Update from the Fire Lines

Just wanted to let you know how our friends are doing. I feel bad that I haven't updated you, but I wanted to be able to include how the fire started, and that's a very recent development.

The Bad News:

Their house is totaled.

It’s in the process of being taken down to studs (which whips up the fire smell on a regular basis). 99% of everything they owned is gone due to water, fire & smoke damage. Pix is from their daughter’s room and it makes me want to cry every time I see it. (It's a color pix, nothing was altered in the color or anything, that's just what it looks like now.)

The fire was arson & apparently the PD & FD feel they know who did it; some kid who has set other fires in the neighborhood. He’s currently detained for other things, but hasn’t been charged with this one yet. They have quite a bit of evidence so I think it’s probably a matter of time. He’s a foster kid, so I’m not sure it does anything for our friends. I don’t think there’s anyone they can sue or anything.

The Good News:

They have unbelievable insurance; their house and possessions are completely covered and there is also money for living and expenses while their out of their house. (Out for 10-12 months). They were able to rent a house on our street, which is amazingly lucky. The response of friends and family actually overwhelmed them. It finally got to the point where they had to tell people not to bring them anymore stuff. One of the other neighbors volunteered to collect the donations and several other neighbors helped with sorting, so in the end it was fine and quite a bit got donated to some very lucky charities too.

They are able to now remodel their house and update their kitchen, which was original (40 years old). Not the way you want that to happen, but it’ll be so nice when it’s done.

Emotionally they are hanging in there. They have good and bad days. I think it’ll be good once school starts and there’s more distraction to things.

The one bad thing is that now they are much farther down the street from us and I miss them a lot. I didn’t realize how many impromptu play dates we had just because the kids where playing out front.

All is well and everyone is safe and really that's all that matters.

Daddy’s on a Laundry Basket

I called DaddySpeak tonight to tell him of today’s happenings: BigSpeak started truly swimming freestyle in her lesson today; both arms out of the water, side-breathing and flip turns with continuing to swim! I’m sure the instructors thought I was on drugs I was so giddy. DS is a big water guy so I wanted him to know, you know he’s got another little fishy in the family to play with. While talking to him I informed him that LittleSpeak apparently misses him a lot, she’s constantly telling anyone who will listen that her “Daddy on a boat.”

DS: Littlespeak is saying this? Does she even know what a boat is?

Me: I was wondering what she thought she meant too, but now that I’m thinking about it, when I do laundry she’ll climb in the basket and I’ll ask her if it’s a boat and where she’s sailing to.

I think she envisions that he’s floating around in a laundry basket somewhere.

Reality Check

I want you to know I don’t begrudge my husband’s trip this week. I think it’s a cool trip and wish I was on it. I think it’s really neat his dad, brother and him and doing this together.
What I’m upset about is the lack of planning toward our family. You could say it’s not personal, his planning efforts can be lackluster about most things that aren’t work. You could, but it doesn’t make me feel better. And yes, you could say I’m a bit mad at myself for not riding him harder about it earlier. Even though he’s an adult and I “shouldn’t have to” remind (nag) him that’s our reality and I guess if the beach trip was that important I should been more of a pain in the arce about it.

“Mad is way too plain a word for how I feel!”

Yes, I’ve taken to quoting Fancy Nancy. But, truth be told, I am furious. I’ve been on DaddySpeak to make sure he scheduled the time off for a week this August so we could have a family vacation at the beach house. I finally emailed him the dates at work so he’d remember, and tonight he told me he didn’t think he could take it because he’ll only have been home a week from his sailing trip.

Yes, he’s taking a vacation.
He’s going sailing with his dad, brother and some other friends for a week in Vancouver. Sounds nice doesn't it?

Being the dutiful wife I offered for his mother to come see the girls during this time (she doesn’t boat; major motion sickness. HOWEVER, I do enjoy boating, but was not asked). It’s true that spending time with his parents has been known to put me over the edge in mental illness in the past. It’s not so bad these days (or hasn’t been, knock on wood) but this next week is NOT my idea of a break, much less a vacation. My initial reaction was to say that the girls and I will head over without him for the week. Then I started to really think about that & honestly, that’s not a break for me on any level. It’s a huge amount of work for me, so I don’t think that’s what we’ll be doing. I don’t know. Right now, what I do know is that I’d really like to smash my fist into someone’s face right now.

The cherry to my sundae is that BigSpeak decided to pull her usual, “I’m too tired” about picking up the playroom tonight. The room is actually not that big of a deal right now and would've taken like 2 minutes. But we made a deal awhile ago that they were going to start picking up the play room 2x a day without protests.

Yeah right, how’s that working for you?….Not so much.

Tonight when she started in I told her she had till the count of 3 to get in there and start picking up or she could go strait to bed. (I was already starting at pissed from my conversation with DaddySpeak.) She informed me she preferred to go to bed.

Mad is way too plain a word for how I feel right now.

Bonus points for you if you know which Nancy book that quote is from.

Slayed

Today the dragons slayed me.

At 2:00 today I’d hit my wall with the girls. They were tag teaming me; BigSpeak would whine for things and demand that she was “too tired to contribute” or that “it wasn’t fair”. LittleSpeak would just demand; if she asked for milk and you gave her milk, she would throw herself in a fit onto the floor because she wanted water!!!! “My God Woman, what is wrong with you! How could you give me milk!” At nap time she literally screamed her head off and threw herself against her crib so it would bang the wall...For. An. Hour! After an hour she’d started to climb out of her crib, and having hardwood floors I had to put the nix on that one. But even when I took her out of her room, did that make her happy? Noooooo. She wanted to go to swim lessons. NOW! Didn’t matter that we had over an hour yet. An hour during which she was supposed to be sleeping. I finally gave up. I grabbed all of our swim stuff , threw them in the car and drove out of our way to the mall because it has a drive-up Starbucks, and we had the time. They had stopped all their whining and fussing once in the car, so I got them each a “treat” and let them drink them at the pool while we waited for their lessons (we were still really early). After lessons I drove to our cabana pool and was so very grateful to see neighbors there, so they played for an hour and a half. We came home to start dinner and the whining commenced, but DaddySpeak showed up and played interference. Thank God!

I decided that what’s going on is that my daughters expect to be entertained every minute of every day, and when they aren’t happy with the entertainment, well I believe today was an example. I think I need to reset some expectations around here. (Theirs not mine.)

Of course, we’re headed to an amusement park tomorrow, so I guess the resetting will start on Saturday.

Slaying Dragons Still

I know I’ve still been pretty much MIA. The truth is I’m still not all that well yet. I’m still having issues with eating. Actually if I don’t eat I’m fine, which is a great weight loss plan. It just not so good when you're chasing kids.

Eventually, I get lightheaded from not eating (my blood pressure is normally on the low side) so I eat and then I’m nauseated. It’s So. Much. Fun!
Now, just to add to my fun, LittleSpeak seems to have picked this up from me. This weekend she ran about 103° on her own, and 101° w/Tylenol. This morning when I took her to the doctor she was normal. Of course. She alternates between bouncing off the walls and moaning in my arms. tonight she completely lost it. Just completely melted down. Wanted to be held by me, but I was not permitted to sit down. Now I needed to hold her and walk around with her. Poor baby. Poor Mommy. I got her fed early (scrambled eggs for breakfast) and she was in bed, passed out, by 6:15.
So, sadly Internet, I’m not intentionally neglecting you, I’m just exhausted. I seem to be a little better every day, so hopefully by the weekend I’ll be 100%. More later, I’m off to try and get some sleep so I can slay some dragons tomorrow.

Potty Watch 2008: Strike Two

I read Mike’s guest post related to potty training and it reminded me of one of LittleSpeak’s newest tricks in the potty training arena that I wanted to share.

LittleSpeak has shown us that she does know how to use the potty, (Yeah!) how to hold it and obviously how to frustrate her mother to no end. The other morning she showed me a new trick.

I was putting on my make up my room while LittleSpeak was playing in hers. I realized that things had gotten awfully quiet, which is never a good thing when you have a toddler in the house. I went into her room where she was laying on the floor. She had already removed her diaper and put it into the diaper genie (at least she's clean). Then, she had put a cloth diaper on the floor (something we use when we change her so the rug/furniture won’t get dirty) and was laying on it on her back attempting to put a clean diaper on the same way we do. She had her legs in the air as she tried to put the diaper underneath her bum. (Got to get them up to your ears honey!) Quite the scene.

I informed her that once she can diaper herself that’s when it’s time to start using the potty. She agreed, but has yet to completely comply.

If only she would use her powers for good instead of evil.
Yes, I do know it could’ve been much worse.

Milestones….and yes, we’ve melted

I’m better! Yeah! I was better and eating again as of last Friday (July 3). Hopefully it’ll hold. We had an amazing, relaxing, crazy, fun weekend at the beach. I have pix & if the stars all line up you may even get to see a few before Labor Day. ;-) But you know me, so don’t like bet on it or anything.
Big News! LittleSpeak hit TWO milestones today!
1. Used the potty on purpose today!!! Wahooooooo!!! It’s a step in the right direction. Now to get her to stop taking her damn diaper off all the time.
2. LittleSpeak climbed out of her crib today. I know, we’re so screwed. BigSpeak NEVER did anything like that at all. Shoot, I had her mobile up until close to her 2nd b-day. She was just a mellow, follow the rules kind of kid. (That’s over.) Little Speak , we knew was just a matter of time. We’ll see if falling out has curbed her from it, or if I’ll be making an emergency trip to Ikea soon.
Got to go to bed!! More soon. I promise.

Still Sick--not for the faint of heart or stomach.

Yes, I am still sick. It's been awful. I'm better in the AM & able to get the girls to appointments and such, but late afternoon/evenings do me in. I'm so nauseated it's not funny. I can't eat anything without feeling awful. I've been subsisting primarily on sugarless jello, string cheese, water and an occasional Diet Dr. Pepper (not necessarily all in one day). According to the doctor's scale (I went last Friday) I've lost 8 lbs. I'm so bloated you can't tell at all. I got some meds from the doctor to stop the bathroom action (TMI I know, you're welcome) which was good cause it scared me. I was so sick I was having trouble keeping me water up. He wanted me to go in for testing, but since the meds basically worked, I think it's just a really nasty virus.

But that's not the worst part. No the worst part is that now I think LittleSpeak may have caught this from me. She was super clingy/wanting to lay on me this afternoon. Finally she had one of the nastiest diapers ever known to mad.

Let's hope it was a one time thing.

Mama Doesn’t Get A Free Day

I’ve been nauseated since Sunday (it’s Wednesday). I’ve mostly been ok until I eat and then I need to lie down because I’m so very nauseated. Obviously, I’ve been mostly avoiding food. Last night it got really bad and didn’t matter if I’d eaten I was so sick. This morning it was still like that so I called my mom to see if she could take the girls for a couple hours and give me a break. She did, so I slept, and took a shower, but still it’s not good. I have only had a granola bar, some jello and a popsicle in the last 24 hours. That and about 7 gallons of water. I’m trying a couple crackers now, cause my stomach is churning on itself. So we’ll see. No sick days for Mama.

Fun Monday--the Fire Sale Edition

Don’t know if you heard, but Northern California is pretty much aflame. Seriously, I woke up with a sore throat from all the smoke in our air. It’s bad. Really bad. None of the fires are very close to us, but the wind is working against us as far as smoke goes. And, just for the record, the beach house has a fire just a few miles from it too, so going down there isn’t much help. Thus you get the fire sale edition of Fun Monday. cough, cough

After many weeks off I decided to participate in Fun Monday again. Fun Monday this week is hosted by Hula Girl at Heart, (go check her out for more on this topic and a really, really 90's wedding dress). The topic she gave us is:

Show us those pieces of clothing you just can't part with, whether you wear them or not. It might be your grandma's vintage wedding dress, a jacket from high school, a t-shirt from an old boyfriend or those jeans you hope to get back into some day. It could be anything. Most of us have something like that we can't seem to throw away.

I was going to participate in the Fun Monday by talking about my favorite outfit, which is a teal skirt & top. I got the outfit the spring Daddy Speak & I were engaged; so it’s 8-9 years old. I love it for a lot of reasons, mostly cause it’s gorgeous and my eyes turn the same color teal when I wear it. I wore it a lot and even took my engagement photos with DaddySpeak in it, so it’s memory is well preserved to me no matter what. Once I got pregnant with BigSpeak (6 years ago) I no longer fit in it. Or at least, no longer fit in it well. I hold on to it in the hope that I will get thin enough to get back into it, although I’m pretty sure even at a size smaller than it, my hips expanded enough so that it won’t fit “right”. But I still hope, a girl‘s gotta have a dream, right? Today I decided I’m going to give up that dream. Yup, just today I decided I’m going to get rid of it. Our friends who lost their house this weekend, I’m going to pass it on to them. Well to K, I don't think D would look that good in teal, I'm just saying... They have nothing now and it’s just sitting in my closet, waiting to eventually be passed on to Goodwill. Instead it’s going to get a new life. It holds such happy memories for me, it seems fitting that it should help her move forward into new happiness.

This is not the best pix of it, but the only I could find for now. Plus look at DaddySpeak w/his long hair! Being the Rock Star he is!

Welcome to the Freak Show

Today was so weird.

All last night & today our street has been a freak show; cars and people are constantly driving and walking by to see the destruction. The FD was here till well past midnight. The phone and cable companies have been working on lines all day. Our electricity came back around 9:30 last night, but it was well past noon before we had internet or cable. The burned out houses were boarded up by 6 this morning (DaddySpeak managed to slip in and get some photos,) and a cyclone fence with locks went up at some point during the day. People get out of their cars to peek through the fence.

Everything seems so surreal.

We had 5 parties today, we were only trying to make three of them, but I told DaddySpeak as we left, “I so don’t want to go anywhere today. I just want to stay around the neighborhood with people who know how I’m feeling. I want to close ranks with everyone here it just seems how it ought to be.” He said he felt the same way. We still had to go. It was fine. We even made the third party which was for the triplets. The majority of people were gone but it was good to be back by our house and with friends who understood our state of mind. One of the neighbors went out & got gift certificates (Target, Old Navy & Toys R Us) for D&K; the kids only have the bathing suits they were wearing at the pool when it all started. Tonight I walked over to her house to give her a check for my part. Our house was the closest of all our friends to the fire, but the smoke, apparently, drifted the away from us. Once I got past the houses I was overwhelmed w/the smoke smell. My nose started dripping uncontrollability and my eyes were watering. I can only imagine what it was like last night. We’re lucky on this front too; I tend to be very sensitive to things like smoke. If it had drifted our way I might be sleeping at my parents house for the next couple days. Several other neighbors happened to be heading to the same house as myself and we had an informal powwow for a half an hour or so. It was what I needed. To feel connected to these people who are feeling the same sense of survivors’ guilt I am. I’m glad it worked out that way.

I’m feeling so many things right now and it’s like I have no words to articulate the complexity of these feelings. I’m suddenly at such a loss of words.

Loss of Innocence

I’m sitting here drinking a mudslide in the heat, trying to get a buzz so I can forget a bit how much I care about what I’m going to tell you. As I sit here I’m also listening to the hum of six large fire engines in our street because some good friends lost their home today.

Today was a typical Friday for our neighborhood. This afternoon (after nap time) we headed out to the pool to hang out because it was HOT. It had to be very close to 100° today. I had stopped at Costco earlier & picked up a chicken to eat cold for dinner tonight. The neighbors behinds us (triplets) were there and so were A, C & their dad D. Mom would be there later after work w/KFC for the crowd. Kids played, we BS’d and shared snacks & beers. At 5:30 we looked toward our neighborhood and saw a huge black cloud rising quickly from some houses. The guys took off running (DaddySpeak was jumping backyard fences) leaving S (triplets mom) and I with 7 kids. And they didn’t come back. K (A & C’s mom) pulled up just as the guys were jumping fences, she was worried about her house. She was going to pull the KFC out & go check, but I told her I’m sure it’s fine, just go check & come back. She never came back! Now I’m getting a little worried, the guys ran over w/out anything but their swim trunks, no shoes and certainly no cell phones. Realizing this was serious and looking for some distraction, I pulled out our food and started feeding kids. K’s mom suddenly pulls up and we know D & K’s house is involved. Their mom packed up their stuff and took the kids to her house. The guys finally came back; it was D & K’s house (three doors down from us) and their next door neighbors, N (two doors down). The guys had been helping to actually fight the fire; unrolling & hooking up hoses and hosing down the house in-between ours and N’s. The fire had started between the two houses, but as of now do not know how or why. (Part of the reason there are still six large trucks out there is because they are working on finding out the why.) K & D’s bedrooms are a loss, the roof on that side collapsed. I imagine most of the stuff in the house has smoke & water damage, so what didn‘t get destroyed is probably mostly lost too. They do have some clothing and the most important irreplaceable stuff (baby mementos) were salvaged. Their dog, Leo, was in their bedroom and did not make it. I am overwhelmed with my feelings and can not begin to fathom how they are feeling right now. I had to explain to BigSpeak that one of her best friends just lost everything safe she knows. She doesn't really understand yet, and I'm sad that in short order she will. They are such babies still, they shouldn't have to understand how vulnerable we are yet.

I am grateful that they are all physically ok.
I am overwhelmed by the outpouring from the neighborhood already. (I’m sure they are too.)
I am grateful that it was not my home and my family.
I’m saddened that my child (BigSpeak) and one of her best friends (A) lost their sense of security in relation to their homes tonight.
I am hopeful that they will be blessed in the rebuilding of their home.
I pray that Leo didn’t suffer.
Mostly I am glad that all of us (their family and mine) are healthy and able to move forward together.

The picture is not of their house, I found it via an image search on yahoo.

Hot Gift

I know a week or two ago I was complaining about how it’s supposed to almost be summer & we are freezing over here! But this week the temperature has been creeping up and today we were about 95° . Not having AC we’re feeling a bit warm in the Speak household (the kids’ rooms are about 80° at 7:30 this evening). In this case the heat wave does have an upside?; my folks gave us a margarita maker last weekend. It was a late anniversary gift. Coincidently my folks are spending the night here; they’re having their house tented for termites, so we broke out the margarita machine (actually the thing is so freakn’ huge it has it’s own spot permanently on the counter!) No margaritas though, mudslides! Yeah Baby! YUM! Not low carb, but yummy.

Summer Vacation with a Vengeance!

This is our first week true week of summer vacation and we are at it with a vengeance!

On Monday we went to Happy Hollow. This is a park aimed at the under 5 set and is perfect for us. After 30+ years are they are gutting the place & redoing all of it starting in July, which is really very bittersweet. On one hand ,it’ll be really, really, really nice once it’s finished. On the other, this park is a place that anyone who grew up in the South Bay has visited as a child, and to have them change it now after all this time, is just sort of sad. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure, safety wise the place is a nightmare, but still, I have pictures of both DaddySpeak and I as children riding the carousel, running in the maze, climbing the fire engine….so it’s melancholy. We’re trying to get in as many visits as possible before their close date.

Yesterday, we cleaned house and then cousin S came over for a playdate; after which you couldn’t tell I’d done any cleaning. It was fine, they just built a “carnival” in the front room using every toy in the house and utilizing every inch of space in our playroom. After the playdate we headed over to one of the neighbors for slip and slide and then take out Chinese. (I love summer!)

This morning we got up and picked up the playroom (took us 30 minutes, I set the timer in 10 minute increments) then headed off to Gilroy Gardens for the day. The girls slept the entire ride home.

Tomorrow we have gymnastics and swim lessons, and Friday is Gymboree.

Whew! If we keep up this pace I’ll be a size 4 in a month!

Typical Night at Home

DaddySpeak and I are having a typical evening at home.

Girls are asleep upstairs.
TV is on; watching Dirty Jobs.
He’s sitting on the love seat and I’m on the couch, we each like to stretch out and have a blanket (cause we're true romantics). AND...

We each have a laptop going; I’m digi-scrapping, he’s cruising the Internet.

Romantics at heart, that's us!

No, we are not emailing each other!

Odd Man Out

Sigh.

Sometimes this parenting thing can be so hard. And they're only 5 and 2! I'm not sure how to help BigSpeak, she's super sensitive and not mature enough emotionally to deal with all the things she picks up on.

This afternoon we had a lovely low-key Father's Day with about 5 other neighbors at our neighborhood pool. We'd all agreed to a BYOM (Bring Your Own Meat) Potluck. BYOM is explainatory, potluck=sidedish to share. It was going great till we realized that the pool's BBQ is missing it' s propane tank. No problem we moved it to one of the neighbor's backyards. After everyone had finished eating the kids were playing inside and one of the girls announced we were getting a dance show. When the kids assembled to do the show BigSpeak hung back by the parents. I asked her if she was going to go with the kids and she burst into tears. She was so upset that I had to take her inside so I could get her to calm down. The explination I got was that she didn't know how to do what they were doing and wanted to do it at home. I told her that was fine & got her to calm down. She watched the "show" w/the adults, but was still unhappy. When we got home, as promised, we got our dance show. She beamed while dancing for just us.

I don't know if she was just:

• Overtired (likely)


• Upset because it seemed the kids had paired off & she was somewhat of the odd man out. (I think she picked up on this but may not have understood why this upset her.)


• Being the perfectionist and not wanting to do something until she knew she could do it perfectly. (This one has been a big problem in the past, and hasn't reared it's head for a while.)

I'm sure it's a combination of the 3, the later two concerning me greatly. There's so many ramifications to being a perfectionist like that. I mean, Dude, you're only 5, if you're putting this much pressure on yourself now, how are top it by age 13? And the feeling left out thing, I know it's something we all go through, but the cliquiness that has started already, it scares the crap out of me.

I just want to gather her up in my lap and hold her. She looks so much older than her barely 5YO self, and she's still such a little girl. I want to protect her from all those mean things that rotten kids will inevitably say to her, (because kids are mean and will do that,) and the snubs that will be put her direction (because she's sensitive and will wear her feelings making herself an easy target). I just want to hold her close and make it OK.

Most of the time she's such a happy, carefree little girl and it hurts me to see these types of things chipping away at that. I want to tell her it will be OK, and know that it really will be for her. How do you help your child develop a thick skin, without chipping away at that the pure innocence that believes everyone is nice?

I watch her sleep and she's still such a baby. The world is asking her to grow up too fast and I want to protect her from that.

We made it.

Schools out (as of Wednesday) and I’m now feeling like I can breath again. Note: the next time I decide to initiate a school project with less than 2 weeks left in the school year just take a gun to my head ok? I’m obviously loopy. You see, I decided that a scrapbook would make a really nice teachers gift. Being that I was working most of the year & wasn’t able to get into the class and take lots of pictures. Brilliant me! I thought I’ll get everyone else’s pictures. This really was a great idea, if I had like a month left, which I did not. I did not let that deter me. And in the process I offered to set up a class gift as well. Because, well because I am obviously short a few brain cells.
Short story long, I was able to get quite a few pix from other parents, I now the name of every kid in my daughters class. I created a really nice (if I do say so myself) album for each teacher and collected enough money for a really nice gift card ($100+) and box of Godiva (dipped fruit, yum!) for each of them. I lost a bit of sleep (try 4 nights up till 2-3AM and Monday was till 4 AM). But I think they really appreciated it. And I enjoyed playing Santa. So that’s the reasons I’ve been MIA the last couple weeks. In the meantime some bullet points on what you’ve missed:

• Headed to the beach house for the weekend last weekend & had So. Much. Fun!


• BigSpeak lost a second tooth. And I do mean lost. So far, the Tooth Fairy is getting gypped.


• BigSpeak has officially graduated from Pre-K.


• Major neighborhood drama between moms & girls (not together, that would be too exciting); the fun never ends here.


• LittleSpeak bit her sister & broke skin the other morning (she wanted the step stool BigSpeak was one, note there are two of them.)


• I got to view the photos I had done with the girls a few weeks ago and OMG! Lets just say the photo studio is having a very Merry Christmas based on what we’re spending.

All right, the neighborhood pool is open now & the girls are jonesing to go again. More later! Happy Summer!

Shhhhh......

Yeah, OK a pix of her sleeping would've been way more appropriate for this post, I agree. However, I have discovered, upon looking at my photo library, that my child rarely sleeps. Thus, I have no recent pix of her sleeping. After reading what I have to say below, you will completely understand why I am NOT going to got take a pix her right now (and risk waking her up.) I love you Internet, but a mama's gotta sleep too.

She's sleeping w/out her binky right now! I know, who would've thunk it?
DaddySpeak took her to a friends house today during nap time (I was having tea at the Fairmont, cause I'm all Fancy Nancy like that). Since we had a b-day party at 4 I made it clear that she needed to nap. That was fine, friends own a port-a-crib. They also have daughters the same age as ours, so big girls could play while little ones napped. Ahhh, but DaddySpeak forgot to bring a bink. She cried. But he was surprised at how short it lasted, less then 10 min total (and that included him going in once to make sure she wasn't climbing walls). So I was inspired and tonight at bedtime I asked her if she was ready to send them off to the Bink Fairy. I got an enthusiastic "babies", meaning that's who would get them. I agreed that the mythical babies would get her binks. That was that. I rocked her a little, but she wasn't completely alseep, I put her in her crib, gave her Sally (favorite doll), a blanket and she rolled over & went to sleep w/out a peep.

My fingers are crossed that she won't wake up at 2 AM screaming cause she can't find it.

Sigh, she's really not a baby anymore.

I Meant to Write.....

So I've had good intentions, but you know the drill; "I wuz bizeeee!"

Yes, well the outlaws left on Tuesday & I'm still recovering. I happen to choose their visit as the time to run out of the anti-anxiety/PPD pills my dr had me on for PPD. Yeah, I know my kid is two, I was supposed to be weaning off of them, I just got distracted. Not great timing for me, you think? So I'm feeling a little anxious...actually just my brain starts to race most of the time & I feel like I'm having dizzy spells a lot. It's like Disneyland, without the metal detectors or high prices.

In other news...
I did get my laptop back. Yeah!
But our WiFi network has been reconfigured since it was out and I need to reconfig the network and/or laptop again. Boo! So yeah, a couple more days on that one still. But hey, it's getting close.

This is a message I emailed to friend just before this post, it'll give you an idea of what my week has been like:

Got your phone message, but this afternoon was KRAZZZEEE! (That would be a special kind of crazy w/a capital K, in case you didn't notice.) LittleSpeak is still recovering from the fact that her G'parents have left and the world no longer revolves directly around her. Perhaps you felt the Earth's axis shift? I'm sure you heard her screaming her displeasure over it. I'm pretty sure everyone in a 5 mile radius heard her screaming her displeasure about it.

Yeah, that's pretty much my life right now. We're in the process of trying to reset from the G'parents visit. That, and LittleSpeak is teething (two-year molars, whoo!) so there was a 48 hour period this week in which I'd had a total of 7 hours of sleep (not all in one stretch, jeez, you're optimistic). Last night was better, I got 7 total hours, now we just need to work on the whole getting at 5:30 AM thing with her and we'll be golden.

Hoping to get the b-day party pix up this weekend, so really cute ones, not just of my kids although if I don't say so myself....

FIVE

Five is half a decade
Five is oh so grown up…
Five wants to watch Hi-Five & Hannah Montana, not Barney
Five can add and subtract
Five can play board and card games, and win without help
Five is smart
Five is an awareness that “I want to play with XX” means I don’t want to play with you
Five is sensitive and sweet
Five looks out for her little sister, even when her lil sis is not being all that nice
Five is worrying about others; including your mommy
Five is NOT too old to call your mom, mommy, yet
Five is one lost tooth and another ready to go
Five is kindergarten ready
Five is starting to read
Five is one year away from six which is already too old already for mommy’s taste
Five is here…and

Five is beautiful

We are so screwed

I still owe you a post about LittleSpeak turning two, which was like a month ago! And BigSpeak is about to turn FIVE this weekend!

WTH??? These damn kids w/their growing up! Grumble, grumble, grumble…

.........Night before last LittleSpeak went to the silverware drawer & pulled out this hard plastic straw (came w/some cup at an amusement park at some point,) walked over to the drawer I keep all the art stuff in and used the straw to leverage the baby lock and Open. The. Drawer.

I kid you not. Obviously, she is smarter than the rest of us.

I Do Too

Today, the California Supreme Court legalize same sex marriages in CA. I live in Silicon Valley, just a “short” drive to “The City” where this all started four years ago. This may not be big news where you live, but it is here. I have to admit, it’s nice to watch the news and have it all be positive for a change. In fact, now that I think about it, they bumped the war tonight. I can’t remember the last time the war wasn’t one of the top stories. It was nice to see The City (more specifically The Castro) holding an impromptu street party to celebrate. There was such a sense of community that conveyed even through the TV reports.
You may not support “Gay Marriage” but I have to say I honestly do. This does not mean I want to watch gay couples make out (I don’t want to watch strait couples do that either) or that I think less of the “institution” of marriage than you do. What I do know, is that many of these couples are as committed to each other as “traditional “ married couples. They live, have families, support each other the same as any other “traditional” couple, but when/if one passes the “next of kin” is not their partner. Now, think for a minute, if you and your spouse were in that situation; not only are you devastated by the loss of your partner, but his/her family, who was not supportive of your “lifestyle” have aced you out of the decision making related to their death. I’m not saying this is the case with all partners and their families. I have no idea of the statistics, but I would like to think that many more are supportive than not. For those who are not, I can not imagine the feelings that they go through.
I honestly don’t understand how in 2008 we live in a society where this type of decision is a hard-fought one. It seems so simplistic to me. Being married, being treated the same as everyone else, regardless of race, gender, disability, religious belief or sexual orientation seems like it ought to be a basic human right. How is it that separate, but equal is still considered “ok” by some people. And why does it seem to concern people so much? Those who are against it, how does it affect you directly? There is just so much more to fix in this world, this just seems so obvious to me.
Congrats to California for saying “I DO!”.

Potty Watch 2008: Strike One

A couple weekends ago I decide to take the offensive. LittleSpeak has decided she doesn’t like being wet and takes off her diaper whenever she goes in it. It’s a lovely new skill that she’s acquired and made me feel that she is more than ready to be potty trained.

The stage was set:

• Potty seat on patio (check)
• Nice weather (check)
• Lots of juice boxes (check)
• Bubbles, sand table, and other toys she could play with and sit on the potty if she wanted (check, check, check)
• Clear Calendar (check)
• Motivational tools; candy & pull ups (check)

So we were good to go. She happily drank her juice boxes and played bubbles with me naked from the waist down. In fact, I think she couldn't believe her luck. She sat on the potty, she talked about the potty, she talked about her pull ups and her candy. It was looking good. Three juice boxes later she obviously had to go. She was standing at her sand table and couldn’t hold it any longer and let a little flow go. A couple drops landed on her feet. I quickly grabbed her and sat her on her potty seat. Well, she did NOT like her little piggies getting wet. We wiped them off, but she was having none of it. I told her to go pee-pee in the potty and she told me “no”. WTF? Then she asked for a diaper or a pull up. I told her no and she threw a fit (par for her). She tried to get the pull ups from me & put one on. I reminded her that she had to go in the potty and then she could wear a pull up. She did NOT want to pee in the potty. She had to go so bad it was killing her. She was crossing her legs, holding herself, hopping around begging for a diaper. I felt really bad when she put her head in my lap crying for a diaper. I just kept telling her to go, but she wouldn’t. DaddySpeak tried running her around w/the bubble wand to see if the distraction would make her go so she’d get over it. But nothing. After about 45 minutes (damn that kid has better bladder control than a lot of adults!) I finally gave in and gave her a diaper. I was torn; I didn’t want to give in to a power struggle, but this didn’t feel like that. This felt more like she wasn’t ready.

She went in the diaper right after she put it on.
Then she took the diaper off because it was wet.
LittleSpeak one, parents zero.

Too Big, Too Fast

BigSpeak went & surprised the heck out of us tonight.

She lost her first tooth. In fact, she really lost it.

It’s been loose for over a week & when she first told me I kinda blew her off. I figured someone at school must’ve lost one & now her’s was “loose.” Then last weekend we were reading on the couch and her smile looked kinda crooked to me. We had just finished dinner so I figured it was food in her teeth and the lighting or something, but then I really looked at it & her front bottom left tooth was all snaggle-toothed on her.

WTF? She’s not even FIVE yet! I’m so not ready for this! I declared her grounded for a year for growing up to fast; which amused her to no end.

When she first showed it to me it was very loose, but not falling off or anything, I figured we had at least a couple weeks yet. Tonight after DaddySpeak gave the girls their bath he came into the study, where I was frantically trying to check for any important emails, and asked me when BigSpeak had lost her tooth. Huh? I looked at her & she smiled showing me the telling gap on her bottom row. OMG. I was speechless. We think she must’ve lost it eating dinner tonight, but aren’t positive. When I informed her we’d write the tooth fairy a note she started to cry. She was very upset that she didn’t have the actual tooth to put under her pillow. I explained that this happens all the time and after a few minutes and hugs she calmed down, mostly. She went in her room for PJs and (after a few tears of my own, cause I am so not ready for her to be this big yet!) I went & got the phone. We called the grandparents who gushed and made all the appropriate compliments about how big she's getting. She completely recovered when I told her she could stay up late so we could write the note. I’m super bummed that I’m still having computer issues, cause I would love to have scanned the note & posted one of the gap-toothed photos I took of her. I got a couple good ones. (Soon, I promise.) Since she’s only FOUR (and doesn't really know how to write yet) I wrote the actual note; she signed her name & drew a picture of herself missing a tooth and then of the tooth fairy and a coin (bigger than the fairy) she’s bringing (“so she won’t forget”). It was so damn cute I’m getting all teary now just thinking about it.
I hear the going rate for a first tooth is $5, and every other one after is $1 (in quarters). Let’s hope those ones are a ways behind still.

No rest for the weary!

Wow! You just may have too much time on your hands. I’m just saying; I’ve been totally MIA for almost two weeks and you’re checking back anyway? Well, thanks. It’s good to know that someone in the blogosphere might actually alert the cops to my house after a period of non posting. Cause that means someone was still coming to see if I’d written something. Which is actually really touching…or sad, I’m going w/touching.

So here’s the deal; I’m retired!!! Yeah!!! OMG I’m retired!

I’m still working out the whole schedule thing and when I get to be on the computer each day; ummm yeah, still haven’t worked that part out yet. I can say that each and every day myself and both girls have been dressed by 8 AM (weekends don’t count). My house is waaaay cleaner than it’s been in months. Yes, I know that’s not necessarily saying much, but work w/me here. And we’ve celebrated one birthday and had a full weeks worth of very sick child. So nothing like being thrown into the thick of things, right?

Ok, since it’s past midnight already, and one of my goals is to get to bed by midnight, it’s a goal people, no one said it would be easy, I’m going to stop here and try to get in some writing tomorrow. I said try and I really will, but JIC it doesn’t happen I did say try. Promise to be back again this week. PROMISE! I have good stories & pix, soon ! So keep checking, and thanks for caring, seriously.

Save the Drama for your Mama

Update on the current neighborhood Soap Opera:

BigSpeak (after receiving the inquisition from G’ma, Mama & Daddy in various ways and forms) doesn’t seem to recall there being any issue. Of course. My mom and I point blank asked her if K and her had a fight and then if she “hit” K. Got “no” answers in both cases. BigSpeak can be very sensitive, especially when it comes to G’ma & Mama. If she thinks we’re criticizing her she’ll get really teary, or clam up w/lots of “looks”. None of those things happened. DaddySpeak and I talked about it later and we think K made it up. If not, BigSpeak really didn’t get that anything had gone down. They could’ve been playing and K took something personally and BigSpeak didn’t realize, but I still really think it didn’t happen. BigSpeak isn’t stupid, she knows what hitting is and she would’ve told me if K said she didn’t want to play something anymore, she has before.

K’s mom brought it up the next day while the girls were at gymnastics. (Of course she did.) I didn’t tell her I thought her kid was lying, but I did tell her that, “Whatever did happen, BigSpeak doesn’t know something’s wrong.” After dissecting it some more she did indicate that she’s noticed that lately K “sometimes seems to make things up that she wants to be true.” I can’t ask my kid to apologize for something she may not have done; the message I’m sending her is that I don’t trust/believe her. I told K’s mom that if K was still upset I thought it was up to her to tell BigSpeak. I spoke to BigSpeak about being a good friend and that if K thinks she did/said something that hurt her feeling she should apologize, even if she didn’t mean to. I think that if K does tell her she has hurt feelings BigSpeak will apologize.

GRRRRR…..

BigSpeak and K seemed fine at gymnastics.



On Wednesday at school the report was that they played the usual games w/the usual suspects. My feeling is that K told her mom what she thought her mom wanted to hear. K’s mom “role played” with her on the subject previously so who knows what K took from that.

What I took from this little episode:



I need to tread lightly when it comes to K’s mom, I like her, but I think she’s a bit overreactive. It’s up to the girls to work their friendships out and up to us mom’s to do the same. We’d all do well to stay out of each other’s way.

Retirement

Today’s the day!

In just a few hours I will officially be retired from work.
Retired from a paycheck. I’ll still be working. Actually working harder, longer hours and getting paid in hugs and kisses rather than dollars.

I think I’ll take the trade off.

This morning LittleSpeak woke up with a nightmare at FOUR. A. M. DaddySpeak got up with her, but she wouldn’t go back to bed, the second he’d try to put her back she’d snap awake and start calling for mama. So he gave her what she wanted; GRRRRR….. She’s actually a pretty good sleeper/cuddle-r. She likes to lay on top of you in kind of a sleep hug, and since she only weighs like 20 lbs it's actually kind of nice. The problem isn’t really her, it’s me. Once she’s in bed with me I don’t really rest anymore; I have an awareness of everything she’s doing, so I’m not really sleeping. So I really got about 3 hours of sleep at best last night. Total of about 10 for the last 36. Woo!

Just to add to the fun; my commute took 2.5+ hours this morning. That is NOT an exaggeration.

Yup, not going to miss any of that. Not at all.


Of course with potty training and summer vacation looming, you may need to refer me to this post in a couple weeks.

The Real Moms of Silicon Valley

No, I’ve never watched that show. I really only know about it from the internet but it sure does get a lot of buzz.

My stomach is all in knots.
There a bit of a spat going on between BigSpeak & one of her friends, K. K’s mommy said something to me this weekend about the girls; blah, blah, blah…basically my daughter is bossy (yeah, you think?) and her daughter is kind of a doormat. Ummm, OK. So that was on Friday or something. On Sunday, in the car, BigSpeak is telling us some story and pipes up that K is her BFF and she does/plays everything she (BigSpeak) wants her to. Since she brought it up, I mention to her that K is a really good friend, especially since she pretty much lets BigSpeak pick what they’re playing all the time. But that BigSpeak needs to remember that part of being a good friend involves taking turns at who picks what you play and asking first if your friend wants to play that game; and if they don’t than doing something you both want to do. BigSpeak can be pretty sensitive, so she took what I said & turned it into criticism and wouldn’t talk to me or make eye contact for like an hour. Great.

K’s mommy role played w/her about what to say to BigSpeak. Today at school K told BigSpeak she didn’t want to play whatever was suggested and BigSpeak screwed up her face and told her that she didn’t like her anymore and didn’t want to be her friend. There was also supposedly some hitting and arm thrashing by my daughter. I say supposedly because BigSpeak is NOT a physical kid. She’s VERY passive aggressive, and the more I think I about it the more I’m surprised that she would do that. LittleSpeak, no problem, she’ll backhand you for looking at her the wrong way, but BigSpeak that’s just not her mode d’operandi. She’s more the trip you later kind of girl. I’m not saying my kid didn’t or wouldn’t do it, I’m just saying I find it hard to believe she did it if this story is all there is to it.

I got all this from K’s mommy who called me at work to tell me. The fact that she called me at work is a big red flag.

Did my child actually hurt your child? No.
Is your child still upset over it? No.
Hmmm, perhaps we should stay out of it? (Was it really so important that you couldn't email me or call me at home over it?)

I called my mom to see how BigSpeak was & nothing had been said about any of it and she was happily playing with her little sister. K really has been her BFF, so G'ma had asked her specifically if she'd played w/K today and all she got was a Yes. Interesting.

I called back K’s mommy & told her I would be talking to BigSpeak about hitting and making sure she apologized to K about that, cause it's not acceptable on any level. Otherwise, I felt it was really up to the girls to work it out. She agreed, but continued to go on about it. And it was really apparent that she needed to be “right” over this.

If she really agreed, why did she get involved in the first place?
I’m mad at my self because I inadvertently allowed her to pull me into this. Bah.

I feel like I’m in a really bad reality series.

I need a weekend from my weekend now.

I was going to write about my weekend, but once I started writing I realized how freaking boring it really was, sorry, such is life in suburbia. I'll bullet list the high lights below. And then to make it up to you, a photo I've been meaning to post.

• My back was pretty sucky all weekend long. Vicodin and my bed are my new BFFs.


• We pulled the training wheels off BigSpeak's bike (running along w/her, not one of my smarter choices.) I predict she'll be w/out training wheels full time by June 1st!


• I found a great new place for pedicures!


• We got our fence fixed!


• My neighbor (who shares the fence) came over to yell at me because her dog got out during fence fixing (somehow this was my fault) and her 90+YO dad fell looking for him (also somehow my fault.) She ruined all my good pedi vibes by making me feel guilty. Bah!


• LittleSpeak is doing her best to try and make me rethink the whole SAHM thing.


• BigSpeak has started a new line of whining and I may have to cut her tongue out.


• Got decorations for LittleSpeak's b-day next weekend: going to be a Fiesta!

Thanks for letting me vent; and now your reward.....BigSpeak playing in the backyard!

Her beauty continues to amaze me. Even if she is whiny sometimes.

Do you think they're sinc'd w/goggle maps too?

When we eat LittleSpeak now sits in a booster seat on a regular chair. This seat has an attachable tray but she’s really too big for it to fit on the seat anymore. Tonight at dinner she wanted it and DaddySpeak put it on for her then she got upset because it was too tight. Being upset she asked for her “ba”. I told her no, and asked her if she was a baby. As usual, she smiled hugely and shook her head no. The following conversation ensued:

BigSpeak: LittleSpeak are you going to send your binks to the babies soon?
LittleSpeaks nods and then shakes her head no. She’s understandably a bit torn about the whole concept still.

BigSpeak: The bink fairy is going to come get the binks and bring you a present! (Turns to me) Does the Bink Fairy come after you go to bed?

MommySpeak: Yup.

BigSpeak: Do you know what she looks like?

MommySpeak: No, she won’t come unless everyone’s in bed so we’ve never seen her.

BigSpeak: But she has wings cause she's a fairy.

MommySpeak: That's correct.

BigSpeak: All fairy's have wings. Angels have wings. They have halos too!

MommySpeak: Yes they do.

DaddySpeak: Angels can float you know.

BigSpeak: They can? Like in the water?

MommySpeak: No in the air.

DaddySpeak: Angels can pretty much go anywhere. They can even float through walls.

BigSpeak: Their halos let them float. I hope they don't get lost, what if they get lost?

MommySpeak & DaddySpeak: (in unison) The halo works as a GPS too.
Dude, I can’t make this stuff up.

Potty Watch 2008

Yeah, we're still avoiding the potty training issue. Shhh! Don't let her hear us, she'll try to use the potty again. I know, I know, I'm supposed to want my baby to get potty trained.

Have you ever tried to potty train a child? It sucks.

BigSpeak was our easy kid. Hey, I'm not trying to pigonhole my kids, but I'm basising this on our years of scientific research. BigSpeak is the kid who slept through the night from day one, and left "it" (whatever "it" might be) alone when you told her to. She's the child who eats everything hapily and is generally easy to be around. Don't get me wrong, she has her moments, she just prefers to be agreeable most of the time.

Most family's get one kid like this, and the other kid is, well, not so much.

LittleSpeak is the "not so much" kid. She also, pretty much slept through the night from day one, she eats everything under the sun (as long as she's in the mood, otherwise, just put Ranch on it, cause everything is good w/Ranch, right?) So it's not like she's an awful or anything. But she is also the child who throws herself on the floor kicking and screaming when you tell her (or anyone in her general vicinity) "no". If you tell her to stay away from something, well you just issued yourself a challenge there. And when she's bored, mad, upset, etc...she's the kid who will come pinch you to get the fun going. Seriously. Actually, she'll usually pinch her sister cause then mom & sissy will pay attention. Smart kid.

LittleSpeak has decided she wants to potty train. She's wanted to do this for quite a while now. Whenever any of us head to the bathroom, she must join you! She wants to sit on her potty! She wants to play with the toilet paper! If you ask her if she wants to go, she'll tell you yes and head over.
We've done our encouraging; sitting w/books, singing, movies, the potty dance, rewards (like m&m's), but she hasn't figured out how to make herself go yet, so it's all moot. She tries, trust me. She can hold it forever, she just can't control the when yet. This is why I'm not that included to run her to the potty every 5 minutes. I know one day she'll just get it and that will be that.

This week, she's decided to start pulling off her diaper Every. Time. She. Goes. Pee.

Last week, there was a day that if I left her alone for even 30 seconds, when I came back, the diaper was off. I told her to try and tell mommy before she goes now and she nods enthusiastically. But like I said, she just doesn't know how to control it yet.

It's just a matter of time until she pulls it off to go.....................all over my rug.

Edited: This last weekend she pulled the diaper off with more than just pee in it. Niiiice. She also picked up the contents to show me. Also, Niiiice. She wasn't too pleased w/the texture cause she was shaking by the time I got there and got it back into the diaper. Hopefully, that will be the last time she picks up the contents and shares.

Binky Ba

DaddySpeak and I are proponents of the pacifier. If you’re anti them good for you, don’t suck on one.

Our opinions about pacifiers/thumb sucking comes from the fact that there has been quite a bit of thumb sucking by the kids in our families’ till late ages (5+). While we want our babies’ to be able to sooth themselves, we also don’t want the one thing that makes them feel better to be the reason they get teased by kids when they start school. We are not big proponents of older kids using a pacifier, so we have a plan for how to “break” them of their habit. At age 2, all the “binks” go into a box and get put on the porch at night. The Bink Fairy comes and takes the binks to a baby who needs them and leaves a “gift” that is only appropriate for a “big kid”.

This worked like a charm with BigSpeak. No problem at all.

---------------------------------------

LittleSpeak has started getting really attached to her bink (aka-pacifier). (We’ve always called them binks, but she refers to them as her “ba”.) A month or so ago she started asking for her ba. Before that, she seemed like she could take it or leave it; the only time she’d ask for it was when she wanted to do something like fall asleep in a place other than her bed, like the stroller or car. Once she started asking for it at random times I realized we needed to be cognitive about limiting it.
The limiting of her ba time has been the result of many of her recent tantrums. At first, she’d get so very PISSED OFF if you told her no when she asked for it; a half hour long tantrum comes to mind. Then she started to sneak it; she’d use a kitchen chair to be able to reach the back of the counter where we keep them. She’d get one, we’d take it away. Then she started to sneak them when she thought we weren’t around. Yes, she is smart enough to not just get the bink off the counter, but to take a few extra and hide them in various places in her playroom. She is also smart enough to put the chair back so (she thinks) we won’t know she’s done this; be afraid, be very, very afraid. We’re wise to her and make her go get them and give them back. At that point, she was allowed to have the bink when she went to her crib (naps & bedtime) and if she was hurt. A week or so ago, she started purposely hitting herself and telling you she had a boo-boo, while asking for her “ba”. When that started, I decided it was time to limit it to just the crib. Another round of tantrums ensued, but we’ve substituted w/ice packs (boo-boo bunnies, etc..) and she’s begun to accept that.

DaddySpeak is still giving it to her when I’m not around. He’ll have his own demons to deal with soon.

LittleSpeak turns 2 at the end of the month. We’ll probably wait a week or two, but sooner, rather than later that Bink Fairy is going to be visiting our house. I think LittleSpeak will be very cooperative about putting them out for the Fairy, but I don’t think she’s going to be too happy that those binks don't come back.

These days, when she wants a bink she’ll tell me she’s a baby and happily pop it into her mouth.
Sigh.
She’s growing up too fast.

One if by Land, Two if by Sea! (What if they use email?)

Classic! Looks like it’s going to get taken onto the Bay itself; perfect! Maybe Jeff Probst could deliver it Survivor style (by helicopter) from the boat into Justin Herman Plaza.

Torch Watch 2008

I’m watching/listening to the coverage of the torch relay on the web right now. They’re showing a bus that was stopped by the crowd who believe the torch is located on the bus. I doubt it. There’s no cops anywhere near the bus, so I’m thinking it’s a ploy to try to drive them away from where it really is. It’s actually kind of funny, most of the media can’t find the torch right now. (update: they just located it on Van Ness!) They’ll probably announce the end of the run and then tell everyone the where they ran it. Maybe down in San Jose. LOL.

I have mixed feelings about the whole thing. I totally think that the protesters have the right to protest. I also think that China has major human rights violations, and therefore should not have been considered an appropriate venue for this event, unless they were to make concessions in that regard. In many ways the torch run has become a spectacle, it’s “torch watch” not “flame watch” cause they keep extinguishing the darn thing. And it’s not fair to the athletes or the torch bearers. It’s considered an honor to get to carry the torch, and to be accepted to compete in the games; aren’t the protests are taking that away from those people. I agree that human life is worth so much more than a torch run, But this is the Olympics; we’re all supposed to come together and ignore our political differences, right? When the difference is basic human rights, which, I agree, shouldn’t be ignored, then why the heck were they awarded the games in the first place? I know; Politics. Bah. The IOC can’t follow the directive to stay away from politics, why would you expect that anyone else would try to play along.
At the same time, one could argue that the IOC has done this cause a huge favor. In awarding the games to China, they’ve given this cause the world’s stage. In what other venue could you get this kind of coverage? The attention being given to the human rights issues related to China is unmatched right now. There are so many people who might have become so aware of these issues had it not been for the Olympics being awarded to China in the first place.

In the meantime, we’ll be entertained by watching the media do their dance trying to locate the thing.

Motivation

Or maybe it should be titled “lack of…” cause man have I checked out over here. I have spent my entire morning reading emails, updating facebook and reading blogs, cause I’m cool like that. I just have very little motivation for work anymore, go figure.

Bad case of the senioritis. Oh well, what they gonna do? Fire me? Tank You, I’ll be here all zee week folks, be sure to tip your bartenders and waitresses.

OK, so the effort area of my brain is a bit on the mush side right now, and in that vein here’s something else that requires little effort my part (but maximum reward for you dear internets, cause truly it’s all about you.) A little photo story, bout a girl & her dawg.

Just Hanging Around	Uh Oh! Here Comes Trouble!
Trouble Has Arrived!	Maybe she won't notice me.
Girl & Her Dawg!	Here comes the love!
Too Much Love	There better be a treat in it for me!

OHMYGAWD! I know you don't really care, but dude I can not tell you how much time I just spent working on that damn table so those pix & captions would layout correctly! I do web stuff, so posting a table, not normally a big deal, but OH.MY.GAWD! Apparently there's a bug in blogger related to table and even though I found the info and correct fix for it in the blogger groups it still took me like two hours to really get it to post correctly. I'm not kidding.

See internet I do love you.
I have to also comment; when we first got Merit, she was not a "kid" dog. We worked hard w/her to get her over that. However, she prefers the adults or bigger kids even knowing that the little ones are really the key to the "food train." Of course, DD2 is in lurve with all animals, especially Merit. Merit has been a very good sport (DD2 is the food train after all) but she doesn't have to enjoy it; as you can see here. Merit's expressions crack me up. I know that she and DD2 will be best buds and at some point it will become clear that Merit has become DD2's dog more than mine.

Cleaning House, so to speak

Big News

And now for the most anti-climactic moment of the month…da, da, da, DA! I quit my job today! No, this is not a joke, April Fool’s is tomorrow. I know big surprise. My last day will be April 24th and then, God help us, I will officially be a Stay at Home Mom (SAHM). Right now I’m flying high on my "giving notice excitement" (I love giving notice, it’s such a sense of freedom!) I’m sure two weeks into this, I’ll be begging for them to take me back (I don’t think they’ll want me). DD2 turns two 3 days after I do this, so I will be staying at home right after my kids are done with their baby years. I think that means I’m doing this for them vs. for me.

Oh, yes, and for my love of you internets. You will benefit from more posts and I imagine more fodder for posts. All that time with the two year old, what else could come from it?

………………

Computer Issues (AKA Death vs. Taxes, I may just choose death)

Yesterday, I finally sat down to start our taxes, don’t want to rush into anything you know. It took me two hours to ascertain that the computer can not locate last years return. BAH!

I don’t know if you remember a couple months ago we had a big storm that knocked out our power (and our back fence, which also is still jimmied together, I see a theme emerging). The resulting power surge killed our CPU. It was fine, we have like 4 hard drives backing everything up 2-3 times. Seriously. We pulled out an old CPU which was loaned to us by a friend.

In Silicon Valley everyone pretty much has extra computers, parts and
accessories around their house. Seriously, it’s part of our geek code
here.

So that was all fine, right? Well other then photos we really haven’t tried to access the old files too much and last night when we did, I can’t find the one I need, of course. But hey, the text for my wedding invites, no problem. So I’m pretty sure I also saved this file on my laptop, which is having WiFi issues since we returned from our Cabo trip. Fine, I’ll lug it up the stairs and plug it in to the modem MANUALLY. The humanity of it! In the process of doing this, I found that the laptop is having driver problems (I suspect it may actually be Vista problems, but I don’t know for sure) and can not locate any networks anywhere at anytime. What I do know is that I will now have to spend some time on the phone with someone from Bangladesh and it's going to suck! Fun that I am so looking forward to. I also managed to set it up so that the CPU was not talking to the modem for a while as well. Big Fun! I love playing IT geek when I NEED to be doing something else. After two hours of all of this, I did finally get the CPU talking to the Internets again, but I was done. I loaded some pix to our Google photos and called it a day.

Tonight I get to re-enter all our personal information to start our taxes for this year.

And to really spice things up on Friday, I'll probably call Bangladesh. I'm just saying...

So how was your weekend?

Since I loaded some new photos I’ll share. This is my favorite of both of them together. Taken in Feb., when the outlaws were visiting.

Not Quite so Dramatic this time.

A little melodramatic no? Yeah, I know, I get that way once in a while. It’s more or less passed. When it happens I feel like it I write it down & get it out maybe it’ll go away. I’m not sure it helps, other than to prove I’m mentally ill (and help my kids have me committed some day.) But, whatever. I was in the thick of a very bad time with my back. I believe I peaked yesterday. God, I hope that was the peak. I spent almost all of yesterday in bed on drugs. I was pretty good this morning, driving in the car put me backward for sure, but now I seem to be better. Vicodin is, once again, one of my very best friends evah! I’m keeping my fingers crossed that it’s passed now. It was awful.

Work has been super busy, which hasn’t helped things, but all of this business should soon be slowing down. On MONDAY I can finally tell you my BIG NEWS and then, hopefully there will be a light at the end of the tunnel. After all this, I’m sure it will be very anticlimactic. Ok, back to work, just wanted to let you know I’m ok & I haven’t done anything like thrown myself down a flight of stairs or something.

yeah, I think it's time to up the meds again

Usually I write about the funny, the odd or the ordinary in my life.

I try to avoid the darkness I sometimes feel. Lately, that darkness has been hanging out closer to the surface. Today is one of the days I’m having trouble holding it off. I don’t like to write about it. Almost as if I don’t acknowledge it, it doesn’t exist.

I wish it were so easy.

I try not to give into it, but late at night it overwhelms me. It envelops me and if I give into it I fear I might fall into a dark pit forever. Just falling, falling, like Alice in a never-ending rabbit hole. Just blackness.

I hope that if I write tonight, maybe that will chip away at the power it seems to have over me. I’m not sure it matters. I hate this sense of helplessness I feel toward it.

I have a big change coming up in my life. It’s been taking shape for a while now and it’s finally coming to fruition. Next week I’ll be able to tell you more. But I believe it may be why the darkness is near now. It a good change. It’s something I’ve been working toward. It’s positive. But it is a big change. And I fear change. Outwardly I seem fine, but on the inside, I’m a mess.

I get overwhelmed and the darkness sees the weakness and waits nearby to try and work it’s way into me. It threatens my happiness. It makes me question my abilities, my desires….I hate this darkness. It knows and it’s waits. It waits for the time I’m weak enough to try and take hold of me fully. I think that’s why I have trouble sleeping, why I’ll play mindless games on the computer. I need to block feeling anything, and I want to be completely exhausted so I won’t be able to feel that darkness once I get into bed. I want to hit that pillow & be out. Otherwise, it's like I can feel it. It's waiting. The darkness, it's patient, and it's near.

Things I love--AKA Love Thursday Style

Meet Pancho & Speedy

(need I say more? Yeah, we'll be sending out Cinco De Mayo cards this year.)

Things I Hate!

• I hate 4 PM.
  
• I have an awesome day w/my girls, but 4 PM hits and it's like someone hit a switch. The whining, the screeching, the drama, and that's just me. Seriously, I just don't get it. It can take a great day of 8 hours that fly by and dissolve it into 2 that seem to last all day and make me feel like mom of the year.
• My Job
• They don't pay me enough to deal w/the idiots I'm working with; I know that goes against my do not talk negatively about work rule, but damn some people have no regard for others. Let's just say I got a really rude (insulting) email at the end of th day on Monday. Even though I vowed not to let it bother me and consider the source, I'm still stewing over it. Grrr!...I'm working on this one (remember my "big news" from a while back ago? Soon, I may have an announcement. I'm just saying...)
• Sharing computers
• I'm a selfish bee-yoch when it comes to my bathroom & my computer. Knowing this, it's obvious that I love my husband very, very much when you consider we share both of these. I find these to be extremely personal areas of my life (yes, my computer is very personal, I have it all arranged just so and it drives me ape shit when someone removes a shortcut or adds software or something! It's up there w/putting the toilet paper roll on wrong.) I'm moving on, I could rant for hours on this one.
• Giving up Chocolate
• Sigh, it looks like I'm going to have to. It's becoming more and more apparent that I'm having a really hard time w/chocolate. I've realized that I seem to be getting reflux from my mochas now. If that isn't a sign I don't know what is. Bah!
  

That's it for now (cause now I'm super depressed). Isn't it enough? Sigh.

'Éirinn go Brách

I have these totally adorable pix of the girls that I took this AM of them all in their green, but no way to post them right now! BAH.

That statement right there could describe my life right now. I have the materials/drive/what not to make things happen & technology/tools are preventing me from doing it. And so is my life. I'm tired, we had a crazy busy weekend and it was fun, but it was crazy busy and I have so many things on my plate that I'm overwhelmed and blah, blah, blah, I know you aren't really interested in listening to me complain, but damn this girl needs a nap (and an IT guy, maybe a finance manager to pay our bills, a cleaning service, etc....)

So I hope to post more later; on my ambitious side I'm hoping to jump onto the Fun Monday bandwagon and write more about our Cabo trip and post the St. Paddy's Day photos of my girls. Realistically: Happy St. Paddy's Day, raise a glass of green beer (seriously, stick to the grasshoppers or Irish Cream, green beer makes you pee green, which, seriously, is gross) and hopefully you'll more than one post from me this week.

Sláinte!

Baby, It’s Cold Outside…

Ok, if you live anywhere in the US, but the West Coast you can pick yourself up off the floor now. I know it’s not cold here compared to where you live, but for me 67 being the high is not cutting it anymore. I got used the mid-80s thing pretty quickly and now this is an rude reminder that it is not summer yet.

Oh Yeah! Hi, yes, we’re back, we’ve been back since the weekend, but I’m still trying to get back into the swing of things. So, um, sorry I’ve been absent, no our plane didn’t crash or anything.

Our trip was super fun & I totally intend to write more on it, but I’m swamped at work (of course) so I need to get a couple things done & then I’ll write you a good post; all about warm, breezy days, whales waving at us, sleeping in and cabana boys bringing super-fresh sushi and swirled margaritas. YUM! If I close my eyes I can almost feel the warmth of the sun on my skin right now. Almost.

Salute!

Hola Chicas & Chicos!

Let's all give a cheer to Senior Greenberg's for not only providing internet access, but FREE access for paying customers (1 hr max, if I apruptly get cut off you'll know why). So we made it to Cabo in spite of the fact that we missed our plane (cab never showed up and yes, we did cut it too close). We ended up buying tickets to LA via Southwest and then from LA to Cabo via Alaska. And just to be clear, the folks at Alaska (especially Linda in SJ and some guy in LA who's name escapes me for now, but hopefully I will remember cause) they both went out of their way to try and "fix" our day for us. And let us also mention the nice lady working the bar at SJ airport who kept our glasses full while we wait to head out. When we did get here we were feeling a bit ragged (having been up since 4 AM!) so it was very nice to arrive at our hotel and see that it really is super posh. We have a view of the pool and the Pacific. I can not believe how large the waves are here ! There's no swimming at our beach, but it's not an issue. DaddySpeak is a really good swimmer and tends to disregard those warnings sometimes, but not this time. He couldn't get over the drop off on the beach. It's the result of the waves.

My first impression of the Los Cabos area was that it looks a lot like home during the summer. That's because we basically flew down the San Andreas fault. But the best thing was first thing in the AM DS goes out on our balcony & OMG we got to see a pod of whales go by. Same thing this AM, so we're foregoing the whale watching boats since we can watch them for free from our room.

Yesterday we walked around a lot, checked things out, went on our obligatory "hotel tour". Our host was really cool, he realized right off we were not interested, and cut us lose right off. In the afternoon I hung by the pool and drank swirled margaritas. I perdict they will be the new popular drink down here by the time I leave. Last night we went out. The wind here is COLD!!! So we ended up eating in a restuarant that was relatively empty to be inside; Captain Fish. We ordered oysters on the half shell & were kinda feeling a bit "taken" since it was $10 for a half doz when we pay $1 each at home. But then they brought them out. OMG! I've never seen oysters this large before. One of them was so large it could've eaten us! That alone could've been my diner, but we split dinner too. Then we went bar hopping. We started a CaboWabo which was fun. The crowd was our age so it was good. After a couple margaritas there I was feeling no pain, I had started the drink a rita, drink a bottle of water, but the ritas were ahead of me. So I stopped. We headed to Giggling Marlin, where we danced for a while & DS did a couple of jello shots. (Bad Idea.) Then we headed to Squid Row where we were some of the old folks there (it's Spring Break here!) Well, us and a half doz dirty old men. It was ok, but a lot of the kids there were sloppy drunk, so that part was lame. We danced for a while there, DS did a couple more jello shots and we headed home.

We were home before midnight. DS over did it.

I mentioned to him at the beginning of the evening to remember we need to pace ourselves, and by the time we were headed home, I was sobered up. I'm sure I wouldn't have passed a DUI check, but my buzz had more or less worn off. DS, on the other hand, had the spins. He got so sick, that we know now, that
1) housekeeping does not work 24 hrs at our resort and
2) the only bucket like item in our room is the ice bucket.

It was a long night, part of which he spent next to the toilet, but he was good as new today and has eaten & everything. I had a very expensive (but worth every penny) spa day today; mani, pedi, & facial at the same time AND a back & neck massage. It was lovely, and NOW I really feel like I'm on vacation. Tomorrow, DS is going fishing, I'll probably lay by the pool all day. On Wed, we're scheduled for a snorkleing booze cruise (not sure that's a great combo, but we'll see) and we're going to go sign up for the sunset cruise in a bit here.

We are having a blast, so I raise a swirled rita to you internet & hopefully you'll hear back from me again soon this week.

Hola! From What Better Be Sunny Cabo!

After some research DaddySpeak and I determined there does not seem to be a Starbucks in Cabo San Lucas, Gasp! I know, I was shocked too! I had no idea we were headed somewhere so remote! Anywho, the resort we're staying at will charge us like $20 a day for internet service, so we are going to take a true step back in time & travel without a laptop! Oh, sorry, guess I should've warned you to sit down first. Soooo, if we find that there is an internet cafe there then you will realize this little post is moot. But if you just came over here and this is what you got, (Yes, I flake on Fun Monday, sorry, but...) you know those Corona commercials? That's me right now! And let me tell you after the day I just had (it's almost 2 AM & I have a 6 AM flight what does that tell you?) I NEED this vacation.

I will however miss the girls desperately, so to deal with that I promise to drink an abundance of tequila. Cheers! Salute! Adios!