Thursday, March 10, 2016

My Good Karma

Tomorrow, I embark on what will be one of the hardest things I ever have to do in my life.  Tomorrow, I am taking Merit in to be euthanized.  I've been a mess for over a week now, knowing it's time.  Her arthritis is bad.  Three kinds of pain pills bad.  And she still has good and bad days.  Even with the pain pills.  This week the bad days have outnumbered the good.  And the good haven't been good enough.  I think, she's ready.  I know she's ready not to hurt anymore.  But, I'd be lying if I tried to claim I could ever be ready for this.  I knew, when I adopted her, or really, when she rescued me, that this day would come.  We've had 15 wonderful years together.  Next week, March 21, will be her 15th "Gotcha Day." But, I'm not going to allow her to hurt any longer than necessary, just to meet a day that is special in my mind.  I wish, I was eloquent enough to write a eulogy that was even half as worthy of her.  I know, that whatever I write, it will fall way short of describing the love and friendship she has bestowed on me.  We all have pets that are part of the family.  Our furbabies.  For me, Merit is the baby, by which all dogs shall be measured.  It's not really fair to our other pets, but it's the truth.
Merit has been with me for all the major experiences in my adult life; our engagement, our wedding, several home purchases, two babies... Things won't be the same without her.  When I adopted Merit, I was reading, "The Art of Happiness," by the Dali Lama.  In the book, he described the "good karma" that follows you from life to life.   He said the closest word we had for that in English, was "merit."  When I read that, I knew.  Merit is my good karma.  I believe that whatever happens to us after this life, that we are reunited with our furbabies.  Heaven wouldn't be heaven unless my pups are there.  But it is going to be a very long time until I get to see her again.  I am going to miss her so very, very much.