Tuesday, August 30, 2011

10 Years

I'm watching all these upcoming memorials for the 10th anniversary of 9/11. I'm torn about how this makes me feel. This 10th anniversary is going to be hard for me. It's what prompted me to write after not feeling like I needed to for a month or so. So much of writing here is for me, to help me work through things in my mind. Help me see the forest for the trees, so to speak. I've been feeling tired enough, but well enough, not to need the therapy that writing is for me. I'd been able to exercise and sleep w/out needing to write. That's huge for me. I fear that this anniversary may set me back some. I hope not. The time period after 9/11 was a very dark time for me. I didn't lose anyone I knew. But still I felt the pain of the day so deeply. I still do. I'd managed to put it behind a closed door in my mind. Then a week ago, I was walking through a book store, and the display of all the 9/11 books was put up. It stopped me. Left a lump in my throat that hasn't really gone away. Made me realize how easy it was to just open that door and let those feelings overcome me again. I'm one of the lucky ones, if I had lost someone directly, I couldn't put it away like that. I don't know how those people have survived this long.
I just need to get that off my chest. I'm hoping this will be enough. I fear not, but maybe.


I'm still around. Just busy, and while at the beach exhausted. Too exhausted to deal w/PITA wifi issues. Busy living. So I did write some posts, but they never posted to the site. I'm debating if I should post them or not. I probably will, just after I get "caught up."

School has started. Little is in kindergarten, and as predicted, there's no living with her. Big has started 3rd grade. I'm working on figuring out schedules w/2 soccer teams, practices, dance classes, gymnastics, (maybe,) etc... I've been walking every day for a week now. That's big for me. My pain level has reduced significantly. Not always; like not this morning, because Little had me up half the night. But I believe (knock on wood) that my good hours are starting to out number the bad ones. I'm not sure the last time I felt like that; maybe when I was pregnant with Little. It's been a while. So there's that.