My lack of focus post...with Pictures!

Quick, gratuitous baby picture to distract you into forgiveness for my lack of blogging lately. Go ahead, tell me she’s beautiful, I already know it, but you can tell me again. ;-) Know what? She sleeps as well as pretty as she is; now you can hate me. (Did that make sense, probably not, but I think you get what I mean.) Now to get you to read on, there’s more pix below. I’m stealthy like that.

I know it’s been a while. The heat has finally gone away & we're back to normal. Thank God! Lucky for all of you at Blogher. And on that note, I’m pouting about not being at Blogher, but all things considered I’m not sure how much I really would’ve gotten out of it right now, and we can’t afford it, so I guess it’s for the best. I’m still pouting though.

I’m having a really hard time with focus these days. I have a huge sense of being overwhelmed still a lot of the time. Things are better then they were, but nowhere near where I want them to be. I keep trying to remind myself that things are better and that means I just need to be patient, but I’m not a very patient person. A result of this is that I’ve falling into one of my worst habits; staying up really, really late. (note it's 2 AM now.) It wouldn’t be so bad except that it’s extremely disruptive to my health and sanity. I can’t make up the sleep because BS gets up to eat between 5:30 and 7:00 every morning. When you go to bed at 2 AM & get up at 5:30 there’s a reason for feeling overwhelmed. Duh! I’m working on making myself get to bed earlier, but it’s really hard for me. It’s not in my nature and just like some people will over eat, drink, do drugs, etc…when they’re stressed out, I will stay up late. It’s an avoidance thing I guess, although I’m not really sure why I avoid going to sleep. Years ago it was because I couldn’t sleep, so being tired, but not being able to sleep would stress me out, but that’s not a problem (knock on wood) right now. Being overwhelmed means that I have trouble getting the basic things done like housework, much less getting time to blog; my lame excuse du jour. I’m working on it. I’m hopeful that soon my life will have more structure and I will be bloging regularly. (ha,ha,ha,ha,ha….) The last several days have been better, so maybe even by the end of next week. Poor DS bares the brunt of all of this. I can be such a be-yoch to him. In my defense often times it’s because I’m in the middle of being overwhelmed & he’s snuck off to the computer upstairs to zone out on FARK. (He has all day at work to do that!!!) It’s not fair to him, but I think he knows my sense of being overwhelmed so he lays low and rides it out. He’s a good guy.

You know I’ll finally find a groove the week before I have to go back to work. But I don’t want to talk about that right now. I can already tell it’s going to be a problem this go around. It was ok when I did it with TS because it was at 6 weeks and she wasn’t really doing anything yet. By the time she got to be “fun” I’d been back to work for several weeks already. Plus last time DS had been laid off of work a month prior to TS’s birth so I really didn’t have an option about going back, I needed to. This time the need part is a little more gray area then that. We can make it on DS’s paycheck alone, but we aren’t putting anything away and we can’t do much more then pay the mortgage & eat. So, God forbid something happens (car craps out, dog needs surgery…oh yeah) cause that’s the kind of stuff my paycheck covers.

BS hit her 3 month mark on Thursday. These are the portraits I had taken. This one is being used in her birth announcement.

She’s amazing. She’s really sweet, she sleeps great, pretty much on a feeding schedule and is really good natured. She’s also army crawling!!! I put her on her stomach on her boppy yesterday and she pushed herself up and over it. She would’ve landed on her head if I hadn’t been there. She scares me; she going to do stuff like crawl early I think. And she ADORES her big sister. She beams at her now, just beams. It’s really nice. I’ll have to mark this entry so a year or two from now when they’re driving each other nuts (instead of just me) I can come back to read it. Alright, one last picture and I’m head to bed.