Thursday, May 20, 2010

First World Problems

I can't seem to catch a break here people.
I don't know who I pissed off in my former life, but it must've been something good. I certainly hope I had fun doing it. And really, if that's the case, shouldn't I get to remember it? Who do I talk to about this?
Anywho, I digress (surprise!). Since, I last posted, 4 days ago, my pain had still not returned. A whole week! Woot! Yeah, don't get too excited, there are some reasons for that. Like, I wasn't moving much at all in the last four days. That fatigue thing I mentioned? Turned out it was the beginning of a virus. I don't miss a beat, I tell ya. Just to keep it interesting LittleSpeak got in the act too. Sunday night both her and I started running fevers. Let me tell ya, big fun to feel like crap, but have to take care of a kid who feels just as bad, if not worse? That's a level of fun that few get to experience.
On Monday, she was running 102 (ear thermometer, so probably 103) and I couldn't get it below 100 until 2:00 in the afternoon. I would've been more worried about it, but since I was running a fever (100, I avg 96, so that's pretty high for me) I wasn't really coherent enough to realize how it should be upsetting me. All she wanted to do was lay on me, which, I mean how does a mom say no to that. So we laid on the couch. I had the stream of Nick Jr. going, but after a while she just wanted to sleep. We laid there & sweated. Want to sit on my couch now? My virus, (Oh no, we can't have the same thing, we need to have something different so we can pass them back and forth.) included a post nasal/sore throat thing. Little's virus included a stomach bug. She never did get sick enough to throw up, but I know she wished she would on more than one occasion.
Tuesday, she was improving. Her fever was coming & going, she actually felt like eating a little and was happy to commandeer the TV. In other words, she wouldn't sleep. I was, of course, not that improved. I think it was rude for her to get better faster, considering I needed to nap and mope some more. Kids are like that though. Last night, I was running a fever when I went to bed, it's like a hot flash, but contagious.
Wednesday, I actually got dressed! I walked BigSpeak to school and took Little to gymnastics (Damn strait I took her! I need to wear that kid out!) My Mother In Law (MIL) was showing up today for a long weekend. It's Big's birthday weekend, so she thought she'd come to see us. My husband however, seemed to forget his mother was coming to visit and left the house in much of a state. My MIL comes to stay often enough that I'm sure she's seen the house in worse shape, but I prefer not to have the chores waiting for her when she arrives. (She's not good at leaving things alone.) I quickly scrambled to at least get the sheets on her bed changed. Check! And then to get the dishes out of the sink, which required unloading the dishwasher. Don't worry, I didn't get that far. The sheet changing was apparently "over the top" as once I got downstairs I felt my back spasm and familiar pains started down my right leg. I wanted to cry. I'd gone a whole week, more or less, without a pain pill! Granted, I spent a good part of that week lying down sick, but lying down has not been indicative of less pain, so I really thought the shots were helping. To have it potentially undone on the first thing I did is very disheartening.

I took pain pills, and laid on the couch as much as I could to try an help get it under control. I'm not dying or anything, but I'm pretty sure I'm not "off the pain pills" as I'd hoped. I'm not 100% for sure and Big's birthday party extravaganza is this weekend. Twenty 7 year old girls, glitter makeovers, fashion/dance show extravaganza! God help us all. I was feeling better when I signed up for this, I need to remember to stop doing that.

Yeah, I have a bit of a pity party going on these days. It’s frustrating at best. Part of me feels guilty when I get like this. No one is dying, or losing a limb. I have resources & support to deal with this never ending problem. I don't get to feel sorry for myself, there are so many people who have it so much worse. Upon thinking about it, I realized I need to allow myself some of this frustration without the guilt. What I have is a first world problem. No I'm not losing my home or dying, but that doesn't mean I don't have a sucky situation. Just because I don’t have the worst issue of everyone doesn’t diminish the suckatude.
I'm hoping that allowing myself to wallow a little in my suckatude (I love this word and will be using it often now) perhaps it will get some perspective and not last so long.

And maybe I'll catch a break one of these days.