11 Months....Then and Now

Then and ....
Now

kinda weird to think that a year ago she was in that tummy of mine. now she's cleaning out my tupperware drawer, making me babyproof the house, telling me no, keeping me up at night, eating my meals for me, wrapping those little arms around my neck, chasing the dogs and cats, playing in the bathtub and pool, dancing the mambo, putting shapes into sorters, giving kisses and hug and breaking her mama's heart cause she's growing up so fast.

Catch up Monday

Hola Internet. How are you? Me? I’m good I guess. I don’t even know how to answer that question any more. I’m still on the rollercoaster ride, that’s for sure. Sorry I haven’t updated sooner, it’s just been a really long week. So here’s your “Catch up Monday”; Wednesday will be “Medical Drama Wednesday”, Thursday will be “Love Thursday” and Monday will be henceforth be known as “Catch up Monday”. After today I’m sure I will totally blow off these things, but I like to set goals like that for myself so I can blow them off and feel good about myself. I’m a self-promoter like that.

Health
The pink-eye in my right eye is looking better, not gone, but better. I’ve been on antibiotics (eye goop) for 5 days now and one would think it should look “healed” by now. Of course, this morning I woke up with a goopy, red LEFT eye. I put medicine in it and called my doctor’s office to find out if this means I’m contagious again. I’m at work, so let’s hope not. Ironically, neither of the girls has the pink-eye.

On Wednesday the chest congestion mentioned at the doctor’s visit decided to make public appearance. Since then I have had a horrendous cough. It’s dry, it’s hacky, it sounds like I’m going to put my lung on the table. It’s a nasty cough. Lots or gross stuff is coming up with it, but it doesn’t really seem to be improving on any level. I have these coughing jags that literally last for 3-5 minutes. I can’t catch my breath & people will leave the place I’m in if its public (like starbuck’s this AM). My throat and my diaphragm muscle both feel like someone has beaten the crap out of them. I think my throat seriously might be bruised. I also have an unbelievably raspy voice. Talking on the phone is next to impossible. I think it has also given me a headache. I have a call into my doctor for follow up.

Work
I know I said wasn’t planning on talking about work (see docce). But (there’s always a “but” isn’t there?) I’m totally being F’ed with these days. I’m being reorganized again. Last time it was really a positive for me; I like my boss, I like my job, I love my co-workers. If I could well enough to be here on a regular basis, it might even be fun. The person I’m going to be reporting to has no management experience (in regard to personal) and she’s a be-yoch at best anyway. I can’t see how this can end well for me. I’ve spoken with DS and he has agreed that I can quit if I think I need to (he knows I wouldn’t do it if we couldn’t afford it financially). My current boss is acting in his position, and currently interviewing for the position he’s been filling for the last year and a half, so I imagine there’s a part of him that feels he needs to keep a low profile on this topic. Also, no one approached him or his boss on this subject. (True Silicon Valley fashion) I’m not alone, there’s one other person who is being moved out of our group as well. Her situation is better then mine. I don’t intend to sit back and allow this happen. I imagine I’ll have more to report on this subject later, but I’m working on our (home) budget as if I weren’t working.

Kids
BS is “on fire” these days. She’s crawling/scooting/cruising all over the place. We’ve done some baby proofing, but definitely still have much more to do. She’s so damn cute, she starts to go toward something she’s not supposed to (like under the desk to the computer wires) and you’ll say, “BS what are you doing?” She’ll sit up, grin this HUGE grin at you and shake her head “no”. Then she’ll continue crawling in the direction she was headed, knowing you’ll come get her. That one’s going to be our joker I think.

TS had a stellar play date on Saturday w/5 friends (all girls). We rode bikes around the block to the elementary school by our house and they played on the playground. Then we rode back to one family’s house and had beer and wine while the kids played on their swing set. (It was so down home, middle class America.) We topped it off by ordering pizza and having dinner together while we watched KU lose or UCLA win, depending on your perspective. One thing I noticed during this play date is that TS is at least 2 inches taller then everyone else. This could start to make things hard as people will think she’s older than she is and have unrealistic expectations of her.

Pets
Mowry is no longer with us. Last week he started jumping the fence. He’d jump over, he’d jump back, and he’d take off and jump back. Neighbors would return him, we’d tie him up, but he second he was untied he’d start in again. There was no obvious reason for his agitation. After several days of this I finally told DS to go ahead and take him to the pound. I was scared he was going to get hit by a car (neighbors reported seeing him walking down the sidewalk on the busy street by our house). We filled out paperwork on him and made it clear that he’s a great dog, but quite the escape artist. We also made sure they knew he had issues with containment, so hopefully that will help in their treatment of him. That’s all you’ll hear about it from me, it makes me really sad to think about.

On an up note, Merit is MUCH HAPPIER. She’s getting to hang out with us much more and I’m seeing a side to her personality that hasn’t been around for a while. I feel bad that she’s been so unhappy for so long. There is a level of tension that has been lifted, so ultimately it was the best decision for us as a family.


Extended Family
My FIL visited for the weekend. DS called & invited him to go to the KU games with him, so he flew out Thursday and is flying home as I write. It was actually a really great visit. He babysat for us on Friday while we went to a wine tasting fund raiser. He got much closer to both the girls and it was really good for all of them. My MIL is a bit overpowering when it comes to the grandkids and tends not to let him do much. After watching them Friday night which included dinner and bedtime, he was gung ho to take on anything. I told him I thought this was a really neat visit for both him and the girls. TS was demanding stories and walks from him on Friday (they took 3 walks). It was really good.

Ok, I guess I need to do some actual work today. More later.

Day of the Living Dead or Somthing like that...

Guess what!! No, really, Guess! I'm sick again! Yup! No, really. I know statistically it's ridiculous to think that one. more. thing. like this could happen to me, but it has. I'm a walking Murphy's law that's what I am. I have (drum roll please) the dreaded PINK EYE!

I have a good friend who just fell off her chair laughing. Maybe even peed herself. She's from another country and they don't call it that, so there's this whole thing to the South Park episode for her and she finds the term hilarious. I know, don't ask, she's Welsh, it's limey humour. Now I just fell over laughing. No, it's not really that funny, but I know I'm going to get an email about how they're Welsh, so they can't be Limey's. But like the way I spelled humour for her?

Yeah, I know, not all that funny. But dude, if you've had the medical crap going on that I've had in the last six months? Well, then you'd be a little loopy too.

So no work for me till Monday, cause (I'm quoting the doctor here), "It's an impressive case of Pink Eye". When I go, I go big.

Can't say I'm not consistent. Know how there's "Love Thursday? Maybe we should have "Weekly Medical Drama Wednesday".

Best Wife EVAH!

Yup, that's me. Know what I did last night? (Get your mind out of the gutter, jeez, it's a mommy blog, not cheap pr0n!) I got my hubby tickets to this. That would the NCAA in San Jose and his team is playing!!!! So I got onto ebay and worked a little auction magic. Woohoo for ebay! I guess I should say "Rock-Chalk-JAYHAWK" for ebay.

Anniversary

Today is the 4th anniversary of the war in Iraq. I know I don’t usually wax political mostly because I don’t have the time to spout on that soapbox—I’m too busy on my mommy soapbox. Believe it or not, I do have some pretty strong opinions about things political. I live in a “blue state” and would say most of my views fall generally in line with that and pretty much always have. Yes, I’m a liberal, at least by American standards. (That’s practically a dirty word in some places.) Really, I could be a Republican if the Republicans were actually following their own manifesto, but they aren’t and so I’m not. I am registered Democrat for what it’s worth, but there’s a lot I don’t agree with on their front too. I only registered Democrat so I could have a vote in the primary elections. I feel our current administration has become a “runaway government”, I keep waiting for Bush to declare Divine Right, since he pretty much did already to get into office in the first place. (Yes, Gore won that election, I don’t want to argue about it, there’s no point now, but he did beat Bush. The numbers don’t lie; hanging chads and all.) I think our country has taken a tremendous step backward in terms of civil rights and it depresses me to think about it too much, so I don’t. And that’s a large part of the problem; most American’s seem to be like me; they aren’t happy about things, but we don’t know how to go about making an effective change, so we ignore it and hope it’ll work itself out. I suppose that’s ok except there’s this war thing. People die as a result of war and that does more then just suck eggs. I’m not sure what the answer is on all of this, I do know this; Bush created a big mess and once again will leave it for someone else to clean up.

I am one of that 30% (yeah, over here, that’s us) who was opposed to the war from the beginning and never wavered in my feelings. I didn’t care if Saddam had WMDs (if he did we gave them to him, I mean we put him in power and are you familiar with Iran-Contra? We’re assholes like that.) And I never bought into the whole Saddam as part of the 9/11 plot—I’m in PR, I understand spin and I could see (anyone w/half a brain could’ve) through the spin-doctor’s message that was being presented to us.

I was against the war because I don’t think it’s ok to invade another country unprovoked. I wasn’t happy about the first Iraq war, but I (sort of) understood it. This one was all about Bush’s oil cronies and anyone could see that. And our troops are paying the price for that—it’s not right. I support the efforts of our troops, but I think they’re being used inappropriately. There are other causes in this world that are worth dying over before this one (see –Darfur). It breaks my heart to think about the lives lost/altered over this and the affect this kind of effort in other areas of the world could do that would be so much more positive.

One of the things that bugs me the most about all of this is how history will look back on it. The history books will indicate that public opinion was for the war at the time it was started. Well my husband and I were not part of that public opinion. I want my kids to know how we felt about these things when they were happening and why we felt that way. I think it’s important. History may dictate that this was the right thing to do. In the end the Middle East may become more stable (not likely) and more lives may be saved ultimately. If that’s the case then bully for us, but I doubt it will be. I was pregnant (and hormonal) with TS when the war started. I realized a lot of these things then and I wrote a letter to my unborn child about how we felt about these things and why. It’s in her baby box w/her first cards, and hospital bracelet. I want her (and now BS) to understand that we don’t think it’s ok to be a bully or to dictate what other cultures should do. Saddam was a bad person and we may have done the right thing, but for the wrong reasons, and that doesn’t make it ok. It’s apparent now that this action wasn’t thought through, partly because those making the decisions didn’t understand the culture in the country they were invading.

Sometime I wonder what kind of a world we’re leaving to our children. I would like to think I’m doing things to make the world a better place, but as with most American’s I would say I’m mostly not sure what to do and I’m waiting for someone to tell me. Do you have any answers?

And now a quick word….

I know, I know, I’ve been MIA. AGAIN! It’s been quite a week. And that’s most of what you’re going to get for now. I’m exhausted. Epidural went well, meaning I’m not in a wheelchair, but the heavens did not open up with Angels singing. It is very slowly starting to feel a bit better. I have some feeling again in my foot: PAIN. So that’s progress. I have to have another shot next week.

Work has been awful. It’s politics AGAIN. I still can’t talk about it, but if I actually cared about my job, I’d be really pissed off. Since I don’t care, I’m just really annoyed and tired.

BS is cutting her 4th tooth and the accompanying snot seems to have settled into a cold in her eye. She is a full-fledged imp now, crawling/scooting/cruising all over the damn house. Baby proofing MUST be completed this weekend. She informed me of an electrical socket we missed covering already tonight. Don’t worry, I caught her before she stuck her cute, tiny fingers in there. But there is NO leaving her unattended these days. She is also overdue for a reflux med increase (no she does not yet seem to be outgrowing this) and so has been somewhat cranky and spitty after eating this week.

Merit got out earlier today. I had a heart attack and died right there and then when I realized she wasn’t here. I was pissed at DS because he’d been home for a couple hours before I was and hadn’t even looked in the general direction of the yard. It’s March Madness you know. So by the time I got home and said, “Where’s Merit?” (Cause she wasn’t at the back door looking pathetic to be let in) it was dark. He could’ve been out looking while it was still light. He went looking for her and came back after 15 minutes, so then I went out & found her as Animal Control was picking her up. Thank You God. Yes, my dog has a collar. In fact a really cool collar, but it hasn’t been updated since we moved. And Merit’s a really cool dog. It’s more likely that someone will find her and keep her then anything else. I’d be devastated. Anyway, I found her and she’s getting lots of hugs and special treats after her adventure. (She can even sleep on our bed if she wants—ok, maybe not, she a dirty, dirty dog). I am ordering a new collar right now.

That’s it. Well, it’s not all, but it’s all you’re getting for now. Oh yeah, summer has arrived here; I’ll post pix of the girls playing in the wading pool this weekend. Cause now it’s all about the wadding pool while Mama throws back some Sangria!

Back Talk

Welcome to this addition of Back Talk. I’ve been in a not very good place the last couple days. I went to another doctor on Monday, he scheduled another nerve test for Tuesday and an epidural (of cortisone) for Thursday. The nerve test showed nerve damage (it was way more extensive then the last time), but not to my muscles (or it was really minimal to my muscles or something). Which is mostly good news, because it means I should be able to be fixed. The bad news: 6-9 months to heal. Oh. My. God. Six Months!!! (I’m optimistic) This shot I’m having tomorrow should pretty much eliminate the pain for a while I’m told. I seriously hope so, cause the nerve test…my leg is still on fire. I’m back to full time pain, but with burning this time! Fun! Hopefully I’ll be feeling so good you’ll get a post tomorrow, but we’ll see. If you don’t hear from me just assume I got even better drugs then the vicodin and I’m sleeping through the weekend. Imagine no more posts about all my aches and pains...what will I write about? I'm sure I can come up with something.

Ciao!

10 Months

Yeah, so last week, in the rush of everything little miss BabySpeak went & turned 10 months on us. I know how the heck did that happen? In the last week or so she’s turned into quite the little baby vs. the infant she’s been up till now. (I refused to consider her as a toddler, she’s too little yet to be a toddler—even if she’s “toddling” around). Last week she started hitting some big milestones; she stands up & sits herself down, she cruises all. over. the. damn. place. She’s crawling all over. Her days consist of stand up, sit down, (fight, fight, fight) crawl here, taste toy, launch toy, roll to new location of toy, stand up, bend down and pick up toy again….You get the idea. She also LOVES to dance, which cracks me up to no end. If music starts playing near her she starts grooving.

She started using the signs for “food”, “drink” (water in a sippy cup), “all done” and “big” (aka—“sooo big”). That’s in addition to her, “more,” “bye-bye”, and “sleep/nap”. She’s so very eager to communicate; you can tell she’s just dying for you to teach her more words. When you do start teaching her a new word you can practically see the wheels turning in her head and it seems to be about 24 hours and she’s got it. I’m telling you I think this kid is scary smart.

She has also started eating table food now. I make my own baby food which consists of throwing the stuff in the food processor after over steaming it, so don’t get all excited over how much time that must take cause it doesn’t take any more time and I can control the texture of her food. (Plus I just couldn’t bring myself to give her baby food meat in a jar. Have you seen that stuff, it’s just nasty looking. We give her the canned stuff (fruit and veggies) when appropriate, so it’s not like she doesn’t get it at all). This week I started chopping up our meat really small & letting her have at it. She seems to particularly like mango-chicken sausage (but hey, who doesn’t?)

For such a little person she’s doing some really big time stuff and on top of that seems to have a “big personality”. She has her Daddy and Mommy completely wrapped around her finger. And still she ADORES her big sister. This last month has been a lot of fun for all of us and we so enjoy watching the little person Miss BS is becoming.

It'll have to be Love Friday. A practice in being grateful.

I’m finding that I’m having trouble being grateful the last couple days. I’m so overwhelmed with everything that I’m having trouble getting past just “get it done”. My mom is still really sick so the girls have been in daycare/school all week. My back/leg thing is not improving. If anything it seems like I’ve taken a step or two backward. My PT thinks my daily activities (read: picking up a baby) are causing me to re-injure myself constantly. I jinx myself by posting that my b00bs hurt, cause I now have a very large (the entire top half of my right side) very painful clogged duct. I complained that they hurt and they decided to show me what a painful b00b was. I think the clogged duct is caused by stress. And work has finally started to get fed up with my schedule.

I feel like I’m trying to do everything for everyone and doing none of it well.

In an effort to try and make this more then a whining session and actually turn it into something positive I’m going to take each item and write a (possible) solution to it. At least I’ll have a goal to word toward and maybe I won’t feel so overwhelmed.


Girls in Daycare
I need to suck it up and BE GRATEFUL over this one. I’m lucky/grateful that I’ve found an (fairly) affordable place that meets the needs of both my girls, is close by and allows me to do “drop in”. Not to mention that they adore my children and give them lots of love and a safe place to play with good friend.

Back/Sciatica
I contacted my orthopedic doctor yesterday, as he told me to call if things had not improved in a month. (Plus I’m almost out of vicodin and night before last there was no sleeping without a pain pill.) He’s concerned, but feels that we’re on the right track with PT. “Ultimately PT is the thing that will get me better in the long run.” For the pain he gave me the name of a doctor who can do an epidural of cortisone. Maybe then I’ll get some relief. He gave me another prescription for pain pills with a refill. I’m lucky/grateful that I have supportive medical professionals working with me to try and fix this. I’m also grateful to have really good insurance coverage which allows me to go to whomever I need to in order to get this resolved.

Clogged Duct
I’m already doing everything I can for this; pumping/feeding every two hours. A warm shower and a good long feed by BS will probably be the thing that knocks it out completely. I should be grateful for this in that it’s a sign that my milk supply is taking it up a notch, my body would just prefer it to be more gradual. (I have a theory that I have really fatty milk or really small ducts or probably both.) Once this has pasted there’s a good chance I will get getting much more milk for BS.

Work has had enough of my schedule
I am very grateful that work has been so supportive about all of this so far. Part of the problem is that my PT only works when her youngest is in school (M/W/F, 9-1) so I end up missing some work to get in appointments. Work feels like I work part-time so I should take care of this stuff during my time off (even though I have the sick days and vacation to take off). My mom wants her time off, and feels that if I’m not at work I should be watching my own kids. This complicates things. Even if I get another PT that can see me during my days off, I don’t have babysitting at that time. I’m stuck on this one. I can pursue another PT, but I’ll still have a scheduling problem. I guess the answer would be to see if I can find a PT who works evenings and/or weekends when DS is home. Ok, I’m working on this one and I’m grateful for the resources I do have (work, DS, mom).

This has gotten really, really long, and I’m super impressed if you’re still reading, so a few other things I have to be grateful for:

My kids are really good about going to daycare/school. Not a lot of stranger anxiety or whiny/crying, etc….The teacher comment all the time about how happy BS is, there are a couple babies there who never. stop. crying. EVER.

My husband has been super supportive through all of this. More often then not these days he walks through door and I hand him kids and collapse from exhaustion on the couch. Beside entertaining kids, he will pick up whatever slack I need that night; making dinner, dishes, bathes, folding laundry, etc…he has not complained once.

While my mom gives me no end of grief about my housekeeping (which there is nothing wrong with BTW—I’m not a germphobe like Antique Mommy, but we aren’t filthy, dirty either) I am grateful to have her help with my girls. She comes over in the morning and picks up whatever slack there is, gets TS off to school and BS bathes, fed and clothed. In the meantime she usually does some laundry & light housekeeping for me. For. Free.

Ok, I’m working on adjusting my attitude. And I’m off to try and find a babysitter for BS during my PT appointment tomorrow.

My boobs hurt.

That got your attention now didn’t it?

Hi P0rn bloggers, you’re in a mommy blog, sorry for the confusion. Move along now, nothing to see here. Seriously, if there was something to see these days I wouldn’t have to move you along—you’d run away very quickly.

I’m still nursing BS every two hours. Talk about a time suck. (eww, no pun intended.) It’s hard to get much done with this kind of schedule and if she’s sleeping or I need to be doing something in a hurry I pump (which I just love so much! NOT.) If you did anything repetitively every 2 (or 3) hours you would hurt too, trust me. However, let me note I am not actually complaining. I know it sounds a lot like whining, but it’s not. I was one of those millions who saw the Oprah show on The Secret and I’m bought in. I didn’t say I was buying the book, I’m way too cheap for that, but I get the concept and there’s a lot of what they said that resonated with me. If they’re wrong, everyone else wins cause if nothing else you’re a happier person to be around, right? So in the spirit of The Secret, I have begun trying to approach each and every situation (even the ones that seem negative) in terms of how I am grateful for the experience. We’ll see how long I stick with this, I know, I know, being sarcastic is much more my nature then showing my gratefulness. But I’m trying.

So in terms of having to nurse my 9 month old every two hours;

• I am grateful for the time this gives us together. I know that this time is short-lived and sooner then I think she will be too busy to be bothered with nursing from Mommy. She’ll rather eat on the run (or not at all) because there are so many things she’ll need to do. Right now this time is special and she is now old enough to know that and she clings to me too.


• I am grateful to be needed by my daughter and appreciated. I am grateful that I am forced to slow down several times a day and just stare intently at the beautiful miracle I helped create.
  
• I am grateful that I know that in the very near future I will yearn to be sore like this again, for I have been so very blessed with a healthy, loving little girl and I am blessed in my knowledge and appreciation of this as well.

Sisters

I always wished I had a sister.

If you have a sister you are probably rolling your eyes right now, but I had a brother. He’s great & everything, but it would’ve been cool to have someone to talk to about boys and makeup and fight over clothes with and stuff like that. We were friends, but he was into “boy things” and I was into “girl things”. It’s not the same.

I am so very glad that we have given this gift to our girls and that they are inclined (so far) to be friends. I think (hope) that the tone that has been set so far is the one that will continue for the rest of their lives. They adore each other. If I walk into TS’s room in the AM without BS the first thing out of her mouth will be, “Where’s BS?” The second TS walks in the room BS starts smiling clapping and reaching for her. I know it won’t always be sunshine and roses for their relationship but right now it’s one big love fest and I am so very glad to be able to witness this. Happy Love Thursday.

I'm Baaaack! (In more ways then one.)

Hi Internet,

Are you mad? I know it’s been a week, I’m sorry. Where does the time go?

If I had written last weekend I would’ve told you all about celebrating DS’ b-day & how I’m feeling a lot better. How my back actually STOPS hurting sometimes now. This weekend I would’ve told you how I was able to walk around the block one day and pick up the house and normal stuff like that. Instead of laying around on the couch hurting, grumpy and groggy. But I was so busy living life (now that I could again) that I was having a hard time find the time to write to you. But then Monday came and everything changed. One other thing about last week, my PT was sick all week. On Friday when she called to cancel she scheduled me for an appointment with the massage therapist in her office on Monday and so I could get something done. Considering how good I’d been feeling I was really looking forward to it. Normally my PT appointments consist of massage & ultrasound, but this time it would be all about feeling good, not just making it better.

The massage itself was fine, not the best I’ve ever had, not the worst either, but by that afternoon I felt like I had either over worked out or been beat up. Yesterday I spent most of the day on the couch, exhausted and back in major pain. I couldn’t take anything cause I was home alone with the girls, but I laid on the couch in the playroom so I could do minimal amount of moving and still watch them (and try my best to stay awake, I only dozed a couple of times, I think). I thought the pain meds were what made me so groggy, but apparently it’s the pain itself. I suppose because it exhausts me. So this AM I slept through my alarm, which turns itself off after an hour of snooze. I’ve been trying to call my PT all day (office isn’t answering at all) to see if they can fit me in today to try and get some relief, but no luck.

The irony of all of this is that I was feeling so much BETTER all weekend. I was able to do all kinds of things (picking up around the house and even taking a walk around the block) without hurting. In the evenings I start to get sore, but would take a pain pill early evening and then not need one to sleep. Right now I can’t find a position in which I’m not hurting; standing, sitting, anything…BAH!

So that’s my story, same one you’ve been hearing for a couple months. Getting boring I’m sure.

On a more up note:
BS is full on cruising around the living room now. (Not crawling yet, but actually acting like she might do that sometime too.) She can actually stand without holding anything, but when she realizes she’s let go she starts to fall. She said something strikingly like Mommy the other day, but I was the only one home, so I’m not sure it counts. She also “mumbled” I love you after a doll said it the yesterday. DS was home when she did it, so I had a witness. Last night at dinner she threw a tantrum because she wanted "O's instead of dinner. I'm not kidding. Be afraid, be very afraid: she’s smart, coordinated, beautiful and headstrong. All of this only at 9 months, what the heck is she going to be like by 2 years? 13 years? Boy do we have our hands full.

TS is taking ballet & tap class & seems to really like it. She’s got a bunch of imaginary friends and two of her real friends (twins) from school came over for a playdate on Friday. They were super cute together and it was fun to watch her play with friends she’s made on her own (not because Mommy likes their mommy, although now that I’ve met her I do like her—bonus).

Alright I need to get back to work cause they’ve actually got me doing work here now. They actually expect me to produce now! The nerve.

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

Love Thursday

This is what all my stress is over....

I'll bet you understand now

And a few others, just cause I love these so much

Same old song and dance, AKA—BACK at it (get it?)

Got excited didn’t you? Got you all worked up with TWO posts that didn’t consist of any whining and you thought it was over. Well, you were WRONG. I’m back and whinier then ever. I had a couple good days this weekend, but I seem to be over that and now I’m about to have a nervous breakdown. Hi, welcome to my brain! I’m so much fun!

So I realized I never gave you the official update on my visit to the orthopedic doctor, MRI results and nerve test. I officially have a herniated disk. The “good news” is that it’s considered “mild to moderate” which means no surgery at this point & we treat it with PT (and if I want to continue chiropractic). I also don’t have “permanent nerve damage”. I do still have a numb lower right calf & foot. The bad news is that this won’t “heal” for about 3 months and if it’s not improving within a month then I need to go back.

I’m exhausted.

I feel like I reached out to my doctors (shrink & OB) yesterday, but neither of them really seemed to “hear me”. They physically heard me, but upon hearing about everything I have going on (this stuff with my back and having to feed the baby every two hours) they both suggested I take some medical leave at work. But I don’t really feel like we can afford that right now. My shrink suggested I take a couple weeks vacation to try and get my back better and to a better place mentally, but I don’t really want to use my vacation like that. I’m already missing a lot of work because of all my doctor’s appointments; I think I need to hold onto it for “just in case.” I feel that if I do take a couple weeks I’ll just get a new pile of mess at work instead of at home. So I’m not so sure that trading one mess for another will help me that much. I told DS the other night that I’m at exhausted from all of this and at the end of my rope, “If one more thing gets added to my commitments I think I’ll break.” I’ve already been letting the house go; mostly the floors (and bathrooms, and vacuuming, etc...) because of the bending. I know I need to give some stuff up, but I’m not sure what else can go right now. Then in my exhaustion I overslept this AM. My mom had the nerve to let into me about it. Because you know, I’m a slacker.

I’m rereading this and thinking that maybe my doctors were right; even a week might be enough to help me get some sleep, rest my back & feel caught up and better about things. Even in writing this I can’t convey the level of despair I’m feeling right now. My depression (oh yeah, I’m dealing with that too) is definitely winning the battle right now. I’m even having trouble staying awake writing this (I won’t tell you how scary I am driving these days, lets just say stay off the South Bay freeways during commute hours on Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays.) Hopefully, more later.

Weekend Funny

OHMYF'INGGAWD!!! This is too funny for words. So if you aren't already reading Miss Doxie you must go over and check her out. This chick is always good for a laugh, but her latest post; the photos & video take the freaking cake!!!

This is so what I want to do for my b-day next year--a Viking funeral, what a fine way to start the the last year of my 30's. Read, watch & tell me what you think.

Speak’s Anatomy

So newsflash; I have nerve damage. My right foot has no reflex right now and shows weakness. I had to go to a doctor to find this out? The only real question is if the damage is being caused by a herniated disc or from the epidural I got during labor. Bah! I’ll be having an MRI & a nerve test next week to determine which it was & the extent of the damage. If it’s the disc, the amount of damage my symptoms seem to be showing are pointing to surgery. Christ! That’s what I need. So let’s all pull for epidural shot as the cause, which they will treat with another epidural shot only with steroids this time. There goes my shot at the baseball hall of fame…oh yeah, I don’t play baseball.

So I feel somewhat validated in all my whining now. And my approach; chiropractic, PT & pain meds is exactly what I should be doing, so that’s good to know. I’m still irritated that the first doctor made me wait for two weeks to get into the orthopedic guy, but I can’t do much about it now, so trying not to dwell.

BS had her NINE month appointment today. She’s 15# 4oz and 27” (in case you’re keeping track). She’s just below the 50% for height and off the chart for weight. Yup, she’s less the zero in the weight category. That means that 100% of the kids her same age are bigger then her. Doctor says they typically drop a little at this age because their activity level has increased so much, so he’s not worried. If he’s not worried, then I’m not worried. She’s gaining weight, so that’s all they’re really watching now. He’s ordering some predigested formula for her; he wants us to have a back up for my (lack of) boob juice so he’s working with me to get her to take it. I’ll let you know how that goes. She got two shots today & didn’t even cry. We’re nursing every 3 hours, which means…I’ve got to go again.

Cheers!
Say a little thank you prayer for vicadin!

My children speak

So things are pretty much status quo around here. My sciatic is pretty much the same, now my neck has joined the fray—just to keep things interesting. I do have an appointment with an orthopedic doctor tomorrow, so hopefully something good and immediate will come of that; like a shot in my ass that will give me feeling in my foot and lower leg and get rid of the pain I’m feeling in the rest of the leg, blah, blah, blah….You’ve heard it all before. Dude I’m tired of talking about it, I can’t believe you’re still reading it. You must really not want to work today, huh? Yeah, I know me neither.

So a few updates;

BS has spoken! My brilliant genius of a baby has said the word “kitty”. She says it quite clearly, has said it several times now, in front of several people and at the appropriate time. You know, when one of the cats shows up. She says, “gee, gee” for dog, cause we say doggie. She is also signing the word “more” (mostly for food). She waves “bye”, and she puts her hands behind her head when tired so I’ve deemed that her word for sleep. Last night DS walked up to us (she was in my lap on the couch) and she held her hands out to him & then signed more. In other words, “more Daddy please.” So freaking cute!!!

No more blood coming up, but no more formula either. I’m in contact with the lactation consultant and I’m working on the milk production (or lack of it) right now. I’m also thinking of getting her a passport as it’s looking a lot like she’s going to Mexico with us in April. We are such the party animals.

TS is truly turning into me. She loves to pull out her play hair dryer and curling iron when I pull mine out. We primp together. She pulls out her play make up while I’m doing mine and she likes to help me by handing me the correct brushes and make up containers; she knows the difference between blush, eye shadow, eye liner, concealer, foundation, mascara and all their accompanying brushes. Some kids learn all the dinosaurs, but my kid knows her way around the MAC counter. The way I know she’s truly turning into me has to do with her Starbuck’s order. Here’s the way I order: “Vente, decaf, single, non-fat, no-whip, 6-pump mocha. The other day she says, “Mommy I want my chocolate milk cold, with ice and whip cream.” They start so young.

We’ve Peaked! or All About Me

Well let’s hope so, I know it can get worse, but jeez I think we’ve gotten more then our share already this year. I haven’t posted because after last Friday things went downhill with my sciatica. I’ve been going to the chiropractor and the physical therapist and I’ll have a “good” day and then a couple “bad” days. None are pain free, but yesterday was probably the worst it’s been. I was so sore that I was achy and I was cold; borderline chills. I think now that it was that my body was readjusting to everything and getting used to it. I also think that the “cold” was poor circulation coupled with the adjusting. I finally took a couple vicadin and when they started to take affect (and I started to relax) I actually got really warm, almost hot. Today was much better. Don’t get too excited, not pain free, but better.

Night before last we spent in the local ER with BS. She had been spitting up blood earlier in the day. It’s been colder then heck here and extremely dry, so I wasn’t too concerned at first. I figured it was sort of like the nose bleeds you can get from dry cold weather. Not so much, when I called the advice nurse. The doctor had us come in to check her out and they felt it might be in her lungs (she’s teething so she’s had a runny nose, but it comes & goes). They gave us a nebulizer. She did it two more times that afternoon and I called them to tell them what was going on and they sent us to ER. So. Much. Fun. Actually, she thought it was party time, screeching, cooing and having a ball. Cause let me tell you there is nothing that is more fun then the tissue paper on an exam table. It’s what I’ll buying for all the kids for Christmas next year. They did x-rays and blood tests and spoke to her GI specialist and decided that she probably has esophageal reflux (in addition to her stomach reflux) and it probably caused a tear in her esophagus and thus the bleeding. At our follow up with the GI specialist the next day he indicated that when this happens at her age it’s usually from a food allergy, but we can’t think of anything new that she’s had. So I don’t know. She hasn’t done it again since, so we’re just trying to pay attention to everything she’s eating. Another new medication. I feel like I medicate, feed her and let her sleep and that's all we do all day. Mostly cause it is ALL we do all day. Don't worry, she seems to be fine. (It's her mother who needs to be committed.)

My folks are out of town this week, so BS was supposed to be in daycare with her sister, but obviously that’s out. So I’ve been out of work all week. It’s good and bad. Honestly, with the way my leg has been I don’t think I could’ve worked this week, and I already had TS set for daycare all week, so that is good part . Tomorrow DS is staying home to help me. Hopefully I will continue to improve; I already know I’m going to be missing work for PT appointments next week. They've been really nice about all this, but they've got to be getting sick of it.

So I’m back off to bed, no vicadin tonight we’re trying Darvocet to see if that will cut it. And of course, lots of ice. If all goes well I’m going to try and walk around the block tomorrow. Wohoo! We’re the definition of fun around here.

TS has been hilarious lately; very focused on her upcoming birthday. Upcoming in May! Today, she asked two of the girls in her class if they’ll come to her party, in May. Guess she wants to make sure they can make it. BS is teething and beside the one she got last week, two more popped out this week; all on the bottom--weird. My boobs are not happy about this new perdicament. But she’s mostly happy, so whatever.

Need to sleep now. Hopefully, happy funny stories in a timely fashion this next week. Thanks for hanging with me.

Our Christmas

So since I've been out of it and a picture is worth a thousand words here's our December in a nutshell. I know it's late, but it's my excuse for playing w/digital scrapbooking. (Obviously I'm feeling a bit better right now. Went to a chiropractor yesterday and while I'm still in pain, I'm FUNCTIONING!!! Which is way more then I could say before. We'll see how long it lasts.
Happy Friday!