Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Back to Me

No, this isn't a post about my back.
Really, it's not. Well, everything is about my back, sort of, but as much as anything in my life can be removed this post is just that. Removed.
Did you read my last post?
Recognize anything? No really, think about it.


Yes, me I'm back.
No, I never totally left, and I've been off the drugs for weeks now, but since Thursday I've been back.
God, I hope it doesn't go away. For the first time in months (maybe 2 years) I feel like I'm back to being me. No underlying current of pain in everything I do. I'm not pain free. Well, occasionally, like right now, I can get into a position that doesn't hurt, isn't even uncomfortable, for a period of time.
That's new.
Yeah, that's how bad it really was, there was never a time when it didn't actively hurt. Ever. Then it was just that I was always at least uncomfortable, if not in pain. But today, today, I've had periods of time when I don't hurt. Well, if I move I'll still feel it, but damn that light at the end of that tunnel is getting bright.

Last Thursday I saw my back doctor. He was IMPRESSED w/my ability. "Things were looking good, I had another month of Physical Threapy (PT) and if I needed more they would let him know, so he released me from his care. "
I mean I knew I was doing well, but I still was having a lot of pain and are you sure? I didn't say anything. I was actually surprised during the appointment. I did my usually; touch your toes, bend backwards, walk; on your toes, on your heels, etc... The bending got me. It didn't hurt. Hmmm....that 's new.
Next day I went to PT. Had a different threapist since it was a different day of the week. It was like someone had lifted a layer of brick off my right hip & she was able to get into the layer of muscle that was really giving me the problem. Hurt like heck, but at least someone else could feel the place that was pulling everything forward. (That's the best way I can describe it. It feels like my pelvic bone on the right is being pulled forward, everything else along with it.) After, I went through all my exercises, they're getting easier still. She added two more and I was still done 15 mins earlier.
I was riding high when I left that session. You know when you work out and you have tons of energy at the end. Not, go run a marathon energy, more like you are finally really awake for the day energy. The kind where you want to hit your ToDo list & knock out as much as possible before you run out. I figured it would last a hour at most & then I would crash.

I haven't crashed yet.

No, I'm not on that euphoric super-charged high anymore. That lasted about 4 hours, and when it ended it was gradual. But my energy level is still up. I'm functioning like a normal person. I can knock out something on my list, like unload the dishwasher and not have to sit down for the next hour to rest after. Yeah, that's been my life at best for the last 6-12 months. Today, (Monday,) I went so far as to write a ToDo list, cause I felt like I could do some of it.

No, I'm not pain-free yet. But I'm drug-free, and I'm only uncomfortable, and that's not all the time. I believe I'm about to be back.

I have hope again that I can be the person I want to be.
The mom & wife I want to be and my family deserves. That makes it all worth it.

Originally written 3/30/09, and then I got a killer sinus infection for the next week or so. Yes, I'm feeling better and my medicine cabinet is stocked, so I feel fairly safe in making this post. KNOCK ON WOOD!


Childsplayx2 said...

What a wonderful feeling it must be to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Glad to hear you're feeling better!

Alison said...

this post brought a huge smile to my face!! I am so happy for you...it has been a long road and I am so glad you are finally nearing the end!!