More, more, more...

Yes, more rain, more heat, more humidity, more sleep (Thank God!) and more BUGS!

So on the plus side I did actually get some sleep last night. I think I was so exhausted I just crashed. I woke up several times from my back hurting, but I did reach REM which is a problem for me when I'm hurting, so that's good. It certainly make some of the rest of this more bearable. But, can I just tell you?, the BUGS! OMG, the Bugs! The bugs here are NOT like in California. In CA they twitter, they chirp, you know they're around, but you aren't afraid they'll take over. Here they are so freaking LOUD! It's like you can't hear yourself think if you outside after 3 PM. It's kinda creepy actually, cause it means there are so damn many of them. Another reason to perplex me on why the hell anyone would live here???

Look if you live in Midwest, more power to you. You're obviously made of sturdier stock than I. I (knock on wood) have not been bitten, but DD#1 is getting eaten alive, poor baby. Actually she isn't really complaining about it, but to look at her one leg....ehww. Seriously, these are like the nastiest bug bites I've seen. It's my understanding that the one's on her legs are "chigger" bites. They crawl up your legs from the grass and bite you later. EEHW! Apparently she must've gotten those at the farm the other day. So not only do you have to cover yourself in bug spray, but you need to make sure you cover you shoes and socks. Ideally, you wear some kind of boots and long pants (jeans) to help avoid them. (She had on tennis shoes and jeans.) So if it's not hot enough for you, don't worry you'll have to suit up to avoid being eaten alive. That should get you sweating.

I'm Melting!!!

Dude, it is so freaking humid here I can't tell you. Right now it's currently 97% humidity, at SEVEN AM!!! Who the hell chooses to live like this?? It's inhumane. The AC in this house (built sometime in the 1920s, not updated since I think) is on the fritz so often times we are dying upstairs. Our bed SUCKS!!! Thus I'm on the web since 3:30 AM CA time. My back is killing me.

We have seen the sun here for a total of 1 hour, but it's hot as hell. Did I tell you it was hot? Cause it is. I'd like to say it's not the hot it's the humidity, but no it's both it's the hot and the humidity and they both suck big donkey balls.

Ok, enough w/my bitching, the girls and DS are having fun, so I'll get mine later. I'm going to try and find a place for a pedi today. I don't think I've ever had a white person do my nails--there's seriously ONLY white people here, it's kinda weird. All the Vietnamese got here and were like, dude we just LEFT a place like this, we're going to California! So that should be interesting. And if it keep raining I'll probably take DS#1 to the movies today. They have AC you know.

But hey, you've gotten two posts in less then 24 hours so you're not bitching, right?

Hell exists and it resides in a plane in Colorado

Yeah, our plane trip to Kansas was less then steller. Think about this for a minute; your incoming plane arrived early, but you had to sit on the tarmack for an hour waiting for a gate to open up for you. But wait, there's more, you have 4 year old asking, "When are we going to get out?" and a 15 month old screetching every 10 minutes or so because she's sick of sitting in her car seat after a 3 hour flight. Fun for all. But wait that's not all! All planes are delayed in Denver due to weather, so your connecting flight is late and when you do get to board, they get everyone on the plane, announce they'll be leaving in a few minutes and then SIT. AT. THE. GATE. for NINETY MINUTES, again w/4 year and 15 month olds with you. Add in a dash of the pilot coming on every 15 minutes to tell you to leave your seatbelts on because "it'll be just a few more minutes" and said 4 year old having to "really, really pee" and you have my trip to Kansas. It could've been worse, the flight attendent did let her use the bathroom, so she didn't pee herself (however she did dump and apple juice in her lap during that flight). And while both kids were at the end of their rope neither actuall imploded, but neither actually slept either, which was the point of flying at night.

Because Kansas City is about an hour to Topeka and we had to take the time to rent a car, and lug kids, etc...we got to Topeka at 4 AM. Yes, it took us 10 hours to fly a 3.5 hour flight.

Now in Topeka for the 2nd day, and DUDE how the hell do any of you live here? It is so freaking hot and humid! I knew that coming here, but somehow your mind blocks the hell of it. It makes me sick to my stomach it's so bad. The total irony is that we've seen the sun for a total of 30 minutes since we've been here. Currenty, it's raining, so I'm hopful that will cool things off. But seriously, DUDE, they should just close this place as being uninhabitable.

Baby's up from nap...more later.

MommySpeak In

Hi Internet,

I’m still alive. No the party on the 4th was not so crazy that it’s taken until now to recover sufficiently to blog again. While the party on the 4th was fun (we had around 40 people) it did not bowl me over like that. I couldn’t even get a buzz, I drank enough, but it was just too hot. No, my issues developed the next weekend. My fibro returned. I had a bad bout focused on the base of my skull. It SUCKED! The spasms went up the side/back of my skull and were so swollen that if I didn’t have hair to cover it, you would’ve insisted I had some kind of tumor or something. I can’t take much pain-wise, cause I’m still breast feeding DD#2. I believe this bout was brought on by the fact that I have weaned the baby to just two feedings (from me) a day. She’s drinking whole milk now, so I nurse her first thing in the AM and just before bed. My hormones went nuts over this. My skin is getting its hyper pigmentation back, and a nice breakout, of course. Aunt Flo came to visit for the 3rd time in 3 weeks and I put on 5 lbs in one night (maybe more I don’t own a scale and kinda don’t want to know). It’s just been so fun! So I called my rheumatologist to make an appointment to discuss a game plan for me and weaning—you know, so I won’t really have to suffer. That’s me, being all pro-active and stuff. BUT I can’t get into her until August 8. A freaking month! Since I was in pain NOW and I can’t see my doctor for 31 freaking days! I did the next best thing, I consulted Dr. Google. I figured it’s been a couple of years since I was last suffering, I’m sure there’s been some new info. There was, and long story, short, one study they’re trying to replicate right now is that people w/fibromyalgia are hypoglycemic and benefit greatly from a low carb diet. I’ve heard some variations of this before, but this was an actual study w/actual statistics to support its claim (something like 90% saw a decrease in symptoms; especially pain.). If a diet is all I have to do to keep my symptoms at bay, I am all over it. So then I was consulting Dr. Google about the low carb diets and what might be best for me.

So you see internet I haven’t really been neglecting you, I’ve just been using you. ;)

So I’ve been doing this low carb thing for about a week now. I’m not in love with it yet, but this morning I could tell I’ve dropped some weight from the way my clothes fit. So that’s a plus. I can’t say I feel so much better, but if all that comes out of it ends up being that I look better, I could live w/that too. Anyway, I’m back & should hopefully be posting more again.

On another note, we leave for the Midwest (to visit outlaws) on Friday. Yes, it’s a sudden thing. Some of DS’s cousins adopted 3 kids (obviously they didn’t have any, who in their right mind would adopt that many if they already understood what was involved? No really, I think it’s really great. These cousins live on a working farm. She’s a doctor and he’s an engineer, and they’re really nice people. I think they’ll be good parents and have a lot to offer these kids. The kids are ages 6, 4, and 2, and are brothers and sisters. So the family is having a big “Welcome Home” party for them and we decided to go for a week. Ok, this is too long already, more later.

MommySpeak Out.

Happy Birthday America!

Hey! What are you doing here? You should be out celebrating, watching a parade, (or having one like us). You don't have plans??? Well come on over! Beers are in the cooler on the left, N/A drinks on the right, margaritas swirled with sangria in the kitchen (margarita machine; our friends rock!). Eggrolls (from King Eggroll of course!) are on the table out back. A's got the turkey deep frying on the side yard, there's pork roast, shrimp, chicken, tri tip and hot dogs (for the kids) in the back by the lawn. Kids are running the sprinklers on the side yard, adults are in the main yard w/their feet in the wading pool. Now catch up quick, pretty soon we're decorating the kids around the block. Later, if we have any Designated Drivers we'll to the church on the hill to watch fireworks. If not, we'll watch em on TV. Go on now, get in there and have fun; everyone's very friendly!
Happy 4th of July Internet! Now get outside & go play!

Picture from7/4/06, I'll post from this year in a day or two!

Another Cake Episode, May 5th

Watch how she uses her powers for evil instead of good ;-)
(BTW--these took an incrediable amount of time to put up, because blogger hates me and I wanted to be all formatty and all. You know, I wanted the captions to GO with the pictures. I'm weird like that.)

And now presenting......

LET HER EAT CAKE!

Why Yes! I would like some cake, thank you.

I think a detect a hint of cinnamon in here?

don't be stingy now, pass it on over.
that's more like it. my cuteness has won them over! Soon I will conquer the world and all the cake will be mine! Bwa,ha,ha,ha

I think I see another piece over there that no one's eating...

Wha??? YOU put it down for a second, I can't help it if I thought you were finished with it.

May I have some more please *blink, blink, blink*

SHE WALKS! It's Love Thursday Walking Tour.

Edited: BAH! Unknown to me you can NOT run video on Blogger--WTF? Anywho, I have it posted online, but under our NAME so I will post a link to it when I get home this afternoon and list it on you tube under mamaspeak. In the mean time I will be adding a couple of funnies for your enjoyments.

Ok, she's been walking a bit here and there (half way across the room I'm told by my mom), but she finally did it in front of the camera. It's at the end so you have to sit through the painful singing (me) of ring-around-the-rosie (bet you didn't know there was a second verse, did ya? I'm a font of children's songs, soon I'll be dressing up in a purple dinasour suit and hiring out for parties.

First Steps and Other Craziness at our House!

So DD#2 took her first steps (to me) on Father’s Day. She’s taken a few more since, but is in no hurry to learn to run right off, so that’s good news. She’s also gotten very, very clingy lately. Guess who she wants to cling to mostly? Needless, my back seems to be less then stellar; hopefully it’s temporary.

In other news, my body is freaking out! I dropped a nursing time from DD#2 (she gets regular milk in the middle of the day now & I’m not pumping at work) and apparently my hormones are reacting rather strongly to this change. I am FREAKING OUT. All the sudden, I’ve put on 5 lbs, Aunt Flo came to visit, my hyper pigmentation is way more visible, I’m breaking out, I have eczema on my lower arms, I’m not sleeping very well, etc, etc, etc….I called my OB but the nurse practitioner was all like, “Yup, that’s hormones. Nope, nothing you can do about it.” Bah! I’m going to call a dermatologist. It seems to me that if being pregnant can get my fibro in check (and these are all symptoms of fibro, well Aunt Flo isn’t, it’s just a symptom of being a woman) then there ought to be a way to emulate that so that my body continues being healthy. I swear I’m ready to become a wet nurse or surrogate; SERIOUSLY.

And lastly, I am super, super BROODY right now. I am seriously jonesing to have another baby. I know! DS would disown me if I even suggested it. And even if we were on track to have another, we wouldn’t be trying for another year yet. (So I’d be 40 when the baby would be born.) But I can’t even tell you how badly I’m feeling this. Then I go and read these blogs by women who don’t conceive easily and would take another one (ten) in a heartbeat and it makes me wonder why I don’t just go have another; I mean other then the fact that I’m still getting my butt kicked by these two on a daily basis. I keep trying to tell myself it’s hormones, but still. It does make me wonder what my life would’ve been if I’d been born in a time w/out birth control. Most likely I’d have something between 10-15 kids. That or I’d be dead. I would’ve died due to complications of child birth. I certainly would most likely have been pregnant for most of my adult life. Weird to think about huh?

I just reread this and realized that I need to find something to do at work, I may just be loosing my mind. I guess you already knew that.

Bathing Suit Season

It’s summer here.

We are finally having a rash of hot days all in a row.

Hot enough that the wading pool isn’t really cutting it anymore; how can it when TS knows that the “big pool” is open now? Hot enough that we’ve started swim lessons. Hot enough to require that I wear a bathing suit on a regular basis. (sound of record scratching)

I HATE that part.

I have absolutely no self confidence in my body. Pre or post babies. A lot of my lack of confidence (I’m realizing) has come from my mother’s pre-occupation with picking at me constantly. Besides constantly commenting on my hair, she typically critics my outfit (daily) and the way (how well she feels) I’m wearing it. My mom is a perfectionist, at least when it comes to other people. No, she is not all that thin. In fact she’s pretty overweight, but she has told me that she only picks on me because “she knows I could look so much better if I would just dress right/lose weight/workout.” Nice, huh?
Let’s just say her input has not been all that positive over the years, even when I actually was thin. I’m not sure how I didn’t become a bulimic or something.

Now before you get all, “I’ve seen your pictures on this blog and you look fine, stop complaining. Whiner!” Know that I am extremely selective about what I will post on here. Most of what you see will only be from the waist up, or at the very least, I’m sitting down and/or have a child in front of me. I’m savvy like that.

All things considered (I stress eat, and I've been stressed a lot this last year) I’m not really overweight, I’m flabby. Really flabby. So it’s not a big deal in the winter, I can more or less hide it. In the summer, in a bathing suit, not so much.

Ironically, I am most comfortable with my body when it’s pregnant. The bigger I am (except maybe at the very end when you’re super uncomfortable in the physical sense) the more comfortable I am. I’ll even wear a bikini when I’m pregnant. How’s that for ironic? I know it’s because I am not flabby when pregnant. I feel so confident in how I look. I am one of those women who has improvement in my skin and hair during that time. There I am in my full glory; shiny, thick hair, clear, glowing skin and my belly out for all to see. I feel like an earth mama or something. I feel like this is what my body was meant to do and how I am supposed to look.

I feel beautiful.

I found during my last pregnancy I was most comfortable in my tighter fitting clothing then in things that were big and flowy. My mom would and did encourage me to wear big and flowy; to effectively “hide” my bigness. Instead of looking pregnant I just looked fat. I mostly followed her advice during my first pregnancy and while I enjoyed my being pregnant, I was much happier in my choices the second time around. It drove her nuts that I was wearing all these tight fitting clothes, but I think what really bugged her was that I felt confident enough to wear these things when I was so big. (I wasn’t all that big, if you remember I only gained 10 lbs with my last pregnancy.) And she never would have worn something like that. I was doing something outside of her comfort zone, so she was uncomfortable. Living vicariously much?

So here I find myself at the start of summer, taking my kids to swim lessons (I have to get in with BS) and having to wear my bathing suit. All the while wishing I was pregnant so the way I look would be the way I’m supposed to instead of wishing for everything to be firmer.

I wear one of these suits to hide the flab, but also because I stoped shaving in certain areas a long time ago—too much trouble. So even if I got firm(er) I’d probably still wear the same suit, but I’d like to think I’d feel better about myself. Most of all, I don’t want my girls to know how self conscious I am about my body. I think a lot of my issue has to do with the fact that my mom felt that way about herself and has/is projecting it onto me. I so don’t want to do that to my kids. I love the way TS strips down to nothing and does the “booty dance”. She is so completely immodest, unabashed and comfortable with herself. I hope she always feels that way about her own body. I also hope she doesn’t ever strip down and do the booty dance in public, cause we’re only a pole away from a p0rn career if she does.

Hopefully, someday when my kids read this they’ll be shocked to learn how I feel about my looks. If they are, then I did my job well.

Thursday Thirteen

So I thought I’d something different today. I mean besides posting for the third time this week. Don’t pee yourself I told you things had calmed down, I might actual get to post more then once a week. But then again every time I say something like that I get super busy, so let’s forget I mentioned it. My post yesterday was very much like a Love Thursday and since today is Thursday I figured I’d do a meme. Wait! Don’t leave, I’ve never done one before! Don’t you want to know these things? Come on, there is too things about myself you don’t know. Honest! I’ve got a good one at the bottom trust me. I promise you’ll still respect yourself and I’ll call you for a second date ;-) I’ve been tagged for stuff like this before, but it always seems to happen during times when I can’t respond, so I’m tagging myself, here it goes:

Thursday Thirteen

1) My hair is my most and least favorite aspect of my body. It’s curly. Really curly, but I blow it out every other week or so. It has loosened up over the years, so when I couldn’t straiten it out I hated it (puberty) . Now that I can, I kind of like it. I like that I have options. I also like that I don’t dye my hair. This is my natural color, I don’t (knock on wood) have any gray and I’m 38.

2) I have terrible skin. (Some of this I mentioned before, but not all of it.) I have hyper pigmentation, especially from scarring. I also keloid scar (the scar tissue shows up on the outside of the injury instead of the inside.)

3) I have very small feet; size 5 ½. Now you may be going, “hey that’s the size I wear, that’s not that small!” It is if you’re 5’ 7”. DS jokes that I balance on the stubs of my legs instead of actually standing on my feet.

4) In the same vein, I have an overall small frame. (This is where BS gets it from, I think.) I’m long, but small around (except when it comes to hips & arce, I follow my Hispanic side of the family on that front). What is means is that I have long skinny fingers, (ring finger size 4) long legs (they seem to go past where my waist is supposed to be, so it seems like most pants are too short on me) and if I were to diet and work out, I could be down to a size 4. I don’t really diet and work out, so don’t get overexcited. And I do have hip bones. So while I could be thin, my metabolism dictates that this tall, slender frame will carry lots of weight on it. So I wore that size 4, for like 5 minutes, ONCE! but not since. But it was an awesome 5 minutes!!!

5) I’m addicted to certain TV shows: Survivor, anything Law & Order and Heros. OMG I am so addicted to Heros! Also like to geek out on: Dirty Jobs, Mythbusters and Dr. G, Medical Examiner. I never really watched TV till I got my TiVO. I LOVE my TiVO!

6) I’m addicted to vinegar and not a huge fan of butter. Things you might usually put butter on; cooked veggies, potatoes, rice, etc…I will put vinegar on. I always have several kinds of vinegar in the house. I also have 2 kinds in my drawer at work, seriously.

7) I was really good at math & science in school. I was in advanced (upper grade) classes until high school (Jr. year) for math & college (freshman year). I think I’m still probably good at it; I just need the right teachers to work with me. As a result I learned to program in BASIC in 6th grade. If you know what that means you’re probably a geek too. I was in 6th grade in 1982-83.

8) I was a Girl Scout from 1st grade through 12th. I earned my Gold Award (their version of an Eagle Scout). (Let me specify that it was all the same girls during that time & no one knew we were in it. It was a good excuse to hang out on a school night. We also got to go to Hawaii in our Jr. year as part of it.) I told you I was a geek, but hey I wasn’t in band (nothing personal if you were in band, I’m just saying I wasn’t a band geek).

9) I have an ear for music. I learned to play the flute in 4th grade. I amazed my music teacher by picking it up and blowing into it correctly (it’s not typically an intuitive thing). I can tune instruments by ear, I can tell you what note you’re playing from sound and I taught myself to play piano and trumpet in 7th grade. I quit playing in high school because I didn’t have anyone to challenge me, my school band SUCKED and I had no goals related to it. I still have my flute and all my music in a box in my closet because I want to start playing again someday.

10) I danced ballet from 6th-12th grade. I was on Pointe in high school and lost a toe nail as a result of it. I also broke my little toes so many times I don’t even know, they’re totally deformed as a result (they’re all smushed, but they’re small so you can’t really see them anyway. ;-)\

11) I traveled through Europe BY. MY. SELF. when I was 24. I had never done anything like that (never even considered it) before that trip. It was a life changing trip, I became way more laid back and a lot more fun as a result. (Fodder for blog posts!)

12) I met my husband on a dating website. We were a super high match from the second I got on, but neither of us would contact each other because we didn’t like each other’s photos. (Long story) I ended up becoming friends with his friends (and room mate) through the site and then met him in person. Once we had our first conversation we have pretty much always been together. (Moral: pay attention to those questions and who they say you match with, maybe your problem has been that your “type” isn’t really your type. AND don’t judge a book by it’s cover.)

13) I was run over by a truck at age 3. Not hit, run over. If you want to get technical I was backed up over by a full size pick up. I had tire tracks on my chest (no shite!). My poor mom watched it all happen in front of her. I can’t imagine. Bet that got your attention. Now there’s the promise of a blog post to get you to come back later.

Because Life is Very, Very Good.

So now that I’ve had an opportunity to breath and sleep a bit…don’t worry I didn’t get too much sleep, I wouldn’t want to get used to it or something.

We’ve actually been having cool, (the weather people like to call it mild,) weather lately. That just means that the sun doesn’t come out till like noon here. We have what we call microclimates where I live. That means it could be sunny, warm and beautiful at your house when you leave for work and when you get 3 miles down the road it’s damp and drizzly because it’s fogged in. Seriously. So like in SF they’ve been freezing their patooties off lately. Where we live, it’s more of just making sure we layer (aka—go nowhere without a jacket). While I’m ready to be done with this little weather pattern (I prefer it to be a bit warmer, thankyouverymuch) I have had an opportunity to enjoy the afternoon sun we’ve been getting. This is the first time since our move that I feel like I’ve been able to get a real breath of air and even almost relax on occasion. Yesterday, BS was napping and TS was having an impromptu play date at the neighbors (Have I mentioned that I love my neighborhood). I sat in the backyard writing thank you notes and generally surveying the climate. I realized something:

We’ve made it.
This is the American Dream, so to speak, and we’re living it.

Oh. My. God.

I suddenly feel all grown up. How did this happen?

Let it be known on this day, June 6, 2007 I noted that I AM HAPPY. I have my 2.5 kids (the dog counts as half right?), the loving, hot husband, the beautiful, healthy children, the 5 bedroom house, with a great room AND a living/play room. My rocking hubby has a kick ass job, which he likes (maybe even kind of loves, depends on when you ask him). We live in on of the most expensive areas in the US and we’re not in major debt (I don’t count our mortgage cause the numbers are unreal, but that’s our only real debt) we can afford to live, eat and play comfortably. We live in a GREAT neighborhood, with awesome neighbors/friends and desired public schools.

We are so very blessed.

So to whatever force you believe in (God, Allah, The Beetles…) , please let it be known that I said,

“Thank You”

Because Life is Very, Very Good.

Let Them Eat Cake

So the chaos of birthdays (my girls) is done. Tomorrow is my SIL’s and then there’s Father’s Day, but after that we’re off the hook till November. And even for these things this month we aren’t hosting them. So *breath*…and relax.

TS’s party was a success this weekend; we didn’t play any games, just let the kids play on the swing set and the play room. We did have a piñata and let the kids all have a turn hitting it with a bat, then did the pull string thing. We practiced collecting candy with TS prior to the party to avoid some tears, like last time. It was hilarious, DS throwing candy into the middle of the room and then TS and he running to collect it.

Yes, I did get movies of it.

I got cupcakes from our favorite bakery; Icing on the Cake (so yummy, try the banana w/cream cheese frosting ones, they’re the BEST!) The kids all had them w/sundae cups, remember those from when we were kids? And everything was done by 4:30. I told TS she couldn’t open her gift till we finished cleaning the house, which wasn’t really a big deal, so she was opening gifts by 5:00 and back on schedule for dinner at 6:00. It was nice. TS had a lot of fun, no tears (at least from my kids) minimal mess, minimal clean up and everyone is happy, and best of all, in bed at a normal time!!!

I believe the high point of the day for BS was the chocolate cupcake I let her have; I strapped her into her highchair (on the deck outside), put a large bib on her and let her have at it. I LOVE this picture of her. I think my favorite part is the blue, blue of her eyes surrounded by the chaos of chocolate on her face. Two days later and she’s still blowing chocolate snot. Life is good.

Memorial, Birth and Anniversary Days....

Hola! Whew, everyone, take a deep breath, it’s almost June. Yeah; I can’t wait for summer either! Yes, I am still alive thanks for asking. The last several weeks have been a crazy, crazy time, but after Saturday it will all be back to “normal”, whatever that is. With the outlaws being here, the “Fairy Tale Party”, TS’s B-day (her kid’s party is this weekend), her friend’s b-day party (last Sunday) and Memorial Day it’s been a bit KRA-ZEE around here. Oh and in-between all of that we renovated our backyard. We’ve been so busy, that DS and I FORGOT we had an anniversary this weekend. We’ve been married for six years, definitely NOT long enough to be forgetting. My mom called in the late morning to wish us a happy anniversary (Saturday) and I was like, “Oh yeah, we forgot.” She’s all, “So I guess that means no breakfast in bed or outstanding gift or something.” She thought it was horrible that we both forgot. I thought it was kind of funny. We’ve had a lot going on you know, and it’s been all about the small people in our lives, so we weren’t really focusing on ourselves right now. It’s ok, so long as when the dust settles we remember that the reason these small people are here is because of the TWO of us, and that relationship deserves to be celebrated too. DS was helping A (friend who helped build our humongous swing set, I think we need to name the swing set, any suggestions?) build a Murphy bed that day, so when they stopped by to eat lunch and pick up more tools I asked DS if he knew what today was?

DS: “Ummm, Flag Day? Saturday?”
MS: “Nope on Flag Day, yup on Saturday, but what I was really looking for was: our anniversary!”
DS: (Blood running out of face) “Oh shit”
MS: (Laughing) "We both forgot. I think it’s funny."

DS recovers his color and no longer looks like he might pass out.

A: “My wife would never let me forget our anniversary! And she wouldn’t think it was funny if I did forget.”
MS: “Dude, if you guys had as much going on as we have lately, you’d forget crap like that too.” (And he will have that much crap going on soon, his wife is preggers w/twins!)

Apparently the story was related to A’s wife H because DS called a while later w/an offer from them to baby sit so we could go out on a DATE! Very, very cool. Coolest part? They came over to baby sit, so when we came home, we just. came. home. No putting anyone to bed or additional bedtime stories. No carrying up the stairs and requests for water, just come home and sit down on the couch. Wow. It was so, so…relaxing. It was so…adult like. It reminded me of days of going out till all hours of the evening, coming home, crashing in bed (without having to get extra glasses of water for little imps) and sleeping strait through the night till practically mid-day! This was almost like that. Almost. I still had to get up at 7:30 to nurse the calf (can you say MOO! I can). However, 7:30 feels like sleeping in and I’m able to get a few things done, so I’m not really complaining.

We went to a fancy Mediterranean Restaurant in Santana Row where I promptly shattered a glass of red wine into our appetizers, all of which were promptly replaced by the wait staff with apologies, cause it’s their fault I’m a klutz. Then we walked around watching the live music (they have live music on the weekends—who knew? Probably all the single people.) And The Loft (Ann Taylor) had all these cute clothes on Clearence! I got two skirts and a top. I also got a Starbucks. One of the best nights evah, DS put up will all my shite and neither of us had to put the girls to bed. Maybe next year we can actually go away for our anniversary. HA! Or not.

Anywho, my point is this:

DS, thank you for being such a wonderful, caring husband. For putting up with all my crap (and yes, I know it’s a lot to put up with), for helping to create two of the most wonderful little creatures in the world and for being the kind of dad I knew you would be to them. I am so very glad that you are my husband and feel so very blessed that it’s you I get to spend the rest of my life with. I hope very much that I am able to make you feel the same way about me.

Happy Birthday TS!

Happy Day Birthday Girl!

No longer a toddler, I guess I should change your name on here, huh? You've become such a little lady this past year. You have changed so much! You amaze me with how wise, empathetic, fun, moody and beautiful you are. There is so much I want to write, but it will have to wait till later today or tomorrow. Right now we must celebrate! OK, really I have to go get your balloons and food for dinner (you picked) so that we can celebrate!

Let me take just a minute to say this; my life is better because you are in it. You remind me how wonderful and fun life can be. I am so proud of the lady you are becoming. Don't grow up so fast, your mama is having trouble keeping up (cause I'm trying to savor all the moments!)

I LOVE YOU TS!!!

Coolest Mom Evah!

That would be me, hello!

So, have you seen these? I ordered them for BS’s b-day party, which is a “Fairy Tale” theme, like her invites say “Fairy Tale Attire Requested” on them. Get it, like Black Tie? I know, I’m a complete dork, but if you’re just realizing that now, I’m thinking you may need to be on the short bus. BS’s invites read like this:
It has a photo of her at the top of which says, “ONEce Upon A Time…” then below her picture it says: “In a land called Far, Far Away there lived a beautiful princes BS” (only I used her real name, which is a princess name and I know which on you’re thinking and you’re wrong. Nope, not that one either. I digress;) It came to pass that BS turned One Year Old, so the royal family threw her a big party, of course.” Then in the details the place is The House of Speak Castle with our address and the RSVP is to Queen Mum Mommy Speak.

So I found those to decorate our “castle” for the party. So. Freaking. Cool. Let’s face it, I ROCK. It’s the little things that make me happy, but I love it when stuff comes together the way I want, and this party is doing that. I was trying to find BS a princess dress, but they don’t make them in her size (too small—go figure) and really it probably wouldn’t be that comfortable for her, so I’m thinking I’ll just dress her in a pretty, party dress and put a princess hat on her (which she’ll promptly take off I’m sure). I have to decide how I’m dressing as “Queen Mum” and I’m sure TS will just dress in one of her princess dresses and then change half a dozen times, until she ends up in shorts. And then I have to find some “easy, quirky and appropriate” way DS can do “fairy tale” in a “cool” way or I know he won’t participate. That’s ok, I’ll come up with something and I’ll be glad he made me be creative about it.

That was my scattered, but happier post for today. I guess this is my version of Love Thursday...making a party cool for my DD even if she is only one and will be into the wrapping paper & icing.

time marches on...

Life has been less then stellar lately. I’m not trying to be negative, just accurate. Family members read my post and are less then thrilled with me, but after much thought on the subject I’ve decide we’re even now; I’m less then thrilled with them—and really that's not new. I talked to my shrink about the whole deal & she suggested I read this book “Toxic Parents”. The name of the book cracks me up. I’m reserving it at the library (cause I’m a cheap ass & don’t want to pay for it.) So I’ll let you know once I read it. I can’t imagine what insightful things it will provide, but who knows, maybe I’ll be enlightened. I would LOVE to be enlightened! Maybe there will be some miraculous suggestion for dealing iwht my family & everyone will be happy (including me) but don’t hold your breath. My plan for now is to do what I tell the kids all the time "keep your eyes on your own paper". I'll worry about me and they can worry about themselves. If everyone did that all the time we'd all get along much better.

In the meantime, BS turned one, got an ear infection and cut 3 teeth. We had her one year doctor's appointment and got the go ahead for cow’s milk (that was a surprise). She’s weights 17 lbs, 1 oz (almost completely off the charts in weight--low side) and is 28 " which is in the 10-25%, closer to 10 I think. I’m waiting on trying the cow’s milk until we’re done with her antibiotics; I want to be able to know which thing is irritating her stomach. I know, poor baby’s been through a lot lately. Outlaws show up end of this week so we’ll see how that works out for her.

TS has been hilarious as usual. She continues to tell us stories of her “new g’ma’s and new mommies”. They apparently let her do all the things her regular g’mas and mommy won’t let her do. She’s got quite the imagination. She may be the writer in the family.

DS and I met w/a financial consultant. It went well, but it was mostly a here’s the services we offer kind of thing. They also asked us a lot of questions about our lives and current situation. Based on those answers they explained what they offered and how it might work best for our lives. We talked about it and I can tell DS is not thrilled about spending the money on it, but I really think it’s a good idea; at least for a year or two. They can help us get our stuff in order; like living trusts and wills as well as setting a monthly budget, short- and long-term investment strategies, etc... So I need to call them and get another appointment to get the ball rolling. (So they can tell me we can't afford for me to stay home from work.)

We’ve been working on getting the house in order for the big party and such, so that’s been filling our hours. I wanted to check in, so that’s all for now. I’ll hopefully have something witty and fun to talk about next time. Thanks for hanging in there with me and keep checking in, I promise not to be so much of a stranger.

Happy FIRST Birthday BS!!!!

You're amazing and beautiful. Before you were born I couldn't imagine you in my life and now I can't remember what my life was like without you in it. You grow each day and you make me want to stop the world so I won't miss any of the amazing things you do. I love the way you squeal and surprise everyone with you very loud self (from such a little pixie). And how you bust out with a word (or phrase) all at once "good doggie", "kitty cat", "mommy", "daddy".

Don't ever let anyone hold you back from your full potential baby, because you're small people are blown away by the things you do, but I know that you're first year is a glimpse of the ways in you will astound everyone around you for the rest of your life.

You have brought all of us so much joy; especially mommy, daddy and Big Sis. We love you so very much. May today be so much fun for you. Happy Birthday Baby!

Family Matters

The stomach flu has hit our house and it’s been awful! DS was sick Monday night and stayed home on Tuesday. I got sick Tuesday night and stayed in bed all day Wednesday. I have however, lost several pounds, and my clothes are fitting awesome, so there’s your silver lining. I’m hopeful that the kids won’t get it, but I know that’s not likely. I was sharing water bottles with TS Tuesday afternoon. Bah!

BS’s actual first b-day is tomorrow, and as usual there’s lots of drama from the family surrounding it. It’s also my brother’s b-day (he’ll be 36). My parents were on vacation all last week and I called my brother (2x) to talk to them about what the plan was for the actual birth date, (I’m having a big shindig for her in May when the outlaws are here) but no one was returning my calls, so I set up an evite for dinner & cake. I’m in the doghouse because I didn’t mention his b-day, only BS’s on the evite. Apparently his feelings were hurt because I didn’t acknowledge him. But I spoke with him/my SIL 2x after this was posted and no one said anything. I even asked my SIL about plans, etc… and was told he wanted to talk to my parents, etc…. So my parents come home from vacation and my mom tells me he’s upset with me about it. Yesterday when I’m totally sick she comes over to get the kids and informs me we’ve (meaning her and my brother) changed the plans; we’re now at her house for a BBQ (
"she didn’t like the menu I’d posted anyway"). I was given all the details about his hurt feelings, along with the fact that he doesn’t want gifts on Friday night. On Sunday we’re all supposed to go to Chinese for his b-day & we can do his gifts then. I was totally out of it, so I said whatever & went to bed. But once I started recovering I started to get mad. So this morning when my mom asked if I wanted A or B for dinner tomorrow night I told her I didn’t care cause it didn’t matter, “if I didn’t choose what she or my brother wanted she’d change it anyway.”
First, she couldn’t understand what I was mad about. Then she informed me that she’s tired of being in the middle of my brother and me (I told her she put herself there). Then she tried to turn on the tears and told me how I ruined two days of her vacation because once she saw it posted she knew there’d be trouble. She’s so big on the guilt trip.

I informed her that 1) I made efforts to contact them and in fact when I did make contact I was brushed off. 2) They choose to be passive aggressive about the whole deal and go through her (rather then deal with me, i.e.-put her in the middle) because they knew she’d guilt trip me into whatever they wanted. And 3) it’s my daughter’s FIRST b-day, he’s turning 36! Grow up for crying out loud! I know BS doesn’t know the difference, but I do and what I was doing was going to be easier on her schedule. Dinner was something everyone would eat and likes: even his kids who don’t eat anything!
I told her I’m tired of accommodating him all the damn time. She wanted to know what I meant by that and I told her, “No matter what the occasion the consideration is always about their schedule, their kid’s eating habits, etc…and that I’m sick of it.!" We mess with our kids sleeping schedules, but not thiers. My kids will eat pretty much anything, so they aren’t a consideration when it comes to food, but we make special meals for their kids. We try to be easy about it, so we become the doormat! I’m tired of feeling like I’m being taken advantage of!” She didn’t say anything and then asked if we were still coming (DS said she might as well as have said, “did I win anyway”) . I paused for a while and then said I guess so.

I called DS to vent & he told me that the problem is that until I’m willing to say forget it then we won’t come, they’ll continue to do this to me. They know I won’t pull the “fine, my kids aren’t coming then, but my brother will, so I’m the one who plays the doormat every time.” If I push back and they say they aren’t coming, they don’t get the guilt trip, I do. I feel like if I do say we aren’t coming, I’m using the kids as ammunition to get what I want & I don’t want to come down to that level. He told me that it’s what it’s going to have to come down to if I ever want it to change. I know he’s right, I just hate it. If you have any other solution let me know, I'd love to hear it. The thing is that regardless the guilt trip, etc... will continue, this has been the pattern for years so I'll be the bad guy no matter what I do. I can't win. I think the answer is that I need to move.

I’m sure I’m more in the dog house after posting this cause my SIL reads this sometimes. I’m damned it I do, and I’m damned if I don’t.

I know it’s supposed to be a Love Thursday, but I’m just not feeling it today. Maybe I can pull out a Love Friday for you, but most likely not.

Still here.

I know I haven’t posted in a week. The awful thing at Virginia Tech has really thrown me for a loop. I told you stuff like that screws with me. Every time I go to write something it just seems so trivial. But I’m moving on.

Home with sick baby today, she just has a rotten cold (so do I and so does DS). She had very yellow snot (your welcome for the visual,) and daycare wouldn’t have accepted her. My mom & Dad are on their last day of vacation (welcome home to your snotty grandkids) and since she tends not to clue us in when she does have an ear infection I figured I take her in since I was going to be home with her. She’s all good, of course. And this afternoon, her snot is all clear—you know right as we headed to the doctor’s office. She didn’t sleep much last night, meaning; neither did I, so at least I was able to get a nap out of it.

I re-injured my back Saturday morning.

On Friday, I had a follow up appointment with the orthopedic surgeon and he was super impressed with how well I responded to the shots. Said that if I wanted to do a 4th they don’t usually do more then 3, but since I had “a pretty significant hernia and I responded so well to the shots” he’d let me do one more since it probably would give me additional relief. So Saturday I bent over to pick up BS’s bink while holding her and pulled something. It was pretty bad. That night I ended taking 3 vicodins and had 3 cocktails (I know, bad, bad, bad) to try and deal with the pain (not all at once, over the period of the evening! Nothing was helping.) I finally got some relief at 3 AM. I’m doing better now, so hopefully it was fluke. I go back for another follow up appointment in 3 weeks so if I did really screw it up again at least I know I can get another shot.

BS’s b-day is Friday and my parent’s celebrated their 40th anniversary yesterday. So that’s about all around here. Working on a scrapbook for my folks (shhh, it’s a surprise) and working on the party invites for BS’s party.

Oh, and here’s a pix of the AWESOME present BS & TS are getting for their b-days. (It's so big I'm afraid we're going to have to pay property taxes on it. Obviously we can’t exactly hide it from them. DS worked his arce off last weekend, and a friend, A came and helped build it. IN. THE. RAIN. A is a better friend then we deserve. That’s ok, I have a feeling we’ll be reciprocating in a big way pretty soon.

Alright, I need to run the vacuum downstairs before BS wakes up and WANTS. TO. BE. HELD. CONTINUOUSLY. (I’m not really complaining—soon she’ll be walking all over the place & won’t want me to hold her hand, much less pick her up. Sigh.)

Happy {HUGS}

I was watching a TiVO'd Ophrah show last night, it was about happiness. She had a "happiness test" and a group of audience members who she had the rest of the audience rank how happy they thought they were. One of the people was this guy who'd been married for 20+ years, two teenage sons, and had owned a funeral parlor business for the last 30 or so years. He was one of the happiest, which Oprah thought was weird cause he "looks at dead people all day." He said he viewed as helping families though a hard time in their lives. Then he said something that I think is really important, I may add it as my tag line (if I can get my act together and update my template.) He said,

"Happiness in life is not measured by your success, it's measured by how significant you are."

So very true.

Here's to being significant in someone's life today and a cyberhug from us to you!

Happy Love Thursday!