Rite of Passage -- The Haircut

I went away this weekend. Had a spa day with the girls down in Southern California. It was lovely. Till I got my phone from my locker at the end of the day. Had a couple calls, emails & text messages from DaddySpeak. I called him without listening or looking. It's extremely unusual for him to call me like that. Several times and all. He answered,

Him: "Did you see your messages?"
Me: "I saw you called & left messages, is everything ok?"
Him: "You need to look at your messages."
Me: "Ok, I'm getting concerned, everyone's ok, right? What's going on?"
Him: "I sent you a a picture, (I'm scrolling my email, not finding anything from him.) you need to look at it. Everyone is fine."
(I'm losing patience at this point. The tone of his voice tells me it isn't something funny or cute. But ok, no one's hurt.)
Me: "I don't have a message from you. Listen, what's up. Just tell me first, ok, I can tell from you voice I'm not going to be thrilled and whatever I'm imagining is worse than what you're going to say."
Him: "Ok, I SENT you a text with the picture in it! Little cut her hair."
Me: "WHA???? How, what?... How bad is it?"
Him: "That's why I sent a picture."
Me: "I don't understand how she got scissors, they're all up high. Even the ones that won't cut anything but paper..."
Him: "She was cold, so I told her to go to her room to get a sweatshirt. She was taking too long, so I went up to check on her and she was in the study with her bangs cut. She found them in a drawer in the study."

So apparently, Little climbed over a bunch of storage baskets and boxes to get to the desk in the study. I hid put a bunch of Christmas stuff in there and haven't gotten it out yet. So there's a huge pile of boxes and whatnot in that room, it was no small task for her to get to the desk. The scissors, jeez, we didn't know they were in there. Well, I didn't. I thought all the scissors in the house had been placed on a high shelf in the kitchen. Not that she couldn't have gotten to scissors placed high up, she's resourceful. I figured if they were up that high, hopefully someone would catch her before she actually got anywhere near them. I'm not surprised that she did it. That's why the scissors are stored so high up. I know my kid.

DaddySpeak gave her a time out & then whisked her to a close by hair salon. They basically cut the rest of her hair shorter, as if a short bob with extra short bangs was what we wanted. Remember, Little has curly hair (like her mama) and I had a hard time finding a kids cutting place that knew how to cut curly hair. Obviously, that's not where he went. I'm not holding out too much hope on the quality of the cut. We'll see. His intention was good.

Bet you think that's the end of the story, don't you? Ha, ha, it's never that easy with Little. After they got back from the hair dresser Daddy was keeping an extra close on her. She wasn't too happy about this new development, so she went into the bathroom and then came out & informed him she peed. Yes, she peed herself standing next to the toilet. She was quite pleased with herself. The next morning she came in from the bathroom and informed him she'd done it again. She was naked from the waist down, she told him she'd put her pants in the sink, like he'd done with hers when cleaning up the night before. When he went into the bathroom he found her dry pants in the sink. "Just kidding" she says.

OH. MY. GOD. She's three!
I was sick at the thought of what else she could've done in the time she had to cut her hair. How she could have hurt herself. I'm mean seriously physically ill. My stomach was in knots at the thought. She needs to understand why what she did was not OK. That when mommy and daddy say not to do something, you don't do it.
Obviously she's enjoying the attention this whole deal has brought her, so I realized I needed to find some kind of punishment that meant something to her. A spanking won't work, she'll try to hit you back. Taking away a favorite toy, she'll hand you a few more. Time out, this warrants more than a mere time out. Showing her what her hair looks like, she's proud of the job she's done & is enjoying all the attention it's providing. No, I need to hit her where it hurts.

Starbucks.

No Starbucks for a week. "Won't that be a punishment for you as well?" Nope, it won't. I fully intend to go to Starbucks with her in tow and not let her get anything. I also intend to take her sister and get her something, but not let Little. Sounds mean? It is, but that's the point. It needs to really bother her. It needs to make her think twice about doing something like this again. Right now, she thinks her antics have garnered her lots of attention (granted it's negative, but she doesn't seem to mind) and a trip to the hair salon. I want her to realize that she lost something over this incident. She needs to understand that, or I can't imagine what she'll be like by age 13.

Back In The Saddle

I'm sitting in SJC as I write this, waiting for a flight to go have a MUCH NEEDED girls weekend in Southern California. Because of my back, this ongoing injury, the associated Physical Therapy (PT) & doctor appointments, getting ready for this weekend AND regular day-to-day stuff, last week was exhausting and this week was a bit crazy. DaddySpeak has been a freak'n SAINT. Basically allowed me sit on my arce all weekend, (but kept the house up) so as to allow me to rest my back (and not freak out come Monday, or Tuesday in this case, morning).

Wednesday evening I finally got the results back from my MRI. I have an annular tear. Because of the craziness of my day and my shock at what the doctor was telling me, I did not find out what vertebrae is affected, tho my gut tells me it's still the L5/S1 variety because of the sciatica pain & such. This doctor did not have a copy of my old MRI results so I also don't know how this compares to the hernia I had, how close it is to that location, if it's the same place, somewhere altogether different, etc... Obviously, all good information to get, and I will. For now, I'm basically back to square one. I kid you not. I know!!! This is basically how they started out treating my disc problem, which is "wait and see." If it doesn't improve in a couple weeks, then we'll discuss "shots," which I know is epidurals w/steroids AGAIN! FML!!! Doctor also suggested, "if I'm open to it" (which I am) PT to help build my core and see if we can work out the tweaks being formed around the tear as a result of my response to the pain. I'm supposed to keep my activity to things that don't hurt. And that cost how much for you to tell me? Because I'm pretty sure I figured that one out on my own.

Surprisingly, I'm not devastated (yet). You would think three years into this, and starting over with a similar problem might be devastating, and at some point it probably will start to feel that way. Right now, I'm actually relieved. Shocking, I know. No really, I'm relieved that there is something that shows up on tests. Suffering from Fibromyalgia, I went 15+ years of going through test after test, doctor after doctor, only to be told time and again how "it's all in my head." I had symptoms that were severe enough to warrant the tests, but no one could nail anything down. To me, not knowing what's wrong, is actually the worst. Yes, a diagnosis with no treatment would be awful, but at least you know there's nothing more you can do for it. At that point you can "manage" it. Not knowing, you don't know what to do. And the not knowing, if it goes on long enough, people doubt something is really wrong with you. You get labeled a hypochondriac. Nevermind, that you have symptoms that warranted the tests in the first place. When the people who are closest to you give you that look, the one that let's you know they're wondering if you aren't being just a little dramatic, that when you start to doubt yourself. Once that happens, that's when the depression sets in. THAT's the worst. Being sick and being depressed about being sick, because no one believes you're really sick. (Turn that sentence over for a minute. Yeah, THAT sucks.) So you can see how, finding something on a test, even if that means it's not great news, brings me a sense of relief. It gives me something to work on, a goal, a direction. And for you interwebs, more of my horrible "back" puns.

Now, to get back to the business of getting better!

And In Other News, Want To Buy Some Cookies?

Last week was a wash. (And the way it's raining, this week will be awash too. Badaboom!) Seriously, though, that's an understatement. Obviously, my lack of posting indicates I was less than stellar. (That, or I was having the time of my life. Your odds are always better w/the sucks option when it comes to me.)

I could review it for you, but basically it comes down to lots of "Ow! My back hurts! I have nerve pain! My right foot has minimal feeling." The usual oldies, but goodies. To mix it up a bit, my left foot/inner calf decided to join in the game & my fingertips have started to play let's be numb & tingly too. Guess they were feeling left out. PT gave me some minimal relief, but put me into bed for 3 days and then upon calling the doctor (the new numbness in my left leg and fingers scared me a bit) I was told to stop PT for now & scheduled for another MRI. I'm waiting for the results of that now. I've found that if I rest & take it easy I don't have so much pain & numbness. Unfortunately, my kids aren't so into hanging around watching me veg out. Rat Bastards! So, I'm doing my best to lay low when I can.
In the meantime, when I'm not laying low, we've been out selling Girl Scout cookies (wanna buy some?) This is my thing, not Daddy's, so I have sucked it up a couple times and taken Big out to sell. Just to neighbors we know, we're not going crazy here. It's refreshing to see her excitement at just selling. Just getting the "yes" makes her so happy. She doesn't really care how much they buy, and she knows she's going to "get a prize" for what she's sold, so she's thrilled. Being around a 6 year old is a good reminder for how simple things can make you happy.
That & a box of Thin Mints.

Grateful, but not Dead

Ever heard that expression, "She plans & God laughs..." I know I've brought it up before, because God, apparently she thinks I'm freaking hilarious.

I mentioned last week that my health, aka-my back, has been less than spectacular lately. I finally got into a doctor & found out that I "hyper-extended my sacroiliac joint". WTH, you ask? Well your sacroiliac is basically your tail bone. My tailbone is shifted to the right & sitting up against the right side of my pelvic bone. The ligaments, tendons, etc...associated with the bones/joints that make up your tail bone are stretched in a way that they aren't too happy about, and are letting me know that. I'm in Physical Therapy (PT) now. The Physical Therapist (I'll call him Larry) isn't entirely convinced that's all that is going on in there. I still have lots and lots of nerve damage down my right leg and foot. (More about that later, I'm pretty sure this isn't the end of the nerve damage discussion.) He thinks what's going on in my backside is still affecting nerves, but is going to go with the doctor's diagnosis for now. Depending on how I respond to PT he'll know better if there's more than just my joint having issues.

I LOVE my PT BTW. I've had more than my fair share of experience with PT's and Larry seems to be the real deal. There's a "touch" that some of them have, that can't be taught. My experience has been that more women seem to have this than men, but Larry has it. There's a homeopathic treatment he's using that seems like a very, very light massage/pressure point while moving my leg to adjust the muscles, ligaments and tendons to move things where they should be, instead of where they are. It doesn't seem like he's doing all that much to watch or even really to feel, but when things are coaxed into place, what a huge difference. Bummer is that they do tend to move back after a while. Everything in there is extremely tender, and this particular issue affects the muscles, et al. that wrap around my hip (which I could've told you). On Thursday, I had my first full blown appointment. Afterward, I was sore, but not dying. I even felt a little energized because of the relief of everything being where it should be for a short period. Friday morning was a different story. It was bad. Really, really bad. I thought maybe walking Big to school would help loosen things up, (sometimes if I get moving, even though it really hurts to start, it'll loosen up and feel better, if I don't overdo it,) but it didn't. Got home and laid on the couch with Little. (I was hurting too much to even drive to Starbucks! Yes, it really was THAT bad.) She watched a couple shows sitting on me on the couch. (My old mode of operandi, so I won't conk out on her and not realize she's moved on and is scaling kitchen cabinets to get to the special candy hidden up high, or cooking soup or setting off fireworks. It IS Little we're talking about here.) I got her to bring some toys over that we could play while I laid there, but it was getting much, much worse. In her defense, she was getting bored with this, but so far had been really, really good for me. (That's not something you hear me say everyday, now is it.) I finally broke down and called my parents. It wasn't even noon and I couldn't see myself making it all day like this with Little. They came and got her for the rest of the day. Thank God! I was going to take half a pain pill and see if I could sleep for a couple hours to get some relief. About half an hour later, a mom of one of Big's friends called to see if she could pick her up after school for a playdate. I can't begin to tell you how grateful I was for her. Her older child was having a playdate already, so "it's always easier to have both kids have them at the same time or she becomes the playdate." I told her what was going on with me and how grateful I was she had called. Know what she then did? She told me she'd bring Big home when they were done, so I wouldn't have to worry about driving and could take whatever pain pills I needed. Then she said she was going to Target right then anyway, did I need anything, AND could she pick up take-out for us when she brought Big home, since I obviously wasn't going to be up to making dinner. I almost cried. (I'm almost crying writting about it now.) We had more than enough leftovers, so I thanked her but told her we were fine (and we were). This women is a friend, but she isn't like my best friend or anything. Our kids were in kindergarten together, and are friends. But her generosity on Friday, was above and beyond anything I could've hoped for. My back is still awful (as of Sunday night) and it's bad enough that I'm calling the doctor about pain meds and such (I'm using what I had left from my surgery last year, but I'm low) tomorrow. I think God is trying to remind me I'm not alone in this, that I have more friends than I realize and when I need to, it's OK to reach out. I am grateful for her gernerousity and only hope I can someday return the favor. We have so many friends (and family) that have blessed us in ways that I can't begin to repay.

Also, "Hey God! I get it now! Can we move onto the next lesson? And can this one, not involve any pain? Please?"

Wordless Wednesday-New Year's Style

When all else fails post a pix. ;-)
Since it's still the beginning of the year (work w/me here). Here's our New Year's card. (I got smart a few years ago and purposely send them out after the first of the year..)

The Resolution, AKA-Better Late Than Never

This is my first post for {W}rite of Passage, I explained the way the "challenges" or writing assignments work in my previous post. And so this week's challenge is as follows:

"Anything about resolutions will do. Do you believe in them? Have you ever done them? Beliefs? Success? Goals?"

Ahh, the annual resolve to make your life better. Usually I joke that I resolve not to make any resolutions, thus breaking the one I make as I make it...because I am a big dork. When it comes down to it, I'm not a big believer in needing a "new year" to define a major change in my life. If I want to make a change I need to be ready and if I truly am, than get out of my way, cause there's no stopping me. Obviously, it's not something I decide very often.

A year ago, I decided to make some resolutions and see how well I did. The idea was to track my progress during the year. I already had a medium to keep me honest, my blog. I'd put them out to the world, so why not? It was good blog fodder if nothing else. It was good in theory. I think I followed up on them once. Maybe twice. In light of this writing assignment I figured I go see how well I did with them, even if I didn't really follow through on my updates. Well, I thought it was a year ago. I lost a year there, with my back surgery and all. Opps! Turns out I made those resolutions for 2008. Boy, I really missed the boat on that one didn't I? I guess my answer is generally I do NOT make resolutions. At least I don't keep track of them very well if I do. But in an effort to continue my experiment here, and because I'm curious now, I will review the ones I made two years ago and let you know how I did.

1) Get our finances in order
a. Meet w/advisor to define what is “out of order” & define & start to implement plan (i.e.—we were under insured, I’ve upped our coverage.)
b. Set up plan to get legal stuff (ie—living trust, define who the kids would go to, etc…)updated.
c. Make sure there’s a date in which this should be completed by.

This might seem like obvious one I did not get done. It's a rough one. It involves money & talking about it, and ewww, where's the fun in that? Really, there isn't any, but I did actually get this one mostly done. I know, who would've thunk? We did get our finances in order. Met with a financial adviser and did some retirement planning. Turns out we were in better shape than we could've hoped. Because of this, I was able to QUIT. MY. JOB. Course, then the economy tanked, but still. We're still in good shape. (The girls just have to get scholarships to college.) The part we haven't done? Living trust. (The important one.)

2) Get the house completely unpacked.
a. Spare bedroom & den still have boxes that haven’t been unpacked. (Gee do you think we still need this stuff?)

You might think this would be the first one I'd do. It's relatively easy, just take it one box at a time. You might think that, but you'd be wrong. Apparently finding room for our crap is more traumatic than dealing with money matters for me. If anything, we are in worse shape than before, w/more crap having been piled on the still packed crap. I've made some headway toward cleaning out in a few areas, but then something happens and crap gets shoved into closets only to have more crap shoved on top of it. Do you see the reoccurring theme here? It's CRAP!!!

3) Get all the rooms decorated; still have pix to be hung, etc…I finally accepted that Daddy ain’t going to pony up so I’m starting to do it myself. (Need to unpack/hang at least one thing a week.)

Well, doesn't that sound like a nice plan. HA! We do have stuff (i.e.-pictures & such) on the walls. I actually got Daddyspeak to do the hanging even. I wouldn't begin to say I've been hanging one thing a week though. And, as we've gone along, I have more to hang, things to change out, etc... I'd say I more or less accomplished this one.

4) Follow the Flylady system again (the other stuff will fall into place if I stick with it)

FAIL. FAIL. FAIL. FAIL. FAIL.
I would guess I'm still stuck in the same rut in regard to my organization, or lack of it. In my defense, I've added much to my plate in the time frame that this resolution was declared. Specifically in regard to my back surgery and this never ending recovery. One might argue that if I would get off my sorry arce, quit my bitching, and just follow her damn system, then the pity party would be over and I could stop making lame ass excuses. One might argue that, and one would be correct, but my house is still a sty.

5) Define house projects we’d like to do, prioritize them, budget them out & move on them (if I do #1 and #4 this will actually start to happen.)

I did do this. And we have been doing them. Hanging stuff was part of this one. We were able to refinance our mortgage last month and are redoing all the windows and doors this month. We'll also be having the outside of the house painted when done. Our house payment is going down a couple hundred a month and I'm going to put that in a bank account so that we can save up for other house projects.

6) Walk for 30 mins at least 3x a week.

Exercise. The standard resolution. Well, diet and exercise. I actually did this one as well. I lost all kinds of weight too. Not sure it was the walking or the pain, but the pounds did come off. I was really good about this until my back pain just got so bad I couldn't handle it anymore. After my surgery, I kept waiting for my pain to get good enough to start doing this again. October was the first time I felt good enough to start walking again. Right when everything gets super busy. Since things got bad again last month, who knows when I'll get back at it again. But for purposes of my follow up, I'd say I accomplished this one.

7) Get hair free (except my head) by EOY.

You've got to be going "Wha?" right about now. But I can say I accomplished my intent of this resolution for sure. I had laser hair removal for my face, legs, arm pits and bikini area. I'm supposed to be hair free for having had it done, but I'm not. I did get through all the treatments, and our bank account felt the hit. I can say, I don't have to shave nearly as often, so that's something, I guess. I would say I accomplished this resolution as well, even if the result was not as complete as I had hoped.

Out of 7 resolutions I accomplished 5. That's pretty good. Better than I would've thought. Maybe there's something to this whole resolution thing. OK, I'm on it. I will be declaring my resolutions for 2010 by end of this week.

Writing it All Down

I've mentioned in past posts that one of the things I love most is to write. Well, duh! I have a blog, go figure. Seriously, as much as I love all the pretty colors and textures in my scrapbooking, I realized that my favorite scrapbooking class was the writing class I took at Jessica Sprague.com through Jessica & Liv. A few months ago they followed up with a second class (Type & Writer 2) and I was not disappointed. In both cases, neither of these classes really taught me anything new as far as my journaling was concerned. I have a degree in Communications, I took a lot of different types of writing classes in college. I may not have always been good at it, but I've probably dabbled in most types of writing. What I enjoyed most about these writing classes were the prompts and the journey of the writing that was involved. Every night we'd have a 15 minute free write assignment. While we were encouraged to write on whatever topic we wished, we were given a topic to reflect upon which would be utilized in the next night's scrapbook page. For instance, we were asked to write about an "adventure" we'd been on. The adventure didn't have to be an African Safari, though that would be an obviously easy choice. It could be a walk in the park after it rained or Sunday dinner at Grandma's house, what was important was to convey why it was an adventure to you and to use all of your senses in describing this adventure. I wrote about our forays to the beach house. How the sunlight shines through the palm trees on the main drive and how you can taste the salt in the air when you get close. It is by far, one of my favorite pages. I love how the photos support what I wrote, instead of the other way around.

Realizing how much I miss writing like that I've been paroozing around for a similar outlet and sumbled upon a website called {W}rite of Passage. It is:

"A group of writers seeking a challenge, getting critique, and finding community."

Every week a a new "challange" is given. We sign up to write about it, and then provide each other creative criticism on our writing. The feedback is done "behind the scenes" on the {W}rite of Passage website, so as to keep it safe and friendly. Jumping in with both feet, I signed up for the next topic, January 4th. I'm excited to have found this outlet and hopeful that I won't be too embarrassed in the presence of some writers who I think very highly of. (Yeah, I know I wasn't supposed to end the sentence with an "of", but it's my blog, so I'm taking creative license. ;-) I'll be posting my first essay on Monday, so we'll see how it goes. But if you're interested in stepping up your writing I highly recommend checking out the website.
And for a little eye candy, here's the scrapbook page I mentioned:

Happy Blogiversary!

I've never written about my "blogiversary" before. I always forget & then it's past & who really cares, right? But this year I remembered, before it happened, which means I do care this year. January 2, 2010 is my blog's 4 year anniversary. Hard to believe I've been writing for that long. When I started blogging, I picked blogger, because if was the magical price of FREE! I wasn't sure I'd stick w/it. I figured I'd give it a year or two & then I'd get a site where I could make all kinds of updates & such. This was supposed to be my starter blog. LOL. Four years later I'm still here, and the site looks more or less the same. What a surprise! When I started this, we had just moved into the house we're in now. I was pregnant, so LittleSpeak wasn't even born yet. I worked outside of our home. And my scrapbook pages were all physical! So, a lot about & around me has changed, even if I am too lazy to update the layout of my website.

This week is probably not the best for me to "take stock" of where I am & what I'm doing. I admit I'm a bit depressed right now. My back has been really bad this week & I've been taking it easy, but I'm still ending up having to take medication to help me with the pain. I'm frustrated and overwhelmed and I'm angry. I thought after my surgery last year, my back pain would go away. That a year later, I would most certainly be able to run & ride bikes w/my kids. That unloading the dishwasher wouldn't be the extent of "a good day" any more. And I'm not there yet. The way things have been this week, I'm not even close. I not asking to run a marathon, but I would like to be able to ride my bike around the block and not spend the next two days in bed. Soooo, that's where I'm at right now. One of those situations where you ask someone how they are, and they actually tell you. Opps! Yeah, I'm that person. I know, I'll get back into the doctor. I'll get a game plan & I'll work on this. I also know you Interwebs, will be there to help support me, as you have been this past four years. Right now, I'm just wallowing in my pity party.

While I am being Grumpy McPooperpants, I did take a look at a couple of my original posts. Cringe. (My spelling & grammar is worse than it is now, so don't go look.) I did take the opportunity to reflect a little on the past four years, and how my blog has impacted my life. I realize that I'm very grateful for my blog. I know it's helped to keep my sanity and give me a place to vent. And it's a lot cheaper than a shrink. This last year in particular, I've made some incredible friends & been offered some really cool opportunities. My "social networking" may drive my family crazy, but it's something I've ALWAYS done to some degree. Now there's a name for the thing I do best, and a tribe of people, just like me. Between FaceBook, Twitter, mommyspeak & Silicon Valley Mom's I've found my groove. I'm very lucky to have you Interwebs, life would be much less fun without you. The best part of all of this, (blogging/social networking) is that I've made some really good friends. I've met several in real life even! And have plans to meet several more this next year. These friends, those opportunities, none of that would've happened if not for this little ol'blog of mine. So in looking forward I'm expecting many more positive things, and lots of blog fodder from the negative. Happy New Year 2010!

Christmas Times 2

My back has slowly, but surely been improving. An item of note is that it's responding to ibuprofen. That's huge deal. It means that whatever is going on in there is swollen & the ibuprofen is knocking it down. It helps a lot to know how to make something better. Whole light at the end of the tunnel and all, you know.

So I've been taking it easy. Hasn't been that hard, it's been raining, so we've been hanging out in the house. Girls are playing with their new toys & I'm only getting on them once or twice a day to clean a path, so no one gets hurt. Both girls are game players now, so we've been doing lots of that. It's been fun. Last night we're sitting around in the family room playing games & the TV made this HUGE pop noise. Loud like a firecracker, but quicker. Oh, and the TV went black. After some investigation we determined that the TV had died. I started to Google our TV brand (Vizio) and the drop down suggestion menu had "pop of death" as an option. Well, that sounded promising. Turns out it's a common problem, and that we were pretty much out of luck. Vizio has a warranty of 90 days on their TVs, we purchased our in April 2007. We were a bit out of warranty range. We could have it fixed, and there was lots of information about the parts we'd need & how Vizio deals with getting it fixed, etc...on the internet. However, the fix will cost between $800-$1000 and will only be warrantied for 30 days. We can buy a new TV for that cost & have a longer warranty.

So today we trudged over to Costco, if we'd bought our Vizio thru them the first go round they would've replaced it. (Information that would have been good to have prior to purchasing our last TV). We got a 46" Samsung (Sony & Samsung are the most reliable out there). Samsung offers a 1 year warranty & Costco extends the warranty two years past manufacturers. (My little PSA for you, your welcome.)

Turns out Santa came twice for my husband, he got an Apple TV on Christmas & a new TV for Boxing Day. Happy Festivus.

The Post of Christmas Past (bc I could've written this exact post a year aog.)

Wow! It's been almost two weeks. I'm not sure if that's the longest I've gone w/out posting, but if not, it's close. Those cookies I baked were practically the death of me. While my back has been much, much better since October, 7 1/2 hours on my feet baking (and a few more cleaning up after) proved to be too much for my poor vertebrae. My assumption is that the tissue in that area is inflamed, and so I'm back in pain. (Back in nerve pain. Not good.)

The last two weeks have been a blur of keeping the girls on track with school & holiday functions, shopping, wrapping, cooking, scrap booking.... I'm sure very similar to whatever hubbub your own family had going on. In the midst of it all my back has not been happy. (Much like last year, huh.) So, my blogging is what has suffered. It's unfortunate, as I've had many things I'd like to write about, but just don't have the energy. If I wasn't cramming on finishing the scrapbooks for the grandparents I probably could've pulled off a post or two, but it just wasn't in me.

Suffice to say, we have been having a very "normal" holiday time. And that is good. I was an extremely good girl, as I got a new bike from DaddySpeak. (That or he wants me to get off my fat arce! I'm going w/good girl.) My parents gave us our tickets to Hawaii for this summer (they are taking us all on a trip). Crazy of them, but I'm beyond grateful. I also got a balance board for the Wii & Raving Ravids to go with it. This is leading somewhere, can you guess? We opened gifts w/my parents Christmas Eve. Got home, put the girls to bed, blah, blah, blah...Little got up just as Santa was about to come. Ack! So to kill some time, and make sure she was really asleep, I tried out my new Wii game. It was fun as all get out. I played for about an hour I guess. Then Santa came to visit & I went to bed. Next day we did our family gifts, and hung out in pjs. I realized I wasn't going to get to play w/my bike if I didn't get moving, so I took a quick spin around the block. I haven't ridden a bike a 3 years (since I hurt my back) if not longer. I'm sure I woke up some muscles that have been sleeping for quite some time. Obviously, I'm feeling a bit better if I did these things, right? About an hour after we got to my mom's, my back went into a spasm. It did this in such a huge way, and involved so much of my back that my entire body twitched as it went into spasm. The day went down hill from there. I had my muscle relaxers w/me, so I took one. I suppose it helped some, but mostly I felt like it made me groggy. By the time we finished dinner I couldn't stand to be upright any longer. W/in an hour of that, I couldn't stand to stand, or sit, or just generally be, any more. I declared myself done & we went home. I took a vicodin & got flat. Much, much better. I went to bed & tried to get to sleep, but I could tell the vicodin was wearing off, so I took another muscle relaxer. I'm still really, really sore tonight, but I am better. Slept till noon (groggy from muscle relaxers) and did pretty much nothing all day. Got coffee w/a friend & then went to dinner w/family friends. I was actually pretty good at that. (Hello Zinfandel!) I'm still "uncomfortable", but I can at least find positions to get into now. I'm hopeful that I'm past the worst of this now, and I can get back to my usual routine. Hopefully.

Can we push Christmas out till say January 15?

I'm still alive, really!

It's been crazy & I'm not sure when it's gonna get better. Right now I'm procrastinating about cleaning the kitchen after baking for over 7 hours today. I wish I were exaggerating. My feet are killing me. Tomorrow, we have a Christmas Prayer Service at church, which Big will participate in, so no missing it. Right after the girls and I are meeting my mom, Sister-In-Law & Niece for brunch before we go to the Nutcracker. It's going to be Little's first time. I'm hoping we didn't wear her out from this weekend already. From the ballet, the girls & I will be meeting DaddySpeak at a friend's holiday/cookie party.

I'm exhausted thinking about it.

No, I haven't finished my Christmas shopping.
No, all the Christmas decorations are NOT out yet. (About half of them.)
Tree is up (yes, we got the fake one, it's gorgeous) and decorated.
Front lights are up & outside is decorated.

Please, can we push Christmas out till Jan 15? I'm pretty sure I can pull it together by then. Probably.

Things To Do This Holiday Season In Silicon Valley

So I wrote that post about some of traditions my family shares during the holidays. In the process of this, I started pulling links for, what I think is, some pretty cool stuff to do in the South Bay of Silicon Valley during the holiday season. While we live super close the the Big City, San Francisco, my family tends to stick closer to home for most of our trekking around. Luckily, there's lots to do! I'm sure there's tons more I haven't mentioned, so if you have a favorite by all means please add it in the comments. I'd love to check it out too.

Here's some of the Speak Family favorites:

• Did you know San Jose has it's own Holiday Parade? This year it's December 6, at 8:30 AM. While the best seats get taken early, you don't have to show up at dark o'clock to get a front row view of this parade. Even here in California it's cold that early, so bring something to sit on (a blanket) and dress warm. This year the Grand Marshall is Disney's Goofy!
  
• My mom, Sister-In-Law & I have an annual girls day, when we take our girls to see the Nutcracker. This will be LittleSpeak's first time, she's 3. That should be interesting. If it goes poorly, at least I have a blog post, right? We go to see the local production by Ballet San Jose. I love that we're able to support a ballet company locally. .
• We attend Christmas in the Park in Down Town San Jose every year. This is the 30th year! Usually we know several groups who decorate trees (including groups we participate in.) It's always fun to go find the trees done by our friends. The kids love the displays. And I love that it's still free, after all these years.
• We usually try to go ice skating on Down Town Ice while at Christmas in the Park. Where else can you ice skate outside, under the palm trees?
• There's always a night we drive through Fantasy of Lights in Los Gatos. This is a great way to see lots of Christmas light with minimal effort. Great if you have young kids who won't last long! (My advice, try to go on a week night. Lines on weekends are KRAZZEE long!) We put the kids in warm jammies, pack some hot coco & treats and sing Christmas Carols with the radio station that's sync'd to the displays.)
• Gilroy Gardens sponsors a month long event called Holiday Lights. Kids love it and they have ice skating & Santa too.
• Last year we spent one evening checking out the houses with best Christmas light displays nearby us. I found a great website, Lights of the Valley, where people who go all out can post their addresses and pictures. (Users of the site, rate their displays too!) It's not just for the South Bay, but all over Northern California. I had no idea how much some people do (and close to us too!) We will definitely be doing this again this year.

Traditionally the Holidays

We have lots of Christmas traditions in my family. It's comforting to have traditions. I enjoy passing them on to my girls and telling them stories of doing the same when I was a child. And, they seem to really enjoy hearing stories of mommy as a girl. Some of the traditions we share:

• If we have nice weather we will head to the Santa Cruz Mountains & cut down our tree. Growing up my family would do that regardless of weather. Yeah, that one can go out the door in the cold & rain as far as I'm concerned.
• We decorate the tree together with Christmas music. Many of the ornaments are from my husband and I's childhoods, so there will be discussion about them as they come out of the boxes; who they came from, when, why, etc... Much fuss is made over the final item; the star. Daddy lifts each girl for a turn to place it on top. At my mom's house, it's a running joke about her redoing the ornament placement on her tree after we all leave.
  
• The girls get annual advent calendars. We still get the kind that have a piece of chocolate to mark one day closer to Santa's arrival.
  
• There's an annual visit to Santa at the mall for a picture.
  
• Cookie making with my mom, sister-in-law (SIL) and now my girls & niece.
  
• We have an annual trek to take the girls to see the Nutcracker. This will be LittleSpeak's first time, so that should be interesting.
  
• Christmas Eve used to be at my Grandma's house when growing up. There was always traditional food (ham or prime rib or something) and trays of enchiladas as well as homemade tortillas, (my favorite part). After dinner there was always a cut throat game of poker. (Grandma was a card shark.) When my Grandma passed (21 years ago on this Dec 20) we started spending Christmas Eve with close family friends. They're Italian, so it was Seafood Chioppino for dinner. Yum!
  
• The girls & their cousins always get matching Christmas pjs from my folks on Thanksgiving. These are to be worn on Christmas Eve & Morning.
• We attend Christmas in the Park in Down Town San Jose. We usually try to go ice skating on Down Town Ice while there.
• We drive through Fantasy of Lights in Los Gatos.
  
• Last year we took a night to go check out the best Christmas Lights nearby us. THAT was fun!
  

This post was going to be about how I started a new tradition last year; Elf on a Shelf. But instead it's just about some of the little things we try to do that make the season special to US. I'll introduce you to our Elf in the next post. What kind of traditions does your family do?

Wordless Wednesday - Kansas Style

Girls got to go horseback riding at Papa's farm in Kansas. They were pretty pleased about the whole deal. In case the ear-to-ear grins didn't clue you in. ;-)

The One I Miss the Most is...

Turns out in Kansas you have to get a couple of hamsters to run on a wheel to get the interwebs going....kidding. But my internet access while visiting in Kansas last week was pretty limited, as was my posting. I have much good blog fodder, as you might imagine, after spending a week w/60+ cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc...It was a very crazy, but fun time. The girls has a blast & we had the first good weather we've ever had when visiting Kansas. Still, I'm really, really glad to be home.

Happy to be back in my own bed has taken on a new meaning for me. We slept in my husband's childhood room, which seems to have been frozen in time. What's up with that? My brother took over my room 2 minutes after I went to college (and I was coming back). And my mom couldn't get our crap out of the house fast enough, so she could paint & redecorate. My MIL (Mother In Law) on the other hand, seems to think DaddySpeak might suddenly decide to move back in & would want his room just as he left it TWENTY-something YEARS ago. Maybe DaddySpeak was a more likeable teenager than I, hmmm.....
I digress, (how surprising,) my husband's bed is part of this 20+ year set, and the mattress is HARD. Since we know I'm such a delicate flower, I didn't handle this sleeping arrangement so well. By day 2 I was taking muscle relaxers so I could actually move. During the night, I'd wake myself up every time I tried to move from the pain. My Fibro was rearing it's ugly head, it wasn't good. I bought my Outlaws a new pillow on day 2. I gave it to them after I used it for the week. ;-) That helped keep my neck in check for the rest of the time. My neck still hurt, but it wasn't unbearable anymore. My lower back was pretty unbearable by day 4.

I used to feel bad about the bed my Outlaws sleep in when they come to visit, but I don't anymore.

Amazing Women

This post started out as a recap/review of the SVMoms Holiday party. "Started Out" would be the key words there. I loved all the great companies that were there. It was awesome to get to talk to their representatives & see the products in person. But first I wanted to mention all the incredible WOMEN I got to meet! And the post just mentioning who they were got SO. INCREDIBLY. LONG. The result is that my recap of the companies is going to have to wait a little longer. Tonight is just about the WOMEN!

It was very exciting for me to meet so many of these women IRL. And if you know me, you know I like to talk a bit. So the number of people listed here, shouldn't really surprise you. (And I KNOW I left someone off. I'm sorry! I tried to remember everyone I talked to, but I just know there are people I left off.) While these are the participants I got to hang w/there were many, many more. SERIOUSLY. I feel so blessed to live in a place where so many women are so powerful, talented and excited to share those things. I'm even luckier that these women have included me in their fold. They are my idols, mentors and friends. If you have an opportunity you should take a moment to check them out. You will not be disappointed.

To start I drove up (in the Chevy Equinox, loaned to me by Chevy for the week). My cohorts in crime were;
MommyTwinGirls--Aka Linda, Blog: It's Never Easy, But It's Always Fun
Sharon, Blogs: "Whatever Things Are True", & "Be Bold or Go Home"
And
Amy (who is a twins mom, and has yet to commit to posting on SVMoms yet, but we'll bring her to the dark side yet)

The ride up was fun. We got to talk about who knows, who and how. How we got into blogging, our kids (duh) and how excited we were to have a night out about us!!!
At the party I finally got to meet:

SV Mom (herself, I KNOW, I feel like I met a rockstar! Squeeee!) Jill Asher
Alix, med nauseum blog
Ana Garza, The Garza Girls
Ana or Bongamom, Finding Bonggamom & Bonggamom Finds
Beth, Techmamas
Darryle, Cluttercast
Jane, This Week for Dinner
Myrna, TangerineTimes.com
Nicole, Not Just a Working Mom & Not Just a Working Mom Reviews
Sheila, Xiaolinmama

And, of course, SV Moms, I already knew:
Akemi, Chalk and Cheese Chronicles
Linsey, Me Too You & Whereas

I'm not done either! If you're still with me? There were mom's who are not contributors to SVMoms, but are very active in that community. If you know me at all, you know I'm VERY active on Twitter. I've become "good friends" w/several people on Twitter & a few were there also. So fun to meet them In Real Life too!!!

@GraceD, Grace, State of Grace
@vdog, Vdog & Little Man
@Glennia, The Silent "I"
@kikarose, Jessica, It's My Life
@citymama, Stefania, CityMama
@babyjidesign, Carla, babyjidesign

Still here? Good. If you take the opportunity to read some of the things these women write you will not be disappointed, I promise. My "real life" friends have trouble understanding my "virtual life". If you take the opportunity to read these women, I know you'll understand. So many people and so much talent, and I got to meet them all In Real Life! I'm all hot to go to BlogHer now.

Personaly Stimulating the Economy & Healthcare System

So you know how busy I was those last couple weeks? Yeah, well writing about it didn't jinx it or anything. It has still be crazy busy.

Yesterday, I got a call from school to come pick up Big. She had a stomach ache. She's been on meds for reflux since April & they don't seem to be cutting it anymore. They seemed to help initially, but now it seems like they aren't lasting as long & the frequency of her stomach aches are more often. I made an appointment to have her seen today, so they could refer her to a GI doctor for more testing. Did you know, the way they determine if your kid has reflux is to give them the meds. If the meds help, then volia, it's reflux, if not, then they test them for other things. No, really that's how they decide if your kid has reflux. Before we move to do anything else, I want her tested for to be sure it is reflux. So I will be dealing with this during the holidays. They also changed her meds, just to see if this other brand might help more. Doubtful.

Big also complained of a tooth hurting her yesterday. She said it felt like food was stuck in-between her teeth. When I went to take a look, ACK! She had an abscess! DaddySpeak thought it might be a really bad canker sore, but I wasn't messing around with it. Trust me, it was NASTY! Funny, I can watch you bleed out or someone take your heart out & it won't phase me. But if it involves the mouth, I get grossed out so easily. I actually considered (and so did the dentist) that the new tooth might be coming in, but because it was so crowded, it was being pushed out. Strait out. Like toward the front of her mouth. Ewww! It gives me the heebie jeebies just to think about it. Anyway, we had a 7 PM dentist appointment to confirm it's an abscess and the tooth needs to come out. Her baby canine is being crowded out by the tooth right in front of it, which is an adult tooth. The new tooth's root is crowding out the baby tooth's root, which is not ready to dissolve just yet. So the new tooth ended up killing the nerve in the baby tooth and causing the abscess. We're going to a pediatric dentist so she can have nitrous. They can't get us in till tomorrow. I am also getting my permanent crown on tomorrow. So it'll just be a dentist sort of day for us Speaks. It's a party!

Not to be left out, Little has had a runny nose this week. Nothing big, but she has to blow a couple times a day or so. On the way to the doctor for Big she complained of her ear bothering her. She's been grumpy because of this cold/runny nose I told her I'd get the doctor to look at it, to get her to chill. Worked too. Doctor looked at it and she seems to have the start of a an ear infection. Great!

Tonight after dinner & bath, I drove over to the pharmacy to get reflux meds for Big & antibiotics for Little. Somewhere in between all of this I'm going to pack to go on vacation. And at some point in time I'm actually going to sleep too. I swear it's going to happen.

The Post that Became a Drinking Game

"The Proverbial Chicken" was supposed to be the title of this post. But as you can see it evolved a bit. Read on:

That would be me. The proverbial chicken, running around w/my head cut off. I know you've gotten the gist of my moaning and groaning this week. But along w/the general aches, pains, coughs, stomach- & head-aches, life has not stopped to accommodate me. Quite the contrary, it's just starting to get moving. I feel a lot like I'm barely keeping my head above water these days. Stick w/me here, I'm pretty sure I'll manage to get in several more cliches before this is done. Perhaps we could make it a drinking game, that should keep you reading. (Take two swigs!)

We are at the end of soccer season, which means this weekend is the big tournament. All soccer, all the weekend. At least 4 games, perhaps 5, I think. And, in case you've been living under a rock, (drink!) the holidays are upon us. I'm still feeling a bit floored by this, as if they've managed to sneak up on me somehow. At the end of next week we fly to Kansas for a week. (Insert obligatory "We're not in Kansas anymore" joke here. I think that one deserves a shot, it's cliche-ish, so drink!) This means I need to get to packing a weeks worth of winter clothes for all of us this week. If you're a mom, you are thinking, "that means getting all the laundry done,"aren't you? And you'd be right. Just to keep us on our toes, (drink!) the school has scheduled parent/teacher conferences this week. Parent/Teacher conferences means half days at school. All Week. I'm sure this will help greatly w/my time management. Wonder how Big feels about laundry & packing? Guess we'll find out. Don't forget the end of year soccer banquet is this weekend! I will be missing it, as I'm starting off to the Holiday Party Season by attending the SVMoms Group Holiday Party. (You will be very jealous when you see all the cool sponsors. I'm one of the mom's driving a Chevy to the party and all this week. If you follow my Tweets I'm sure you're well aware of this. I'm driving the Equinox & will be providing my review soon.)
When we get back from Kansas, it will be the first week of December, which includes my Dad & I's birthdays. (I don't want to talk about it, I'm about to be in my 40s. Not just 40, but in my 40s, and this is bothering me greatly.) Being December, everything will suddenly rocket into full speed; (drink!) there will be Christmas programs at church & both girls' schools. My family has scheduled to take the girls to see the Nutcracker one afternoon (I think we're going to go to tea too!) We have a day of baking in the schedule, a night of Caroling, several neighborhood parties and just for fun, Big will be bridging in Girl Scouts ("bridging up from a Daisy Scout to a Brownie). Somewhere in there we will get a tree. If the weather agrees, we'll make a day of it & go to the mountains to cut it down. If not, we'll have the annual Christmas trek to Home Depot. We Speak's, we're all about traditions.

I'm kinda tired just writing it all down. Seriously.

Right now, I'm still trying to catch up from my outlaws visit. You could say I'm getting wiser in my old age. Instead of stressing while they're here, I just live w/the piles while they're here and tackle them once they leave. I've learned it doesn't do me much good to try and pick up too much while they're visiting. Once I clear a space someone will start a new pile there (I wish I were joking). I figure I'm cleaning up the same amount of stuff, just all at once. But like I said, I'm still trying to wrap my head around it. (drink!) And because we work well under pressure, (drink!) we must, why else would be keep doing this to ourselves? We decided to refinance our mortgage right now. Pick up your chin off the floor, it's unbecoming. We talked about this earlier in the year, but just now have the rates gotten to the point where it's worth our while to do it. It will be worth it in the long run. (drink!) If I keep saying that, at some point I'll believe it, right? No, really, it will be worth it. We're going to pull money out to redo ALL the windows, get a new front door & add French doors in our dinning room. It will soooo be worth it. AND we're going to have a lower monthly payment. So yeah, very worth it. Though I do admit, giving up those ill-fitting, rattling windows does mean giving up some blog fodder, but I've decided I'm willing to make that sacrifice. I'm sure I'll manage to schedule the window install right in the middle of all the crazy holiday activities. That should make up for any posts I'll lose to the rattling windows, dontcha think? Today, I spent my day stressing because I COULD NOT locate 2007's tax return. The mess of the house was a lot of my stress. (This is the mess that is still here from the outlaws.) The return was missing from the file, and everything else was there, so it was misfiled. That meant it wasn't going to be anywhere logical. I also could not find it on our computer (remember my laptop crashed on me two weeks ago?) We back up our files in triplicate, (that means on 3 separate back up drives, not carbon copies) so I couldn't understand how it could be that I couldn't find it. Having Little home all day, I couldn't take the time till tonight to really delve into trying to locate it. So I was freaking out inside my head all day. Woot! I was lots of fun to be around, trust me. I did finally find it. I also found several other missing things, so I guess it wasn't a total loss. I guess.
Ok, insert appropriate pun laden cliche here, drink! and I'm headed to bed. I do have an early soccer game to get to after all. Drink!

Melancholy Me

Lately, I'm feeling all melancholy.

I think it's the weather, or my Fibromyalgia (Fibro) symptoms. Probably a little of both. Depression is a symptom of Fibro & I often feel I'm "one straw" away from breaking that camel's back. I guess for me melancholy is one step away from depression. It's so easy to get into a rut & feel sorry for yourself. Especially when your day-to-days seem to run into each other. I've been very reactive lately w/the girls being sick, my laptop dying, feeling like crap, etc...it's not good. That final straw seems to weigh more and more. I need to get more proactive, to take some of the weight off, but if you've been where I am, you know that's easier said than done. Don't worry, I'm not about to go off the deep end. I'm not walking around sulking & pouting, but it's in the back of my head. It's almost like I can see the blackness sitting on the horizon, waiting.

I'm still working on getting a handle on this Stay At Home Mom (SAHM) gig. (It's only been 18 months, after all. Looking like I'm not going to get a handle, huh?) I've gotten much better at learning my boundaries; read: "How to say no". I believe that my herniated disc was my teacher on that one. It's a hard lesson for me. Ms. Type A, unable to volunteer for everything under the sun. I hate being a flake more than I hate not being in charge, so I have taken big steps back on those fronts. Now, I don't volunteer for things until it's closer to the event. It's unusual for volunteers to get turned down, and since I'm not always sure how well I'll be it's been a good ploy for me. But it's hard on my ego. Now I'm working on my discipline. The lack of hard deadlines is still a tough one for me to wrap my head around. There is no "done" for a SAHM. I knew that going into it, but living it can still a hard adjustment. I know, if I get routines in place, and actually FOLLOW THEM, then I'm golden. It's that whole follow thru thing that seems to elude me. There's always laundry, dishes, picking up...it get old. But I also know if I get off my high horse & do it, I'm happier. I guess I wanted to remind myself of that. I also felt a little like, if I get this out of my head maybe it'll stay out.

Thanks for hanging, pity party is over.

When It Rains It Pours

Hello!
Yes, I'm still here. Been having a Fibro episode. Trying to deny it was happening, but there's really no denying it now. Too many symptoms, too many reactions in all the right (or wrong) ways.
I had started feeling like my pain was coming back in my back. It's the side from my surgery so I was making excuses to myself. You know typical stuff; I slept wrong, I picked up Little when I shouldn't have, etc... But in my head I knew what I was doing, so I started going low carb to see if it would help things. I wasn't super good, so I didn't think it was helping. Then, Saturday we celebrated my niece's birthday. I was good till it was time for cake. The thing about when you have chronic pain is that you crave things that will make you feel better.
Chocolate makes me feel better. Well, sort of.
Chocolate causes an endorphin rush. The endorphin rush gives you an sense of pain relief. You can see the conundrum this creates, can't you? So I have no self control when it comes to chocolate. I had no chance against the cake. (It was one of those big Costco chocolate ones, w/the chocolate pieces layered on the sides,) I ate a whole piece. And the next day, I was a mess. The back pain, pain in my ankles (that's a new spot for me) and the headache. The headache's from tension in my neck & shoulders. Usually those are the first spots to really bother me, but I didn't know how messed up they were till I went & got a massage & had to tell her to back off. I'm usually a dig your elbow in & put your full body weight into it kinda girl. But my neck & shoulder area was so tight I couldn't let her do too much. Not a good sign. The result of all that tension in my neck & shoulders is that I clench my jaw. Jaw clenching (teeth grinding) in turn give me bad headaches. All of this effects my ability to sleep well. And the cycle continues.
Oh yeah, with all that the girls got swine flu, my outlaws were visiting, Halloween occurred, my laptop died, etc.... My point is that it's been busy around here.