Thursday, May 06, 2010

Mommy Abuse

I'm here! Barely.
I had my first Physical Therapy appointment since starting the epidural shots and I'm rough around the edges from it. That was on Tuesday (It's Thursday night.) Tuesday night I was actually having quite a bit of pain. Not nerve pain (down my leg) though, more muscle spasm pain. It's good news. Signs of good things I suppose. But it makes for a grumpy mommy. It also affects how well I sleep. Tuesday night was "not very well." When I don't sleep well it really affects my pain level.
On Wednesday, I was obviously trying to take it easy. LittleSpeak was NOT so much into taking it easy. She started by wetting the bed at 4 AM. This is only the second time she's every wet the bed. There's not a good time to do it, but her timing did suck. I got things situated and then got DaddySpeak to actually change the linens. Then, BigSpeak decided to get up at 5:30 that morning. OOOOK. My kids are trying to kill me. Since Little was already in a mood she started with throwing tantrums for everything. And I do mean everything. She wasn't even waiting for me to say no, if I just didn't immediately say "yes" then she was on the floor whining and screaming. Lovely start to the day, no? She had her first timeout at 7:45AM. The day progressed more or less like that until we got Big from school. I was letting them watch a TV show to wind down when we hit bottom. Because I was exhausted and in pain, I was laying flat on the couch and had Little sitting on my hip. (Keeps me aware of anything she's getting into.) She got off for a second to get a book or something and, all the sudden,
She knocked the wind out of me. Remember, I have to brace my back to sneeze or cough and she hit me full force in my midsection without warning. When my voice came back I told her, "Get off of me!" It wasn't loud. I was still getting my breath back. But it was stern. And it scared her. She became a complete puddle. When I was able to get myself into a sitting position I gave her hug & comforted her. She told me I scared her. And I told her she hurt me. And she did. I fear, and it feels like, she undid the last 3 weeks of healing. Yes, I'm sure I'm being melodramatic. I'm sure it's not that bad. But right now, I'm a mess.
I called Daddy & told him to, "come home NOW." I told him what happened and explained that I wasn't sure what my back was doing, but it wasn't good and I'm pretty sure it's not improving in the near future. Once he got home I took pain pills and laid down in our bed. And was not able to get comfortable. Last night I think I got 2-3 hours of sleep. I was up and down all night. The pain is bad. I get into a position that it tolerable, but it doesn't last. I couldn't stay in any position for more than 30 minutes. More like 10-15 most of the night. It was a very, very long night. Luckily both girls had school today. I was surprisingly mobile after those 2 hours. My movement is good, so that's a good sign. I went back to bed and slept until Big came home from school. I took a shower in the afternoon which seemed to help a bit. Tonight I went back to physical therapy. My PT worked on making things move, and very minimal exercise.
I am tender to the touch EVERYWHERE in my back. It's reacting. But like I said, my movement is good. I'm hopeful about sleep tonight. I think it I can get to a point when it's not so tender I can get some rest. If I can get some rest, and keep this amount of movement, I might be on the upswing. If my kids stop beating on me. And actually let me sleep.
Who do call for mommy abuse or neglect? (The Spa?)