Monday, February 09, 2009

My First Best Friend (3) --Part 2

So it looks like there may be a new chapter in our dusty book. Well, maybe.

You see, in the last several month my old high school buddies have gotten very active on Facebook. I went to the reunion last year, and had a blast. Re-acquainted w/several old friends and now, because of Facebook we're all keeping in touch in ways we never dreamed. Don't think I haven't looked for her over the years. First on classmates, especially as we got closer to the reunion. Nothing. I more or less resigned myself that, that was it. As much as I hate to admit it, and small part of me might always hope, we probably would never be friends again. I'm sure it's for the best as far as my heart is concerned, but there will always be a part of me that hopes. There's still a small part of me that hopes some day she'll want to reconnect. I hate that. I hate feeling so vulnerable, still.

Guess who's on Facebook?

There's a bunch of meme's that have been going around our high school group. They've actually been a lot of fun, a quick way to catch up with each other on mundane things. She was linked on someone's this week. Like myself, she used her married name instead of including her maiden, so I had to check her pix to be sure, but it's her. She looks the same. She even has the same haircut from our freshman year, it is back in style. I'm on Facebook ALL. THE. TIME. because I'm still in recovery mode. I know she's had to have seen my pix linked to several of these memes. So I know, she knows I'm on. But she never sent a friend request. Do I send her one?

OMG! It's high school dating all over again!!!
After a couple days of debating I sent her a friend request, I was too curious not to. So this evening she accepted it. No message accompanying it, just hit the button and moved on. I included a quick note in my request of my maiden name (so she'd know who I was, but I hear I look the same, I happen to know I look better ;-) & the standard, "what have you been up to?" So now, I've checked out her profile & pix; married, still in the town where we went to college, 3 kids. Do I write her? Do I dare put myself out there to be ignored again? Do I still care that much?

This, my friends, is where our or I guess I should say MY current chapter lies. For all I know, she hasn't given me a second thought over the past 20 years. Jeez, I wasn't this stressed about reconnecting w/old flames, but then I don't care about them anymore. Not in the "I wish we could still be friends" sort of way. I do know this; even after 20 years, there's still a hole in my heart from her. I haven'd decided what I'm going to do yet. What do you think?


nikki said...

I would be casual about it. Just a simple "How's life been for the last (insert number here) years." Who knows, she may feel the same way as you are right now.