Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Internal Mommy Wars

Here’s where my head is today.

Have you ever noticed how it seems like women work so hard to obtain & move forward in their career only to have children and then start to work their butts off to be able to stay home? And then when/if they are able to stay home with those kids they make excuses about how they had this “career” before kids and act as if staying home with those kids is a lesser job; like they’re slacking or something. (AKA—The Mommy Wars).

We’re told all our lives about how we can achieve anything we want (girl power!). Our mentors have broken down barriers and through glass ceilings so that we can do as much and make as much as our male counterparts. When I write it like that, I almost feel like they (whoever “they” are,) are trying it guilt us into pursuing those careers because they sacrificed so that we could have these wonderful opportunities. Women’s magazines constantly tout how lucky we are: “We can have it all: A career, a family, a fulfilling marriage!” Really? All at the same time? I’m kinda tired just thinking about all of that at the same time. Cause all of those things take a lot of effort. At least if you want them done well they do and honestly at 39, I’m finding that I’m a bit more tired these days. There is very little talk about how many of the celebrities who waited till their late thirties or longer to try and have children are not using their own eggs or more. They certainly don’t talk about how expensive it is for these families who wait to have babies to go through fertility treatments. There’s no discussion about the emotional toll these treatments take on the individuals, much less their relationships. What about those costs? We pursue this career so we can put ourselves on a roller coaster just to get to the real ride.

No, I don’t have any first hand knowledge about these types of things; I’m that girlfriend who gets pregnant by thinking about it. Everyone is good at something, right? I’m good at pregnant, which I wish I could do more since I’m so damn good at it.

My mom’s generation (baby boomers) is the “me” generation. They were the ones who tried to have it all at the same time. they mostly look tired, don't you think? I’d like to think that my generation (I’m part of Gen X) learned from their mistakes, but I’m not really sure.
I’m just spewing crap from my brain (i.e.--thinking out loud) so this probably doesn’t make any sense (I’m trying to work it out in my head as it is). I guess what it means is that I’m having this internal mommy war in my head right now. Why does it feel like it has to be my head (career) or my heart (SAHM) why can’t be both?