Thursday, June 04, 2009

Something Wicked this way comes....

I've actually been writing and not posting if you can believe it.

A few weeks ago something really awful happened to me. Something that was purposefully done by someone to me. This person was angry with me and I guess thought this was a way to retaliate. But in coming after me, this person also went after my family. They could have hurt my family very badly. (Bet that got your attention, didn't it?) What happened had no merit to it, and so it has passed. From a bystanders point, it could easily be dismissed because it was so far off base. But in the thick of it, it was awful. It was a really terrible thing to have to go through.

I've been debating about posting about it. I had to write about it while it was happening. The feelings I had were so overwhelming, so all consuming that the only way I could begin to rein them in was to write them down. Writing didn't change the feelings, but it allowed me to look at them more objectively and move on to the next appropriate emotion. And, trust me, there was a process to go through on this one.

And so there are posts that have not been published.

This was such an awful event that that I'm debating if I should post these writings or not. The "incident" is past, but this morning the remnants of it reared it ugly head a bit and made me wonder what I did to deserve all this drama. And, if I post those writings, am I inviting the drama I despise. Probably.

I'm torn, I think that it would be cathartic to a degree. And it's my blog, and I want to write about my life, right now! as it is! I want my girls to have this to look back at & know me as the person I was at this time. To hopefully understand some of the decisions I've made and why. But, I also don't want anymore drama than I've already received. So I'm still debating. Maybe when things have died down a bit more and the wounds are not so fresh. Maybe.