Creative Me

This has been a hard week. My back is only getting worse; I had a dr. appt today & an MRI now on Monday. BigSpeak got sick yesterday afternoon (fever and throwing up, just fever now) and still is, and LittleSpeak is busy being LittleSpeak in the middle of it all. I haven't written about my back this week because it's rehashing the same old thing, but today I hit a new low. I called DaddySpeak at work & asked him to please come home. With one child I can more or less pull it off, but with two; one sick and the other wanting lots of attention, I just couldn't pull it off. I needed to lie down for at least 10 mins ever half hour (that's how I've made it through the week so far) & it just wasn't happening. DS was a trooper and took a taxi from South City to his car in the South Bay (he takes a van pool). Luckily his company allows for this type of thing once a quarter and will cover what I'm sure was a very expensive ride. I popped a couple pain pills and parked myself on the couch w/lots of support pillows, and promptly passed out. I'm just so exhausted from the pain. I'll let you know more on this when I do, my current dr believes that they will be recommending surgery, but I'm holding out hope. I just don't feel like I'm at that point yet. I'm not sure what that point will be, but it will be before I permanently have a dropped foot. And the point I'm at now is unacceptable. I can't care for my kids!

In spite of the above, I am doing something "just for me" this week, and loving it. I haven't really been cropping the last several months. I guess it was just feeling a little stale, so I signed up for a class at Jessica Sprague.com . I'm loving it. The class I signed up for is a writing class, it was the next one offered and I was feeling desperate. My degree is in communications, which is more than half writing, although you probably can't tell from the way I usually write here. I didn't realize how much I missed writing. I wouldn't say anything in the class has been "new" for me. Most of the techniques were ones I've done in school or at work at some point. But having someone assign me a topic and homework is really helping to get me inspired. We are given a new writing "technique" one day and the next we use our journal entries to help create a new page. In addition, we're getting new templates, papers, etc...to help in designing our pages which is always fun. I can't believe how much inspiration I'm getting from doing this. I'm so excited I'm signing up for the next class (an intermediate photoshop class) next month. I'm excited to be excited about something for me for a change.

The page we did yesterday was about ourselves, something most scrapbookers are notoriously poor about doing. The shoemakers kids have no shoes kind of thing.... It's the first page I've ever done about myself & I really enjoyed doing it. I'm really happy with the result, so I decided to share it here. (Pix is from BigSpeak's first day of school & the photo is offset because she's right next to me, but I also think it brought in a cool artistic effect...at least I'm going to keep telling myself that.)
Tell me you love it, even if you think it's lame. I'm really proud of it.

Potty Watch 2008: It's a Double!

BabySpeak surprised all of us tonight. Not only did she use the potty, but she POOPED!

Yes, the MommySpeak blog has hit a new low, we're talking about poop. Wohoo!

Tonight I went to put her on my lap so we could read before bed. She arched her back & told me "poop, mommy". I checked her diaper & told her she didn't have one. I picked her up again & she gave me the answer. I checked once more (just to be sure) and decided she was about to go. I ran her into the bathroom & put her on the potty. And. She. Went!

We did the potty dance. She got a couple M&Ms (even though she had already brushed her teeth and was about to go to bed). We called both sets of grandparents and I let her tell them herself. We went into her sissy's room so we could tell her and get more hugs and dancing. Tomorrow, after we drop Big Speak off at school we will be heading to the toy store so she can pick out a toy. I believe it will a baby who goes pee.

How appropriate.

Potty Watch 2008: Foul Ball!

Note: This post was written September 1st.

Well Summer is winding down and so is the end of baseball season. It is ending soon ,right?

I only know this cause HOCKEY starts so soon! Let's all just take a moment here to pause and thank the Hockey Gods for all that is good and holy about hockey.

Ok, so...

I haven't said anything in a while about the whole potty training debacle going on in our house. Mostly cause it's pretty much all debacle, and not so much on the training part. I know LittleSpeak is only 28 months so it's not like she's late on this subject. The thing is, I happen to know the kid is actually trained. She chooses not to go until you put a diaper on her. For this reason, I am slowly and painfully going insane. (As if there was any doubt, she is obviously the daughter my mother wished on me; "I hope you have a daughter just like you!" It wasn't said with love folks.) If I didn't think she was interested or wasn't ready (or already trained for that matter) it would be fine. But I feel like the kid is taunting me. Anyone who knows anything about this subject will agree that it is much easier to do this during the summer, so I decided to give it another try during Labor Day weekend.

I striped the kid of her diaper in the AM & let her run around nekkid from the waist down while we're home. The potty is sitting on a mat in front of the TV (for her convenience) and no pull-ups or diapers will be provided. (I have to keep them up high or she'll try to put them on.) Problem is; we have to leave the house occasionally. At which time I put a pull-up or diaper on her. This child can hold it for up to 7 hours! I'm not exaggerating. Once she has that diaper on she lets it all go. She has the kegal muscles of a ....(who would be a good comparison for this? I'm not sure I want to know). On Monday, it finally caught up with her; she had an accident. She pooped herself. She stood next to the mat (not on it mind you) and pooped all over my rug. Then she shrieked as if someone had just torn her finger off. DaddySpeak got there first (and got to clean up, lucky him!) She wasn't happy about this, so we'll see what happens next time. It'll be a bit harder to maintain during the week, so we'll see.

Sexism or Family-ism

I’m going to come clean right off. I live in a VERY blue state. I live in the bluest part of that blue state too. I’m registered Democrat, (so I can vote in the primaries) but really I’m much more socialist or liberal to be honest. So right off, it’s not a big surprise that I’m not planning on voting Republican. I’m not a fan of this war. When we went to war I wrote a letter to my unborn baby (BigSpeak) to tell her that regardless of what history will show her parents did not support this decision and why. Even if it turned out that invading Iraq was a good thing, we still felt it was the wrong thing. Since then, the war has gone less than stellar (many things I wrote in my letter showed to be true) my opinions on that subject have only strengthened.

So that being said, there’s been a lot of buzz about Sarah Palin. Since I’m not planning on voting for anyone from the party, her nomination doesn’t really concern me. However, I do have some opinions about her and her choices. I’ve made a few comments to some posts on some blogs already. But now I’m hearing that the opinions I’ve expressed are “sexist”. Interesting. I’ve never thought of myself that way before. I’m pretty certain no one has ever accused me of anything related to that before. Just to clarify, I’d like to address what my issue is and why I don’t think it’s sexist. I think my opinion is more family-ism. Yes, that is totally a word.

She had a baby FOUR months ago. That woman is obviously made of steel or something. Four months after I had my baby I was barely making it out of the house. I have a lot of respect for her ability to get it together. I'm barely getting it together and my "baby" is 2. But then I'm not running for office either.

My first concern has to do with the fact that she has a special needs child who is under a year. During my first pregnancy I had a “scare “ and did some research about down’s syndrome babies. I found that your first year with that child is really no different than any other baby. After that first year, you start to learn the scope of the your child’s disability. There’s a lot of unknowns related to this, often other birth defeats are not uncommon. I think that her family and child deserve her full attention during this time.

Secondly her 17YO is 5 months pregnant. This is not new news to her. She made the decision to run for a national office knowing that her daughter would paraded out for the public controversy that would inevitably ensue. I don't begrudge her or what happened to her daughter. It is what it is, and I hope for the best for them all. It's going to be hard for everyone involved. I understand having strong personal career aspirations, but I also understand that parenting involves sacrifices. I believe that this is one of those times when a sacrifice might have been the better choice. Is running for this office in the best interest of her family and in turn herself during this time frame?

Either of these issues is a major thing for any family to be going through. Both of them, at the same time???? Talk about having a lot on your plate! I would question any candidate (male or female) about their decision making process in this situation. Perhaps the media wouldn’t have brought up this issue for a man, but I can honestly say that I would have. I just think that her family has a couple of very, very stressful years ahead of them. I understand her husband can take the lead on the family matters, but I don’t think taking on a national office and the sacrifices it will entail is the most responsible choice. Knowing that her family has these issues to deal with in the next couple years says volumes about her decision making. Add to that, the fact that she is running on a platform of “family values” and I would say it equals hypocrisy at best.

I could say more on the subject, but really that what it comes down to for me. I think her family should be the focus for them right now; husband and wife. Making the decision to allow her focus to be elsewhere, definitely makes me question her decision making ability. I don't think that's sexism, I think it's about putting your family first.

The Incredible Shrinking Woman

Of course, now that I'm mentioning it, I'll probably going to jinx it and gain all of it back. I actually do not know how much weight I've actually lost, I don't own a scale, I'd rather depend on how my clothes fit (It's not what I weigh, it's what I look like I weigh, right?). Since I've quit my job I've gone down 3 dress sizes. Yes, Three.



Here's the kicker, I don't know why. Am I dieting, not really. I've been sort of low-carb, but honestly I haven't been that great about it. I haven't been horrible either.



I haven't been "working out". Shoot, with my back being so bad lately I haven't walked much lately, much less worked out.



I'll tell you what is different:



1. I've been nauseated since the month of June. In fact, I was nauseated for pretty much the entire month of June. I lost a chunk of weight in that month, about 8 lbs (my mom has a scale). But, now in September, it's clear that I've continued to lose. I stopped being nauseated 24/7 after about a month, but I still feel queasy at least a couple times a day. I can say my eating has been cut down because of this. It's not uncommon for me to only get one meal or a granola bar in a day. (It's all I can stomach.)



2. I'm chasing a 2YO all day every day. At work I got to sit & play on the web for hours, and now, not so much. I don't even get to sit to check my email, so I think this is the real reason.



I have a theory that my nausea is being cause by low Blood Pressure (BP), so I have an appointment w/my doctor at the end of the month. If I'm right, this could also be part of reason too. I don't recommend this method of losing weight.

Still Resolute

I've been meaning to write a post about my resolutions for a while now. I've been working on them (most of them) all year, but just hadn't gotten around to an update. So tonight I pulled my old post to see how long it's been. I almost fell off the couch laughing. It's a good thing keep up my posting on my resolutions wasn't part of them, cause I've failed miserably on that part. I updated them ONCE! Ummm, yeah. Well, even though I haven't been mentioning it, I have been working on them. So, even though you probably don't care, da da da dummmmm, here's the current update on them:

1) Get our finances in order
Well I obviously did a lot more then indicated in those last posts. Because of my efforts on this topic I was able to QUIT MY JOB in April. OMG, I’m still pinching myself over it. The outcome of this was to find out that we are on track for retirement and the girls college (assuming they aren’t asking for a full ride to Stanford). I do have some follow up items to help consolidate where all of our accounts are located.
Goal for week: Get consolidation paperwork (which has been sitting on my counter for months) out the door.
This is an ongoing goal, so for all intensive purposes I consider this goal ACHIEVED for this year.
b. Set up plan to get legal stuff (ie—living trust, define who the kids would go to, etc…)updated.
Ummm yeah. Not so much done on this one.
Goal this week: Make that phone call!

2) Get the house completely unpacked.
a. Spare bedroom & den still have boxes that haven’t been unpacked. (Gee do you think we still need this stuff?)
Umm..yeah. This one is lagging as well. Big surprise. DaddySpeak has moved things around a bit. And I’ve pulled together a few boxes for recycling, but honestly nothing to write home about. I did get a dent made in the spare bedroom, but that was after it got much worse for a while due to an influx of hand-me-downs.
Goal this week: spend 10 mins in spare bedroom every day (cleaning out/purging). Dude, I’d be happy if I got ONE day in this week.

3) Get all the rooms decorated; still have pix to be hung, etc…
No where near where I’d like to be on this one, but progress has been made. I had a photoshoot of the girls in July & then purchased a ridiculous amount of prints, but hey, it’s “art” right? The result is that some of the rooms in our house are looking pretty good. It’s moving along.
Goal for week: Hang at least one print/pix.

4) Follow the Flylady system again (the other stuff will fall into place if I stick with it)
Afraid this one is still where it was at the beginning of the year. I’m not sure why but for some reason I just can’t seem to get off my arce & just do it. I know it works, I just need to do it. I have been taking small steps, (baby steps!!!) so it’s not a lost cause, but if I would hunker down & do it, life would get a lot simpler.
Goal for this week: I will both update my calendar & write out/time my evening routine.

5) Define house projects we’d like to do, prioritize them, budget them out & move on them (if I do #1 and #4 this will actually start to happen.)
I did do the spreadsheet on this one. And some of them have actually happened. But new things get added & reprioritize things, so it’s hard to remember how far we’ve come.
Goal for week: reassess spreadsheet & tackle a new project.

6) Walk for 30 mins at least 3x a week.
I’m hoping to get going on this again. My back is tentatively better right now (knock on wood) so tomorrow I’m going to try adding the 30 min walk after we drop BigSpeak off at school. OF NOTE: A large part of my reason for wanting to do this was to try and drop some inches/pounds. In the last 3 months I’ve gone down 3 (yes, THREE) dress sizes. I kid you not. I don’t know how much I’ve lost cause I don’t own a scale, but I do know that I really, really need to go shopping for some clothes cause all of my shorts and pants are HUGE on me. I'm going to write about how this happened later this week.
Goal for week: walk for 30 mins at least 1x this week.

7) Get hair free (except my head) by EOY.
This is almost complete. I took the bull by the horns and got this done. All I can say is, “why didn’t I do this sooner!!!” For the first time in years I’m considering wearing a regular bathing suit (instead of board shorts) because my bikini line isn’t full of in-grown hairs. I know TMI, sorry. The shaving I do have to do is only about every 2 weeks now. Yeah I know. AWESOME! I was very, very expensive, but worth every damn penny. If you're even thinking about doing this, by all means find a way!
Goal for week: schedule next appointment.
I consider this goal ACHIEVED.

So two of my 7 have been achieved. Not so bad for a girl who updated once, huh? I'm motivated to get a few more check marks in the done column now.

Have your resolutions fallen by the wayside? What have you completed?

Mom Guilt

I get one off to school and wouldn't you know it I am suddenly aware of how little one-on-one time I've been giving to the other. It's called Mom Guilt, if you don't have it yet, you will, give it 5 minutes.

The first day of school I decided I should take it easy. Figured walking to and from the school, while not far, might just be enough to do me in, so decided to veg while we waited for BigSpeak to get done. I sat on the couch in the playroom & told LittleSpeak to go make me some breakfast in her kitchen. She just about fell over! Pretty soon she was running back & forth bringing me play eggs and toast, coffee ("Hot!") "no milk, Juice! (only she says shews)". The whole time this was going on she was giggling uncontrollablly. She was giddy w/Mommy's sole attention. Seriously, all I was doing was sitting on the couch making sure she wasn't literally climbing the walls (no she did that the next day at the public library...you think I jest,) and it was the most exciting thing ever to her. I realized that I haven't had one-on-one time with her unless I schedule it. When I schedule it we're at a class or something, so it's not just us. Ummm, can you say mom guilt?

Every day this week, we've walked BigSpeak to school, walked to Starbucks and then headed home. We do one chore for house cleaning; dust, vacuum, mop and she helps me. She has her own duster, swifter and Dyson (play one), and I pretty sure LittleSpeak would tell you it has been the best week of her life.

Tonight I laid her in her crib and she said, "BigSpeak in kool morrow?" And I said yes, then she says, "Dada work. Mama & Little ommm." And I said, "Yes, Mama & Little stay home while BigSpeak goes to school and Dada works." "Mama & Little ommm" and she grabs my arm and hugs it.

First Day Of School

Today was BigSpeak's first day of kindergarten. Sigh. She's not a baby anymore. At 6:30 this morning she was in my room mostly dressed and asking me to cut some tags off her new dress. G'ma & Papa came & walked with us. The chaos at the school was crazy, but happy and her day was without a hitch.

5’s A Charm--And Your Science Lesson For The Week

At least I’m hoping that will be the case. I had my 5th epidural shot today.

The experience was a lot more pleasant than my last one. Pleasant is a relative word here. In fact, this was very much like the first-third shots I had in the past. I was really pleased with the way those went so I’m very, very hopeful that will be the case this time. So far, so good.

A little background on my procedure. (and lots of over use of parentheses & italics)

I think most people think of the type of epidural (an anesthesia epidural) you get when in labor with an infant. The kind I had today is called an epidural steroid injection (ESI) and is given for a herniated disc.

My Condition

I have a lumbar herniation which is pushing on my sciatica. My pain runs down the right side of my lower back, into my hip and down my right leg. At it's worst I have a painful numbness down the back of my leg and foot. I have nerve damage in my right leg and have lost the reflex in my right foot. My doctors have told told me that the nerve damage is still not deep enough to indicate it would be permanent. I've also been told that my foot's reflex should return when the disc is healed. I have had this condition for over 18 months now. I was pain free after quitting my job in April until the beginning of August. Because of that 3 month period they are treating this as if it might be a second injury, (although it's really more likely that it wasn't completely healed and I did something to make it worse again. What I did; fodder for another post.)

I’ve had both type of epidurals and they’re similar, but not exactly the same. For instance, I don’t have a baby in my belly so I get to lay down while the shot is being administered. I also get to watch the machine measuring my heart rate, Blood Pressure, etc...(my BP was 86/39 when I got there, yes, they took it twice, I'm apparently a zombie.) I also get to watch the machine (X-ray fluoroscopy) that shows where they’re putting the needles; if I want (sorry if that makes you queasy, I think it's kinda cool). I walk into a surgery room and lay down on the table (in labor they come into your room w/a cart & sit you up on the bed). My doctor likes to play music and sing while he’s working, which adds an interesting dynamic (today it was James Taylor which was really relaxing to me, so I liked it. I found Led Zeppelin wasn’t really so relaxing the day he had that going. More like driving music to me.) The doctor first uses the X-ray fluoroscopy to locate where he wants to put the shot, he has metal wand to help him be precise on the machine image and then marks it on my physical self with a pen. (When in labor, they have you hug a pillow and hunch so they can feel each vertebra. I don‘t recall any pen marks, but I could be wrong. I was kinda busy right then.) For an ESI they actually put in two shots (you get one in a labor situation) so you get two marks. In both cases they cover the area (and I do mean cover) in iodine and then give you get a shot of something (zylocain, I think) to numb the area, which stings/burns like crazy. After that they put in the actual epidural needle(s). Epidural needles are actually catheters, if you’re in labor they start the medicine and you feel pressure in your back, hip and leg. Let me make it clear that it’s a very uncomfortable pain type pressure. During labor you notice, but usually your contractions are strong enough that you are quickly over it because you suddenly get some glorious relief! In the case of an ESI, ummm, not so much. First they run some dye in each catheter to see which direction the medicine will spread. (I think this is the most interesting part to watch on the x-ray fluoroscopy screen, but it does hurt too.) Adjustments are made as necessary and then they pump in the medicine. They do this part twice because you have two catheters in you. Double the fun. Once again, huge amount of pressure in you back/hip/leg. This time there are no contractions to distract you so the pressure is a bit more noticeable. Ya think? It feels a lot like it’s coming from both the inside of you and the outside and it sort of feels like that area might implode or explode or something. There’s a part of your brain that will start to freak out because this isn’t good, and ohmygawdgetthosethingsoutnownownow!!! but then it’s done and while it still hurts, it’s better than it was, so your brain calms down. They pull everything out, wipe you down, put on a couple band aids, you change and someone (my dad today) drives you home. (In labor, you’re typically still in labor at this time. You ain't going anywhere soon girl!)

Your body will typically react to the shot (they just put sharp things though your back muscles, so you're probably gonna swell). They tell you to ice it for 20 minutes every hour and to take your pain pills as necessary. My personal experience has found that with this one it’s best to take a vicodin, even if not currently dying from pain. I take one every 4 hours till I go to bed. After that I take them as needed. I did this during the first 3 shots and was ready for my Olympic training the next day. Seriously. All. Three. Times. That’s extremely unusual. My reaction to those was so dramatic they decided a fourth wouldn’t hurt. (Poor choice of words on my part.) Most people do not get more than three in a year as they find the effects to diminish after 3.

Epidural #4 was not this same experience. It hurt like hell. Felt like someone was shooting fire down my muscles and nerves. It was awful. The worst part; it didn’t do anything. I felt like creamed crap from that shot for several days, then I just got back to the same back pain I’d been having, minus the creamed crap part. I was very nervous about my treatment today because of #4. I was scared that I’d have the same experience, all that extra pain for nothing. Both my doctors’ think #4 missed it’s mark, and that’s why it hurt so much and didn’t do anything. I’m starting to become inclined to believe them.

I do believe this many epidural shots and my fibromyalgia may just qualify this as a pain management blog instead of a mommy blog.

Hopefully, this is the last post for pain management and we’ll be back to corralling kiddies all the time again soon.

That being said…….

Tomorrow is orientation for BigSpeak’s starting kindergarten.

On Monday,

MY BABY IS STARTING KINDERGARTEN!!! Oh. My. God.

Surfer Grrrls!

The one day we did make it to the beach (and some SUN) on Saturday the girls did have a blast. And as you can see from the pix it didn't really matter to the girls. In fact BigSpeak's new wetsuit ($30!, yeah consignment!) is keeping her so comfortable that she doesn't want to take any breaks. DaddySpeak didn't have his wetsuit so he kept making her take breaks because he was cold and she was not impressed at all. In that vein DaddySpeak explained the "potty protocol" with wetsuits. Like I said, "no breaks". TMI? Sorry. ;-) Cool pix below, huh?

Beach Babes

We did make it to the beach (in spite of the dump truck I mentioned). I paid a high price for this little trip. Packing and unpacking the car and sitting in traffic was all I was able to pull off. My back has been in attack mode ever since. Luckily my mom & GodMum were here right away and helped to keep the girls entertained and give me a break. I spent the first two days mostly on my back. I'd go do something and then I'd come back and collapse on the couch.

DaddySpeak surprised the hell out of me by showing up late Wednesday night. He got his work done and brought a few things with him to work on, but managed to get here around 9:30 that night. I'm so glad, it means so much to all of us. I can tell the girls are so thrilled to have him back. And it means so much to me when he pulls though like this, I know we're important to him and I know he's got a lot of pressure at work. I get it, I really do, I just get frustrated sometimes. (The back situation doesn't make it easier for me to deal with these things.)

That all being said, we've been fogged in all week. The beach house is in an area known as the Fog Belt. We're the first to get the fog when it comes in and the last to have it burn off. It's typical and we know it, but we've had such incredible weather all this summer that I'd almost forgotten that this is the weather we're more inclined to in the summer months. Even at it's worst it still usually burns off by noon, but not this week. We haven't seen the sun since Wednesday, so today I finally demanded that we go find a beach with some sun. (The irony is that if you go two blocks from the beach it's totally sunny, but we're picky, we want our sun on the beach.) We had to drive to Santa Cruz, and found that the wharf area & Boardwalk were really the only beaches with sun. The fog was hanging right at the edge of the beach so it wasn't exactly "warm", and it's apparently pushing 100 at home so the place was crowded. The girls didn't mind and they had fun, so that was the point right.

Since it's been foggy we've actually been doing some stuff beside just hanging at the beach, but I'll have to post more later as back is telling me it's time for another vicodin!

Straitening Things Out

Yup I'm working on becoming the queen of the pun, cause down here in Silicon Valley, that's how we roll.

Update from today's dr visit:

I still don't have a reflex in my right ankle bad

I have an epidural scheduled for 8/21 good

If the epdural doesn't give me permanent bad
relief, I will be given another MRI & most
likely referred to a specialist surgeon.

I have to say that I will be surprised if the epidural gets rid of it altogether. They've helped my pain a lot, but they've never been permanent. I'll be pleasantly surprised if it happens, but I'm not holding my breath on that one.

Dr. K also commented that nerve pain typically goes into your lower leg (below the knee) and as of the last two weeks mine has not. All the other tenderpoints and movement (or lack of) I do and don't have imply the nerve is still a big part of the problem. I assured him that I knew it was as I'm getting tingling and numbness this go around still AND after his little exam my pain was defineatly all the way back down into my foot (I'm pretty sure my shoe and the floor were feeling it for a while there). I've been poping half vicodins all day. (You could set a clock by me cause I can tell you exactly when they wear off). They don't eliminate the pain (a full one probably would, but I'm responsible for kids you know) but they do take the edge off.



I could've gotten the shot this week, but I'm really, really trying to get the girls to the beach house for an extended period this summer. We're going Wed. for 5 days, DAMIT!

I'm still here! Back here!

Yeah I got a million of them. I'll be here all zee week, and be sure to tip your bartenders and waitresses folks!

So guess what went out the week DaddySpeak left?

Yup, my disk is back being herniated again. I haven't been posting because I haven't really been doing much of anything to be honest. That's not exactly true. We've actually been doing quite a lot as my preshus baaaabeee starts kindergarten in a few short weeks here and I'm trying to fit it all in still. Where did my summer vacation go I ask you? And when did summer vacation end in August???? The school district at the beach house starts this week!!! I guess we're lucky. But I digress; So I hold myself together as long as I can (or until another adult is present and able to be in charge) and then I generally collapse. It's fun! NOT. Since I'm collapsed not so much on the posting happening here, but I suppose you know that already.

I'm somewhat better this week than last, not popping vicodin every day anymore. I have an appointment with the orthopedic surgeon tomorrow, so I'll let you know what he thinks after tomorrow.

Chomp, Chomp, Chomp!

Can we all just agree now, that the next time DaddySpeak goes on a sailing trip it does NOT coincide with Shark Week?

99% of the shows I let the girls watch on "on demand" so guess what's on the advertising loop this week?

Da, na, da, na....

You got it. Shark Week! So now I'm constantly being bombarded with questions from BigSpeak about where DaddySpeak is sailing and could the sharks jump onto his boat? I totally blame that one on the Air Shark ad. Don't get me wrong, I love the shark week too, I just don't want to love it with my 5 & 2 year olds.

Update from the Fire Lines

Just wanted to let you know how our friends are doing. I feel bad that I haven't updated you, but I wanted to be able to include how the fire started, and that's a very recent development.

The Bad News:

Their house is totaled.

It’s in the process of being taken down to studs (which whips up the fire smell on a regular basis). 99% of everything they owned is gone due to water, fire & smoke damage. Pix is from their daughter’s room and it makes me want to cry every time I see it. (It's a color pix, nothing was altered in the color or anything, that's just what it looks like now.)

The fire was arson & apparently the PD & FD feel they know who did it; some kid who has set other fires in the neighborhood. He’s currently detained for other things, but hasn’t been charged with this one yet. They have quite a bit of evidence so I think it’s probably a matter of time. He’s a foster kid, so I’m not sure it does anything for our friends. I don’t think there’s anyone they can sue or anything.

The Good News:

They have unbelievable insurance; their house and possessions are completely covered and there is also money for living and expenses while their out of their house. (Out for 10-12 months). They were able to rent a house on our street, which is amazingly lucky. The response of friends and family actually overwhelmed them. It finally got to the point where they had to tell people not to bring them anymore stuff. One of the other neighbors volunteered to collect the donations and several other neighbors helped with sorting, so in the end it was fine and quite a bit got donated to some very lucky charities too.

They are able to now remodel their house and update their kitchen, which was original (40 years old). Not the way you want that to happen, but it’ll be so nice when it’s done.

Emotionally they are hanging in there. They have good and bad days. I think it’ll be good once school starts and there’s more distraction to things.

The one bad thing is that now they are much farther down the street from us and I miss them a lot. I didn’t realize how many impromptu play dates we had just because the kids where playing out front.

All is well and everyone is safe and really that's all that matters.

Daddy’s on a Laundry Basket

I called DaddySpeak tonight to tell him of today’s happenings: BigSpeak started truly swimming freestyle in her lesson today; both arms out of the water, side-breathing and flip turns with continuing to swim! I’m sure the instructors thought I was on drugs I was so giddy. DS is a big water guy so I wanted him to know, you know he’s got another little fishy in the family to play with. While talking to him I informed him that LittleSpeak apparently misses him a lot, she’s constantly telling anyone who will listen that her “Daddy on a boat.”

DS: Littlespeak is saying this? Does she even know what a boat is?

Me: I was wondering what she thought she meant too, but now that I’m thinking about it, when I do laundry she’ll climb in the basket and I’ll ask her if it’s a boat and where she’s sailing to.

I think she envisions that he’s floating around in a laundry basket somewhere.

Reality Check

I want you to know I don’t begrudge my husband’s trip this week. I think it’s a cool trip and wish I was on it. I think it’s really neat his dad, brother and him and doing this together.
What I’m upset about is the lack of planning toward our family. You could say it’s not personal, his planning efforts can be lackluster about most things that aren’t work. You could, but it doesn’t make me feel better. And yes, you could say I’m a bit mad at myself for not riding him harder about it earlier. Even though he’s an adult and I “shouldn’t have to” remind (nag) him that’s our reality and I guess if the beach trip was that important I should been more of a pain in the arce about it.

“Mad is way too plain a word for how I feel!”

Yes, I’ve taken to quoting Fancy Nancy. But, truth be told, I am furious. I’ve been on DaddySpeak to make sure he scheduled the time off for a week this August so we could have a family vacation at the beach house. I finally emailed him the dates at work so he’d remember, and tonight he told me he didn’t think he could take it because he’ll only have been home a week from his sailing trip.

Yes, he’s taking a vacation.
He’s going sailing with his dad, brother and some other friends for a week in Vancouver. Sounds nice doesn't it?

Being the dutiful wife I offered for his mother to come see the girls during this time (she doesn’t boat; major motion sickness. HOWEVER, I do enjoy boating, but was not asked). It’s true that spending time with his parents has been known to put me over the edge in mental illness in the past. It’s not so bad these days (or hasn’t been, knock on wood) but this next week is NOT my idea of a break, much less a vacation. My initial reaction was to say that the girls and I will head over without him for the week. Then I started to really think about that & honestly, that’s not a break for me on any level. It’s a huge amount of work for me, so I don’t think that’s what we’ll be doing. I don’t know. Right now, what I do know is that I’d really like to smash my fist into someone’s face right now.

The cherry to my sundae is that BigSpeak decided to pull her usual, “I’m too tired” about picking up the playroom tonight. The room is actually not that big of a deal right now and would've taken like 2 minutes. But we made a deal awhile ago that they were going to start picking up the play room 2x a day without protests.

Yeah right, how’s that working for you?….Not so much.

Tonight when she started in I told her she had till the count of 3 to get in there and start picking up or she could go strait to bed. (I was already starting at pissed from my conversation with DaddySpeak.) She informed me she preferred to go to bed.

Mad is way too plain a word for how I feel right now.

Bonus points for you if you know which Nancy book that quote is from.

Slayed

Today the dragons slayed me.

At 2:00 today I’d hit my wall with the girls. They were tag teaming me; BigSpeak would whine for things and demand that she was “too tired to contribute” or that “it wasn’t fair”. LittleSpeak would just demand; if she asked for milk and you gave her milk, she would throw herself in a fit onto the floor because she wanted water!!!! “My God Woman, what is wrong with you! How could you give me milk!” At nap time she literally screamed her head off and threw herself against her crib so it would bang the wall...For. An. Hour! After an hour she’d started to climb out of her crib, and having hardwood floors I had to put the nix on that one. But even when I took her out of her room, did that make her happy? Noooooo. She wanted to go to swim lessons. NOW! Didn’t matter that we had over an hour yet. An hour during which she was supposed to be sleeping. I finally gave up. I grabbed all of our swim stuff , threw them in the car and drove out of our way to the mall because it has a drive-up Starbucks, and we had the time. They had stopped all their whining and fussing once in the car, so I got them each a “treat” and let them drink them at the pool while we waited for their lessons (we were still really early). After lessons I drove to our cabana pool and was so very grateful to see neighbors there, so they played for an hour and a half. We came home to start dinner and the whining commenced, but DaddySpeak showed up and played interference. Thank God!

I decided that what’s going on is that my daughters expect to be entertained every minute of every day, and when they aren’t happy with the entertainment, well I believe today was an example. I think I need to reset some expectations around here. (Theirs not mine.)

Of course, we’re headed to an amusement park tomorrow, so I guess the resetting will start on Saturday.

Slaying Dragons Still

I know I’ve still been pretty much MIA. The truth is I’m still not all that well yet. I’m still having issues with eating. Actually if I don’t eat I’m fine, which is a great weight loss plan. It just not so good when you're chasing kids.

Eventually, I get lightheaded from not eating (my blood pressure is normally on the low side) so I eat and then I’m nauseated. It’s So. Much. Fun!
Now, just to add to my fun, LittleSpeak seems to have picked this up from me. This weekend she ran about 103° on her own, and 101° w/Tylenol. This morning when I took her to the doctor she was normal. Of course. She alternates between bouncing off the walls and moaning in my arms. tonight she completely lost it. Just completely melted down. Wanted to be held by me, but I was not permitted to sit down. Now I needed to hold her and walk around with her. Poor baby. Poor Mommy. I got her fed early (scrambled eggs for breakfast) and she was in bed, passed out, by 6:15.
So, sadly Internet, I’m not intentionally neglecting you, I’m just exhausted. I seem to be a little better every day, so hopefully by the weekend I’ll be 100%. More later, I’m off to try and get some sleep so I can slay some dragons tomorrow.