Happy FIRST Birthday BS!!!!

You're amazing and beautiful. Before you were born I couldn't imagine you in my life and now I can't remember what my life was like without you in it. You grow each day and you make me want to stop the world so I won't miss any of the amazing things you do. I love the way you squeal and surprise everyone with you very loud self (from such a little pixie). And how you bust out with a word (or phrase) all at once "good doggie", "kitty cat", "mommy", "daddy".

Don't ever let anyone hold you back from your full potential baby, because you're small people are blown away by the things you do, but I know that you're first year is a glimpse of the ways in you will astound everyone around you for the rest of your life.

You have brought all of us so much joy; especially mommy, daddy and Big Sis. We love you so very much. May today be so much fun for you. Happy Birthday Baby!

Family Matters

The stomach flu has hit our house and it’s been awful! DS was sick Monday night and stayed home on Tuesday. I got sick Tuesday night and stayed in bed all day Wednesday. I have however, lost several pounds, and my clothes are fitting awesome, so there’s your silver lining. I’m hopeful that the kids won’t get it, but I know that’s not likely. I was sharing water bottles with TS Tuesday afternoon. Bah!

BS’s actual first b-day is tomorrow, and as usual there’s lots of drama from the family surrounding it. It’s also my brother’s b-day (he’ll be 36). My parents were on vacation all last week and I called my brother (2x) to talk to them about what the plan was for the actual birth date, (I’m having a big shindig for her in May when the outlaws are here) but no one was returning my calls, so I set up an evite for dinner & cake. I’m in the doghouse because I didn’t mention his b-day, only BS’s on the evite. Apparently his feelings were hurt because I didn’t acknowledge him. But I spoke with him/my SIL 2x after this was posted and no one said anything. I even asked my SIL about plans, etc… and was told he wanted to talk to my parents, etc…. So my parents come home from vacation and my mom tells me he’s upset with me about it. Yesterday when I’m totally sick she comes over to get the kids and informs me we’ve (meaning her and my brother) changed the plans; we’re now at her house for a BBQ (
"she didn’t like the menu I’d posted anyway"). I was given all the details about his hurt feelings, along with the fact that he doesn’t want gifts on Friday night. On Sunday we’re all supposed to go to Chinese for his b-day & we can do his gifts then. I was totally out of it, so I said whatever & went to bed. But once I started recovering I started to get mad. So this morning when my mom asked if I wanted A or B for dinner tomorrow night I told her I didn’t care cause it didn’t matter, “if I didn’t choose what she or my brother wanted she’d change it anyway.”
First, she couldn’t understand what I was mad about. Then she informed me that she’s tired of being in the middle of my brother and me (I told her she put herself there). Then she tried to turn on the tears and told me how I ruined two days of her vacation because once she saw it posted she knew there’d be trouble. She’s so big on the guilt trip.

I informed her that 1) I made efforts to contact them and in fact when I did make contact I was brushed off. 2) They choose to be passive aggressive about the whole deal and go through her (rather then deal with me, i.e.-put her in the middle) because they knew she’d guilt trip me into whatever they wanted. And 3) it’s my daughter’s FIRST b-day, he’s turning 36! Grow up for crying out loud! I know BS doesn’t know the difference, but I do and what I was doing was going to be easier on her schedule. Dinner was something everyone would eat and likes: even his kids who don’t eat anything!
I told her I’m tired of accommodating him all the damn time. She wanted to know what I meant by that and I told her, “No matter what the occasion the consideration is always about their schedule, their kid’s eating habits, etc…and that I’m sick of it.!" We mess with our kids sleeping schedules, but not thiers. My kids will eat pretty much anything, so they aren’t a consideration when it comes to food, but we make special meals for their kids. We try to be easy about it, so we become the doormat! I’m tired of feeling like I’m being taken advantage of!” She didn’t say anything and then asked if we were still coming (DS said she might as well as have said, “did I win anyway”) . I paused for a while and then said I guess so.

I called DS to vent & he told me that the problem is that until I’m willing to say forget it then we won’t come, they’ll continue to do this to me. They know I won’t pull the “fine, my kids aren’t coming then, but my brother will, so I’m the one who plays the doormat every time.” If I push back and they say they aren’t coming, they don’t get the guilt trip, I do. I feel like if I do say we aren’t coming, I’m using the kids as ammunition to get what I want & I don’t want to come down to that level. He told me that it’s what it’s going to have to come down to if I ever want it to change. I know he’s right, I just hate it. If you have any other solution let me know, I'd love to hear it. The thing is that regardless the guilt trip, etc... will continue, this has been the pattern for years so I'll be the bad guy no matter what I do. I can't win. I think the answer is that I need to move.

I’m sure I’m more in the dog house after posting this cause my SIL reads this sometimes. I’m damned it I do, and I’m damned if I don’t.

I know it’s supposed to be a Love Thursday, but I’m just not feeling it today. Maybe I can pull out a Love Friday for you, but most likely not.

Still here.

I know I haven’t posted in a week. The awful thing at Virginia Tech has really thrown me for a loop. I told you stuff like that screws with me. Every time I go to write something it just seems so trivial. But I’m moving on.

Home with sick baby today, she just has a rotten cold (so do I and so does DS). She had very yellow snot (your welcome for the visual,) and daycare wouldn’t have accepted her. My mom & Dad are on their last day of vacation (welcome home to your snotty grandkids) and since she tends not to clue us in when she does have an ear infection I figured I take her in since I was going to be home with her. She’s all good, of course. And this afternoon, her snot is all clear—you know right as we headed to the doctor’s office. She didn’t sleep much last night, meaning; neither did I, so at least I was able to get a nap out of it.

I re-injured my back Saturday morning.

On Friday, I had a follow up appointment with the orthopedic surgeon and he was super impressed with how well I responded to the shots. Said that if I wanted to do a 4th they don’t usually do more then 3, but since I had “a pretty significant hernia and I responded so well to the shots” he’d let me do one more since it probably would give me additional relief. So Saturday I bent over to pick up BS’s bink while holding her and pulled something. It was pretty bad. That night I ended taking 3 vicodins and had 3 cocktails (I know, bad, bad, bad) to try and deal with the pain (not all at once, over the period of the evening! Nothing was helping.) I finally got some relief at 3 AM. I’m doing better now, so hopefully it was fluke. I go back for another follow up appointment in 3 weeks so if I did really screw it up again at least I know I can get another shot.

BS’s b-day is Friday and my parent’s celebrated their 40th anniversary yesterday. So that’s about all around here. Working on a scrapbook for my folks (shhh, it’s a surprise) and working on the party invites for BS’s party.

Oh, and here’s a pix of the AWESOME present BS & TS are getting for their b-days. (It's so big I'm afraid we're going to have to pay property taxes on it. Obviously we can’t exactly hide it from them. DS worked his arce off last weekend, and a friend, A came and helped build it. IN. THE. RAIN. A is a better friend then we deserve. That’s ok, I have a feeling we’ll be reciprocating in a big way pretty soon.

Alright, I need to run the vacuum downstairs before BS wakes up and WANTS. TO. BE. HELD. CONTINUOUSLY. (I’m not really complaining—soon she’ll be walking all over the place & won’t want me to hold her hand, much less pick her up. Sigh.)

Happy {HUGS}

I was watching a TiVO'd Ophrah show last night, it was about happiness. She had a "happiness test" and a group of audience members who she had the rest of the audience rank how happy they thought they were. One of the people was this guy who'd been married for 20+ years, two teenage sons, and had owned a funeral parlor business for the last 30 or so years. He was one of the happiest, which Oprah thought was weird cause he "looks at dead people all day." He said he viewed as helping families though a hard time in their lives. Then he said something that I think is really important, I may add it as my tag line (if I can get my act together and update my template.) He said,

"Happiness in life is not measured by your success, it's measured by how significant you are."

So very true.

Here's to being significant in someone's life today and a cyberhug from us to you!

Happy Love Thursday!

just plodding along

So guess who has pink eye again!!! No, no guess!

I'm sure work has got to be like, "she is so getting fired". Who the hell gets two cases of pink eye in one month, w/out their kids getting it???? I do. I'm a freak of nature that's for sure.

So the last couple days; less then stellar. I'll spare you the details otherwise you may never come back, and lately I've noticed that my traffic has been more active, so I don't want to ruin a good thing. You know, it's the funniest thing, ever since I left a post entitled "my boobs hurt" my traffic has gone up tenfold. Go figure. The answer is p0rn folks, when in doubt the answer to anything web related is p0rn.

Yes, this means I'm watching you. I have a stat counter, don't be fooled my my mediocre blog I know how to "lift" other people's code as well as the next guy. Other interesting thing, (at least to me) half of my regular readers; outside of the US. And not Canada either, although there are a few of you from up there that visit regularly, "Hi! Yes, you! Yes, I see you, HI, yeah, thanks for coming by I really appreciate it." I find that tidbit really interesting. Quite a few of you are from Europe and quite a few from the land of OZ. As a marketing person it just makes me wonder it that's typical of blogs in my demographic or if there's something about mine that specifically appeals to you guys. I know, you could care less. But I still wonder. I also have to say there are a few of you reading that are very near by and that makes me sort of nervous. I wish there was a way I could know more specifics about an IP address. I'd really like to know if a few of you do work with me (cause it sure looks like it). (No, it's not me I'm looking at, I know the IP addresses I'm logging from) although it could be the IT dept at my work, which would be interesting. Things that make you go, hmmmmm. Well, they make me go hmmmm!

Ok, so just to give you an idea of how my day as been; the cherry on top of today's sundae is that right now I'm listening to BS SCREAMING herself to sleep. So fun. DS is on a business trip so I'm tired (and a little sick), the girls are going stir crazy and I still have a ton of stuff to do tonight so I can go to work tomorrow. Sorry so boring tonight, but hey several day of gratuitous pix of the girls, I can't be beautiful every day.

Easter Angels

Forget the bunny, we had angels visit us this Easter. I know, I know, cheeeeeze-eeee! But I can't stand how cute they look in this pix. So. Damn. Cute!

Happy Easter!!!

On being a Mom

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately about this topic. As I’ve mentioned, things at work have been less then stellar. They aren’t horrible. In fact, all things considered, it’s still running pretty smoothly. The reality is that I’m not really into being here at work. And I’m honest enough with myself to know it’s not the job, it’s me. I’d rather be someplace else; at home. Not just at home, but at home with my babies. I also think I mentioned that DS said I could make this move if I wanted to. That sounds like such an odd way to put it. If you know me IRL you know that asking my husband for permission in a job related topic is way out of the norm for me. Once upon a time, in a former life, I was career minded! I was making the big bucks (relatively), traveling the world, making decisions regarding hundreds of thousands of dollars. I was a platinum member of United’s frequent flyers. Truth be told I got burned out on all of this way before any babies came along. But the choice to leave my job; aka—my paycheck, is something that affects us as a family. Our lifestyle would have to change, so to a degree I am asking him permission. There was a time in my life when working full time and being a mom would’ve been necessary. I would not have been as good of a mom if I felt I wasn’t being fulfilled in the areas related to my career. That’s part of how I know I had my kids at the right time in my life. I’ve had the opportunity to “accomplish” many of those career goals. I realized that some of them were very short-lived and hollow. I’m not disregarding them. Those goals were important for me. For my self-esteem, I needed to go that route to grow as a person and have a better sense of myself. My “career-minded” self accomplished a lot in a very short period of time. I’m proud of her; she’s smart, hard-working, well-traveled. All those things helped shape the person I am now. They help define the kind of mom I am to my girls and the way in which I hope to raise them. I’m a huge proponent of mom’s who work outside the home (all mom’s work). I think it’s really important for our daughters to have strong role models, both inside and outside the home. But I also realize that jobs are just that, jobs. A company will lay you off at a moments notice if that’s what they have to do to make the bottom line. Twenty years of service to a company (ha, who works anywhere for more then 2 years anymore?) will get a (fake) gold watch, and that’s about it. Twenty years of raising my daughters, will get me…I’m not sure how to put it into words. Memories.

The bottom line is this; I am going to quit my job. We need to sit down with a financial planner and put together a solid budget. Something realistic. hahahahahhaha. We may need to refinance or pay off our rental property or something, I’m not sure, but we have the means to make this happen and we will make it happen. I realized recently that while this last year has been hard at times, I’m not going to get it back. TS and BS will only be this size once and they need me. I want this. I will never put this on my girls as some sacrifice I made for them, it’s entirely for me. I can’t get this time back, and God forbid, if I found out tomorrow that my time on this earth was more limited then I originally thought the first thought in my head would not be “I wish I’d worked more”. I know it will be I need more time with my family, especially those girls.

Catch Up Monday

Hey, I think you’re mostly caught up. Amazing, no? This weekend was (obviously) fairly low key. Spring has sprung (more or less) around here and the weather has been so very nice, this is the time of year when I remember why we pay so much to live here. It’s been about 70-75 degrees every day. We spent the weekend doing things like cleaning and baby proofing the house and drinking cocktails while watching the kids play in the wadding pool or sprinklers.

Mommy has sangria in one hand, camera in the other! :)


I have been extra klutzy as of late. I know, I know, how can that be, I’m pretty klutzy in my normal routine. On Thursday I managed to fall on the concrete steps outside out building (at work). It was very random, my ankle just turned on me. But I didn’t spill a drop of coffee, and I did land flat on my arce. Well, not quite flat, I managed to land squarely on the right side of my arce and hip—to undo any good those epidural shots are doing for me. On Friday, I some how landed on the corner of a file drawer that was sitting in front of the closet of our study at home. I caught the corner w/my left calf and have a very gnarly bruise (purple, green, yellow, red). Pretty, pretty.

Don’t ask why the file drawer was sitting in the middle of the room, it’s long story.

So I'm still having pain issues, but normal ones, that get better and (hopefully) go away.

We also had an incident with our dryer and a crayon this weekend. A black crayon. I have managed to get the crayon out of most of the affected clothing (3 wash loads and a lot of Oxyclean later), but the inside of my dryer is metallically looking and I’m afraid to put anything in it now. Anyone with any advice on that front (my mother’s suggestion: buy a new dryer) would be much appreciated. (My mother, also the one who seems to have forgotten to check all pockets of aforementioned clothing. She, of course, denies all knowledge/responsibility. The wash apparently walked itself into the washer & dryer that day.)

So I guess it wasn’t quite as boring as I indicated, huh?

Now, I’m off to plan a b-day party for a one-year-old (sob).

11 Months....Then and Now

Then and ....
Now

kinda weird to think that a year ago she was in that tummy of mine. now she's cleaning out my tupperware drawer, making me babyproof the house, telling me no, keeping me up at night, eating my meals for me, wrapping those little arms around my neck, chasing the dogs and cats, playing in the bathtub and pool, dancing the mambo, putting shapes into sorters, giving kisses and hug and breaking her mama's heart cause she's growing up so fast.

Catch up Monday

Hola Internet. How are you? Me? I’m good I guess. I don’t even know how to answer that question any more. I’m still on the rollercoaster ride, that’s for sure. Sorry I haven’t updated sooner, it’s just been a really long week. So here’s your “Catch up Monday”; Wednesday will be “Medical Drama Wednesday”, Thursday will be “Love Thursday” and Monday will be henceforth be known as “Catch up Monday”. After today I’m sure I will totally blow off these things, but I like to set goals like that for myself so I can blow them off and feel good about myself. I’m a self-promoter like that.

Health
The pink-eye in my right eye is looking better, not gone, but better. I’ve been on antibiotics (eye goop) for 5 days now and one would think it should look “healed” by now. Of course, this morning I woke up with a goopy, red LEFT eye. I put medicine in it and called my doctor’s office to find out if this means I’m contagious again. I’m at work, so let’s hope not. Ironically, neither of the girls has the pink-eye.

On Wednesday the chest congestion mentioned at the doctor’s visit decided to make public appearance. Since then I have had a horrendous cough. It’s dry, it’s hacky, it sounds like I’m going to put my lung on the table. It’s a nasty cough. Lots or gross stuff is coming up with it, but it doesn’t really seem to be improving on any level. I have these coughing jags that literally last for 3-5 minutes. I can’t catch my breath & people will leave the place I’m in if its public (like starbuck’s this AM). My throat and my diaphragm muscle both feel like someone has beaten the crap out of them. I think my throat seriously might be bruised. I also have an unbelievably raspy voice. Talking on the phone is next to impossible. I think it has also given me a headache. I have a call into my doctor for follow up.

Work
I know I said wasn’t planning on talking about work (see docce). But (there’s always a “but” isn’t there?) I’m totally being F’ed with these days. I’m being reorganized again. Last time it was really a positive for me; I like my boss, I like my job, I love my co-workers. If I could well enough to be here on a regular basis, it might even be fun. The person I’m going to be reporting to has no management experience (in regard to personal) and she’s a be-yoch at best anyway. I can’t see how this can end well for me. I’ve spoken with DS and he has agreed that I can quit if I think I need to (he knows I wouldn’t do it if we couldn’t afford it financially). My current boss is acting in his position, and currently interviewing for the position he’s been filling for the last year and a half, so I imagine there’s a part of him that feels he needs to keep a low profile on this topic. Also, no one approached him or his boss on this subject. (True Silicon Valley fashion) I’m not alone, there’s one other person who is being moved out of our group as well. Her situation is better then mine. I don’t intend to sit back and allow this happen. I imagine I’ll have more to report on this subject later, but I’m working on our (home) budget as if I weren’t working.

Kids
BS is “on fire” these days. She’s crawling/scooting/cruising all over the place. We’ve done some baby proofing, but definitely still have much more to do. She’s so damn cute, she starts to go toward something she’s not supposed to (like under the desk to the computer wires) and you’ll say, “BS what are you doing?” She’ll sit up, grin this HUGE grin at you and shake her head “no”. Then she’ll continue crawling in the direction she was headed, knowing you’ll come get her. That one’s going to be our joker I think.

TS had a stellar play date on Saturday w/5 friends (all girls). We rode bikes around the block to the elementary school by our house and they played on the playground. Then we rode back to one family’s house and had beer and wine while the kids played on their swing set. (It was so down home, middle class America.) We topped it off by ordering pizza and having dinner together while we watched KU lose or UCLA win, depending on your perspective. One thing I noticed during this play date is that TS is at least 2 inches taller then everyone else. This could start to make things hard as people will think she’s older than she is and have unrealistic expectations of her.

Pets
Mowry is no longer with us. Last week he started jumping the fence. He’d jump over, he’d jump back, and he’d take off and jump back. Neighbors would return him, we’d tie him up, but he second he was untied he’d start in again. There was no obvious reason for his agitation. After several days of this I finally told DS to go ahead and take him to the pound. I was scared he was going to get hit by a car (neighbors reported seeing him walking down the sidewalk on the busy street by our house). We filled out paperwork on him and made it clear that he’s a great dog, but quite the escape artist. We also made sure they knew he had issues with containment, so hopefully that will help in their treatment of him. That’s all you’ll hear about it from me, it makes me really sad to think about.

On an up note, Merit is MUCH HAPPIER. She’s getting to hang out with us much more and I’m seeing a side to her personality that hasn’t been around for a while. I feel bad that she’s been so unhappy for so long. There is a level of tension that has been lifted, so ultimately it was the best decision for us as a family.


Extended Family
My FIL visited for the weekend. DS called & invited him to go to the KU games with him, so he flew out Thursday and is flying home as I write. It was actually a really great visit. He babysat for us on Friday while we went to a wine tasting fund raiser. He got much closer to both the girls and it was really good for all of them. My MIL is a bit overpowering when it comes to the grandkids and tends not to let him do much. After watching them Friday night which included dinner and bedtime, he was gung ho to take on anything. I told him I thought this was a really neat visit for both him and the girls. TS was demanding stories and walks from him on Friday (they took 3 walks). It was really good.

Ok, I guess I need to do some actual work today. More later.

Day of the Living Dead or Somthing like that...

Guess what!! No, really, Guess! I'm sick again! Yup! No, really. I know statistically it's ridiculous to think that one. more. thing. like this could happen to me, but it has. I'm a walking Murphy's law that's what I am. I have (drum roll please) the dreaded PINK EYE!

I have a good friend who just fell off her chair laughing. Maybe even peed herself. She's from another country and they don't call it that, so there's this whole thing to the South Park episode for her and she finds the term hilarious. I know, don't ask, she's Welsh, it's limey humour. Now I just fell over laughing. No, it's not really that funny, but I know I'm going to get an email about how they're Welsh, so they can't be Limey's. But like the way I spelled humour for her?

Yeah, I know, not all that funny. But dude, if you've had the medical crap going on that I've had in the last six months? Well, then you'd be a little loopy too.

So no work for me till Monday, cause (I'm quoting the doctor here), "It's an impressive case of Pink Eye". When I go, I go big.

Can't say I'm not consistent. Know how there's "Love Thursday? Maybe we should have "Weekly Medical Drama Wednesday".

Best Wife EVAH!

Yup, that's me. Know what I did last night? (Get your mind out of the gutter, jeez, it's a mommy blog, not cheap pr0n!) I got my hubby tickets to this. That would the NCAA in San Jose and his team is playing!!!! So I got onto ebay and worked a little auction magic. Woohoo for ebay! I guess I should say "Rock-Chalk-JAYHAWK" for ebay.

Anniversary

Today is the 4th anniversary of the war in Iraq. I know I don’t usually wax political mostly because I don’t have the time to spout on that soapbox—I’m too busy on my mommy soapbox. Believe it or not, I do have some pretty strong opinions about things political. I live in a “blue state” and would say most of my views fall generally in line with that and pretty much always have. Yes, I’m a liberal, at least by American standards. (That’s practically a dirty word in some places.) Really, I could be a Republican if the Republicans were actually following their own manifesto, but they aren’t and so I’m not. I am registered Democrat for what it’s worth, but there’s a lot I don’t agree with on their front too. I only registered Democrat so I could have a vote in the primary elections. I feel our current administration has become a “runaway government”, I keep waiting for Bush to declare Divine Right, since he pretty much did already to get into office in the first place. (Yes, Gore won that election, I don’t want to argue about it, there’s no point now, but he did beat Bush. The numbers don’t lie; hanging chads and all.) I think our country has taken a tremendous step backward in terms of civil rights and it depresses me to think about it too much, so I don’t. And that’s a large part of the problem; most American’s seem to be like me; they aren’t happy about things, but we don’t know how to go about making an effective change, so we ignore it and hope it’ll work itself out. I suppose that’s ok except there’s this war thing. People die as a result of war and that does more then just suck eggs. I’m not sure what the answer is on all of this, I do know this; Bush created a big mess and once again will leave it for someone else to clean up.

I am one of that 30% (yeah, over here, that’s us) who was opposed to the war from the beginning and never wavered in my feelings. I didn’t care if Saddam had WMDs (if he did we gave them to him, I mean we put him in power and are you familiar with Iran-Contra? We’re assholes like that.) And I never bought into the whole Saddam as part of the 9/11 plot—I’m in PR, I understand spin and I could see (anyone w/half a brain could’ve) through the spin-doctor’s message that was being presented to us.

I was against the war because I don’t think it’s ok to invade another country unprovoked. I wasn’t happy about the first Iraq war, but I (sort of) understood it. This one was all about Bush’s oil cronies and anyone could see that. And our troops are paying the price for that—it’s not right. I support the efforts of our troops, but I think they’re being used inappropriately. There are other causes in this world that are worth dying over before this one (see –Darfur). It breaks my heart to think about the lives lost/altered over this and the affect this kind of effort in other areas of the world could do that would be so much more positive.

One of the things that bugs me the most about all of this is how history will look back on it. The history books will indicate that public opinion was for the war at the time it was started. Well my husband and I were not part of that public opinion. I want my kids to know how we felt about these things when they were happening and why we felt that way. I think it’s important. History may dictate that this was the right thing to do. In the end the Middle East may become more stable (not likely) and more lives may be saved ultimately. If that’s the case then bully for us, but I doubt it will be. I was pregnant (and hormonal) with TS when the war started. I realized a lot of these things then and I wrote a letter to my unborn child about how we felt about these things and why. It’s in her baby box w/her first cards, and hospital bracelet. I want her (and now BS) to understand that we don’t think it’s ok to be a bully or to dictate what other cultures should do. Saddam was a bad person and we may have done the right thing, but for the wrong reasons, and that doesn’t make it ok. It’s apparent now that this action wasn’t thought through, partly because those making the decisions didn’t understand the culture in the country they were invading.

Sometime I wonder what kind of a world we’re leaving to our children. I would like to think I’m doing things to make the world a better place, but as with most American’s I would say I’m mostly not sure what to do and I’m waiting for someone to tell me. Do you have any answers?

And now a quick word….

I know, I know, I’ve been MIA. AGAIN! It’s been quite a week. And that’s most of what you’re going to get for now. I’m exhausted. Epidural went well, meaning I’m not in a wheelchair, but the heavens did not open up with Angels singing. It is very slowly starting to feel a bit better. I have some feeling again in my foot: PAIN. So that’s progress. I have to have another shot next week.

Work has been awful. It’s politics AGAIN. I still can’t talk about it, but if I actually cared about my job, I’d be really pissed off. Since I don’t care, I’m just really annoyed and tired.

BS is cutting her 4th tooth and the accompanying snot seems to have settled into a cold in her eye. She is a full-fledged imp now, crawling/scooting/cruising all over the damn house. Baby proofing MUST be completed this weekend. She informed me of an electrical socket we missed covering already tonight. Don’t worry, I caught her before she stuck her cute, tiny fingers in there. But there is NO leaving her unattended these days. She is also overdue for a reflux med increase (no she does not yet seem to be outgrowing this) and so has been somewhat cranky and spitty after eating this week.

Merit got out earlier today. I had a heart attack and died right there and then when I realized she wasn’t here. I was pissed at DS because he’d been home for a couple hours before I was and hadn’t even looked in the general direction of the yard. It’s March Madness you know. So by the time I got home and said, “Where’s Merit?” (Cause she wasn’t at the back door looking pathetic to be let in) it was dark. He could’ve been out looking while it was still light. He went looking for her and came back after 15 minutes, so then I went out & found her as Animal Control was picking her up. Thank You God. Yes, my dog has a collar. In fact a really cool collar, but it hasn’t been updated since we moved. And Merit’s a really cool dog. It’s more likely that someone will find her and keep her then anything else. I’d be devastated. Anyway, I found her and she’s getting lots of hugs and special treats after her adventure. (She can even sleep on our bed if she wants—ok, maybe not, she a dirty, dirty dog). I am ordering a new collar right now.

That’s it. Well, it’s not all, but it’s all you’re getting for now. Oh yeah, summer has arrived here; I’ll post pix of the girls playing in the wading pool this weekend. Cause now it’s all about the wadding pool while Mama throws back some Sangria!

Back Talk

Welcome to this addition of Back Talk. I’ve been in a not very good place the last couple days. I went to another doctor on Monday, he scheduled another nerve test for Tuesday and an epidural (of cortisone) for Thursday. The nerve test showed nerve damage (it was way more extensive then the last time), but not to my muscles (or it was really minimal to my muscles or something). Which is mostly good news, because it means I should be able to be fixed. The bad news: 6-9 months to heal. Oh. My. God. Six Months!!! (I’m optimistic) This shot I’m having tomorrow should pretty much eliminate the pain for a while I’m told. I seriously hope so, cause the nerve test…my leg is still on fire. I’m back to full time pain, but with burning this time! Fun! Hopefully I’ll be feeling so good you’ll get a post tomorrow, but we’ll see. If you don’t hear from me just assume I got even better drugs then the vicodin and I’m sleeping through the weekend. Imagine no more posts about all my aches and pains...what will I write about? I'm sure I can come up with something.

Ciao!

10 Months

Yeah, so last week, in the rush of everything little miss BabySpeak went & turned 10 months on us. I know how the heck did that happen? In the last week or so she’s turned into quite the little baby vs. the infant she’s been up till now. (I refused to consider her as a toddler, she’s too little yet to be a toddler—even if she’s “toddling” around). Last week she started hitting some big milestones; she stands up & sits herself down, she cruises all. over. the. damn. place. She’s crawling all over. Her days consist of stand up, sit down, (fight, fight, fight) crawl here, taste toy, launch toy, roll to new location of toy, stand up, bend down and pick up toy again….You get the idea. She also LOVES to dance, which cracks me up to no end. If music starts playing near her she starts grooving.

She started using the signs for “food”, “drink” (water in a sippy cup), “all done” and “big” (aka—“sooo big”). That’s in addition to her, “more,” “bye-bye”, and “sleep/nap”. She’s so very eager to communicate; you can tell she’s just dying for you to teach her more words. When you do start teaching her a new word you can practically see the wheels turning in her head and it seems to be about 24 hours and she’s got it. I’m telling you I think this kid is scary smart.

She has also started eating table food now. I make my own baby food which consists of throwing the stuff in the food processor after over steaming it, so don’t get all excited over how much time that must take cause it doesn’t take any more time and I can control the texture of her food. (Plus I just couldn’t bring myself to give her baby food meat in a jar. Have you seen that stuff, it’s just nasty looking. We give her the canned stuff (fruit and veggies) when appropriate, so it’s not like she doesn’t get it at all). This week I started chopping up our meat really small & letting her have at it. She seems to particularly like mango-chicken sausage (but hey, who doesn’t?)

For such a little person she’s doing some really big time stuff and on top of that seems to have a “big personality”. She has her Daddy and Mommy completely wrapped around her finger. And still she ADORES her big sister. This last month has been a lot of fun for all of us and we so enjoy watching the little person Miss BS is becoming.

It'll have to be Love Friday. A practice in being grateful.

I’m finding that I’m having trouble being grateful the last couple days. I’m so overwhelmed with everything that I’m having trouble getting past just “get it done”. My mom is still really sick so the girls have been in daycare/school all week. My back/leg thing is not improving. If anything it seems like I’ve taken a step or two backward. My PT thinks my daily activities (read: picking up a baby) are causing me to re-injure myself constantly. I jinx myself by posting that my b00bs hurt, cause I now have a very large (the entire top half of my right side) very painful clogged duct. I complained that they hurt and they decided to show me what a painful b00b was. I think the clogged duct is caused by stress. And work has finally started to get fed up with my schedule.

I feel like I’m trying to do everything for everyone and doing none of it well.

In an effort to try and make this more then a whining session and actually turn it into something positive I’m going to take each item and write a (possible) solution to it. At least I’ll have a goal to word toward and maybe I won’t feel so overwhelmed.


Girls in Daycare
I need to suck it up and BE GRATEFUL over this one. I’m lucky/grateful that I’ve found an (fairly) affordable place that meets the needs of both my girls, is close by and allows me to do “drop in”. Not to mention that they adore my children and give them lots of love and a safe place to play with good friend.

Back/Sciatica
I contacted my orthopedic doctor yesterday, as he told me to call if things had not improved in a month. (Plus I’m almost out of vicodin and night before last there was no sleeping without a pain pill.) He’s concerned, but feels that we’re on the right track with PT. “Ultimately PT is the thing that will get me better in the long run.” For the pain he gave me the name of a doctor who can do an epidural of cortisone. Maybe then I’ll get some relief. He gave me another prescription for pain pills with a refill. I’m lucky/grateful that I have supportive medical professionals working with me to try and fix this. I’m also grateful to have really good insurance coverage which allows me to go to whomever I need to in order to get this resolved.

Clogged Duct
I’m already doing everything I can for this; pumping/feeding every two hours. A warm shower and a good long feed by BS will probably be the thing that knocks it out completely. I should be grateful for this in that it’s a sign that my milk supply is taking it up a notch, my body would just prefer it to be more gradual. (I have a theory that I have really fatty milk or really small ducts or probably both.) Once this has pasted there’s a good chance I will get getting much more milk for BS.

Work has had enough of my schedule
I am very grateful that work has been so supportive about all of this so far. Part of the problem is that my PT only works when her youngest is in school (M/W/F, 9-1) so I end up missing some work to get in appointments. Work feels like I work part-time so I should take care of this stuff during my time off (even though I have the sick days and vacation to take off). My mom wants her time off, and feels that if I’m not at work I should be watching my own kids. This complicates things. Even if I get another PT that can see me during my days off, I don’t have babysitting at that time. I’m stuck on this one. I can pursue another PT, but I’ll still have a scheduling problem. I guess the answer would be to see if I can find a PT who works evenings and/or weekends when DS is home. Ok, I’m working on this one and I’m grateful for the resources I do have (work, DS, mom).

This has gotten really, really long, and I’m super impressed if you’re still reading, so a few other things I have to be grateful for:

My kids are really good about going to daycare/school. Not a lot of stranger anxiety or whiny/crying, etc….The teacher comment all the time about how happy BS is, there are a couple babies there who never. stop. crying. EVER.

My husband has been super supportive through all of this. More often then not these days he walks through door and I hand him kids and collapse from exhaustion on the couch. Beside entertaining kids, he will pick up whatever slack I need that night; making dinner, dishes, bathes, folding laundry, etc…he has not complained once.

While my mom gives me no end of grief about my housekeeping (which there is nothing wrong with BTW—I’m not a germphobe like Antique Mommy, but we aren’t filthy, dirty either) I am grateful to have her help with my girls. She comes over in the morning and picks up whatever slack there is, gets TS off to school and BS bathes, fed and clothed. In the meantime she usually does some laundry & light housekeeping for me. For. Free.

Ok, I’m working on adjusting my attitude. And I’m off to try and find a babysitter for BS during my PT appointment tomorrow.

My boobs hurt.

That got your attention now didn’t it?

Hi P0rn bloggers, you’re in a mommy blog, sorry for the confusion. Move along now, nothing to see here. Seriously, if there was something to see these days I wouldn’t have to move you along—you’d run away very quickly.

I’m still nursing BS every two hours. Talk about a time suck. (eww, no pun intended.) It’s hard to get much done with this kind of schedule and if she’s sleeping or I need to be doing something in a hurry I pump (which I just love so much! NOT.) If you did anything repetitively every 2 (or 3) hours you would hurt too, trust me. However, let me note I am not actually complaining. I know it sounds a lot like whining, but it’s not. I was one of those millions who saw the Oprah show on The Secret and I’m bought in. I didn’t say I was buying the book, I’m way too cheap for that, but I get the concept and there’s a lot of what they said that resonated with me. If they’re wrong, everyone else wins cause if nothing else you’re a happier person to be around, right? So in the spirit of The Secret, I have begun trying to approach each and every situation (even the ones that seem negative) in terms of how I am grateful for the experience. We’ll see how long I stick with this, I know, I know, being sarcastic is much more my nature then showing my gratefulness. But I’m trying.

So in terms of having to nurse my 9 month old every two hours;

• I am grateful for the time this gives us together. I know that this time is short-lived and sooner then I think she will be too busy to be bothered with nursing from Mommy. She’ll rather eat on the run (or not at all) because there are so many things she’ll need to do. Right now this time is special and she is now old enough to know that and she clings to me too.


• I am grateful to be needed by my daughter and appreciated. I am grateful that I am forced to slow down several times a day and just stare intently at the beautiful miracle I helped create.
  
• I am grateful that I know that in the very near future I will yearn to be sore like this again, for I have been so very blessed with a healthy, loving little girl and I am blessed in my knowledge and appreciation of this as well.

Sisters

I always wished I had a sister.

If you have a sister you are probably rolling your eyes right now, but I had a brother. He’s great & everything, but it would’ve been cool to have someone to talk to about boys and makeup and fight over clothes with and stuff like that. We were friends, but he was into “boy things” and I was into “girl things”. It’s not the same.

I am so very glad that we have given this gift to our girls and that they are inclined (so far) to be friends. I think (hope) that the tone that has been set so far is the one that will continue for the rest of their lives. They adore each other. If I walk into TS’s room in the AM without BS the first thing out of her mouth will be, “Where’s BS?” The second TS walks in the room BS starts smiling clapping and reaching for her. I know it won’t always be sunshine and roses for their relationship but right now it’s one big love fest and I am so very glad to be able to witness this. Happy Love Thursday.