Thursday, May 26, 2011

Hello, I'm still here


I'm still alive! Things are...well, things mostly just are, that's all. I'm very day-to-day. I overdid Satuday & spent Sunday on pain pills in bed. Last two days have not been stellar; mostly waiting for DaddySpeak to get home so I can take a pain pill. Each day's a bit better than the next, until it's not. In the meantime, we had a softball season; BigSpeak's team came in 2nd overall! The outlaws came for a 2 week visit, during which LittleSpeak turned 5! (Christ-on-a-Cracker! How the heck did that happen???) and Big made her First Communion. This week Big turned 8!!! (I don't understand how these children are so big all the sudden!) (Also, you may have noticed, Big got 12" cut off her hair.) Today, is DaddySpeak & I's 10th anniversary. Woot! No, I don't know why he hasn't gone out for cigarettes, even though he doesn't smoke. I'm extremely thankful and lucky that he hasn't.
I know I haven't written in so long; it's just that I have really bad days and when I have moments (and that's all they are,) of ability to do something (laundry! dishes! my life is overflowing with excitement, no?) I tend to try and do stuff for the kids, instead of something for me. I have this sense that I'm failing my kids, but to date, I've only missed 2 of Big's games. I'm struggling not to let my Fibro be the thing that holds us back. I feel it, but so far I think they don't. They know I'm not well. They know mommy gets really grouchy sometimes (pain related). Overall, I don't think they feel much different about their living situation then their other friends.
So Hi! My doctor feels my meds are the right cocktail at the right times and it's just a matter of 3 steps forward, 2 steps back. It's really slow, but it is moving in a forward direction. Each of those things I mentioned deserved a post of it's own. Maybe they'll be forthcoming in the future (I can re-purpose scrapbook pages for those events. ;-) I'm nothing if not resourceful!
I think I'm at the top of this hill (knock on wood,) or at least, close to it. I'm hoping that I'm about to be on the downward slope soon.