I've been more or less on the brink of a nervous breakdown since before Thanksgiving. (Dramatic much, why yes, how did you know?)  Little things are helping keep it at bay, but they're sandbags and the levy wall really, really wants to break.  If that happens, I'm not sure I can do much to keep the flood out of the house.  If you know what I mean.

For the first time in 3 years, I'm actually doing pretty well physically, for winter.  A real surprise considering we're in an El Nino year.  What with me being the delicate flower I am, and the damp & cold that El Nino waters bring I would've predicted major walking issues.  So far, I'm holding it together.  I'm not thriving by any stretch, but I'm walking on my own & my family's existence seems to be flowing fairly well.  Most would call that a big win. Considering how low I've set the bar, you would think, I would be part of that most; but there's a lot of things conspiring to push me down & it's hard to manage it all.  In Other Words, I'm feel like I'm losing the battle.

DaddySpeak started a new job last year.  He was at his last place of work for almost 10 years.  That's an eternity in Silicon Valley.  Because his company is considered one of the best places to work, (in the world,) no one asks, "What's wrong with you?  Why have you been there so long?" which is how ambition is typically determined here in Silicon Valley.  It was an enviable position to be in, in my opinion.  But he'd more or less maxed out there.  If he wanted his job to evolve he needed to leave.  At least for a while.  (It's also not uncommon here to leave so you can get the title you aspire to, and eventually go back to your previous company.  They couldn't promote you title wise because of BLAH, BLAH, BLAH... but now that you have experience at that level we can hire you back in that position or above.  Yeah, I know makes tons of sense. Lame, I agree, but a relatively common practice.)  So, our insurance changed for the first time in 10 years.  Most of my doctors were not on this new insurance.  We always sign up for the PPO plan so that if a doctor or two I've been going to isn't on the plan, I don't have to change up everything all at once.  Which explains why I suddenly had to change up ALL my doctors at once.  The short version is; I spent months trying to get new doctors in line.  And now that I've done that, they changed to OUR OLD PROVIDER. I kid you not.  In the meantime, I just finally got set up at this pain clinic.  I was actually super excited because I felt like these doctors were way more in line with my approach to getting better. Not just managing my Fibro. (The Fibro doctor I've been going to keeps me in drugs.  He isn't open to anything that isn't traditional Western Medicine.  I think I can do better, but was nervous to leave him. I felt like the timing was actually good.  This was the universe telling me it was time to move on.)   However, I've since found that I can't seem to get evaluated to get that treatment at this new place.  Seriously.  It took me 4 months to get all my forms, files, etc...to them.  And this clinic won't talk to you until they have your past history in place.  Finally, all shored up.  Got into my first visit with the main doc.  Looks good, going to be evaluated by several people in house to access my current needs; and BAM.  Red light. They were supposed to call me & never did.  I called them.  They'll get back to me with the doctor's orders.  Nothing.  I made a couple more calls and then I was back in for my follow up with the main doctor again.  (Scheduled at the end of my last appointment, but a different desk/person in the clinic.)  He apologized.  Said he took responsibility for the misconnect & that we'd get moving now.  Still in the same boat.   I can NOT seem to get on the phone with the scheduler.  I've been playing phone tag with her for literally 4 weeks now.  So much for pain management.  In the meantime, as expected during the winter, I've been gradually getting worse. I'm at the place where I've started to get migraines again. That's when I know things are bad.  My sleep is crap.  I can't seem to follow asleep till 3:00/4:00 AM.  I will sleep a good 7 hours once asleep, so that's progress.  The problem is that most of the people around me, are NOT functioning on Hawaiian time in California.  So I'm on swing shift.  I sleep for 3 hours, get up, get the kids off to school, go back to bed.  I don't get much done, but I do get rest.  I've learned through the years, to grab the sleep I can, when I can.  If I don't sleep while they're at school, I'm a mess around 4:00 PM.  You know, right in the thick of carpool.  That's safe, NOT.  So, yeah.

Things are a little better in that, the girls make their own lunches at night & are responsible for themselves in the AM.  That doesn't mean it isn't chaotic, it just means I don't have to actually leave the house with them most days.  (That's a win in my book.)  When I do, I usually throw sweats over my PJs & then back to bed.  Girls are also responsible for dishes, dogs & laundry these days.  We're still working on that, but even when they just do a bit, it helps.

So that's where I'm at in my current medical journey.  No where really.  Fibro is maintaining. Hashi's is maintaining.  (Still gaining weight, slowly, but surely.  That's another post for another day.)  And mostly, we're all holding our breath, hoping there isn't some major catastrophe that puts me back into a completely overwhelming downward spiral from which I need to get more serious help for.

More later.  I hope.

My So-Called Trip to Vegas

I'm dying to write about my weekend.  I went to a Digital Scrapbooking "Fest."  I've been telling my In Real Life, (IRL,) friends, that it's a 'digital graphics users group.'  It is, and if they had a Public Relations, (PR,) person, the organizers might know that.  I suspect it would've been much more costly though; good PR people are expensive after all.  ;-)  They want to call it a "Fest," if it's keeping prices down, I'm all for it.

So, I spent the weekend in "Vegas Baby!" (You have to say it like that you know.) And I didn't even put a nickle in a slot.  Ha! That would imply there were nickle slots.  I didn't put a quarter or dollar even, then!  Honestly, there was a time period, approximately 11 years ago, when the thought of going to Vegas would've made me cry.  I worked for a chip maker and had to go to Vegas about every two months for their tradeshow circuit.  I grew to loath the place.  I could have and should have written a travel book on the place, because my knowledge on what to do and not to do was vast, but like I said, it would be too soon if I'd never gone there again. When DaddySpeak, (DS) found out where I was going he was shocked.  I told him I didn't burst into tears at the thought, so there's that.  Guess I'm past my PTSD finally.  ;-)  I did have fun, but it was actually a bit stressful, not because of the conference.  I suppose, the stressful part of my trip put any issues I might have had related to the conference into perspective.  I traveled w/LittleSpeak's Godmom, H.  Her husband, A came as well.  He was going to gamble while we were in classes and they could go out at night.  About two hours after we arrived, we convinced him to go to a see a doctor at walk-in clinic.  He had a really bad cold & he looked and sounded awful.  He had planned to get a day pass at the spa we were going to, but instead agreed to go to a walk-in clinic which was right off the strip.  (My knowledge of this place, it still applies.)  So H & I went to the Spaaaaaaa.  It was the same spa I went to w/DS a year and a half ago.  I was afraid it wasn't going to be as good.  I was sure I'd built it up in my mind to be much better than it really was, but I was not disappointed.  It was amazing & relaxing.  Exactly what I needed.  Our plan was that when we got done, we were going to shower & head to the opening reception for our "Fest."  It didn't work out that way.  Well, it did for me.  Poor H, had 4 texts from A about all the places they were sending him from the walk-in clinic; the last one being that they were going to admit him to the hospital.  H didn't shower or anything, she threw her clothes on and headed to the hospital.  I was able to check-in for her at the reception and told them what was happening with her.  The reception seemed so weird to me.  My head was really more over at the hospital with them.  I was getting updates from H.  Apparently, Friday night at the ER closest to the Vegas Strip is a bit sketchy, who woulda thunk?  They did release A with strict instructions to take his antibiotics and get lots of rest.  They'd hydrated him and administered IV antibiotics.  Told him they'd caught the pneumonia  early, so he should bounce back pretty quick.  They got back to the hotel about 9:00 PM.   On Saturday, I woke to the sound of my cell phone buzzing.  It seems that around 3:30 AM, H realized that A wasn't getting any sleep and seemed to be not breathing very well at all.  They had headed back to the ER.  She was updating me with their happenings since that time.  At, 5:45 AM, when I woke up, the doctors had declared he needed to be admitted for 2-3 days.  His oxygen saturation was extremely low, so low, that when I discussed it w/DS he was sure I heard it wrong.  He couldn't believe that A was functioning at all w/a saturation so low.  I confirmed it w/H 3 times though, it really was that low.  A was actually stuck in ER for 14 HOURS on Saturday.  The hospital was so crazy busy that they couldn't get him to a room w/a bed.  When they finally did, he was so bad that they put him ICU.  H missed the Saturday classes and tour we had planned.  She got home late that night, once things had more or less stabilized with A.  On Sunday, things seemed a bit better.  She went over to see him in the morning and they had just managed to break his (very high,) fever w/an ice bath.  After an hour or so, things seemed to moving in the right direction and he had fallen asleep, so H came back to the hotel and we got lunch.  We went back to the conference room and started to cut papers on  a hybrid project we'd (myself & other attendees,) worked on that morning.  I figured she could get some of it done and I'd finish whatever didn't happen for her.  At least she'd walk away with something, right?  Only while we were doing that, she got a text from A implying they might discharge him that afternoon.  Some of his "bloodwork had come back very positive."  H was packing up to head back to the hospital and called him to find out what was going on.  (He'd been in no shape to leave when she'd left him that morning.  He was better, but the guy was still requiring oxygen to breathe.)  While she was talking to him on the phone, he was overcome w/the shakes.  No fever, just uncontrollable shakes.  Not long after H got the hospital, he finally spiked a fever around 103.7.  They'd given him meds to try and knock it down, but he couldn't keep them down.  They had to used ice packs and IV meds to try and get the fever under control.  They did get it back down, but there was no mistaking he wasn't going anywhere soon.  I forget what time H got back that night, but it wasn't early.   Monday, was the day we were all supposed to come home.  I attended the closing of the "Fest," while H updated me via text from the hospital.  A was still running a low-grade fever, he was still on oxygen and he obviously wasn't flying anywhere that day.  But, he seemed to be slightly better.  He even got out of bed and walked around the nurses desk w/H.  Then he fell asleep exhausted.  I was VERY torn about leaving H and A.  If something awful happened, H had no one there with her.  If my folks weren't traveling overseas, it would've been a no brainer, I would've stayed.  But, as it was, I had to ask my Sister-In-Law to pick up the girls from school.  I offered to stay, (it was via text,) but I don't know if H never got it, or just didn't reply.  All the medal in the hospital and casinos made it so that we didn't always get our text in a timely manner.  Luckily, things really were improving.  A was discharged last night and they flew home today, Wednesday.  I actually haven't talked to them since they've gotten here.  The last text I got was when they were boarding the plane.  I know they're both exhausted, so it can wait.  He's still very, very sick.  She's got to go back to work and they have four year old twins to deal with too.  I'm still reeling from this weekend and I'm not the one who spent all the time in the hospital worrying about my husband.  I can NOT imagine how overwhelmed they must be feeling.  So, if you would, please say a little prayer, or light a candle or send the good karmic vibes.  They could use it right about now.

Also, go give the people you love a hug.  It's so easy to forget how fragile life can be. 

In my next post, I might actually talk about what I did, beside text w/H all weekend. ;-)

Not Just Ruining Professional Baseball Careers

Had my last (3rd) epidural shot on Wednesday. That was 3 days ago. Honestly, I don't really seem to have any back pain now. The nerve pain is gone. Yup, you read that correctly. But before you start planning the party, you should know a few things.

1. I've been down this road before. From what I remember, I actually had a faster response to these shots last time, but they didn't last. In other words, I felt better, but I didn't heal. I'm reserving judgment this time.
   
2. I'm feeling better, and have more energy, but I'm tired. Like fatigued tired. My guess is that there hasn't been a ramp up to this new energy level. I have energy because it was all be routed to deal with pain. The pain was all the eff'ing time, so that's a lot of energy being put toward something. That does NOT mean I have energy to go run laps, it just means I don't have to sit down after each & every thing I do.
   
3. I have energy, but not strength. I want to do things, but I need to remember not to do them just yet. To pace myself. I should NOT be doing things that involve lots of bending over and/or lifting. Even though I feel like it's "probably fine." It actually probably isn't fine. Emptying the bottom of the dishwasher is one of the things I should avoid. Picking up laundry baskets also fall under this guise. Sounds like things that should be easy to avoid, but you might be surprised at how much they come up. I have lots of practice with avoiding these activities. This new found energy finds me awake staring at the sink of dishes because the dishwasher needs to be unloaded. Or the laundry basket that needs to be picked up. The call of those things can be surprisingly strong.
   

I have a whole new world of exciting symptoms I get to deal with now as well! Beside shrinking my testicles...or wait...I didn't have any testicles, maybe that's why they're so small now. ;-) I have the added bonus of a major break out, read: acne. Skin that is thin, dry & won't heal. Or won't heal very quickly. I'm scared to get a pedicure, and the thin, dry skin thing has made my heals a thing to be avoided, implying a pedicure is eminent. But I fear the beauty salon because of the healing thing and infection. My understanding is that steroids surpress your immune system, so I'm afraid of getting something serious (think MERSA, paranoid much?) and not having it heal. The skin on my face is a mess due to an acne break out & ingrown hair (chin hairs that have taken on new proportions, thank you testosterone increase,) that is out of this world. I assume these have stepped it up as a result of the steroids. I'm bloated, my face is rounder. So now, not just fat, but round faced, w/big ugly scabs & sores. Bet you're dying to see a picture now, aren't you? Fat chance.

I also have been dealing w/a very "fuzzy brain." I can't seem to remember things, or remember then clearly. That's not like me at all. Ironic, my brain was clearer when I was on the pain medication, than it is off. Go figure. My Twitter Dr. (who blows Dr. Google out of the water,) tells me that's more of an issue related to chronic pain, so maybe not from steroids, just from everything else. Not really a surprise. It's probably not new, I'm just trying to do and keep track of more, so I'm noticing it more is my guess.

I'm doing my best to keep some perspective on all of this. I am better, these things will pass & hopefully I will stay better, right? RIGHT?

Mommy Abuse

I'm here! Barely.
I had my first Physical Therapy appointment since starting the epidural shots and I'm rough around the edges from it. That was on Tuesday (It's Thursday night.) Tuesday night I was actually having quite a bit of pain. Not nerve pain (down my leg) though, more muscle spasm pain. It's good news. Signs of good things I suppose. But it makes for a grumpy mommy. It also affects how well I sleep. Tuesday night was "not very well." When I don't sleep well it really affects my pain level.
On Wednesday, I was obviously trying to take it easy. LittleSpeak was NOT so much into taking it easy. She started by wetting the bed at 4 AM. This is only the second time she's every wet the bed. There's not a good time to do it, but her timing did suck. I got things situated and then got DaddySpeak to actually change the linens. Then, BigSpeak decided to get up at 5:30 that morning. OOOOK. My kids are trying to kill me. Since Little was already in a mood she started with throwing tantrums for everything. And I do mean everything. She wasn't even waiting for me to say no, if I just didn't immediately say "yes" then she was on the floor whining and screaming. Lovely start to the day, no? She had her first timeout at 7:45AM. The day progressed more or less like that until we got Big from school. I was letting them watch a TV show to wind down when we hit bottom. Because I was exhausted and in pain, I was laying flat on the couch and had Little sitting on my hip. (Keeps me aware of anything she's getting into.) She got off for a second to get a book or something and, all the sudden,
JUMPED. ON. TO. MY. STOMACH.
She knocked the wind out of me. Remember, I have to brace my back to sneeze or cough and she hit me full force in my midsection without warning. When my voice came back I told her, "Get off of me!" It wasn't loud. I was still getting my breath back. But it was stern. And it scared her. She became a complete puddle. When I was able to get myself into a sitting position I gave her hug & comforted her. She told me I scared her. And I told her she hurt me. And she did. I fear, and it feels like, she undid the last 3 weeks of healing. Yes, I'm sure I'm being melodramatic. I'm sure it's not that bad. But right now, I'm a mess.
I called Daddy & told him to, "come home NOW." I told him what happened and explained that I wasn't sure what my back was doing, but it wasn't good and I'm pretty sure it's not improving in the near future. Once he got home I took pain pills and laid down in our bed. And was not able to get comfortable. Last night I think I got 2-3 hours of sleep. I was up and down all night. The pain is bad. I get into a position that it tolerable, but it doesn't last. I couldn't stay in any position for more than 30 minutes. More like 10-15 most of the night. It was a very, very long night. Luckily both girls had school today. I was surprisingly mobile after those 2 hours. My movement is good, so that's a good sign. I went back to bed and slept until Big came home from school. I took a shower in the afternoon which seemed to help a bit. Tonight I went back to physical therapy. My PT worked on making things move, and very minimal exercise.
I am tender to the touch EVERYWHERE in my back. It's reacting. But like I said, my movement is good. I'm hopeful about sleep tonight. I think it I can get to a point when it's not so tender I can get some rest. If I can get some rest, and keep this amount of movement, I might be on the upswing. If my kids stop beating on me. And actually let me sleep.
Who do call for mommy abuse or neglect? (The Spa?)

Not The Way I Wanted to Spend My Evening

Spent the evening in ER.
Yup, you read that right.

Big cracked her head on a neighbor's driveway this afternoon. Nothing earth shattering, but apparently skull shattering. I'm kidding, and no I don't have a day job to quit. It wasn't a bad fall, we played it down when it happened. That should have been our first clue, because we ALWAYS think it's no big deal when it actually is a big deal. A few hours later she was throwing up and I was on the phone with the advice nurse. Now, before you get all, why were you on the phone, and not in the ER, you should know that the stomach flu has been making it's rounds through our neighborhood this week. The kids we were playing with today, in fact, had the bug earlier in the week. AND, Big has had a rotten cold for that last couple of days. It's been all nasal, and it could even be allergies, but I've been holding my breath to see if the stomach bug has made it our way. My point is that she hasn't been 100%. When she bumped her head, (she fell off the back of a kid's battery powered ATV,) she cried, we put an ice pack on it, and then she played some more with her friends. It was clear that she wasn't into playing anymore and it was that time of the afternoon anyway, so we came home. She asked if they could watch a TV show, so I put one on while we started dinner. She complained about it being hard to watch the TV. But DaddySpeak thought she was being melodramatic because of questions we'd asked about her sight after the fall. We figured she knew that it was more serious if it was hard to see, and therefore, would garner more attention. She finished her show, but didn't want to watch anything else. She'd been complaining of a headache, but wasn't specific about where it hurt. She was also complaining about a sore throat. Then she bolted for the bathroom. I wasn't convinced it was related to the fall, but I was going to error on the side of caution. I was on the phone with the advice nurse as round 2 started. At this point, she was also acting like she might have chills, didn't want to be touched, was hot, was cold, was nauseous, etc... Also, all symptoms of a stomach bug. The advice nurse sent us to ER. While waiting in the ER she started acting sleepy, not exactly despondent, but not really wanting to respond to anything, (she wanted to be left alone). She just wanted to lie down. They took us in back & let her do that. She started to doze, and I watched her carefully. (I might have put my hand on her stomach a few times to be sure she was breathing.) I still thought it might be the flu. She wasn't running a fever, in fact, she was low, 96, but if you're fighting a bug, everything she was doing was exactly what you want to do in that situation. They woke her and gave her some medication for nausea and wow! how do I get me some of that next time my kid is sick? Within about 5 minutes of taking it she was a different person. Her eyes were clear (they'd been glassy,) her color was better and she was yakking away and acting like herself. I was feeling pretty certain this was a case of the flu with bad timing, but they were doing a CT to be sure. CT was clear, (obviously, or I wouldn't be writing this right now). And, we were set to go home.

Doctor came in to confirm paperwork (I know, the doctor did it, weird, huh?) and just give us an update about the next couple days. He told us there was no bleeding around her brain, so "good news". I said, "so she's got the stomach bug that's going around?"
Him: "No! She's got an upper respiratory infection, but no stomach bug. She was absolutely sick from her head injury. She took a good hit."
And then I threw up.
OK, not really, but the seriousiness of it sort of started to sink in right then.

Really, the seriousness of it hit when I saw my baby laying on the CT table. She suddenly was so small and vulnerable. If I go the rest of my life without seeing one of my children on a CT table it will be too soon.

They want us to take it easy on foods; clear liquids tonight, BRAT in the AM to build up, just in case nausea returns. Want her to stay home from school tomorrow, but otherwise she's fine. I told her we'd have a lazy girls day round the house tomorrow and she got all excited.
If I'm feeling up to it maybe we'll go do something like a movie, or tea for lunch or a pedicure.

Somehow, a lazy girls day feels a bit more special than it did yesterday.

My Super Power

That's right, I'm a Super Hero. Who knew, right? Turns out I do something so well, it's not just something I'm good at, I'm freak'n gifted at it. (Besides having babies, which yes, I do happen to seem to be excellent at, birthing hips and all, but I digress...) Turns out I'm really SUPER at...(wait for it)...SCARRING. Yeah, you heard me.

Ok, I'll explain. Went back to the neurosurgeon on Thursday. He thinks I do NOT have a herniated/bulging disc again. He thinks I have scar tissue pushing on the nerve. Not even a lot of scar tissue. He showed me on my MRI how in one picture you can see the nerve. The next millimeter down in that disc you can't (see the nerve), and the millimeter from that one you can again. So he doesn't think it's enough material to be the disc material and is actually scar tissue. Yep, scar tissue on my sciatica nerve. I am nothing, if not peculiar. He is advising me to have an epidural (cortisone) shot (in my back) and has prescribed a drug that should dull the nerve a bit. So why does scar tissue in my disc some how imply I have a super power? Well...

When I was 3 I was run over by a truck (yes, I need to write this post, I will one of these days, I promise). I had to have tubes put into my lungs. The scars resulting from that surgery are still quite visible. I keloid scar. (Warning; the pix they show in this article, is kind of gross, I think. Not for the faint of heart. My scars, while quite visible, much smaller, not so red anymore. You can see them, but most likely won't really notice them.) Anywho, I'm 41 years old and yes, you can still see quite well the scars on my chest from this accident. The scars are 37 years old. (No, I won't make you do math on here.) People who keloid, scar on the outside instead of the inside basically. Not just ugly, this can be a problem depending on where the scar is located. When I had my first child (yes, guys and easily grossed out, you will all want to quickly depart here,) I ripped a little. My doctor gave it one quick stitch. "It's not like it needs to be pretty." Great bedside manner, no? Six weeks later, I mentioned to a few moms in my new moms group that I had never stopped bleeding after the baby, (Bye Guys!) asking how long it had been for them. Later that afternoon in the doctors office....I was informed that I had formed a keloid scar down there. Your welcome. Except that when you keloid in that area, that kind of tissue won't heal. So I got to be "cleaned up" (cut again) and cauterized with a laser. I was assured it was not common for people who had this happen, to have it happen in future pregnancies, and with my second child it did not. She also weighed a pound less, so that might have had something to do with it, you think?

When age 7, I split open my face. My mom (who also has this problem) has had some severe scarring on her face and knows first hand, how they knock keloids down; sand paper. So, she wouldn't let anyone touch me until a plastic surgeon got there. I took 40 stitches (20 in the cut, and 20 out) to close an inch long gash on my cheek. It still "bubbled" and was red, but not the way it would have. And now, unless you know to look for it, you can't tell. But, even with that many stitches, I managed to put forth a small keloid.

Trust me, I have more stories. I think I've proven my point. I scar really well. Or not, depending on your viewpoint I suppose. So, my guess, is that the scar tissue pushing on my nerve, while not necessarily a keloid, is probably more scar tissue than the average person would build. Ergo: Scarring is my Super Power. I'll be taking Super Hero names in the comments.

House Keeping, or Why My Back Won't Heal

I know, I sort of disappeared the last week or so. Was having a pretty good week and then, BAM! I totally overdid it at Physical Therapy on Tuesday and was pretty much a mess from then on. But, you know, life happens with or without me, so I continued playing mom's taxi & such as required.
This weekend was spectacular. My BFF came to visit from LA on Thursday. (Downside; she flew into SFO, which, you know an hour drive away. Since driving effs me up on levels I can't describe, that didn't exactly improve things.)
Friday, we went to The City (San Francisco) to see Wicked, which was amazing! (Read more here!) But also, more driving, BAH! (Though she did drive, so I could take pain pills to get through it all.) And I wore my boots (heels, not crazy or anything, but not slippers either) and I had to sit for 3 hours. Totally not the optimal way to make my back feel better.
Saturday, I was good and did not do the drive to the airport to take her home. Mostly because DaddySpeak (DS) & BFF made me stay home, but still, I was good that way. Later, we had to pick up Girl Scout cookies, because I am a moron the cookie chair for Big's troop. I did NOT load and unload boxes! I'm not a complete moron, but I did have to sort the 100+ cases of cookies for our 12 girl troop when we got them home. Sorting involved much reaching, pulling & shoving of boxes/cases for a couple hours that afternoon. Probably not on the list of things to do to heal a bulging disc. Saturday night, I went to a crab feed fundraiser for Big's school. It was fun, but again, couldn't wear my sweats or pjs, so the boots were on again. We didn't hang out too long after dinner, but it still involved much standing (at the beginning) and sitting for dinner (they did not provide couches or beds for me to lounge on, rat bastards!)
Sunday, yes it's still the weekend, I was a complete basket case. They ask you to rate your pain on a scale of 1-10, 1 being no pain, 10 being, can't move. I was a 9. I could move, but I didn't want to. I was taking 2 pain pills at a time to tolerate it. I let it get to the 4 hour window for the next round of meds and regretted that. Had to wait for them to catch up a second time. Won't be doing that again soon, trust me. We were supposed to go celebrate my nephew's 13th birthday Sunday night. I didn't go to dinner, DS and the girls went. I couldn't sit for any more than say a minute, and I sure couldn't do it in public. DS came and picked me up after, so I could go to my brother's house and watch my nephew open gifts and blow out his candles. I think my mom was shocked at my state. I showed up in my sweats (which was a step up, trust me,) barely able to walk, w/my eyes glazed over. Not sure if the glaze was from the pain or pills. I was in so much pain that I couldn't read or deal with light. I couldn't focus on anything but the pain. It was awful.
And here it is, Monday. I had a follow up with my orthopedic doctor (OD) today. I wasn't expecting much, I'm telling him how it's going, I live with me, so I know how it's going. I sure wasn't expecting the appointment to go the way it did. After some discussion, I found that this is a bulging disc, not just a tear. The rip is the same place I had surgery before. My (uneducated) guess is that because the surgeon didn't stitch the rip before (I think to avoid scar tissue, and he felt it wasn't big enough for more disc material to move into) more material has moved into it causing the pain. The OD wants me to go see the surgeon. OD is recommending another epidural shot, but he didn't have answers for several questions I had related to it, and thinks I should talk in depth to the surgeon. Great!

So THAT's where I'm at right now.

Back In The Saddle

I'm sitting in SJC as I write this, waiting for a flight to go have a MUCH NEEDED girls weekend in Southern California. Because of my back, this ongoing injury, the associated Physical Therapy (PT) & doctor appointments, getting ready for this weekend AND regular day-to-day stuff, last week was exhausting and this week was a bit crazy. DaddySpeak has been a freak'n SAINT. Basically allowed me sit on my arce all weekend, (but kept the house up) so as to allow me to rest my back (and not freak out come Monday, or Tuesday in this case, morning).

Wednesday evening I finally got the results back from my MRI. I have an annular tear. Because of the craziness of my day and my shock at what the doctor was telling me, I did not find out what vertebrae is affected, tho my gut tells me it's still the L5/S1 variety because of the sciatica pain & such. This doctor did not have a copy of my old MRI results so I also don't know how this compares to the hernia I had, how close it is to that location, if it's the same place, somewhere altogether different, etc... Obviously, all good information to get, and I will. For now, I'm basically back to square one. I kid you not. I know!!! This is basically how they started out treating my disc problem, which is "wait and see." If it doesn't improve in a couple weeks, then we'll discuss "shots," which I know is epidurals w/steroids AGAIN! FML!!! Doctor also suggested, "if I'm open to it" (which I am) PT to help build my core and see if we can work out the tweaks being formed around the tear as a result of my response to the pain. I'm supposed to keep my activity to things that don't hurt. And that cost how much for you to tell me? Because I'm pretty sure I figured that one out on my own.

Surprisingly, I'm not devastated (yet). You would think three years into this, and starting over with a similar problem might be devastating, and at some point it probably will start to feel that way. Right now, I'm actually relieved. Shocking, I know. No really, I'm relieved that there is something that shows up on tests. Suffering from Fibromyalgia, I went 15+ years of going through test after test, doctor after doctor, only to be told time and again how "it's all in my head." I had symptoms that were severe enough to warrant the tests, but no one could nail anything down. To me, not knowing what's wrong, is actually the worst. Yes, a diagnosis with no treatment would be awful, but at least you know there's nothing more you can do for it. At that point you can "manage" it. Not knowing, you don't know what to do. And the not knowing, if it goes on long enough, people doubt something is really wrong with you. You get labeled a hypochondriac. Nevermind, that you have symptoms that warranted the tests in the first place. When the people who are closest to you give you that look, the one that let's you know they're wondering if you aren't being just a little dramatic, that when you start to doubt yourself. Once that happens, that's when the depression sets in. THAT's the worst. Being sick and being depressed about being sick, because no one believes you're really sick. (Turn that sentence over for a minute. Yeah, THAT sucks.) So you can see how, finding something on a test, even if that means it's not great news, brings me a sense of relief. It gives me something to work on, a goal, a direction. And for you interwebs, more of my horrible "back" puns.

Now, to get back to the business of getting better!

The Face of Swine Flu

So this is the face of swine flu. Oink. OK, the faces.
Yup, we got it. Both of them. Guess that sort of absolves me in my lack of posting.
Sort of.
The irony is that I didn't think they had it. That's how mild their cases are. My mom got her panties all in a bunch over the fact that they had fevers that came & went and came & went...and next thing I know I'm on the phone with the after hours advice nurse....And now I'm finding out, all about all the kids we go to school with, play soccer with, in Daisy scouts with, etc...who have already had it. They said their kids were "sick" no one fessed up the flu until they heard we had it. Then they're all like, "Oh yeah, watch that cause I thought DD was better b/c we were without a fever for 24 hours, and a day later it came back." So that's why you sent her back to school? And exposed my child? I'm not really bitter about that. I mean, there's no way to know where my kids got it; school, grocery store, pumpkin patch, restaurants, doctor's office (getting seasonal flu shots)... I get that. But, it does irk me that it's already been so rampant in our area & I really had no idea. I know it's around and I know there are places where it's been crazy. I just didn't think our school had been hit all that hard, yet. Now, who knows. I don't know that I would've done anything any differently had I known. But, maybe I would have, and the fact that the choice to do something about it was taken from me is what irks me about that.

Water under the bridge, I guess, right? For what it's worth, I reported our cases to the girls' schools & have called or emailed the clubs, sports teams, classes they may have exposed. I have also been very open with any and every one about the fact that they have it. I mean it's the flu, not leprosy.

Our reality; we're out of school for the week. ACK! Any suggestions? I have two bored kids, who are occasionally running a mild fever (and knock on wood, by the time you're reading this we've probably gone more than 24 hours w/out a fever). They can't go anywhere other people really are, but they have plenty of energy. Wish me luck!

Opps! MIA

I started a couple posts this last week, but never finished & posted any. Basically it all boils down to: ILL.

Girls were each sick and then I got sick. And this weekend, I was exhausted. All week (and weekend) we got through our usual crazy schedule, w/out fail. But I guess it really got to me. On Sunday, when we got home from church (yes, I went, first time all year) and the Farmer's Market, I had a raging headache. I took some aspirin for it and laid down in our bedroom (usually I just hit the couch). This was a bad one, on it's way to a migraine, so I went strait for the eye pillow (dark) & bedroom (quiet). I fell alseep for 3 hours! Got up, ran an errand & helped w/dinner. By the time we finished dinner, I could tell it was creeping back, so I laid down on the couch & crashed again! Because my sleep can be fleeting, Daddyspeak lives by the philosophy of not waking me if sleeping. Ever! So I woke up, alone, at 11 PM, when Little had a nightmare. I laid down w/her for 10 mins in her room (till she was out) and then went to bed in our room & slept all night! Normally, a nap alone would mean my night time schedule was shot, but TWO NAPS & still falling right alseep? Unheard of! Soooo, I'm either fighting something or my Fibro seems to be rearing it's ugly head. In the past, I haven't really dealt w/CFS (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome), but it is a part of it for most people. Usually, my issue is that I CAN'T sleep. Not that I sleep for 15 hours of the day. I'm holding out hope for, I'm fighting something, but I have other symptoms (pain) which would imply the Fibro. So keeping my fingers crossed that things calm down. But, just in case, anyone have a good referral for a rheumatologist? (Mine isn't taking new patients & it's been so long since I've been, that I'm now considered a new patient. How f'd up is that?)

The Toof Fairy is a Man (and I married him)

I spent the weekend away at a Mom's Crop (Scrap) weekend. It's the first time I've been away from both the girls and Daddy alone. It was really nice. Got more sleep this weekend, than I usually get in a whole week. I did get some cropping done as well. (Not as much as I would've like, but than that's typical, I guess.)

I do have a review of where we stayed I'm planning on writing. But in the meantime....I spent this afternoon at the dentist. On Friday, at lunch, I cracked one of my old fillings. I thought I'd just gotten a lot of food caught in a tight space. When I was able to floss I went to town. I figure then, that the pain was from overdoing it on my flossing. Same story on Sunday afternoon. But this AM when it was still achy, I called the dentist. He took x-rays, but when he looked at it, he could see that I'd cracked it. This afternoon I had it replaced. Dude! It hurt like heck! He had to give me multiple like 8 I think,) shots. When he got into the actual tooth (after drilling out the old filling) he had to give me 5 more shots to numb the nerves inside the tooth. He said it was a "hot tooth". Whatever. Once the numbing started to wear off, I'm dying. Like really, really intense pain. Very, very glad I had pain pills in the house. Got home & took ibuprofen & half a pain pill & crashed on couch. Felt better when I woke up 2 hours later. It's wearing off now & I can really tell. I've never had dental work hurt like that. I think the pain is actually from the shots. (Two were in the roof of my mouth.) Guess I'll know better tomorrow.

So I had this post all ready (in my head) to complain about the status of my house when I got home. But Daddy totally saved the day this afternoon. Any ill feelings I was having, I'm over it. I was reminded how lucky I am when he left work early so I could get my tooth fixed, while he took the girls to gymnastics. Then he made sure they were fed, bathed and off to bed (while I slept on the couch). The house took 30 mins to clean (more or less). I can't put a time frame or dollar amount to measure the love he showed me today with his efforts. I am a very, very lucky woman.

You Knew It Wouldn't Last...

All that posting in a just a week or two. I'm truly a bi-polar blogger. (Now there's a new blog I could start!) I was all set to write my experience w/the Lincoln MKT and it all came to a screeching halt w/this:



These pix actually makes it look good. Little (aka--Little Miss Accident Prone) got a fight w/a chair and lost. Friday night at Big's soccer practice Little & a buddy were picking flowers & collecting them on my beach chair. (I was standing watching practice at his point.) All the sudden, Little trips (over her own feet I guess?) and falls. If she had been a few inches back or anywhere else on the field she would've fallen & it would have been no big deal. But she had the perfect storm where she cracked her eye/head on the edge of the chair. We've been in recovery mode ever since. Truth is she's been fine. I've been on edge.

Friday we didn't do anything to it. Got it to stop bleeding (mostly), but she wouldn't really let us do much to it, including cleaning & ice. Soccer team goes out to dinner after Friday practice, and since our girls are deprived when it comes to eating out she was absolutely game for that! While we had to dab it a little, (still bleeding a bit) she seemed fine, played w/the kids & happily ate her dinner. We figured we'd let it go & depending on how it was looking in the morning we'd take her to the doctor.

We were also supposed to head to the beach house for the weekend in the morning. When she got up, it wasn't looking stellar. Now I know, often these things look worse for a couple days while they're healing. But the big thing was that the edges of where the split was weren't meeting up and it was still weeping quite a bit. So off to the doctor we went. Luckily, our pediatrician's office has Saturday morning hours. I called & they said bring her in, and her doctor was the one who was working. So first things first, they looked at it & felt they needed to clean it to decide if it needed stitches (or more likely glue), so had to wait for a nurse. Nurse came in & brought Little some dayglo bracelets. So Miss Happy laid there & let the nurse have at her eye w/nary a peep. Nurse was amazed at how chill she was, so I told her Little's stitches story. Not sure she totally believed me, but she didn't completely doubt me either, considering how calm she was now.

Let me preface this part by saying that usually blood & guts stuff does NOT bother me. I was in a science magnet high school & our senior year physiology class was all lab practicals on animals AND we got to go to UCSF and take cadavers apart. (Didn't continue in this area b/c I couldn't hack the upper level math. Well wasn't motivated to at least.)

So the nurse is cleaning and when she gets to the where the actual split is, she pulls it apart to clean it better, and umm, gross! My stomach flipped acouple times. Seriously, I'm pretty sure I turned green. You know the slot that opens for your eye to see thru? Well, Little's is a bit longer right now. Ugg! I'm still recovering from it. Like I said, Little was fine, mom needed some help. After being cleaned the doctor came back to check it, and decided it was "borderline" glue. But didn't want to be the one to make the decision for sure, so she called in another doctor, who did the same thing. Finally, we had a little party, w/all 4 doctors working that day, a nurse, me & Little. Seems none of the doctors wanted to be the one to make the final call. Learned that day that it takes 4 doctors to decide NOT to do anything.

They did put suture bandages on it to hold the skin together. Then the told us to keep in clean & out of the sun (there goes the beach!) Little managed to pull the bandages off about 2 hours later. Of course. Daddy put a Barbie bandaid on it, and that stayed put (so there doctors!). It'll be a week tomorrow and if you're looking you can see her eye is still swollen, and there's scab, but nothing huge. Kids heal fast.
My emotional scars will take much longer and require many more margaritas I'm sure.

Back at it!

I know, enough w/the back jokes. It's been a while so here's my status (which I know you're just dying for.)

After a BIG scare last week (leg went numb again) everything is back in working order and seems to actually be on the mend. Week before last I went into the doctor for my 6 week follow up. He made me bend, squat, roll over, sit and beg....anyway, he checked my mobility. My ankle is still w/out a reflex and I'm still a mess whenever I have an appointment like that; all that movement F's me up really bad. But more or less I'm ploding along at an expected rate. Dr. gave me a prescription for physical therapy & steroids (to move the healing along a bit more.) Last Thursday was the last day of taking steroids (and I was feeling that they really were starting to help,) I woke up w/a numb foot. Uh oh. A few hours later & the numbness was working it's way up my leg and by 11 I had no feeling in my leg left at all. After a phone call to the doctor, he set me up for a 2nd round of steroids and told me to start Physical Therapy (PT). If I still have numbness in a week, then another scan will be scheduled. The PT thought I probably was building scar tissue which was pushing on the nerve again. She worked it out for me and I haven't had any notiable numbness since. Whew!

Ultimately, I'm frustrated. It has been very slow going, or maybe it hasn't. I've had this problem for so long now (2 years) maybe the length of time this is taking is to be expected. I'm finding that I do feel better for periods of time, but then I do something (like go out to dinner w/my hubby for his b-day) and find that it was too much. The bigest problem I have is that when I'm overdoing it, my back doesn't let me know. I find out after the fact that it was too much, and spend the next day in bed. I find it really hard to stop myself from doing things if it doesn't actively hurt, especially if it's related to the girls. I feel so guilty about how much I'm saying no to them already that if I don't know it will bother me for sure I tend to do it, and pay later.

I'm also frustrated w/other things; I've gained quite a bit of weight during this down time (15 lbs) and I get really, really tired. We took the girls to the park for a couple hours today and all I did was sit and watch, but I was wiped out from it. I slept for 3 hours after. I'm tired of being tired is all. I try not to focus on the extrainious stuff (like my weight) hoping that it will take care of it's self once I'm moving again.
Hang w/me Internet. I know I'm crabby and bitchy & I'm trying to be nice, but feel free to call me on it. I just want to be me again, you know.

It's Going Around....

Such a fitting title for so many reasons.

Guess what?! I wasn't being a hypochondriac! No really, I had Fifth's Disease. Never heard of it? Well neither had my mom so I've been getting lots of advice from her not to mention it to people cause "it sounds just awful". So supportive, don't you think? We got a notice home from BigSpeak's school about a day before vacation started. Happy Holidays! At that time, LittleSpeak had come down with it and I'd (self-)diagnosed that this is what her and I had, had already. Thank you Dr. Google. It's pretty miserable in general, but in adults you get some added fun; joint pain for up to a month! Not to be left out, BigSpeak showed up w/the rash on December 23. So both girls and I have been run down during most of this month. (That picture w/Santa, probably at the height of our contagiousness, don't say we never gave you anything Santa!) We ended up bowing out of our Christmas Eve dinner and staying home to put the girls to bed early and eat leftovers. The house of Speak knows how to party, let me tell you.

The family illness coupled w/the busyness of the season along w/trying to get my family/house ready for my surgery equals "not much posting," you may have noticed. On the other hand, I may need to join a self-help group for my Facebook addiction. I don't actually spend as much time as it might seem on it. I leave it open all day & periodically check it/update my status while I'm in the kitchen doing other things, like cooking breakfast, etc... My extended family thinks I sit waiting for people to update their status though, so I felt the need to clarify. I feel better now, thanks. ;-)

In spite of all of this, we did manage to get in quite a bit of traditional holiday fare; caroling w/BS's girl scout troop, seeing the Nutcracker ballet, holiday parties, driving around to check out over-the-top Christmas lights, etc... but it's been hectic to say the least.

I have so many good stories from this month, I'm hopeful that during my convalesce I'll be coherent enough to share them. Go read Mike and Mir, their stories today are typical of the type I have to share with you. LittleSpeak has been up to her usual tricks and is both trying and adorable at the same time. It's amazing to me how much I can love that little bundle of energy and be just enraged by her at the same time. She is definitely the daughter my mother wished on me as a teenager: "I hope you have a daughter exactly like you!" BigSpeak has had some of her own trying moments this month as we try to work out her homework vs. play/T.V. schedule. Being a big kid is not easy. That's not to say that this month hasn't been fun, cause it has. The girls have been so much fun; they were both really into Christmas this year & that's been a treat. Sometimes I just can't get enough of them you know.

I have my surgery (microdiscectomy) on 12/30. Happy New Year! I'm supposed to have a 6 week recovery; 2 weeks of which will pretty much be flat on my back (in bed). My doctor has told me I can't really screw it up during recovery, but I certainly can prolong the recovery time. I'm not sure if the end of six week is when I can start to act like a normal person again (i.e.--walk BS the 2 blocks to school again) or if I should be back up normal by then (able to walk for 30+ minutes if I wanted to). I'm under the impression it's more the first choice, but I'll have to check on that. Hopefully, I'll be posting much more very soon, since I'm going to find myself quite stationary w/only my laptop to play with. This is most likely my last post of the year, so

Happy New Year!!!

Talk to you Next year! (Hee, yes I'm like 9 or something.)

Life, it is plotting against me.

Hi Internet,

I'm here, I haven't forgotten you I'm just having a really rough time of it these days. The outcome from meeting w/the surgeon is that I'm basically going to end up having surgery it's just a matter of when; you know, when I can't stand the pain any longer. The recommendation is for a microdiscectomy which, in light of what it could be, is probably the best I could've hoped for. This doctor does want you to stay overnight in the hospital (to make sure there's no unforeseen complications) but most do the surgery as an outpatient procedure, so that should tell you something right there. The worst part (at least it seems like it from here) is the recovery; where I'm down on my back for several weeks (like 6). No nothing for a full week, no driving for over 2 weeks, no house cleaning/picking up kids, etc....for the next 6 or so. I would need some help to say the least. On top of this, my mom has a torn miniscus, so she needs to have surgery and won't be able to help me until she's resolved that issue. In the meantime, I'm still trying not to take my pain pills unless absolutely necessary, and when there's another adult present, but these last couple weeks have shown the other adult option is negociable; the pain has gotten pretty bad at times. I need to get a second opinion and then assuming it's going to be this surgery figure out how and when we can pull this off. I don't know how the heck I'm going to be able to just turn it all off for that length of time. I'm freaking out about it when I think about it for too long so moving on....

To add to the fun LittleSpeak has been sick this last week (BigSpeak the week before, now she just has the rotten cold part). LS has been getting up no later than 5 AM for over week now. She comes in our room at that time w/a fever, so I give her tylenol & put her in bed with us to go back to sleep; only not much sleep is happening for me after that point. Her fever then goes again until is shows up at 5 AM again the next day. Weird. Yesterday was the first morning when she did not have a fever, but she's apparently decided she likes this wake up time and getting into bed to "play" w/mama. Mama is not enjoying this so we are "crying it out" (CIO) if earlier than 5 AM (has happened), DaddySpeak has to get up to do the CIO as my back is already shot from all the lifting of her I'm doing during the day. I'm hopeful, but not that optimistic, that she will go back to sleeping later than this, I need life to cut me a break somewhere!

I did go visit my primary care physican to discuss my weight loss, BP, etc....I can tell she just thinks I'm not eatting as much as I think I am, but is running some blood tests to see if anything pops up. BTW, my BP that day was 86/60, so the lowness of it doesn't seem to be a fluke.

I'm trying to maintain a "normal" life in the midst of this; BigSpeak is going to start Daisy Scouts next week, I'm working in her classroom, walking her to and from school everyday, gymnastics on Tuesdays for BS and Wednesdays for LS. There are a lot of days when I walk BS to school and then come crash on the couch w/my feet up and either get LS to let me read to her or play pretend with her until it's time to walk to pick up BS. It's very, very frustrating to say the least. Hopefully, I will start to get more rest this week and then can get back to my regularly scheduled posting, hahahahahahaha.

Lost in Space

That's kind of how I feel these days. The beginning of last week my back pain got so back that I was getting chills from it, and then later, having trouble forming coherent sentences, I wish I was joking. I broke down & took pain pills that day. I decided the pills couldn't make me any loopier then I already apparently was. I had my appointment w/the neurosurgeon and since it's almost 2 AM I'm going to keep it quick and say; he recommend surgery. That's a big surprise, coming from a surgeon and all. I'll give you more on that later.

BigSpeak was also sick during part of this week; the joys of going to school. LittleSpeak woke us at 5 AM with the fever. Fun! And I have started with the sore throat tonight. I also spent most of my day exhausted & sleeping on the couch.

this is why I've been MIA this week. Hopefully, more tomorrow; when I'm sick and lying around.

Straitening Things Out

Yup I'm working on becoming the queen of the pun, cause down here in Silicon Valley, that's how we roll.

Update from today's dr visit:

I still don't have a reflex in my right ankle bad

I have an epidural scheduled for 8/21 good

If the epdural doesn't give me permanent bad
relief, I will be given another MRI & most
likely referred to a specialist surgeon.

I have to say that I will be surprised if the epidural gets rid of it altogether. They've helped my pain a lot, but they've never been permanent. I'll be pleasantly surprised if it happens, but I'm not holding my breath on that one.

Dr. K also commented that nerve pain typically goes into your lower leg (below the knee) and as of the last two weeks mine has not. All the other tenderpoints and movement (or lack of) I do and don't have imply the nerve is still a big part of the problem. I assured him that I knew it was as I'm getting tingling and numbness this go around still AND after his little exam my pain was defineatly all the way back down into my foot (I'm pretty sure my shoe and the floor were feeling it for a while there). I've been poping half vicodins all day. (You could set a clock by me cause I can tell you exactly when they wear off). They don't eliminate the pain (a full one probably would, but I'm responsible for kids you know) but they do take the edge off.



I could've gotten the shot this week, but I'm really, really trying to get the girls to the beach house for an extended period this summer. We're going Wed. for 5 days, DAMIT!

I'm still here! Back here!

Yeah I got a million of them. I'll be here all zee week, and be sure to tip your bartenders and waitresses folks!

So guess what went out the week DaddySpeak left?

Yup, my disk is back being herniated again. I haven't been posting because I haven't really been doing much of anything to be honest. That's not exactly true. We've actually been doing quite a lot as my preshus baaaabeee starts kindergarten in a few short weeks here and I'm trying to fit it all in still. Where did my summer vacation go I ask you? And when did summer vacation end in August???? The school district at the beach house starts this week!!! I guess we're lucky. But I digress; So I hold myself together as long as I can (or until another adult is present and able to be in charge) and then I generally collapse. It's fun! NOT. Since I'm collapsed not so much on the posting happening here, but I suppose you know that already.

I'm somewhat better this week than last, not popping vicodin every day anymore. I have an appointment with the orthopedic surgeon tomorrow, so I'll let you know what he thinks after tomorrow.

Happy Valentine’s Day!!!

Yes, I'm a day late, but really by an hour, so sue me. Would you expect anything less? It's been a very rough week w/my back and all (excuse #37 for not posting), so let's cut me some slack & pretend like I got this up yesterday, ok? Great, now let's all move on to my riviting words.What did you get for V-day? Know what I got? I got an epidural shot! Woohooo! We are living it up at the Speak household. DaddySpeak’s b-day was yesterday, so that coupled w/my back issues (got to have a nerve test yesterday. Big Fun let me tell you.) meant we were very low key this year. Luckily, I had extra stocking stuffers from the $1 bin at Target, and heart balloons I got for the girls yesterday when picking b-day balloons for DS (from the girls) yesterday and matching “play cell phones” (also boutique target, but a bit more than $1) in house for just such a need. Today was shot as far as I was concerned. Once I got home from the shot, around 10, I went to bed & slept till 2. The vidcodin on an empty stomach might have had something to do with it. Ya think? I do feel bad cause I really didn’t do much for DS for his b-day or V-day. But he didn’t go without, just not as much as I might have normally put into it. Between my back issues & his parents being here I just couldn’t get it anymore together than that. I’ll make it up to him & I said so, but I also think he really does know that I will. He ponyed up big time & bought this beautiful necklace a neighbor MADE!!! I may be able to get a photo on here soon, but I’m not promising a date with everything else that’s happening. I will post a photo at some point though cause it’s super awesome and I LURVE it. (Plus I think she's going to open a shop on Esty, so I will link to it for sure when she does.) I have a feeling it was uber expensive, but that’s ok; I love the piece, the person who made it and most especially the person who gave it.
About the shot:
Not exactly like your epidural that you (may have, like I did) got when in labor. I guess I forgot how much the shot HURT! OMG, did that thing hurt like a mofo! Seriously. I think the one that they give you during labor typically gives you so much relief that you don’t really think of it as hurting? Or maybe I blocked that one too, who knows at this point. I can’t be trusted on these topics I guess. If it makes me feel better I seem to be able to completely block the awful part out of my mind. Since this is my 4th go around with this type of shot you might think I’d have some memory of pain. Maybe I’m brain dead or something, cause I really don’t. I do remember from last go around that getting onto the OR table hurt as much as getting off, so that may have been part of it. Everything was already such a mess, the shot didn’t really add much. The other thing is that during that time my right leg was more or less numb and this go around it’s and on and off thing, so I’m thinking I may have been too numb to feel all of it then too. Not so much this time. The pain is this huge pressure, and it feels like the shot is in my hip bone by the time it’s done. I’m sure it’s not, in fact it’s between two vertebrae, wouldn’t you think my tailbone would feel it more or something? The pressure traveled down my leg to the back of my knee & seemed to stop there. Tonight it’s pretty much just my lower back. I'm very stiff now, and I wasn't before, just hurting, as of right now I'm worse. I'm working on the pretense that I'm going to wake up tomorrow (if I ever get my arce in bed) and feel miraculously better. We'll see. I’m pretty sure I did too much today, so I might have felt slightly better if I hadn’t been picking up toddlers, walking up and down stairs, walking the block to deliver valentines and giving DD1 a real mani & pedi (yes, I spoil that child) as the bending to get to her toes & fingers wasn't the best. But you should see her nails; they rock!
About the nerve test:The results of the nerve test were that I am not worse. I’m not better either. Doctor wasn’t thrilled with that, “after a year it should have more healing and therefore better response.” But on the upside, it isn’t worse, so it’s a start. I knew the nerve test hurt like heck last time, but I forgot about the best part: the second part of the test they stick needles (not as thick as an IV one, but much thicker than say an acupuncture one) in you (my leg & lower back) and move them around while running a low current of electricity into them. I’m. NOT. Kidding. It’s to see if the nerves in the muscles are damaged. They are deep enough to cause you to bleed too. So, not only do you get the pain, they up the ante by pressing on the needle and moving it around, while you bleed. This is one of those tests I think all med students should have to have so they know how it feels and be more empathetic about it. I don’t think my doctor was especially rough, but he does seem to be somewhat flip about it. Trust me, IT HURTS!
Must get to bed before I fall over, so looking forward to a pain and test free weekend. Hoping for the same for you and your family!

Back At It

Ah, the back metaphors are back (get it they're back). Lucky you Internet! The saga of the herniated disk continues…When we last left our heroine she had been progressing nicely. The week in Miami in October (sans kids) had done her wonders. In fact, until she got home from that trip and picked the (not so) little ones she was feeling no pain; and we aren’t talking about the Mai Tai’s folks.

Tank you verry much, I’ll be here all zee week!

Yeah, this week was a bad one for my poor little disk. I am almost at the point of naming the guy. Yes, the disk in my back. It seems to get as much press as my kids do, so it seems fitting. Maybe we should have a naming contest, what’d you think? Any suggestions?

I headed out to the orthopedic surgeon today. He had me bend and cough a lot, (but was never behind me & I’m a chick and was fully dressed so save it). I think he was impressed with my mobility, but that’s the thing about being a mom, you do what you have to, which is everything, until you can’t. Then you can’t move at all. At the time the bending didn’t seem like that big of a deal, but by the time I got home from the appointment I was sore & exhausted. Talk about being out of shape, huh? The biggest thing was that he tested my reflexes and guess what! Not so good. My right ankle seems to have lost it’s reflex. (It’s a sign of nerve damage.) I was tested a year ago because the reflex wasn’t so good then either. At that time, I had little to no feeling in my right leg (the disk was pressing on my sciatica nerve). The doctor thinks it’s worse. The only way they can know for sure it so redo the nerve test, so I’m having that done on Wednesday. Oh Joy! On Thursday I be having another epidural. It’s been about a year since my last epidural so that’s good.; means it’s more likely to be effective. I’m actually looking forward to the epidural. I got so much relief from them last time I could be the epidural poster child. Of course, I felt similarly after my first child’s birth and not quite so much after the second. So I’m tentatively looking forward to it. I am NOT looking forward to the nerve test. Last time I had one my leg was more or less numb, especially the part they were testing. Now, I have complete feeling in my leg. It hurt like HECK last time. No, really, it hurt like HELL. Seriously, not a fun test. I can hardly wait to see how much fun it is now that the nerve is working. If you’ve never had a nerve test, they send electrical impulses into your muscles to see how they respond. The slower they respond the more nerve damage you have. I would think it's like getting lots of mini taser guns shot into various parts of you for an extended period of time. Wouldn't surprise me one bit if it came up that they use this type of thing to torture terror suspects. I'm just saying...
I suppose it wouldn’t hurt if the nerve is DEAD! Mine is not, so I don’t imagine it’ll feel good.
The up side of all of this (well beside the fact that I’m getting an epidural which should make me feel better more or less immediately,) is that I got my pain pill prescription refilled! I take vicodin, and I get nervous when I get low. The press that these kinds of drugs get these days make the doctors hand them out sparingly and I’m always nervous when I start to get low. I’m fearful that I'm going to run out over a weekend & be a mess until I can get in on Monday. It’s never happened, it’s just an irrational fear I have.

Alright, I’m off to bed now. At least I can sleep in tomorrow.