Bathing Suit Season

It’s summer here.

We are finally having a rash of hot days all in a row.

Hot enough that the wading pool isn’t really cutting it anymore; how can it when TS knows that the “big pool” is open now? Hot enough that we’ve started swim lessons. Hot enough to require that I wear a bathing suit on a regular basis. (sound of record scratching)

I HATE that part.

I have absolutely no self confidence in my body. Pre or post babies. A lot of my lack of confidence (I’m realizing) has come from my mother’s pre-occupation with picking at me constantly. Besides constantly commenting on my hair, she typically critics my outfit (daily) and the way (how well she feels) I’m wearing it. My mom is a perfectionist, at least when it comes to other people. No, she is not all that thin. In fact she’s pretty overweight, but she has told me that she only picks on me because “she knows I could look so much better if I would just dress right/lose weight/workout.” Nice, huh?
Let’s just say her input has not been all that positive over the years, even when I actually was thin. I’m not sure how I didn’t become a bulimic or something.

Now before you get all, “I’ve seen your pictures on this blog and you look fine, stop complaining. Whiner!” Know that I am extremely selective about what I will post on here. Most of what you see will only be from the waist up, or at the very least, I’m sitting down and/or have a child in front of me. I’m savvy like that.

All things considered (I stress eat, and I've been stressed a lot this last year) I’m not really overweight, I’m flabby. Really flabby. So it’s not a big deal in the winter, I can more or less hide it. In the summer, in a bathing suit, not so much.

Ironically, I am most comfortable with my body when it’s pregnant. The bigger I am (except maybe at the very end when you’re super uncomfortable in the physical sense) the more comfortable I am. I’ll even wear a bikini when I’m pregnant. How’s that for ironic? I know it’s because I am not flabby when pregnant. I feel so confident in how I look. I am one of those women who has improvement in my skin and hair during that time. There I am in my full glory; shiny, thick hair, clear, glowing skin and my belly out for all to see. I feel like an earth mama or something. I feel like this is what my body was meant to do and how I am supposed to look.

I feel beautiful.

I found during my last pregnancy I was most comfortable in my tighter fitting clothing then in things that were big and flowy. My mom would and did encourage me to wear big and flowy; to effectively “hide” my bigness. Instead of looking pregnant I just looked fat. I mostly followed her advice during my first pregnancy and while I enjoyed my being pregnant, I was much happier in my choices the second time around. It drove her nuts that I was wearing all these tight fitting clothes, but I think what really bugged her was that I felt confident enough to wear these things when I was so big. (I wasn’t all that big, if you remember I only gained 10 lbs with my last pregnancy.) And she never would have worn something like that. I was doing something outside of her comfort zone, so she was uncomfortable. Living vicariously much?

So here I find myself at the start of summer, taking my kids to swim lessons (I have to get in with BS) and having to wear my bathing suit. All the while wishing I was pregnant so the way I look would be the way I’m supposed to instead of wishing for everything to be firmer.

I wear one of these suits to hide the flab, but also because I stoped shaving in certain areas a long time ago—too much trouble. So even if I got firm(er) I’d probably still wear the same suit, but I’d like to think I’d feel better about myself. Most of all, I don’t want my girls to know how self conscious I am about my body. I think a lot of my issue has to do with the fact that my mom felt that way about herself and has/is projecting it onto me. I so don’t want to do that to my kids. I love the way TS strips down to nothing and does the “booty dance”. She is so completely immodest, unabashed and comfortable with herself. I hope she always feels that way about her own body. I also hope she doesn’t ever strip down and do the booty dance in public, cause we’re only a pole away from a p0rn career if she does.

Hopefully, someday when my kids read this they’ll be shocked to learn how I feel about my looks. If they are, then I did my job well.

Thursday Thirteen

So I thought I’d something different today. I mean besides posting for the third time this week. Don’t pee yourself I told you things had calmed down, I might actual get to post more then once a week. But then again every time I say something like that I get super busy, so let’s forget I mentioned it. My post yesterday was very much like a Love Thursday and since today is Thursday I figured I’d do a meme. Wait! Don’t leave, I’ve never done one before! Don’t you want to know these things? Come on, there is too things about myself you don’t know. Honest! I’ve got a good one at the bottom trust me. I promise you’ll still respect yourself and I’ll call you for a second date ;-) I’ve been tagged for stuff like this before, but it always seems to happen during times when I can’t respond, so I’m tagging myself, here it goes:

Thursday Thirteen

1) My hair is my most and least favorite aspect of my body. It’s curly. Really curly, but I blow it out every other week or so. It has loosened up over the years, so when I couldn’t straiten it out I hated it (puberty) . Now that I can, I kind of like it. I like that I have options. I also like that I don’t dye my hair. This is my natural color, I don’t (knock on wood) have any gray and I’m 38.

2) I have terrible skin. (Some of this I mentioned before, but not all of it.) I have hyper pigmentation, especially from scarring. I also keloid scar (the scar tissue shows up on the outside of the injury instead of the inside.)

3) I have very small feet; size 5 ½. Now you may be going, “hey that’s the size I wear, that’s not that small!” It is if you’re 5’ 7”. DS jokes that I balance on the stubs of my legs instead of actually standing on my feet.

4) In the same vein, I have an overall small frame. (This is where BS gets it from, I think.) I’m long, but small around (except when it comes to hips & arce, I follow my Hispanic side of the family on that front). What is means is that I have long skinny fingers, (ring finger size 4) long legs (they seem to go past where my waist is supposed to be, so it seems like most pants are too short on me) and if I were to diet and work out, I could be down to a size 4. I don’t really diet and work out, so don’t get overexcited. And I do have hip bones. So while I could be thin, my metabolism dictates that this tall, slender frame will carry lots of weight on it. So I wore that size 4, for like 5 minutes, ONCE! but not since. But it was an awesome 5 minutes!!!

5) I’m addicted to certain TV shows: Survivor, anything Law & Order and Heros. OMG I am so addicted to Heros! Also like to geek out on: Dirty Jobs, Mythbusters and Dr. G, Medical Examiner. I never really watched TV till I got my TiVO. I LOVE my TiVO!

6) I’m addicted to vinegar and not a huge fan of butter. Things you might usually put butter on; cooked veggies, potatoes, rice, etc…I will put vinegar on. I always have several kinds of vinegar in the house. I also have 2 kinds in my drawer at work, seriously.

7) I was really good at math & science in school. I was in advanced (upper grade) classes until high school (Jr. year) for math & college (freshman year). I think I’m still probably good at it; I just need the right teachers to work with me. As a result I learned to program in BASIC in 6th grade. If you know what that means you’re probably a geek too. I was in 6th grade in 1982-83.

8) I was a Girl Scout from 1st grade through 12th. I earned my Gold Award (their version of an Eagle Scout). (Let me specify that it was all the same girls during that time & no one knew we were in it. It was a good excuse to hang out on a school night. We also got to go to Hawaii in our Jr. year as part of it.) I told you I was a geek, but hey I wasn’t in band (nothing personal if you were in band, I’m just saying I wasn’t a band geek).

9) I have an ear for music. I learned to play the flute in 4th grade. I amazed my music teacher by picking it up and blowing into it correctly (it’s not typically an intuitive thing). I can tune instruments by ear, I can tell you what note you’re playing from sound and I taught myself to play piano and trumpet in 7th grade. I quit playing in high school because I didn’t have anyone to challenge me, my school band SUCKED and I had no goals related to it. I still have my flute and all my music in a box in my closet because I want to start playing again someday.

10) I danced ballet from 6th-12th grade. I was on Pointe in high school and lost a toe nail as a result of it. I also broke my little toes so many times I don’t even know, they’re totally deformed as a result (they’re all smushed, but they’re small so you can’t really see them anyway. ;-)\

11) I traveled through Europe BY. MY. SELF. when I was 24. I had never done anything like that (never even considered it) before that trip. It was a life changing trip, I became way more laid back and a lot more fun as a result. (Fodder for blog posts!)

12) I met my husband on a dating website. We were a super high match from the second I got on, but neither of us would contact each other because we didn’t like each other’s photos. (Long story) I ended up becoming friends with his friends (and room mate) through the site and then met him in person. Once we had our first conversation we have pretty much always been together. (Moral: pay attention to those questions and who they say you match with, maybe your problem has been that your “type” isn’t really your type. AND don’t judge a book by it’s cover.)

13) I was run over by a truck at age 3. Not hit, run over. If you want to get technical I was backed up over by a full size pick up. I had tire tracks on my chest (no shite!). My poor mom watched it all happen in front of her. I can’t imagine. Bet that got your attention. Now there’s the promise of a blog post to get you to come back later.

Because Life is Very, Very Good.

So now that I’ve had an opportunity to breath and sleep a bit…don’t worry I didn’t get too much sleep, I wouldn’t want to get used to it or something.

We’ve actually been having cool, (the weather people like to call it mild,) weather lately. That just means that the sun doesn’t come out till like noon here. We have what we call microclimates where I live. That means it could be sunny, warm and beautiful at your house when you leave for work and when you get 3 miles down the road it’s damp and drizzly because it’s fogged in. Seriously. So like in SF they’ve been freezing their patooties off lately. Where we live, it’s more of just making sure we layer (aka—go nowhere without a jacket). While I’m ready to be done with this little weather pattern (I prefer it to be a bit warmer, thankyouverymuch) I have had an opportunity to enjoy the afternoon sun we’ve been getting. This is the first time since our move that I feel like I’ve been able to get a real breath of air and even almost relax on occasion. Yesterday, BS was napping and TS was having an impromptu play date at the neighbors (Have I mentioned that I love my neighborhood). I sat in the backyard writing thank you notes and generally surveying the climate. I realized something:

We’ve made it.
This is the American Dream, so to speak, and we’re living it.

Oh. My. God.

I suddenly feel all grown up. How did this happen?

Let it be known on this day, June 6, 2007 I noted that I AM HAPPY. I have my 2.5 kids (the dog counts as half right?), the loving, hot husband, the beautiful, healthy children, the 5 bedroom house, with a great room AND a living/play room. My rocking hubby has a kick ass job, which he likes (maybe even kind of loves, depends on when you ask him). We live in on of the most expensive areas in the US and we’re not in major debt (I don’t count our mortgage cause the numbers are unreal, but that’s our only real debt) we can afford to live, eat and play comfortably. We live in a GREAT neighborhood, with awesome neighbors/friends and desired public schools.

We are so very blessed.

So to whatever force you believe in (God, Allah, The Beetles…) , please let it be known that I said,

“Thank You”

Because Life is Very, Very Good.

Let Them Eat Cake

So the chaos of birthdays (my girls) is done. Tomorrow is my SIL’s and then there’s Father’s Day, but after that we’re off the hook till November. And even for these things this month we aren’t hosting them. So *breath*…and relax.

TS’s party was a success this weekend; we didn’t play any games, just let the kids play on the swing set and the play room. We did have a piñata and let the kids all have a turn hitting it with a bat, then did the pull string thing. We practiced collecting candy with TS prior to the party to avoid some tears, like last time. It was hilarious, DS throwing candy into the middle of the room and then TS and he running to collect it.

Yes, I did get movies of it.

I got cupcakes from our favorite bakery; Icing on the Cake (so yummy, try the banana w/cream cheese frosting ones, they’re the BEST!) The kids all had them w/sundae cups, remember those from when we were kids? And everything was done by 4:30. I told TS she couldn’t open her gift till we finished cleaning the house, which wasn’t really a big deal, so she was opening gifts by 5:00 and back on schedule for dinner at 6:00. It was nice. TS had a lot of fun, no tears (at least from my kids) minimal mess, minimal clean up and everyone is happy, and best of all, in bed at a normal time!!!

I believe the high point of the day for BS was the chocolate cupcake I let her have; I strapped her into her highchair (on the deck outside), put a large bib on her and let her have at it. I LOVE this picture of her. I think my favorite part is the blue, blue of her eyes surrounded by the chaos of chocolate on her face. Two days later and she’s still blowing chocolate snot. Life is good.

Memorial, Birth and Anniversary Days....

Hola! Whew, everyone, take a deep breath, it’s almost June. Yeah; I can’t wait for summer either! Yes, I am still alive thanks for asking. The last several weeks have been a crazy, crazy time, but after Saturday it will all be back to “normal”, whatever that is. With the outlaws being here, the “Fairy Tale Party”, TS’s B-day (her kid’s party is this weekend), her friend’s b-day party (last Sunday) and Memorial Day it’s been a bit KRA-ZEE around here. Oh and in-between all of that we renovated our backyard. We’ve been so busy, that DS and I FORGOT we had an anniversary this weekend. We’ve been married for six years, definitely NOT long enough to be forgetting. My mom called in the late morning to wish us a happy anniversary (Saturday) and I was like, “Oh yeah, we forgot.” She’s all, “So I guess that means no breakfast in bed or outstanding gift or something.” She thought it was horrible that we both forgot. I thought it was kind of funny. We’ve had a lot going on you know, and it’s been all about the small people in our lives, so we weren’t really focusing on ourselves right now. It’s ok, so long as when the dust settles we remember that the reason these small people are here is because of the TWO of us, and that relationship deserves to be celebrated too. DS was helping A (friend who helped build our humongous swing set, I think we need to name the swing set, any suggestions?) build a Murphy bed that day, so when they stopped by to eat lunch and pick up more tools I asked DS if he knew what today was?

DS: “Ummm, Flag Day? Saturday?”
MS: “Nope on Flag Day, yup on Saturday, but what I was really looking for was: our anniversary!”
DS: (Blood running out of face) “Oh shit”
MS: (Laughing) "We both forgot. I think it’s funny."

DS recovers his color and no longer looks like he might pass out.

A: “My wife would never let me forget our anniversary! And she wouldn’t think it was funny if I did forget.”
MS: “Dude, if you guys had as much going on as we have lately, you’d forget crap like that too.” (And he will have that much crap going on soon, his wife is preggers w/twins!)

Apparently the story was related to A’s wife H because DS called a while later w/an offer from them to baby sit so we could go out on a DATE! Very, very cool. Coolest part? They came over to baby sit, so when we came home, we just. came. home. No putting anyone to bed or additional bedtime stories. No carrying up the stairs and requests for water, just come home and sit down on the couch. Wow. It was so, so…relaxing. It was so…adult like. It reminded me of days of going out till all hours of the evening, coming home, crashing in bed (without having to get extra glasses of water for little imps) and sleeping strait through the night till practically mid-day! This was almost like that. Almost. I still had to get up at 7:30 to nurse the calf (can you say MOO! I can). However, 7:30 feels like sleeping in and I’m able to get a few things done, so I’m not really complaining.

We went to a fancy Mediterranean Restaurant in Santana Row where I promptly shattered a glass of red wine into our appetizers, all of which were promptly replaced by the wait staff with apologies, cause it’s their fault I’m a klutz. Then we walked around watching the live music (they have live music on the weekends—who knew? Probably all the single people.) And The Loft (Ann Taylor) had all these cute clothes on Clearence! I got two skirts and a top. I also got a Starbucks. One of the best nights evah, DS put up will all my shite and neither of us had to put the girls to bed. Maybe next year we can actually go away for our anniversary. HA! Or not.

Anywho, my point is this:

DS, thank you for being such a wonderful, caring husband. For putting up with all my crap (and yes, I know it’s a lot to put up with), for helping to create two of the most wonderful little creatures in the world and for being the kind of dad I knew you would be to them. I am so very glad that you are my husband and feel so very blessed that it’s you I get to spend the rest of my life with. I hope very much that I am able to make you feel the same way about me.

Happy Birthday TS!

Happy Day Birthday Girl!

No longer a toddler, I guess I should change your name on here, huh? You've become such a little lady this past year. You have changed so much! You amaze me with how wise, empathetic, fun, moody and beautiful you are. There is so much I want to write, but it will have to wait till later today or tomorrow. Right now we must celebrate! OK, really I have to go get your balloons and food for dinner (you picked) so that we can celebrate!

Let me take just a minute to say this; my life is better because you are in it. You remind me how wonderful and fun life can be. I am so proud of the lady you are becoming. Don't grow up so fast, your mama is having trouble keeping up (cause I'm trying to savor all the moments!)

I LOVE YOU TS!!!

Coolest Mom Evah!

That would be me, hello!

So, have you seen these? I ordered them for BS’s b-day party, which is a “Fairy Tale” theme, like her invites say “Fairy Tale Attire Requested” on them. Get it, like Black Tie? I know, I’m a complete dork, but if you’re just realizing that now, I’m thinking you may need to be on the short bus. BS’s invites read like this:
It has a photo of her at the top of which says, “ONEce Upon A Time…” then below her picture it says: “In a land called Far, Far Away there lived a beautiful princes BS” (only I used her real name, which is a princess name and I know which on you’re thinking and you’re wrong. Nope, not that one either. I digress;) It came to pass that BS turned One Year Old, so the royal family threw her a big party, of course.” Then in the details the place is The House of Speak Castle with our address and the RSVP is to Queen Mum Mommy Speak.

So I found those to decorate our “castle” for the party. So. Freaking. Cool. Let’s face it, I ROCK. It’s the little things that make me happy, but I love it when stuff comes together the way I want, and this party is doing that. I was trying to find BS a princess dress, but they don’t make them in her size (too small—go figure) and really it probably wouldn’t be that comfortable for her, so I’m thinking I’ll just dress her in a pretty, party dress and put a princess hat on her (which she’ll promptly take off I’m sure). I have to decide how I’m dressing as “Queen Mum” and I’m sure TS will just dress in one of her princess dresses and then change half a dozen times, until she ends up in shorts. And then I have to find some “easy, quirky and appropriate” way DS can do “fairy tale” in a “cool” way or I know he won’t participate. That’s ok, I’ll come up with something and I’ll be glad he made me be creative about it.

That was my scattered, but happier post for today. I guess this is my version of Love Thursday...making a party cool for my DD even if she is only one and will be into the wrapping paper & icing.

time marches on...

Life has been less then stellar lately. I’m not trying to be negative, just accurate. Family members read my post and are less then thrilled with me, but after much thought on the subject I’ve decide we’re even now; I’m less then thrilled with them—and really that's not new. I talked to my shrink about the whole deal & she suggested I read this book “Toxic Parents”. The name of the book cracks me up. I’m reserving it at the library (cause I’m a cheap ass & don’t want to pay for it.) So I’ll let you know once I read it. I can’t imagine what insightful things it will provide, but who knows, maybe I’ll be enlightened. I would LOVE to be enlightened! Maybe there will be some miraculous suggestion for dealing iwht my family & everyone will be happy (including me) but don’t hold your breath. My plan for now is to do what I tell the kids all the time "keep your eyes on your own paper". I'll worry about me and they can worry about themselves. If everyone did that all the time we'd all get along much better.

In the meantime, BS turned one, got an ear infection and cut 3 teeth. We had her one year doctor's appointment and got the go ahead for cow’s milk (that was a surprise). She’s weights 17 lbs, 1 oz (almost completely off the charts in weight--low side) and is 28 " which is in the 10-25%, closer to 10 I think. I’m waiting on trying the cow’s milk until we’re done with her antibiotics; I want to be able to know which thing is irritating her stomach. I know, poor baby’s been through a lot lately. Outlaws show up end of this week so we’ll see how that works out for her.

TS has been hilarious as usual. She continues to tell us stories of her “new g’ma’s and new mommies”. They apparently let her do all the things her regular g’mas and mommy won’t let her do. She’s got quite the imagination. She may be the writer in the family.

DS and I met w/a financial consultant. It went well, but it was mostly a here’s the services we offer kind of thing. They also asked us a lot of questions about our lives and current situation. Based on those answers they explained what they offered and how it might work best for our lives. We talked about it and I can tell DS is not thrilled about spending the money on it, but I really think it’s a good idea; at least for a year or two. They can help us get our stuff in order; like living trusts and wills as well as setting a monthly budget, short- and long-term investment strategies, etc... So I need to call them and get another appointment to get the ball rolling. (So they can tell me we can't afford for me to stay home from work.)

We’ve been working on getting the house in order for the big party and such, so that’s been filling our hours. I wanted to check in, so that’s all for now. I’ll hopefully have something witty and fun to talk about next time. Thanks for hanging in there with me and keep checking in, I promise not to be so much of a stranger.

Happy FIRST Birthday BS!!!!

You're amazing and beautiful. Before you were born I couldn't imagine you in my life and now I can't remember what my life was like without you in it. You grow each day and you make me want to stop the world so I won't miss any of the amazing things you do. I love the way you squeal and surprise everyone with you very loud self (from such a little pixie). And how you bust out with a word (or phrase) all at once "good doggie", "kitty cat", "mommy", "daddy".

Don't ever let anyone hold you back from your full potential baby, because you're small people are blown away by the things you do, but I know that you're first year is a glimpse of the ways in you will astound everyone around you for the rest of your life.

You have brought all of us so much joy; especially mommy, daddy and Big Sis. We love you so very much. May today be so much fun for you. Happy Birthday Baby!

Family Matters

The stomach flu has hit our house and it’s been awful! DS was sick Monday night and stayed home on Tuesday. I got sick Tuesday night and stayed in bed all day Wednesday. I have however, lost several pounds, and my clothes are fitting awesome, so there’s your silver lining. I’m hopeful that the kids won’t get it, but I know that’s not likely. I was sharing water bottles with TS Tuesday afternoon. Bah!

BS’s actual first b-day is tomorrow, and as usual there’s lots of drama from the family surrounding it. It’s also my brother’s b-day (he’ll be 36). My parents were on vacation all last week and I called my brother (2x) to talk to them about what the plan was for the actual birth date, (I’m having a big shindig for her in May when the outlaws are here) but no one was returning my calls, so I set up an evite for dinner & cake. I’m in the doghouse because I didn’t mention his b-day, only BS’s on the evite. Apparently his feelings were hurt because I didn’t acknowledge him. But I spoke with him/my SIL 2x after this was posted and no one said anything. I even asked my SIL about plans, etc… and was told he wanted to talk to my parents, etc…. So my parents come home from vacation and my mom tells me he’s upset with me about it. Yesterday when I’m totally sick she comes over to get the kids and informs me we’ve (meaning her and my brother) changed the plans; we’re now at her house for a BBQ (
"she didn’t like the menu I’d posted anyway"). I was given all the details about his hurt feelings, along with the fact that he doesn’t want gifts on Friday night. On Sunday we’re all supposed to go to Chinese for his b-day & we can do his gifts then. I was totally out of it, so I said whatever & went to bed. But once I started recovering I started to get mad. So this morning when my mom asked if I wanted A or B for dinner tomorrow night I told her I didn’t care cause it didn’t matter, “if I didn’t choose what she or my brother wanted she’d change it anyway.”
First, she couldn’t understand what I was mad about. Then she informed me that she’s tired of being in the middle of my brother and me (I told her she put herself there). Then she tried to turn on the tears and told me how I ruined two days of her vacation because once she saw it posted she knew there’d be trouble. She’s so big on the guilt trip.

I informed her that 1) I made efforts to contact them and in fact when I did make contact I was brushed off. 2) They choose to be passive aggressive about the whole deal and go through her (rather then deal with me, i.e.-put her in the middle) because they knew she’d guilt trip me into whatever they wanted. And 3) it’s my daughter’s FIRST b-day, he’s turning 36! Grow up for crying out loud! I know BS doesn’t know the difference, but I do and what I was doing was going to be easier on her schedule. Dinner was something everyone would eat and likes: even his kids who don’t eat anything!
I told her I’m tired of accommodating him all the damn time. She wanted to know what I meant by that and I told her, “No matter what the occasion the consideration is always about their schedule, their kid’s eating habits, etc…and that I’m sick of it.!" We mess with our kids sleeping schedules, but not thiers. My kids will eat pretty much anything, so they aren’t a consideration when it comes to food, but we make special meals for their kids. We try to be easy about it, so we become the doormat! I’m tired of feeling like I’m being taken advantage of!” She didn’t say anything and then asked if we were still coming (DS said she might as well as have said, “did I win anyway”) . I paused for a while and then said I guess so.

I called DS to vent & he told me that the problem is that until I’m willing to say forget it then we won’t come, they’ll continue to do this to me. They know I won’t pull the “fine, my kids aren’t coming then, but my brother will, so I’m the one who plays the doormat every time.” If I push back and they say they aren’t coming, they don’t get the guilt trip, I do. I feel like if I do say we aren’t coming, I’m using the kids as ammunition to get what I want & I don’t want to come down to that level. He told me that it’s what it’s going to have to come down to if I ever want it to change. I know he’s right, I just hate it. If you have any other solution let me know, I'd love to hear it. The thing is that regardless the guilt trip, etc... will continue, this has been the pattern for years so I'll be the bad guy no matter what I do. I can't win. I think the answer is that I need to move.

I’m sure I’m more in the dog house after posting this cause my SIL reads this sometimes. I’m damned it I do, and I’m damned if I don’t.

I know it’s supposed to be a Love Thursday, but I’m just not feeling it today. Maybe I can pull out a Love Friday for you, but most likely not.

Still here.

I know I haven’t posted in a week. The awful thing at Virginia Tech has really thrown me for a loop. I told you stuff like that screws with me. Every time I go to write something it just seems so trivial. But I’m moving on.

Home with sick baby today, she just has a rotten cold (so do I and so does DS). She had very yellow snot (your welcome for the visual,) and daycare wouldn’t have accepted her. My mom & Dad are on their last day of vacation (welcome home to your snotty grandkids) and since she tends not to clue us in when she does have an ear infection I figured I take her in since I was going to be home with her. She’s all good, of course. And this afternoon, her snot is all clear—you know right as we headed to the doctor’s office. She didn’t sleep much last night, meaning; neither did I, so at least I was able to get a nap out of it.

I re-injured my back Saturday morning.

On Friday, I had a follow up appointment with the orthopedic surgeon and he was super impressed with how well I responded to the shots. Said that if I wanted to do a 4th they don’t usually do more then 3, but since I had “a pretty significant hernia and I responded so well to the shots” he’d let me do one more since it probably would give me additional relief. So Saturday I bent over to pick up BS’s bink while holding her and pulled something. It was pretty bad. That night I ended taking 3 vicodins and had 3 cocktails (I know, bad, bad, bad) to try and deal with the pain (not all at once, over the period of the evening! Nothing was helping.) I finally got some relief at 3 AM. I’m doing better now, so hopefully it was fluke. I go back for another follow up appointment in 3 weeks so if I did really screw it up again at least I know I can get another shot.

BS’s b-day is Friday and my parent’s celebrated their 40th anniversary yesterday. So that’s about all around here. Working on a scrapbook for my folks (shhh, it’s a surprise) and working on the party invites for BS’s party.

Oh, and here’s a pix of the AWESOME present BS & TS are getting for their b-days. (It's so big I'm afraid we're going to have to pay property taxes on it. Obviously we can’t exactly hide it from them. DS worked his arce off last weekend, and a friend, A came and helped build it. IN. THE. RAIN. A is a better friend then we deserve. That’s ok, I have a feeling we’ll be reciprocating in a big way pretty soon.

Alright, I need to run the vacuum downstairs before BS wakes up and WANTS. TO. BE. HELD. CONTINUOUSLY. (I’m not really complaining—soon she’ll be walking all over the place & won’t want me to hold her hand, much less pick her up. Sigh.)

Happy {HUGS}

I was watching a TiVO'd Ophrah show last night, it was about happiness. She had a "happiness test" and a group of audience members who she had the rest of the audience rank how happy they thought they were. One of the people was this guy who'd been married for 20+ years, two teenage sons, and had owned a funeral parlor business for the last 30 or so years. He was one of the happiest, which Oprah thought was weird cause he "looks at dead people all day." He said he viewed as helping families though a hard time in their lives. Then he said something that I think is really important, I may add it as my tag line (if I can get my act together and update my template.) He said,

"Happiness in life is not measured by your success, it's measured by how significant you are."

So very true.

Here's to being significant in someone's life today and a cyberhug from us to you!

Happy Love Thursday!

just plodding along

So guess who has pink eye again!!! No, no guess!

I'm sure work has got to be like, "she is so getting fired". Who the hell gets two cases of pink eye in one month, w/out their kids getting it???? I do. I'm a freak of nature that's for sure.

So the last couple days; less then stellar. I'll spare you the details otherwise you may never come back, and lately I've noticed that my traffic has been more active, so I don't want to ruin a good thing. You know, it's the funniest thing, ever since I left a post entitled "my boobs hurt" my traffic has gone up tenfold. Go figure. The answer is p0rn folks, when in doubt the answer to anything web related is p0rn.

Yes, this means I'm watching you. I have a stat counter, don't be fooled my my mediocre blog I know how to "lift" other people's code as well as the next guy. Other interesting thing, (at least to me) half of my regular readers; outside of the US. And not Canada either, although there are a few of you from up there that visit regularly, "Hi! Yes, you! Yes, I see you, HI, yeah, thanks for coming by I really appreciate it." I find that tidbit really interesting. Quite a few of you are from Europe and quite a few from the land of OZ. As a marketing person it just makes me wonder it that's typical of blogs in my demographic or if there's something about mine that specifically appeals to you guys. I know, you could care less. But I still wonder. I also have to say there are a few of you reading that are very near by and that makes me sort of nervous. I wish there was a way I could know more specifics about an IP address. I'd really like to know if a few of you do work with me (cause it sure looks like it). (No, it's not me I'm looking at, I know the IP addresses I'm logging from) although it could be the IT dept at my work, which would be interesting. Things that make you go, hmmmmm. Well, they make me go hmmmm!

Ok, so just to give you an idea of how my day as been; the cherry on top of today's sundae is that right now I'm listening to BS SCREAMING herself to sleep. So fun. DS is on a business trip so I'm tired (and a little sick), the girls are going stir crazy and I still have a ton of stuff to do tonight so I can go to work tomorrow. Sorry so boring tonight, but hey several day of gratuitous pix of the girls, I can't be beautiful every day.

Easter Angels

Forget the bunny, we had angels visit us this Easter. I know, I know, cheeeeeze-eeee! But I can't stand how cute they look in this pix. So. Damn. Cute!

Happy Easter!!!

On being a Mom

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately about this topic. As I’ve mentioned, things at work have been less then stellar. They aren’t horrible. In fact, all things considered, it’s still running pretty smoothly. The reality is that I’m not really into being here at work. And I’m honest enough with myself to know it’s not the job, it’s me. I’d rather be someplace else; at home. Not just at home, but at home with my babies. I also think I mentioned that DS said I could make this move if I wanted to. That sounds like such an odd way to put it. If you know me IRL you know that asking my husband for permission in a job related topic is way out of the norm for me. Once upon a time, in a former life, I was career minded! I was making the big bucks (relatively), traveling the world, making decisions regarding hundreds of thousands of dollars. I was a platinum member of United’s frequent flyers. Truth be told I got burned out on all of this way before any babies came along. But the choice to leave my job; aka—my paycheck, is something that affects us as a family. Our lifestyle would have to change, so to a degree I am asking him permission. There was a time in my life when working full time and being a mom would’ve been necessary. I would not have been as good of a mom if I felt I wasn’t being fulfilled in the areas related to my career. That’s part of how I know I had my kids at the right time in my life. I’ve had the opportunity to “accomplish” many of those career goals. I realized that some of them were very short-lived and hollow. I’m not disregarding them. Those goals were important for me. For my self-esteem, I needed to go that route to grow as a person and have a better sense of myself. My “career-minded” self accomplished a lot in a very short period of time. I’m proud of her; she’s smart, hard-working, well-traveled. All those things helped shape the person I am now. They help define the kind of mom I am to my girls and the way in which I hope to raise them. I’m a huge proponent of mom’s who work outside the home (all mom’s work). I think it’s really important for our daughters to have strong role models, both inside and outside the home. But I also realize that jobs are just that, jobs. A company will lay you off at a moments notice if that’s what they have to do to make the bottom line. Twenty years of service to a company (ha, who works anywhere for more then 2 years anymore?) will get a (fake) gold watch, and that’s about it. Twenty years of raising my daughters, will get me…I’m not sure how to put it into words. Memories.

The bottom line is this; I am going to quit my job. We need to sit down with a financial planner and put together a solid budget. Something realistic. hahahahahhaha. We may need to refinance or pay off our rental property or something, I’m not sure, but we have the means to make this happen and we will make it happen. I realized recently that while this last year has been hard at times, I’m not going to get it back. TS and BS will only be this size once and they need me. I want this. I will never put this on my girls as some sacrifice I made for them, it’s entirely for me. I can’t get this time back, and God forbid, if I found out tomorrow that my time on this earth was more limited then I originally thought the first thought in my head would not be “I wish I’d worked more”. I know it will be I need more time with my family, especially those girls.

Catch Up Monday

Hey, I think you’re mostly caught up. Amazing, no? This weekend was (obviously) fairly low key. Spring has sprung (more or less) around here and the weather has been so very nice, this is the time of year when I remember why we pay so much to live here. It’s been about 70-75 degrees every day. We spent the weekend doing things like cleaning and baby proofing the house and drinking cocktails while watching the kids play in the wadding pool or sprinklers.

Mommy has sangria in one hand, camera in the other! :)


I have been extra klutzy as of late. I know, I know, how can that be, I’m pretty klutzy in my normal routine. On Thursday I managed to fall on the concrete steps outside out building (at work). It was very random, my ankle just turned on me. But I didn’t spill a drop of coffee, and I did land flat on my arce. Well, not quite flat, I managed to land squarely on the right side of my arce and hip—to undo any good those epidural shots are doing for me. On Friday, I some how landed on the corner of a file drawer that was sitting in front of the closet of our study at home. I caught the corner w/my left calf and have a very gnarly bruise (purple, green, yellow, red). Pretty, pretty.

Don’t ask why the file drawer was sitting in the middle of the room, it’s long story.

So I'm still having pain issues, but normal ones, that get better and (hopefully) go away.

We also had an incident with our dryer and a crayon this weekend. A black crayon. I have managed to get the crayon out of most of the affected clothing (3 wash loads and a lot of Oxyclean later), but the inside of my dryer is metallically looking and I’m afraid to put anything in it now. Anyone with any advice on that front (my mother’s suggestion: buy a new dryer) would be much appreciated. (My mother, also the one who seems to have forgotten to check all pockets of aforementioned clothing. She, of course, denies all knowledge/responsibility. The wash apparently walked itself into the washer & dryer that day.)

So I guess it wasn’t quite as boring as I indicated, huh?

Now, I’m off to plan a b-day party for a one-year-old (sob).

11 Months....Then and Now

Then and ....
Now

kinda weird to think that a year ago she was in that tummy of mine. now she's cleaning out my tupperware drawer, making me babyproof the house, telling me no, keeping me up at night, eating my meals for me, wrapping those little arms around my neck, chasing the dogs and cats, playing in the bathtub and pool, dancing the mambo, putting shapes into sorters, giving kisses and hug and breaking her mama's heart cause she's growing up so fast.

Catch up Monday

Hola Internet. How are you? Me? I’m good I guess. I don’t even know how to answer that question any more. I’m still on the rollercoaster ride, that’s for sure. Sorry I haven’t updated sooner, it’s just been a really long week. So here’s your “Catch up Monday”; Wednesday will be “Medical Drama Wednesday”, Thursday will be “Love Thursday” and Monday will be henceforth be known as “Catch up Monday”. After today I’m sure I will totally blow off these things, but I like to set goals like that for myself so I can blow them off and feel good about myself. I’m a self-promoter like that.

Health
The pink-eye in my right eye is looking better, not gone, but better. I’ve been on antibiotics (eye goop) for 5 days now and one would think it should look “healed” by now. Of course, this morning I woke up with a goopy, red LEFT eye. I put medicine in it and called my doctor’s office to find out if this means I’m contagious again. I’m at work, so let’s hope not. Ironically, neither of the girls has the pink-eye.

On Wednesday the chest congestion mentioned at the doctor’s visit decided to make public appearance. Since then I have had a horrendous cough. It’s dry, it’s hacky, it sounds like I’m going to put my lung on the table. It’s a nasty cough. Lots or gross stuff is coming up with it, but it doesn’t really seem to be improving on any level. I have these coughing jags that literally last for 3-5 minutes. I can’t catch my breath & people will leave the place I’m in if its public (like starbuck’s this AM). My throat and my diaphragm muscle both feel like someone has beaten the crap out of them. I think my throat seriously might be bruised. I also have an unbelievably raspy voice. Talking on the phone is next to impossible. I think it has also given me a headache. I have a call into my doctor for follow up.

Work
I know I said wasn’t planning on talking about work (see docce). But (there’s always a “but” isn’t there?) I’m totally being F’ed with these days. I’m being reorganized again. Last time it was really a positive for me; I like my boss, I like my job, I love my co-workers. If I could well enough to be here on a regular basis, it might even be fun. The person I’m going to be reporting to has no management experience (in regard to personal) and she’s a be-yoch at best anyway. I can’t see how this can end well for me. I’ve spoken with DS and he has agreed that I can quit if I think I need to (he knows I wouldn’t do it if we couldn’t afford it financially). My current boss is acting in his position, and currently interviewing for the position he’s been filling for the last year and a half, so I imagine there’s a part of him that feels he needs to keep a low profile on this topic. Also, no one approached him or his boss on this subject. (True Silicon Valley fashion) I’m not alone, there’s one other person who is being moved out of our group as well. Her situation is better then mine. I don’t intend to sit back and allow this happen. I imagine I’ll have more to report on this subject later, but I’m working on our (home) budget as if I weren’t working.

Kids
BS is “on fire” these days. She’s crawling/scooting/cruising all over the place. We’ve done some baby proofing, but definitely still have much more to do. She’s so damn cute, she starts to go toward something she’s not supposed to (like under the desk to the computer wires) and you’ll say, “BS what are you doing?” She’ll sit up, grin this HUGE grin at you and shake her head “no”. Then she’ll continue crawling in the direction she was headed, knowing you’ll come get her. That one’s going to be our joker I think.

TS had a stellar play date on Saturday w/5 friends (all girls). We rode bikes around the block to the elementary school by our house and they played on the playground. Then we rode back to one family’s house and had beer and wine while the kids played on their swing set. (It was so down home, middle class America.) We topped it off by ordering pizza and having dinner together while we watched KU lose or UCLA win, depending on your perspective. One thing I noticed during this play date is that TS is at least 2 inches taller then everyone else. This could start to make things hard as people will think she’s older than she is and have unrealistic expectations of her.

Pets
Mowry is no longer with us. Last week he started jumping the fence. He’d jump over, he’d jump back, and he’d take off and jump back. Neighbors would return him, we’d tie him up, but he second he was untied he’d start in again. There was no obvious reason for his agitation. After several days of this I finally told DS to go ahead and take him to the pound. I was scared he was going to get hit by a car (neighbors reported seeing him walking down the sidewalk on the busy street by our house). We filled out paperwork on him and made it clear that he’s a great dog, but quite the escape artist. We also made sure they knew he had issues with containment, so hopefully that will help in their treatment of him. That’s all you’ll hear about it from me, it makes me really sad to think about.

On an up note, Merit is MUCH HAPPIER. She’s getting to hang out with us much more and I’m seeing a side to her personality that hasn’t been around for a while. I feel bad that she’s been so unhappy for so long. There is a level of tension that has been lifted, so ultimately it was the best decision for us as a family.


Extended Family
My FIL visited for the weekend. DS called & invited him to go to the KU games with him, so he flew out Thursday and is flying home as I write. It was actually a really great visit. He babysat for us on Friday while we went to a wine tasting fund raiser. He got much closer to both the girls and it was really good for all of them. My MIL is a bit overpowering when it comes to the grandkids and tends not to let him do much. After watching them Friday night which included dinner and bedtime, he was gung ho to take on anything. I told him I thought this was a really neat visit for both him and the girls. TS was demanding stories and walks from him on Friday (they took 3 walks). It was really good.

Ok, I guess I need to do some actual work today. More later.

Day of the Living Dead or Somthing like that...

Guess what!! No, really, Guess! I'm sick again! Yup! No, really. I know statistically it's ridiculous to think that one. more. thing. like this could happen to me, but it has. I'm a walking Murphy's law that's what I am. I have (drum roll please) the dreaded PINK EYE!

I have a good friend who just fell off her chair laughing. Maybe even peed herself. She's from another country and they don't call it that, so there's this whole thing to the South Park episode for her and she finds the term hilarious. I know, don't ask, she's Welsh, it's limey humour. Now I just fell over laughing. No, it's not really that funny, but I know I'm going to get an email about how they're Welsh, so they can't be Limey's. But like the way I spelled humour for her?

Yeah, I know, not all that funny. But dude, if you've had the medical crap going on that I've had in the last six months? Well, then you'd be a little loopy too.

So no work for me till Monday, cause (I'm quoting the doctor here), "It's an impressive case of Pink Eye". When I go, I go big.

Can't say I'm not consistent. Know how there's "Love Thursday? Maybe we should have "Weekly Medical Drama Wednesday".