Tuesday, March 09, 2010

Lots Of Sand Round The House Of Speak. Need To Bury Something?

I know I've been MIA. This back thing, it's a tough one. Still. I'm trying not to focus on it on line because it's so depressing, which is part of the reason I haven't written. The other part is that I'm in denial or trying to be, about it all. I haven't set up my next round of PT, or my appointment w/my surgeon, I just want it all to go away. It isn't my personality to stick my head in the sand, but that's pretty much what I've been doing the last week. I have a constant reminder (pain) but otherwise, I'm trying to act like it's nothing. I would guess that I would be told I'm depressed, saved myself a couple bucks there, didn't I. Who needs a PhD? I think that's understandable; I'm in more or less constant pain, I'm going through EXACTLY what I went through a year ago, which didn't work, and I'm in year three of this crap! I have a child, who, at age 3, has decided she has sleep issues, (which are really control issues that are happening during the night.) There's a multitude of things I can't do because of my pain AND I've gained 30 lbs (20 from drugs, lucky me!) during this time. I think there would be something wrong with me if I wasn't depressed. I know I need to go see someone, but along with everything else I'm burying this one in the sand. I've been down this road before, as with any profession there are good and bad, I know that, but I've had more than one therapist who was not a good fit for me (aren't I PC tonight? Translation: They SUCKED!) I just dread going through THAT again. I find that realizing your therapist isn't a good fit is a really good exercise in failure. I know that's not what it is, but when you're in this state of mind that's how it feels. Putting my head in the sand is preferable to feeling like there's something else I'm failing at, you know.
Maybe I'll make a phone call tomorrow. Or not...


Laura (Soleflor Mom) said...

I've been there, I still am. Search help and believe me you will feel a lot better.
If you need to talk, write, scream, curse...email me.