Thursday, April 14, 2011

And then I stepped in it....

I haven't really had the energy to write about my doctor's appointment, mostly because there really isn't anything new to report. I'll tell you more when there's more to tell. Basically, it went well, let's just leave it at that. So onto what that title is about...

My kids are on Spring Break this week. That's, at least part of, why, I haven't had the extra energy to write. Especially considering there really wasn't anything to write. Been doing my best to keep them busy and out of trouble. Simultaneously, trying not to overdo it. Blah, blah, blah...the usual blather I've been putting out lately.

Before I tell you what happened, I guess I need to provide a small amount of backstory here;

My brother's family is moving out of Silicon Valley. (Don't even get me started on my mom's reaction to this, to say she's not happy would be an understatement. She has trouble with change.) It's not my story to tell, so the long and short of it is this; they decided before things got any tighter, (budget-cuts,) they wanted to get into a smaller house payment. (No, they weren't having money problems! They just saw what was happening with public workers and did the long term math. They are being pro-active. I'm not making any kind of declaration about their financial situation; they are fine. They just want to stay that way.) They did some research and found an area they could better afford, with decent schools and from which they could still commute. That's the basics of it. They put their house on the market and it sold in like a week. Right now, most homes here are taking about 2 months to sell. They weren't entirely ready to move; read; kids are still in school. In the interim, they are living with my parents. It's temporary, and it was planned out. But it's obviously not the norm for my family. So that's your back story. My brother's family has recently moved in with my parents.

I think I mentioned a time or two before, that my mom and I have our issues. That many times those issues seem to be more about what she'd like to say to my brother or Sister-In-Law (SIL,) but instead says to me.
As I'm writing this, I do realize that I'm now probably putting my other foot into it as well. At least, if my mom were to read this, I'm putting my other foot in it. She insists she does not, so I guess I'll know for sure soon enough. But, I've mentioned before, this is my blog, for me, so that I might vent and not entirely lose my mind or eat my young.
With my brother's family in her house, I hear everything is hunky-dory, but I suspect everyone is trying very hard to be nice and, perhaps, walking on eggshells a bit. I don't know that, like I said, everyone seems to be in agreement that all is good. What I do know is that my mom has ratcheted up her comments to me as of late. I haven't really been tracking this or anything, but my guess is that it started around the time they started getting the house ready for them to move in. I could just be sensitive, certainly wouldn't have been the first time that happened, but that's my guess. It may also be because, when you come right down to it, my mom doesn't really accept that I have Fibromyalgia, (FM). She would deny that. I think she wants to believe, but the reality is that she just doesn't, and her actions speak very loudly to that. Since my FM has recently really turned itself up, her uncomfortableness with it, might also be the reason her comments have been surfacing more often. Who knows, maybe it's because Venus is in her moon phase. My point is, and I do have one, regardless of the reason, I feel, that my mom has started in on me again as of late.
Example: a few days ago, my mom watched the girls while I went to the doctor. In the middle of small talk, she asks me if the Christmas stuff was still on the dining room table,
(I have 1-2 boxes I'm working on getting completely put away. It's how things work when you have something like FM. You do what you can, when you can, and you try not to stress about the rest. No, my poor children haven't been deprived of other holidays. We have decorated for other holidays, the dining room has just become a Christmas staging area. I agree, I probably should purge some of the Christmas, I'm actually working on that. Different post, for another time.)
So, my answer is, "Yes, it's still out."
"Well, that's ridiculous, there's no reason you can't have had that put away by now." No, I didn't tape her, but that's pretty close to a verbatim quote.

So, now you get what I mean when I say she's started in on me. That little exchange is typical of what happens between us. It's a little dance we do. The whole conversation will be moving along about the kids and whatnot, and she'll throw a little jab in there like that. When I've been dealing with it for a while, I'm better at not engaging her. Right now, I'm out of practice. Not to mention, my defenses are down, because I'm so tired, in pain, etc... If you're still reading this, you are a real trooper, or need to get a hobby. Oh hey, maybe reading blogs is your hobby! Good for you! Because It's taking me this long to get to the story this whole post is supposed to be about. I've never claimed to be short winded.

The Start of the Actual Blog Post: (Cue trumpets!)

Today's event, for Spring Break, was supposed to be at a park w/a dozen or so other families from school. Everyone brings lunch and we have a picnic and let the kids burn some energy. It rained this morning, of course. But, I had a backup plan! We took the girls to movies. You may remember that movie going with BigSpeak, (Big,) has not had great success in the past. But it was raining, and we went to see Hop. It's about the Easter Bunny, how scary could it be? I asked my mom if she wanted to go, partly because I knew she wanted me to ask her, and partly because I knew it would be easier with the two girls, if things did not go well. (They were mostly fine, BTW.) Movie, was all good. We had one little mishap w/candy that G'ma let them pick out, but that was all. (Big picked out "sticky candy," she shouldn't have with her braces. It wasn't a big deal.) My mom got very testy w/me about it on the drive home to drop her off. Told me I should've bought her the candy, if it mattered that much. This was only because she was trying to tell me it was fine for Big to have it once in a while, in front of Big. (It's not. Trust me, I know this because we let her do it once and luckily were able to fix it on our own.) I wasn't criticizing her choice, it was when she told me in front of my kid that it was OK for her to have it, that I said, "Actually, no it's not." That's when she got all testy with me. But that's not the story, it just helps you understand my state of mind. I was tired, and at this point now, a bit testy myself. I got home about 3:30, and the girls wanted lunch, so I made them a late lunch. (They'd had a very large late breakfast.) Then LittleSpeak, (Little) got mad about something, and got in trouble for talking back. I was tired, so I vented. I vented publicly on a "social networking" site. (You just had your "aha moment," didn't you?) All I said, was that, this day was not going down as my favorite day of being a mom. I immediately got several comments from other moms and dads. It was actually kind of funny how quickly so many people were having the same kind of day. One mom suggested it might be the rain. Another told me I should've pawned them off on the G'parents, like her. There were some other things in there, so I quickly wrote into my own comments and replied to them. In my reply, I mentioned to the mom who suggested G'parents, that my kids were not the first grandkids, so the novelty was gone. Not one of my more stellar moments, I can assure you. I did it without thinking and hit enter.

Tonight, I got a text from my mom about it. She was less than pleased. I debated about how to answer her; I don't want to add fuel to the fire, but I felt that my comment, while ill-advised, was defensible. Should I do this via text? Call her? I finally decided to text her back, I felt calling her would be escalating it and potentially turning it into something bigger. I wrote her back and said, "When I ask for help with my kids, because they are a handful, and I say that is why I would like the help. I'm usually told too bad." Good or bad, that's the truth. I have been told "no" more than once, because they are a lot of work. They are a lot of work. I know that. That's why I was asking for the help, right? My kids are a lot of work because they're younger, then their first grandkids, I get that. I also have a child who is, what some might call, "spirited." Let's just say, you don't leave her alone in a room with a pair of scissors; running is probably the best thing she'll do with them. When you get down to it, that basically what I meant by the comment. Obviously, it's not how she took it. She did not write me back. After half an hour, I wrote again and asked if she was mad at me. She answered that right away, "no." I decided to call it even and leave it alone.

I'm spending the day with her, my niece and my girls at an amusement park tomorrow. I'll let you know how that goes.


VDog said...

awww hon, that's tough.

You should tell your mom to put away the Christmas stuff.

And I totally have those candy battles, too. Without the braces even. :P

Huge hugs.

(And as a word of encouragement, my Aunt & Uncle FINALLY after years of denying it, accepted and truly believe that their daughter has FM. I hope for you the same.)

No Obvious Wrong said...

Conflicts with Mom are never fun. I hope things go smoothly at the park.

Anonymous said...

Maybe your family feels the way they do because you take it upon yourself to talk shit about us on the internet, time and time again, all while hiding behind the safety of your "blog."

But you're's all OUR fault. *eyeroll*