Mom Guilt

I get one off to school and wouldn't you know it I am suddenly aware of how little one-on-one time I've been giving to the other. It's called Mom Guilt, if you don't have it yet, you will, give it 5 minutes.

The first day of school I decided I should take it easy. Figured walking to and from the school, while not far, might just be enough to do me in, so decided to veg while we waited for BigSpeak to get done. I sat on the couch in the playroom & told LittleSpeak to go make me some breakfast in her kitchen. She just about fell over! Pretty soon she was running back & forth bringing me play eggs and toast, coffee ("Hot!") "no milk, Juice! (only she says shews)". The whole time this was going on she was giggling uncontrollablly. She was giddy w/Mommy's sole attention. Seriously, all I was doing was sitting on the couch making sure she wasn't literally climbing the walls (no she did that the next day at the public library...you think I jest,) and it was the most exciting thing ever to her. I realized that I haven't had one-on-one time with her unless I schedule it. When I schedule it we're at a class or something, so it's not just us. Ummm, can you say mom guilt?

Every day this week, we've walked BigSpeak to school, walked to Starbucks and then headed home. We do one chore for house cleaning; dust, vacuum, mop and she helps me. She has her own duster, swifter and Dyson (play one), and I pretty sure LittleSpeak would tell you it has been the best week of her life.

Tonight I laid her in her crib and she said, "BigSpeak in kool morrow?" And I said yes, then she says, "Dada work. Mama & Little ommm." And I said, "Yes, Mama & Little stay home while BigSpeak goes to school and Dada works." "Mama & Little ommm" and she grabs my arm and hugs it.

I Do Too

Today, the California Supreme Court legalize same sex marriages in CA. I live in Silicon Valley, just a “short” drive to “The City” where this all started four years ago. This may not be big news where you live, but it is here. I have to admit, it’s nice to watch the news and have it all be positive for a change. In fact, now that I think about it, they bumped the war tonight. I can’t remember the last time the war wasn’t one of the top stories. It was nice to see The City (more specifically The Castro) holding an impromptu street party to celebrate. There was such a sense of community that conveyed even through the TV reports.
You may not support “Gay Marriage” but I have to say I honestly do. This does not mean I want to watch gay couples make out (I don’t want to watch strait couples do that either) or that I think less of the “institution” of marriage than you do. What I do know, is that many of these couples are as committed to each other as “traditional “ married couples. They live, have families, support each other the same as any other “traditional” couple, but when/if one passes the “next of kin” is not their partner. Now, think for a minute, if you and your spouse were in that situation; not only are you devastated by the loss of your partner, but his/her family, who was not supportive of your “lifestyle” have aced you out of the decision making related to their death. I’m not saying this is the case with all partners and their families. I have no idea of the statistics, but I would like to think that many more are supportive than not. For those who are not, I can not imagine the feelings that they go through.
I honestly don’t understand how in 2008 we live in a society where this type of decision is a hard-fought one. It seems so simplistic to me. Being married, being treated the same as everyone else, regardless of race, gender, disability, religious belief or sexual orientation seems like it ought to be a basic human right. How is it that separate, but equal is still considered “ok” by some people. And why does it seem to concern people so much? Those who are against it, how does it affect you directly? There is just so much more to fix in this world, this just seems so obvious to me.
Congrats to California for saying “I DO!”.

Things I love--AKA Love Thursday Style

Meet Pancho & Speedy

(need I say more? Yeah, we'll be sending out Cinco De Mayo cards this year.)

Happy Valentine’s Day!!!

Yes, I'm a day late, but really by an hour, so sue me. Would you expect anything less? It's been a very rough week w/my back and all (excuse #37 for not posting), so let's cut me some slack & pretend like I got this up yesterday, ok? Great, now let's all move on to my riviting words.What did you get for V-day? Know what I got? I got an epidural shot! Woohooo! We are living it up at the Speak household. DaddySpeak’s b-day was yesterday, so that coupled w/my back issues (got to have a nerve test yesterday. Big Fun let me tell you.) meant we were very low key this year. Luckily, I had extra stocking stuffers from the $1 bin at Target, and heart balloons I got for the girls yesterday when picking b-day balloons for DS (from the girls) yesterday and matching “play cell phones” (also boutique target, but a bit more than $1) in house for just such a need. Today was shot as far as I was concerned. Once I got home from the shot, around 10, I went to bed & slept till 2. The vidcodin on an empty stomach might have had something to do with it. Ya think? I do feel bad cause I really didn’t do much for DS for his b-day or V-day. But he didn’t go without, just not as much as I might have normally put into it. Between my back issues & his parents being here I just couldn’t get it anymore together than that. I’ll make it up to him & I said so, but I also think he really does know that I will. He ponyed up big time & bought this beautiful necklace a neighbor MADE!!! I may be able to get a photo on here soon, but I’m not promising a date with everything else that’s happening. I will post a photo at some point though cause it’s super awesome and I LURVE it. (Plus I think she's going to open a shop on Esty, so I will link to it for sure when she does.) I have a feeling it was uber expensive, but that’s ok; I love the piece, the person who made it and most especially the person who gave it.
About the shot:
Not exactly like your epidural that you (may have, like I did) got when in labor. I guess I forgot how much the shot HURT! OMG, did that thing hurt like a mofo! Seriously. I think the one that they give you during labor typically gives you so much relief that you don’t really think of it as hurting? Or maybe I blocked that one too, who knows at this point. I can’t be trusted on these topics I guess. If it makes me feel better I seem to be able to completely block the awful part out of my mind. Since this is my 4th go around with this type of shot you might think I’d have some memory of pain. Maybe I’m brain dead or something, cause I really don’t. I do remember from last go around that getting onto the OR table hurt as much as getting off, so that may have been part of it. Everything was already such a mess, the shot didn’t really add much. The other thing is that during that time my right leg was more or less numb and this go around it’s and on and off thing, so I’m thinking I may have been too numb to feel all of it then too. Not so much this time. The pain is this huge pressure, and it feels like the shot is in my hip bone by the time it’s done. I’m sure it’s not, in fact it’s between two vertebrae, wouldn’t you think my tailbone would feel it more or something? The pressure traveled down my leg to the back of my knee & seemed to stop there. Tonight it’s pretty much just my lower back. I'm very stiff now, and I wasn't before, just hurting, as of right now I'm worse. I'm working on the pretense that I'm going to wake up tomorrow (if I ever get my arce in bed) and feel miraculously better. We'll see. I’m pretty sure I did too much today, so I might have felt slightly better if I hadn’t been picking up toddlers, walking up and down stairs, walking the block to deliver valentines and giving DD1 a real mani & pedi (yes, I spoil that child) as the bending to get to her toes & fingers wasn't the best. But you should see her nails; they rock!
About the nerve test:The results of the nerve test were that I am not worse. I’m not better either. Doctor wasn’t thrilled with that, “after a year it should have more healing and therefore better response.” But on the upside, it isn’t worse, so it’s a start. I knew the nerve test hurt like heck last time, but I forgot about the best part: the second part of the test they stick needles (not as thick as an IV one, but much thicker than say an acupuncture one) in you (my leg & lower back) and move them around while running a low current of electricity into them. I’m. NOT. Kidding. It’s to see if the nerves in the muscles are damaged. They are deep enough to cause you to bleed too. So, not only do you get the pain, they up the ante by pressing on the needle and moving it around, while you bleed. This is one of those tests I think all med students should have to have so they know how it feels and be more empathetic about it. I don’t think my doctor was especially rough, but he does seem to be somewhat flip about it. Trust me, IT HURTS!
Must get to bed before I fall over, so looking forward to a pain and test free weekend. Hoping for the same for you and your family!

Head East Young Man...errr South East, errr Middle aged couple....Whatever, Get Going Before You Change Your Mind!

I just finished putting together a power of attorney document for my kids while we’re gone. We’re headed to Miami for a week on Saturday.

No kids.

I’m not sure how I feel about it now that it’s so close to happening.

When I was making reservations I was still breastfeeding, so the thought of being able to be away from the kids for that length of time was beyond exciting. Originally, I was planning on flying out on Wednesday, DS is going for a conference and will be attending functions Monday – Wednesday. Once I started researching flights I realized it was actually cheaper for me if I fly on the weekends, even though I’m staying longer. Go Figure. Since the hotel room is the same either way we decided to go for it. We haven’t had more then an overnight alone in 5 years! Since before DD1 was born. The thought of having that much free time was intoxicating.

OMG, I can lay by the pool and read a book! Not a short article in a
magazine, but an honest-to-goodness book. I can get a pedicure and not
have to schedule around naps and babysitting availability. We can go out
to dinner at EIGHT PM and no one will freak out.

Ok, DS might freak out, but if I get him a beer and some chips he’ll be fine.

The idea of that much freedom seemed like such a pipedream!

The plan is to hang in Miami until Thursday and then we’re going to drive down to Key West for a couple days. I’m sure we’ll take our time getting there. I’m excited because I’ve never even been to Florida before and I’ve always wanted to visit The Keys. I’m excited to get to spend some alone time with my husband, to be a couple for a little while again, instead of a “family” all the time, to travel without a hard plan, to relax without an end time to it, to be able to decide I want to go do something and just be able to get up and go do it. Oh, and to drive in the car without anyone saying anything, just enjoying the sound of each other's silence.

Don’t get me wrong I’m still nervous about this trip. For some reason, I tend to get very fatalistic about flying. I’m not really scared to fly and dude, I used to be a premier member for years on United so it’s not like I haven’t done more then my fair share of travel. But I do get nervous about the flying thing. I guess it would be more accurate to say I’m nervous about the not-flying thing. You know, crashing or something equally awful. Ok, I said it, so now it won’t happen right?

I’m also nervous about leaving the girls. I know I’m going to miss them like heck. As lovely as a pedicure on my own time and lounging by the pool with a book sounds, it ultimately pales in comparison to the giggles and hugs of my kids. I know they’ll be fine and the G’parents have some big plans for them, so they’re going to have lots of fun. But it still doesn’t make this easier. I am going to miss them soooo much. There’s a reason we haven’t had more then an overnight alone in 5 years and it’s not the babysitting issue. It’s that we really love being with our girls. In most situations, we’d rather have them with us than not. There have been opportunities to do things for a weekend here and there without them, and we’ve opted not do that. If possible, we take them with us. We don’t just love them, we like them too. Most of all we love being around them and I’m so very glad for that.

My mom acts put out that I’m going to leave them for 7 days instead of 4. Apparently 4 is ok in her book, but 7 is ridiculous. Personally, I think I’ll miss them equally 2 days or 2 weeks, that’s part of why I decided it was ok to go earlier. I know I can use a recharge, so ultimately it’ll be good for all of us. Doesn’t mean it’ll be easy, but it will be good.

In case things get so busy I can’t get back on here in the next couple days, pray for really good weather in So FL for me. I totally want to lie by the pool/on the beach and get a tan. When it rains I plan on shopping, spa treatments and sitting in coffee shops while reading. All those things I never get to do anymore because I have kids. I’m bringing my laptop, so assuming I can pick up some WiFi I’ll post when I can, which with no kids around may be more then I have things to write about. Of, course I can always bore you with the details of how much I miss them. And if you have any suggestions for things we need to do/see in the Miami/Keys area by all means please post it, I would love to hear your suggestions.

So here's my Sept. scrap book pages to hold you over in the meantime (names have been changed to protect the cute) :

Another Cake Episode, May 5th

Watch how she uses her powers for evil instead of good ;-)
(BTW--these took an incrediable amount of time to put up, because blogger hates me and I wanted to be all formatty and all. You know, I wanted the captions to GO with the pictures. I'm weird like that.)

And now presenting......

LET HER EAT CAKE!

Why Yes! I would like some cake, thank you.

I think a detect a hint of cinnamon in here?

don't be stingy now, pass it on over.
that's more like it. my cuteness has won them over! Soon I will conquer the world and all the cake will be mine! Bwa,ha,ha,ha

I think I see another piece over there that no one's eating...

Wha??? YOU put it down for a second, I can't help it if I thought you were finished with it.

May I have some more please *blink, blink, blink*

Happy Birthday TS!

Happy Day Birthday Girl!

No longer a toddler, I guess I should change your name on here, huh? You've become such a little lady this past year. You have changed so much! You amaze me with how wise, empathetic, fun, moody and beautiful you are. There is so much I want to write, but it will have to wait till later today or tomorrow. Right now we must celebrate! OK, really I have to go get your balloons and food for dinner (you picked) so that we can celebrate!

Let me take just a minute to say this; my life is better because you are in it. You remind me how wonderful and fun life can be. I am so proud of the lady you are becoming. Don't grow up so fast, your mama is having trouble keeping up (cause I'm trying to savor all the moments!)

I LOVE YOU TS!!!

Coolest Mom Evah!

That would be me, hello!

So, have you seen these? I ordered them for BS’s b-day party, which is a “Fairy Tale” theme, like her invites say “Fairy Tale Attire Requested” on them. Get it, like Black Tie? I know, I’m a complete dork, but if you’re just realizing that now, I’m thinking you may need to be on the short bus. BS’s invites read like this:
It has a photo of her at the top of which says, “ONEce Upon A Time…” then below her picture it says: “In a land called Far, Far Away there lived a beautiful princes BS” (only I used her real name, which is a princess name and I know which on you’re thinking and you’re wrong. Nope, not that one either. I digress;) It came to pass that BS turned One Year Old, so the royal family threw her a big party, of course.” Then in the details the place is The House of Speak Castle with our address and the RSVP is to Queen Mum Mommy Speak.

So I found those to decorate our “castle” for the party. So. Freaking. Cool. Let’s face it, I ROCK. It’s the little things that make me happy, but I love it when stuff comes together the way I want, and this party is doing that. I was trying to find BS a princess dress, but they don’t make them in her size (too small—go figure) and really it probably wouldn’t be that comfortable for her, so I’m thinking I’ll just dress her in a pretty, party dress and put a princess hat on her (which she’ll promptly take off I’m sure). I have to decide how I’m dressing as “Queen Mum” and I’m sure TS will just dress in one of her princess dresses and then change half a dozen times, until she ends up in shorts. And then I have to find some “easy, quirky and appropriate” way DS can do “fairy tale” in a “cool” way or I know he won’t participate. That’s ok, I’ll come up with something and I’ll be glad he made me be creative about it.

That was my scattered, but happier post for today. I guess this is my version of Love Thursday...making a party cool for my DD even if she is only one and will be into the wrapping paper & icing.

Happy {HUGS}

I was watching a TiVO'd Ophrah show last night, it was about happiness. She had a "happiness test" and a group of audience members who she had the rest of the audience rank how happy they thought they were. One of the people was this guy who'd been married for 20+ years, two teenage sons, and had owned a funeral parlor business for the last 30 or so years. He was one of the happiest, which Oprah thought was weird cause he "looks at dead people all day." He said he viewed as helping families though a hard time in their lives. Then he said something that I think is really important, I may add it as my tag line (if I can get my act together and update my template.) He said,

"Happiness in life is not measured by your success, it's measured by how significant you are."

So very true.

Here's to being significant in someone's life today and a cyberhug from us to you!

Happy Love Thursday!

Sisters

I always wished I had a sister.

If you have a sister you are probably rolling your eyes right now, but I had a brother. He’s great & everything, but it would’ve been cool to have someone to talk to about boys and makeup and fight over clothes with and stuff like that. We were friends, but he was into “boy things” and I was into “girl things”. It’s not the same.

I am so very glad that we have given this gift to our girls and that they are inclined (so far) to be friends. I think (hope) that the tone that has been set so far is the one that will continue for the rest of their lives. They adore each other. If I walk into TS’s room in the AM without BS the first thing out of her mouth will be, “Where’s BS?” The second TS walks in the room BS starts smiling clapping and reaching for her. I know it won’t always be sunshine and roses for their relationship but right now it’s one big love fest and I am so very glad to be able to witness this. Happy Love Thursday.

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

Love Thursday

This is what all my stress is over....

I'll bet you understand now

And a few others, just cause I love these so much

Love Thursday

…is when your girls think you make the best pillow, and even though your back is killing you, you don’t mind a bit.

Hopefully, I’ll get on here in the couple days, but it’s about to get super KRAZZEEE!
So just in case;

Merry Christmas!!!

Hope you were good and get all the loveliness that you’re hoping for.