Monday, March 30, 2009

Who Do You Love?"

"Mommy, who do you love more?"

Big hit me with that one today. Didn't see that one coming at all. They always manage to blindside you with the big ones.

"Who are you talking about?"
"Us and Daddy? Who do you love more"
I would've thought it would've been more about the two of them, but maybe she's smart enough to know she's afraid of the possibilities of that answer. At least in this case it's apples & oranges and she knows that. Even at age 5 somewhere in her she understands it's different.

"Honey, I love you all equally in different ways."
She waits.
"Listen, I love you and your sister the way a mother loves her daughters and your father the way a wife loves her husband and G'ma & Papa the way a daughter love her parents."
"A Daughter!?"
"Yeah, remember G'ma & Papa are my mom & dad."
"And even though I love you and your sister like a mother loves a daughter the way I love you each is different too. I love you each because of who you are, so that makes it different and the same. "
She just looks at me skeptical (jeez, she's only FIVE!)
"Listen, before we had your sister, when you were our only child, I loved you so much. I just couldn't imagine being able to have enough love in my heart to be able to love another child as much as I loved you. I just couldn't. I'd never known the kind of love a parent has for a child & once I knew I couldn't imagine being able to love another child that much too."
"Yup. But you know what happened?"
"When your sister was born my heart grew."
"It did?"
"Yup. That's what happens, your heart grows to be big enough for all the love for everyone you need to. Especially your kids."
"Is that true?"
"Yup. It is."

And it is.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Tweet, Tweet!!!

Um yeah, I Tweet. Who doesn't? Do you both read my blog & my twitter? I've also hooked up my FaceBook account to my twitter so I can update from my cell, cause I'm hip and down with it like the kids. And, "get that ball off my lawn you whippersnappers!" Yeah, so if you do follow my twitter or FB accounts you may have noticed some odd messages from me today.

No, I am not above humiliating myself to get help fix the situation. Stop laughing! Seriously!
Yes, I locked myself out of the house today.
Remember I said I've been sick? Well, I have and I am & I'm having trouble w/completely coherent thoughts. Yes, they do still let me watch the children, why do you ask??? So let me back track a little here (although if you do follow my twitter & FB you might want to skip the rest of this paragraph as it's review.

And now, I'm exhausted. See, this is why I haven't been posting. I'm taking a break to rest because I can (DaddySpeak just walked in the door and while I do love you Internets, I am really sick and this post is partly a distraction to try and keep me awake. Since I do really need to rest and DS is here, I'll be back.) You'll hardly miss me, trust me.

See, like I never left. :-)
That's pretty much my day every day. Only when you're here, you miss me. Or I miss you. I miss major chunks of my day still, but it's getting later & later every day so progress, right?

Anywho, the tweets....oh yes!
Here's the deal; Because I have the flu (bubonic plague) I'm a little out of it. Yesterday was much worse, I had a fever most of the day w/accompanying chills & aches along w/cement filled sinuses. Just for fun, Little decided to get up before 5 yesterday. I didn't fight it (too much) got up, got her & Big to their schools & went to Physical Therapy (PT). I felt so awful I didn't actually do any PT, just got them to work on my back a bit & headed home. So that was yesterday. It was miserable, but doable because Little was at school all day. My fever broke last night, and I did get some sleep, but I was still working from exhausted when I woke up today. AND today Little's home all day. So I make it through the morning with her, (sort of, I did do the drop off and wake w/a start thing a couple times, but the house wasn't burned down & no one poisoned themselves so overall I consider that a win). The weather's been nice & the kid wants to wear all these flip-flops that I recently unpacked from her hand-me-down bins. Most are too big so they slow her down at best, (at worst, she gets tripped, but that's fodder for another post). I'm trying to kill time w/her so cool, "Hey Little, want to walk to get Sissy and you can push your doll stroller?" Heavens opened up and angels sang, at least according to her. So I didn't bring my whole purse, I did my pocket check;

ipod, "check"
cell phone, "check"
keys, "check"
water bottle? "Opps, where's my water bottle?" "Hey, Little, wait don't open the door w/out mom!"

And we're on our way!
Guess, what I put down on the counter instead of into my pocket when grabbing my water bottle to chase after my 2YO who was leaving w/out me?
Lame, yes. But understandable considering the complete mess my head is right now.
Here's how out of it I am; I didn't know I'd done this until we literally got back to the doorstep. (And looking in to see the keys sitting on the counter.)


So yes, I checked all the doors & windows (we had a spat of break-ins going on a month or so ago, so) every thing locked up tight! Big, of course, "I really have to go to the potty!" So I call our closest neighbor & we trek on down to her house. W/in minutes her daughter & my two were in full play mode. I'm on the cell trying to reach DS, who I'm assuming is ignoring my calls because he already knows that I'm sick would like him to come home early. I have a an epiphany: If I call the road side service (RSS) & tell them I'm locked out of my car, I have a garage door opener in the car & hopefully, hopefully the door from the house to the garage isn't locked.

FORTY-FIVE MINUTES. That's how long till RSS will be at our house to help me out. And that's assuming we didn't lock the garage door. The girls have gymnastics in 45 minutes and I really need them to go. Yeah, it's expensive, so I don't want them to miss it, but more than that, I need them to get tired out from it. So now I'm on the phone calling neighbor who are in the same class trying to work out a carpool and who has car seats we can borrow, etc.... In the meantime, MD, the neighbor's house I'm at, has made lunch for the girls and is getting them situated on the patio to eat, "so they'll be ready to go". MM has worked out the carpool and found seats for me and will take my girls while I wait for RSS to show up. Do I have the most rocking friends or what?

So the tweets, why would I need to alert the world to my plight? Do I just enjoy the ridicule? Well, no, I was pretty sure that the garage door would not be unlocked. In which case, I still needed DS to make his way home, and he still didn't even know it yet. Epiphany #2! If I send a Tweet (hooked up to my FB) and indicate that I'm trying to contact him, one of his co-workers will track him down for comic value if nothing else. It worked, he called me right back! Actually, he called me before anyone even saw it. By that time, RSS had shown up, and lucky me! garage door was open! The girls and I rallied and we were off to gymnastics!

A few hours later DS walked through the door. EARLY! And here we are!
So that's why I humiliated myself today via Twitter and Facebook.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009's what's for dinner

Wow it's been 2 weeks since my last post. Well, not much new to report. I'm taking a scrapbook class & I've been sick. Woo-freaking-hoo! I know, the exciting life I lead. Between those two things, not much time left for much else. I am actually doing better. Yup, you heard me right,
"I'm doing better!"
Don't get too excited, I'm still very much two steps forward, three steps back, but at least now I'm past the point where I started at, it is progress and I guess I'm resigned to my snail's pace. Two nights in a row now I've actually made dinner and stayed awake for it. I didn't say I sat & ate dinner, I told you it's been slow. But the fact that I've actually pulled together more than chicken nuggets and set the table is a pretty big deal for me. I've had days where I've managed to put together a meal in a crockpot or in babysteps all day long, but this is more the whole putting it together the hour before we're due to eat kind of thing. You know, like normal people.
So yeah, it wasn't my intention but, you're getting a post about my ability to make dinner.
Wow, you may qualify as more pathetic than I if you're still reading this.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

My First Best Friend (4) --Part 3


Guess who sent me a message today on Facebook. Ok, ok, I'll calm down a bit. I was just so damn sideswiped by it, you know. I mean I'm going along having a day. Little's at preschool, Big's having a playdate and her and I just got back from our dentist appointment. I hit the refresh button on my computer in passing, you know, not really expecting anything. Well, except for all those "sales" and "coupons" that seem to fill up my inbox these days...So I immediately go to the 3 FB notes; 2 are from a school friend who posted old high school photos of us, lovely. But the third! The third is a note from her! Just a quick, "Hi, your family is beautiful and Wow! Look at those scrapbook pages." (I get a lot of that from people who don't know better. ;-) But still, it's the first personal contact she's initiated in 15+ years. OK, I'm going to go practice my cleansing breaths and think about what 2 "not committal, casual sentences I can write back, w/out sounding desperate." Which is kind of pathetic isn't it? More later.

Sunday, March 08, 2009

And as the pendulum swings back...

I've been avoiding blogging for a while now, I guess. Part of it is frustration & I feel like all I'm doing is two steps forward then three back. And I guess I am.

I am getting better, I really am.
It's just frustrating. I feel better, I do something and then I'm on my back again. And really that's all there is going on right now. Well, it's not all, but I'm feeling very grumpy and I don't want to be all Nancy Negative, cause I that's all I feel, so thus no posting.

So here's your Monday Update grumpiness and all:

Remember all that weight I lost last summer, without trying? Yeah, you can get over being pissed at me.
It's back (I told you it wouldn't last,) oh and it brought friends. After the surgery, well it started during the holidays cause that's around the time I really stopped moving unless absolutely necessary. And also the time I started eating again. Honestly, I never stopped eating, well crap. I never stopped eating CRAP! So by the end of my "6 weeks," that magic number by which I should've been "recovered". I'd found that I'd gained back 15 lbs of that 17 I'd lost. Did that stop me? NOoooooo . I was convinced that I would miraculously jump from my bed in any moment now because I would be "recovered" and it would just "melt off". Riiiiight. Well that and there were also these Girl Scout cookies in the freezer...God forbid I be deprived of thin mints at this my time of suffering. Yeah, I know, you get the idea.

So how's that working for me?

Um yeah, I weigh as much as I did when I left the hospital after having Little. So I'm up an additional 15 lbs. Yes, up 30 lbs from say September. BAH! So you understand the grumpiness now? The frustration? Oh, and I'm having a really hard time making myself do extra stuff (to get moving to try and start losing it) for fear of ending up on the couch again.

I'm back on my low carb thing again. I had my first carb crash tonight. It was scary. I was shaking to badly I could hardly stand. I had berries & whipped cream. And when that wasn't fast enough I ate some gummies. Good News--I'm on my way to having them out of my system. Bad News--this is the hardest part.

Potty Training 08

So yeah, it really was just potty training 08. For fear of jinxing myself here, but at this point I think I'm pretty safe (knock on wood, sign of the cross…). Little has not strayed from using the potty since January. Stinker! She's SO GOOD about it that I forget to remind her to go. The biggest annoyance about it, so far, has been that she NEEDS to check out the bathroom where ever we go. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. And as you know, if your recently trained toddler says she needs to go, you take her. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. Yeah, she's figured out that she can prolong quite a few things this way, including the time out. Last week I told her she could pee herself, I didn't care (she'd hit her sister). She didn't, (pee herself) but I still have to let her check out every bathroom in Santa Clara County for now.

BIG GIRL NEWS (there really are no babies left in my house. *sigh*)

No, not news about Big (boy could this get confusing) but news about Little being a BIG GIRL. Last week her school told me she would be moving up w/the 3YOs so not to pay the extra $$ associated w/the 2YOs who aren't potty trained. AND then the next day, her gymnastics teacher informed me I should really consider moving her up to the 3YO class. "She's a great example to the rest of the group, but she's going to get bored pretty quick." Yikes! All in one week, damn kid w/her growing up....get that ball of my lawn....grumble, grumble.... I told her teacher I wanted to wait till I was able to get THE BIG ONE into her class on Wednesdays (we were waitlisted) so they'd be changing at the same time AND I wouldn't have to deal w/kids sitting around waiting for each other. Two days later the gym called to say we had a spot! Yeah!!!

So yeah, that earthquake you was just the planets aligning w/the sun, moon and earth so that my kids now have gym class at the same time! My life just got exponentially easier.


So Big is pretty much cruising. We've gone through the similar growing pain type stuff from her G'parent's last visit. I knew what it was this time and while that hasn't seemed to stop it, it's taking care of itself. Same w/Little on that front. 48 hours of "testing" after G'ma J left to make sure all the same rules still applied. Big still has this awesome gap where her two top front teeth go, makes for some awesome pictures. Her hair is growing out & starting to look slightly less akward. I told her she can get it cut AFTER our Disney trip; we're getting princess hairdo's while there, damit!! Yes, I'm living vicariously through my kids. If I can't be Barbie well then they MUST be! And then I will scrapbook it, so later they can tell me how lame it was ,only to find that they have little girls who are dying to do it.

That is how this all works, right?

Speaking of cruising...Daddy's been taking her out to the school on weekends and she's started riding her bike w/out the training wheels. Still pretty wobbly, and when she was showing Mommy (w/Mommy doing the holding) she biffed big time. (Of course she got hurt once Mommy go involved.) But she's doing it, and she's motivated to do it. Which is more than half the battle right there. Little wants to do it so bad she can taste it. Big better pick it up before summer, I'm pretty sure Little will skip the whole training wheels thing. She's determined.

I have more, but it's tedium at it's finest, so I'll leave you w/this for now. More later this week, when I lose 30lbs and start running marathons....

Thursday, March 05, 2009

What I've been up to...

Yeah, I can't believe it's Friday already either. I'm taking another class over at Jessica's so I've been cropping instead of blogging. Sorry Internets didn't mean to neglect you (I've been tweeting though!) Here's some eye candy so you can see what I've been up to. I really like the page; photos weren't taken by me & aren't my favs, but that's what happens when you have to hand someone else the camera cause you can't hike up the hill. On that note, I'm doing better. PT is going well and kicking my butt (which is what I mean by doing well). I'll have abs of steel in no time. Seriously...
But yes, eye candy (more to come)....

Sunday, March 01, 2009

Baby Week

Hey, it's baby week! OK, maybe not. But since I posted that link about the BFing & driving chick and now I'm going to go tell you to check out Nikki's new baby girl it seemed like I might have a theme going right now.

Don't get excited, that weight gain of mine is strictly based on my chocolate & cookie consumption; remember I'm the chick who loses weight while preggers (and doesn't throw up.) Yes, you can hate me for it. I would hate me over it if I wasn't me. So while I'm busy having the thin mint baby over here, go see Nikki's new bundle, it'll make your ovaries hurt I promise. Then come read some of my past stories about Little & you'll be over it.