Spent last evening trying to get the
No (regular) contractions since Thursday (knock on wood). And Babyspeak (BS) has been super active (I don’t think she stopped moving for 24 hours on Thursday, so that’s good. BUT, (there’s always a but isn’t there,) apparently my doctor’s measurement of me last week is bothering me more then I realized. It wasn’t bugging me this weekend, but I find myself nervously thinking about it now that I’m getting closer to the ultrasound. I have a little bird (my mother) who likes to point out the risks of pregnancy because of my age, so I think that's why I have the jitters. BS is very active still, so I’m sure it’s all fine. But I guess I will feel better after Thursday.
I think I’ve stated before that I’m not really going to talk about work on this blog. Don’t really care, talking about it could be career limiting (ask dooce about that), etc…But what I will say right now is
- I could not be less motivated about something if I tried (I guess it’s a sign of pregnancy) and
- We’re having a big “shake up” and my job is up in the air. (Nothing to do with me personally, the “organization” is being “reorganized.”)
The individuals who might be able to get some clarification about my position (like if it’s going to continue to exist,) are trying to generally lay low (concern for their own positions) so I’m left hanging. If nothing official happens before I go on maternity leave then they have to hold a position for me. Not necessarily the same position, but something. But I could totally see them laying me off just before. Fun, fun! I’ve been concerned about the fact that I won’t get paid for maternity leave at all (I have to take it under the FMLA which guarantees my job for up to 12 weeks, but we don’t put into SDI, so we don’t get paid for either SDI or FMLA which is typically what maternity leave falls under. It sucks.) I guess the up side to that would be that I’d be able to collect unemployment. (It’s not really an upside, trust me.)
Ironically, (or not I guess,) when DS & I got married I got laid off from my job (actually the company I worked for pulled an “Enron, " it was actually about a year before Enron happened, but when it did it made explaining what my company did a lot easier.) Anyway, my company imploded (it was the beginning of the ‘dot bomb’) and I was suddenly out of work 2 weeks before we were about to be married. (Just bought a house, had 3 weeks of vacation that I never got paid out & that I was taking as my honeymoon, etc...) Then a few years later, the month before Toddlerspeak was born, DS was laid off from work. (While really stressful, it was also good to have him around full time when she was born. That’s in hindsight, of course.) My point is that I'm understandably a little nervous about this birth in that respect. It seems like every time we make a “life change” we lose a job. (Just to keep us on our toes.) In the past, I’ve had more then needed socked away (my version of nesting) but this time since we just moved & remodeled we haven’t really recovered the way I think we should have. I mean we wouldn’t be in trouble exactly, let’s just say it makes me really nervous.
You know this is exactly the kind of stress you (I) need when you’re pregnant.
Cause I don’t have enough stress just from being pregnant.
I wish I had something witty to end with, but I think the stuff w/BS is getting me down. Say a little pray for her (and me) Internet.