Does the relief I feel when I’m away from my child make me a bad mom?
Perhaps relief isn’t really a strong enough word to describe it. Little Speak She’s LOVES it. I have to remind her to kiss me goodbye when I drop her off. And when I pick her up I get a look that says, “oh, you’re still around?”
On Tuesdays, I work in BigSpeak’s (BS) class so I only have about an hour sans kids, but Thursday? Glorious, beautiful Thursday? That’s my new favorite day of the week. I get 3, count them, 3 glorious child-free hours on Thursday. And at the end of those 3 hours, I get 3 hours of just BS. In some respects, that practically child-free. My stress level has dropped exponentially this week. I actually made it to dinner 3 nights this week (I usually pass out in pain, waiting for the pain pills to take effect w/in 10 mins of Daddy Speak (DS) getting home.) Having time away from LS is making me a better mom. I can’t say she isn’t still driving me insane, but actually getting a true break from her is making a world of difference.
Things with her, have gotten so bad that our pediatrician actually referred us to a “behaviorist:” read: kiddie shrink. Ironically, I believe, (on my own,) I discovered my child’s kryptonite: Gummies. Today she peed in the potty for one, (that was the ground shaking you felt) and I’ve gotten through 3 days w/out having to pull the car over because she’d taken off her seatbelt (yes, she’s in a 5-point harness, but this kid is wicked smart, has incredible motor skills and determined is too mild a word to describe her.) Whenever she starts to pull the seatbelt off, which is often these days, (she hates restraint on any level,) I pull the car over and put it back on. If we have the time, I just sit until she sees fit to put it back on herself. But this week, I promised a gummy if she kept the belt on for a whole ride to the grocery store and it worked. So as long as it works, I’ll bribe her. All hail the Halloween Gods! I’ll pay for the dental work if it means it’ll help me keep my kid safe enough to be alive to have the dental work done.
I realize as I'm writing this that there’s a lot going on w/LS and it’s a large part of the reason the pain in my back has been so bad. It’s been so bad that I haven’t been up to writing about it. Now that I’m getting a few hours to rest, I’m seeing the forest for the trees and you‘ll be getting to hear more about it. I won’t be winning any awards for mom of the year, but when you hear some of this stuff, you’ll be amazed that I haven’t paid the gypsies to take her. I guess I'm hopeful that I can teach her to use her powers for good instead of evil. So far, I seem to be losing that battle.
The really scary part: she’s only TWO. I can NOT imagine what the teenage years are going to be like.