Thursday, March 01, 2007

It'll have to be Love Friday. A practice in being grateful.

I’m finding that I’m having trouble being grateful the last couple days. I’m so overwhelmed with everything that I’m having trouble getting past just “get it done”. My mom is still really sick so the girls have been in daycare/school all week. My back/leg thing is not improving. If anything it seems like I’ve taken a step or two backward. My PT thinks my daily activities (read: picking up a baby) are causing me to re-injure myself constantly. I jinx myself by posting that my b00bs hurt, cause I now have a very large (the entire top half of my right side) very painful clogged duct. I complained that they hurt and they decided to show me what a painful b00b was. I think the clogged duct is caused by stress. And work has finally started to get fed up with my schedule.

I feel like I’m trying to do everything for everyone and doing none of it well.

In an effort to try and make this more then a whining session and actually turn it into something positive I’m going to take each item and write a (possible) solution to it. At least I’ll have a goal to word toward and maybe I won’t feel so overwhelmed.

Girls in Daycare
I need to suck it up and BE GRATEFUL over this one. I’m lucky/grateful that I’ve found an (fairly) affordable place that meets the needs of both my girls, is close by and allows me to do “drop in”. Not to mention that they adore my children and give them lots of love and a safe place to play with good friend.

I contacted my orthopedic doctor yesterday, as he told me to call if things had not improved in a month. (Plus I’m almost out of vicodin and night before last there was no sleeping without a pain pill.) He’s concerned, but feels that we’re on the right track with PT. “Ultimately PT is the thing that will get me better in the long run.” For the pain he gave me the name of a doctor who can do an epidural of cortisone. Maybe then I’ll get some relief. He gave me another prescription for pain pills with a refill. I’m lucky/grateful that I have supportive medical professionals working with me to try and fix this. I’m also grateful to have really good insurance coverage which allows me to go to whomever I need to in order to get this resolved.

Clogged Duct
I’m already doing everything I can for this; pumping/feeding every two hours. A warm shower and a good long feed by BS will probably be the thing that knocks it out completely. I should be grateful for this in that it’s a sign that my milk supply is taking it up a notch, my body would just prefer it to be more gradual. (I have a theory that I have really fatty milk or really small ducts or probably both.) Once this has pasted there’s a good chance I will get getting much more milk for BS.

Work has had enough of my schedule
I am very grateful that work has been so supportive about all of this so far. Part of the problem is that my PT only works when her youngest is in school (M/W/F, 9-1) so I end up missing some work to get in appointments. Work feels like I work part-time so I should take care of this stuff during my time off (even though I have the sick days and vacation to take off). My mom wants her time off, and feels that if I’m not at work I should be watching my own kids. This complicates things. Even if I get another PT that can see me during my days off, I don’t have babysitting at that time. I’m stuck on this one. I can pursue another PT, but I’ll still have a scheduling problem. I guess the answer would be to see if I can find a PT who works evenings and/or weekends when DS is home. Ok, I’m working on this one and I’m grateful for the resources I do have (work, DS, mom).

This has gotten really, really long, and I’m super impressed if you’re still reading, so a few other things I have to be grateful for:

My kids are really good about going to daycare/school. Not a lot of stranger anxiety or whiny/crying, etc….The teacher comment all the time about how happy BS is, there are a couple babies there who never. stop. crying. EVER.

My husband has been super supportive through all of this. More often then not these days he walks through door and I hand him kids and collapse from exhaustion on the couch. Beside entertaining kids, he will pick up whatever slack I need that night; making dinner, dishes, bathes, folding laundry, etc…he has not complained once.

While my mom gives me no end of grief about my housekeeping (which there is nothing wrong with BTW—I’m not a germphobe like Antique Mommy, but we aren’t filthy, dirty either) I am grateful to have her help with my girls. She comes over in the morning and picks up whatever slack there is, gets TS off to school and BS bathes, fed and clothed. In the meantime she usually does some laundry & light housekeeping for me. For. Free.

Ok, I’m working on adjusting my attitude. And I’m off to try and find a babysitter for BS during my PT appointment tomorrow.